Picture is drawn by IZZY-CHAN13 from DA
At one night, when Luna raised moon on Ponyville's sky, a box was left in front of the doors of Canterlot. Hurrying at there, she opened it to reveal a colt inside of it. Without nopony to tell what to do with him, Luna decided to deliver him for Celestia, as she would know what to do with him. Celestia seeing what happened decided to take care of him, not knowing what it would bring for both of them.
Uh. Yeah. Story title says Celestia's son, descrip says Luna's, and picture looks like a Celestia x OC. You see what I'm getting at here?
Well that is unique
you need to edit
Viper?
totally canonlike name there bro
Holy balls....
epicgifs.net/images/show/G4L8X13H
There is a very distinct lack of editing and the premise is just the typical 'Gotta ship myself with my waifu'. Please, just trash this and start something new and better.
The glorious ballad Half Life: Full Life Consequences was only marginally better than this.
Guess which end of the scale it's on. Take the advice you've been given; try again. Check out the writer's FAQ or join some groups - I recommend Authors Helping Authors. Find someone to help read over your shit and edit it.
You can do better.
i will like this story 'IF' you make an effort on fixing the bad grammar.
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Thanks to Rainbow Blitz for pre-reading, it's edited.
Well, I sense some shenanigans.
English is not your first language, is it?
3142346 bingo.
intresting
What is this?
3478349 Shipping fanfic
This is a unholy night
this is moving way to fucken fast. You can make like 14 ch out of the ideas 1-4
hm keep it coming but it is still to rushed but not bad for the most part
Oh…oh, she is very angry, she will send him into the dungeon now
3515899kinky
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????……how is that kinki? She will throw him into jail and let him there to rot
3516284exactly
3516284*wink*
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Do you know what rot means? Its mean no food, light, water, or any sort company, its horrible
yeeeaaa... kinda gave up after this chapter, the mind fuck this poor grammar is giving me is not Worth it.
Oh wait up let me get some popcorn *runs to kitchen* ok continue.
3516284 See the twist sentence on the ending
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You know…when you put Celestia child in the begging of your story or tittle I didn't think this was going to be the result…lustful smile? What did she think he mean that he is going to take right there and she will allow it?
3518537 You'll see.
And does, the reign of king Viper begin, will this going to have a sequel?
3519629 What? King?
Mayybe....I need to have idea and plot for it, if you don't mind.
I couldn't get far, the story was in such desperate need of editing. That being said, what I did read seemed good.