The battle that defined history for hundreds of years. It is easy from a modern perspective to assume the outcome was certain; that Princess Celestia would be victorious over the deranged Nightmare Moon. The universal constant of good triumphing over evil is all but set in stone now, but in the battle these titans waged, the future was impenetrably murky. Would the day ever shine its warm rays again, or would cold, dark, unforgiving night rise and never end?
This is an appendix to A Journey Unthought of: A man's life in Equestria, however it can be treated as its own stand alone story that enhances the established canon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This story was written before the Season 4 Premiere took place.
Chapters (2)
To further enhance your experience, I've provided the song that inspired me while writing this. Enjoy!
Sweet Mother of Epona... there is only one word to describe this, one word that I use sparingly. Epic, this is simply epic. Not just the battle of two princesses but a battle between two gods...Good God you did more that just well you exceeded my expectations with this. You captured them perfectly and price the world would have to pay if Celestia had lost. Many forget that the world cannot survive without the balance of Day and Night. Good job, good job in deed.
Signed in the Name of Their Equestrian Majesties,
Celestia's Paladin: Ex Solis et Lunae, Providentia et Prospera.
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Apocalypse Unbound
Grammar: 10/10 (Nothing noticeable, though you might want to break up some of the bulkier paragraphs.)
Pros: I'll tell, I have trouble finding a good Nightmare Moon fic. This was very well written! Your eye for detail was excellent, and the fighting scenes were detailed and well executed. Nightmare Moon and Celestia were both very much in character. And you ended it with a unique take on the Mare in the Moon idea.
Con: Use names! You use 'The Princess' and other pronouns over and over again, it gets hard to follow who you're talking about. They're both technically still princesses. Just use their names more often and you should be good.
Notes: Again, it was very well written and thought out. The fighting was wonderful! You did a great job!
If you have time, please read and review my story Primoris Concordia: Mingling Worlds, I'd appreciate it! Please and thank you.
1942865
Thank you so very much! I can't believe I actually got as much positive feedback as I did, but I'm very pleased that you enjoyed my story so much! If you're interested, you could take a look at some of my other stories; I'm told they have some unique ideas implemented into them. I forgot to mention it in my extended description, but this is actually a prequel appendix to my first story, which you can find here. All of my other stories are connected in some way to it.
1942990
The only reason I used so many different names was because I though it would sound to repetitive called them 'Princess Celestia' and 'Nightmare Moon' over and over and over again. Thanks for your critique, and I'll be around to review your story shortly!
Erhmehgerd! My first story review!
1944551
Not a problem, I enjoyed reading it. I will probably not read the other story though, nearly 90 chapters is a bit long to read from the beginning... ok maybe not given that I have read stories from the beginning that go past the 100 chapter mark.
1944615
It's actually not as bad as you think; each chapter averages at about a bite size 750-800 words, and there is an easy stopping point every 2 to 3 chapters.
Also, if anyone is interested in seeing how Princess Celestia lived in the aftermath of the battle, and how she was taught the virtues of the Elements of Harmony, check back in about a month's time for 'Lessons for a benevolent tyrant'.
This is an epic story! I hope all the battles that takes place in The Known World would be half as epic as the battle I've witnessed here today. :D
5256115
Thanks! If you're looking for inspiration on fight scenes, what's helped me was watching a few comic book adapted animations and movies ( Justice League or virtually anything else in the DC Animated Universe, Sam Riami's Spider-Man ). For a good sword fight there's no better place to look than Star Wars, for sure!
Both chapters of this story were written great. I loved the read very much. :) Wonderful story.