I'm a Christian teen who likes mlp:fim. Do I need to say more?
Twilight's coronation was just recently, and nothing has gone wrong since. But alas, it could not last. King Sombra returns, and this time Equestria will not be rid of him so easily. Twilight finds herself in the caves beneath Canterlot, where she will learn secrets that are best left undiscovered.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good premise I am curious as to see where this goes
really......i'm done with this. not only does it not make sense at all it's really poorly written
Interesting... a trollfic that doesn't use bad grammar. Sure, I've seen one or two before, but they aren't that common. And don't bother trying to tell me it isn't one. The tags are Romance, Dark, and Adventure, when they should actually be Comedy, Random, and Dark. It's a classic trolling technique used to throw the readers off.
If this was not meant to be a trollfic, then I'd like to know what world your mind lives in, because whatever it is, it isn't Earth.
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I promise you I had no intent on making this a comedy, or random. I hope you will continue to read this as I update. What I have labeled it is what I plan on making it.
3282828 Well, to be blunt, you're not doing a very good job. There just doesn't seem to be much (if any) logic to the events. You don't set things up to happen or add any reasoning for them to happen-- you just make them happen. Such a lack of reasoning is the definition of random. In addition, the style and pacing are exactly the kind I normally see in comedies. I suggest you try finding and reading some similar stories to see how it's done.
Another issue is this statement in the description:
This statement means that it's good that the secrets are now known, which is the opposite of what I think you meant.
And now that I've read the second chapter... It's just plain wierd. Now you're just being dark for the sake of being dark. It's too much darkness too quickly. It's definitely gripping, I won't deny that, but you aren't really taking advantage of that fact. You should space it out and give some time for emotion to set in, for both the readers and the characters. These gripping events with a lack of good pacing is like buying a sports car's engine, but not buying a car to put it in. You've got the potential for a lot of power, but you aren't putting it to use.
On a more positive note, thank you for not blowing up at me for thinking this was a trollfic. That's happened before, and it's not something I'd like to repeat. It is hard to tell the difference sometimes.
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Thanks for the advice! I'm sorry about the writing! I'm very new to FimFic, and to writing in general. I'll see if I can do better in future chapters. And I'll fix the mistake in the description ASAP.
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Sorry to heat you think that way. :(
Yay for Sombra
More please.
More Please
Holy crab cakes this is one of the darkest fics I have ever read. I want more!
I hope you update soon!
Well now I understand how that worked out, before I didn't see how this story would work, but bravo!
Cadence is evil and Sombra’s wife, working with him all the time? And Twilight is their daughter? That’s actually a pretty creative idea for a story. Sure Cadence has to be very OCC for this story but that’s nothing that can’t be solved with a good background. Unfortunately this promising concept was turned into a rather lackluster story.
Maybe it’s just me but shouldn’t Twilight be a little bit more freaked out by this? It’s not an everyday occurrence that you suddenly end-up in the Crystal Caves without a warning while minding your own business.
Discord might be able to pull of something like that but Sombra who’s “just” a powerful wizard? Speaking of Discord, can’t he just teleport himself away or is Sombra more powerful than him?
It makes sense that RD jumps to a conclusion and accuses the former bad guy Discord of begin the traitor. It also makes sense for Discord to feel offended by said accusation and calls her the mole. What makes no sense, however, is the fact that everybody else immediately buys it and throws around random accusations.
“Well if the evil wizard who brought us down her says that one of us is a mole it must be true. I can’t imagine that Sombra of all ponies would lie to us.”
That makes no sense at all. Sombra states that one of the unaccused ponies is guilty, but Cadance isn't one of them. This means that he is either lying or not as smart as he believes.
She might be an evil brainwashing empresses, but she’s a evil brainwashing empress with officially approved divorce papers.
A sentences like should be used in a Comedy fic and doesn't belong into a serious story.
No Sombra she’s not a traitor. She didn’t know that you were still alive, she didn’t know that she was your daughter and most important of all: She didn’t work for you. Are you sure you didn’t receive some sort of brain damage after you were hit by the wave of the Crystal Heart?
So what would’ve happened if he hadn’t singed them? Would King Sombra just send everyone back home and leave without conquering Equestria?
Word of advices: Scrap the divorce papers. It makes both the villains and the good guys look like idiots who don’t get their priorities right.
Unlike most stuff so far this makes some sense. It provides a good motivation for Cadence desire to foalsit Twilight, although I don’t quite get why she needed to marry SA. Couldn’t she stay close to Twilight by just begin her foalsitter and good friend?
Ahh what a great traitor she is, isn’t she Sombra?
Bye Twilight’s parents. How nice that you showed up and did nothing important at all.
Both of them together had only one line of dialogue that line wasn’t even about the shocking reveal that Twilight isn’t their daughter. Celestia’s reaction was more emotional that theirs. They were just staffage.
Either give them more lines to show us how their reactions or or don’t bring them into the story at all.
This is good. Not there are two different personalities fighting for control over Twilight’s mind: The real but evil Coldlight Glimmer persona and the fake but good-hearted Twilight Sparkle. Reminds me of Doctor Who’s Mr. Clever from “Nightmare in Silver”
Problem No. 1: Cadance stated that it was Twilight’s choice to alter her memories and impersonate the daughter of another family. But she also states that the child was a baby. Which means that Twilight must’ve been at the same age otherwise it wouldn’t have worked.
The implication is that Twilight came up with her murder & infiltration plan while begin a baby. I knew that she was a smart child but I doubt that a baby was able to pull off something like that.
Problem No. 2: How was this whole murder plan going to help them free Sombra? They just replaced Twilight with the daughter of a random couple. Yes, she ended up as personal student of Celestia but they had no way of knowning that in advances. It was sheer luck that everything turned out to be in their favor.
Problem No. 3: Why was Twilight the one who had to hide herself? Cadance is the Alicorn princess coming out of nowhere. And this leads us to…
Problem No. 4: Obviously nobody knew about King Sombra’s Alicorn wife and his daughter. Otherwise Cadance would’ve been imprisoned the moment she surfaced. Instead she gained Celestia’s thrust with a false background story and became a Princess. So why didn’t she simply say : “Oh by the way, this is my daughter Twilight. Her husband sadly died some time ago. I hope you don’t mind her staying in the palace, too?”
That would have been a lot easier and smarter than this kill-and-replace scheme, not to mention that it would’ve allowed Cadance to stay with her daughter instead of pretending to be a mere foalsitter.
Problem No. 5: Why did she help them to kill Sombra? She had the perfect opportunity to screw over everypony by not catching the Crystal Heart. Then Sombra would’ve won and the Elements of Harmony would be at their mercy. Instead they decided to wait until Twilight coronation just to reveal their evil plan in front of everyone and before they ran away with Twilight.
So yeah both Cadance and Sombra are pretty stupid bad guys.
As you can see this doesn’t put the story in a good light. You clearly need to improve a lot, because currently this is an inconsistent mess.
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Thank you for pointing these problems out. I'll see if I can explain them in future chapters.
I'm sorry, some of my story was not clear. I will explain why the Princess didnt recognize either Cadence or Twilight. Twilight and Cadence had age spell cast on them, so Twilight wasn't a filly when they were imprisoned. The point of Twilight and Cadence infiltrating was not to free Sombra, but for Twilight to increase her magical abilities. They knew of Twilight's magic potential, so they put her with a Canterlot family that would surely get her tested for Celestia's School. Sombra and Cadence waited to reveal themselves until after Twilight's coronation because Alicorn have more magical abilities than Unicorns. If Cadence ha revealed herself to be a spy, then everypony would be suspicious. And they revealed their plans just to show off that thy had outsmarted Celesia herself. They will realize later how stupid it was to taunt Celestia.
I do have to agree that Cadence and Sombra are pretty lame villians. I felt that Sombra was pretty lame in the Crystal Empire episode, so it was only fitting that his wife is a terrible villian too, right?
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Thank you for pointing these problems out. I'll see if I can explain them in future chapters.
I assumed that Sombra just kept family hidden from public eyes, like some real politicans do. So the only people knowing anything about this could be the Crystal Ponies and they lost most of their memories thanks to Sombra’s spell.
I still don’t see the point behind this whole charade. Why couldn’t Cadence keep her daughter and ask Celestia to be her teacher. It’s hard to believe that Celestia would’ve said no, after witnessing Twilight’s potential.
Alternatively she could’ve used the age spell, give her some fake memories about her father and still keep her as her daughter. There’s no reason why she had to smuggle her into the school as child of another couple. All she had to do was showing up with her daughter and enlisting her into the school.
Again, this was the worst possible move at the worst possible time. She had a really big opportunity to reconquer the Crystal Empire, capturing the bearers of the Elements and the leader of Equestrian’s royal guard in one swift move. Instead she helped them blowing up her husband. Maybe she was still bitter that Sombra couldn't remember their wedding day?
The main issue I’m having with Sombra’s portrayal is that he didn’t live up to the expectations. He was introduced as this real evil and powerful wizard king who enslaved a whole civilizations and everyone knew this guy was bad news. His first appearance on-screen as big smoke creature was also handled very well. He felt like a serious threat. Sadly that was all we got, the rest of the time he was just growling and hissing acting more like some savage beast than a cunning and evil Overlord ala Sauron. All in all it was a wasted opportunity.
What???!!!!!!!! Where's the button to my Hyperion-Class Space Cannon?
write faster naw or i come with "cupcakes" and feed you them
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How come every story one of your stories i read and like you take a LONG time to
update?
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I take forever just for you, sis!
3566155 thanks
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I hope my new chapter cleared some things up!
YEAAAAAAAA
MORE 
When Twily dies, Rainbow Dash will beat random ponies up, Pinkie will become Pinkamena, Applejack would live a life of lies, Rarity would lock herself in her room to never make a new dress, Fluttershy would never be kind again....you wouldn't want any of that to happen...do you?Do you Random Citizens?Do you?
You know when somepony says "Your evil Mi Amore!" Or "Your a terrible pony Mi Amore!" They are saying, "Your evil, my love!" And "Your terrible pony My Love!"
Because the name Mi Amore Cadenza means "My Love, Cadence." In French.
Lol...it's funny.
PLZ MOAR! I BEG OF YOU!!!!
PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was a lot to process. I will read on.
i hope thats there is more comeing soon XD i love this story.
Father is Night Light
Mother is Twilight Velvet
I hope that answers you question. Good luck with future chapters.
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Father is Night Light
Mother is Twilight Velvet
I hope that answers you question. Good luck with future chapters.
Thank you.
4542986 Two questions. One: Is this a Flashlight fic? Two: Does this take place before or after the season four finally?
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Yes, this is a Flashlight fic.
I started writing this before the season four finale, so no. It takes place between season 3 and 4
MORE!!
I love this! So awesome!
Please make more, I so love this.
5046856 Ugh. fine. I'm started the next chapter
5047128 sorry if it looks like I am rushing you
Plz cont...... I love it so far
Hope u finish I like the hole thing so far
oh shit
well that was a very unexpected twist. I 
it! 
Nice.
XD this line
6048693 That is funny
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pleas rush me, otherwise I forget
Sweet Celestia the first few chapters were HORRIFIC!!!!!! How you all managed to read them, I will never know, but I'm very grateful to you for suffering through them. I hope that they will greatly improve, since I took a semester of Creative Writing at school. Hope you enjoy!
This is great can't wait for more!
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If the author doesn't want them I'll take them
(Jesse Ventura’s voice) WHAT THE FUCK