• Member Since 12th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2017

electreXcessive


I am an average everyday brony. I like to let my creative juices flow and create things. I'm always striving to improve, so I hope you enjoy my stories.

E
Source

Fluttershy is a shy, normally timid mare. There's one path through the Everfree Forest that she never feels afraid on though. It's a well traveled path, marked by the hoofprints of many who came before her. Sometimes she just likes to sit there and think...

Author's Note: Inspired by a picture taken by my good friend The Lunar Samurai. The picture and his deviantart can be found here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 16 )

I feel contractually bound to enjoy this...

Awesome story, my friend! Very touching and a little philosophical. :twilightsmile:

Spotted a few quick things:

Fluttershy’s quickened to a light job

*Fluttershy
*jog

And each one went there own path.

*their

For a moment, she wondered if she shouldn’t have gone down the golden path with Shade.

Hmm... I think you mean "should" here.

Other than that, excellent! :yay:

Ponies and changelings don't have to fight all the time. :ajsmug:

Luz

All of my yes. Excellent story, man. Love it. :rainbowkiss:

The voices in my head are telling me to like this or else...:pinkiecrazy:

Slice of Life with some philosophy?
I like it!

“O-oh my, I don’t know if I can take this from you… I mean, don’t you want to go back to your hive? To your people? Surely you have friend and family that you’ll want to go back to?” Fluttershy held on to the black scale, holding it gingerly. She twirled it around in her hooves and felt its smooth surface. Something about it made her feel warm inside.

This was the moment when I suddenly thought, is he dead? This is the crossroads of life and death, isn't it?

Nicely done, this story is.

3355246
That would be an interesting alternative to that story

This is a beautiful story. Well done.

A very fine piece of writing this was, well done.:twilightsmile:

Wow. the crossroads of life and death. it seems fitting that kindness would be there to see them out of this world.

3358825>>3355246
Yes, indeed. I'm glad that everybody enjoyed this piece so much. It was my first attempt at doing something philosophical in a pony story. :twilightsheepish:

this review is brought to you by authors helping authors

Grammar: 9 out of 10.

pros: the descriptions in the story was a perfect amount for describing. not too little where it leaves readers guessing, but not too much where it is so saturated with detail.

Fluttershy's character was written very well, just like she would be in the show. kind and open to another creature in need.

story left you with a great feeling, explaining how every person has their own path in life.

cons: one of the only complaints I have is I wish the story was just a little longer. dive into depths of the characters and find out deeper feelings. (That's just me being picky).

notes: This was a nicely written one shot. it isalways nice to find stories with fluttershy being open and kind to other animals or ponies in need. besides a few grammar mistakes here and there, the story was near perfect quality.

in return, I would appreciate it if you reviewed my story what choice do i have . since this story is longer than yours, you can read just the first 3 chapters to do your review if you want.

Philosophical, nice atmosphere and touch, good wording. It's all good really, and it's a nicely done story about the crossroads of life. The tree I see is a parallel of Fluttershy's life and Shade's. That on it's own makes it solid.

But....

It's too short. That's the one downside I see to this story. I'm not given enough time to feel obligated to actually enjoy Shade outside of his symbolic nature. It might just be me, but I wasn't as attached to him as I wanted to be, because he served as only a plot device and not an actual character. I believe you could have made this at least 5k words, and had the same effect and emotions, while building up some characteristics for him. That's just me though.

The wording is also nice, btw.

The final verdict for The Crossroads is an 8/10

That was really deep. Well done sir/miss. Well done.

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