• Member Since 12th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 7th, 2017

Sadie


Don't hate the approver, love the adorable RariFace and squishy cheeks.

T

This story is a sequel to For the Love of a Few Colours


Twilight takes a break at a secret paradise, located far from anything of the outside world. But not even two days into her almost-week of relaxation, an old adversary unexpectedly shows up.

Only this time, Equestria wasn't considerate enough to change Sunset Shimmer back into a unicorn, or give her clothing...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 51 )
Comment posted by Sadie deleted Jul 20th, 2013

I'll be doing revisions based on feedback, this is my first one-shot after all. And try not to take this too seriously either.

2906203

Really? I've always seen and written it as 'begin a new paragraph when a new person speaks'. Helps to make up for the fact that I hate writing 'said' and all its variations.

Might have to go through again come revision time.

2906249

Well, either this shows how much attention I paid in English, or how much attention English paid to creative writing. Probably both.

Fixing this across all of my stories is going to be a nightmare. :facehoof:

I didn't think I would, but this ship...I like it.

I almost read this story, then I saw the romance tag.

I liked this... I liked this a lot.

Now I wanna know what happens next!

2906271 In English I was told to always use said or a variation, actually. Since then I've seen some examples where it's okay to leave it out if you can tell who's speaking by context, but I've seen *way* too many people assume everyone will be able to tell by context and end up just being confusing as hell.

One rule I've seen to help avoid that is to never put anyone else's action in the same paragraph as the person speaking.

"talk talk talk" Talking person takes action that doesn't involve said. Not confusing.

"talk talk talk" talky person said. Random interloper does something. "talk talk talk" is confusing.

2906271
You don't really need to fix it. 'Rules' that people learn in English class are usually the teacher's personal preference, not actual rules.

This was really good! :moustache::moustache::moustache:

I always try to have impeccable grammar, but I don't think paragraph beginnings matter as long as the story and content are really good. And The Elements of Style only mentions paragraph beginnings when there is a speaker change, and even that is not set in stone. Although, it is a nice thing to have correct. Very well written story!

2907423

Thank you. They're always so arbitrary.

As for the story... I like this ship. I like it a lot.

Sunset caught Twilight 'mirin'.

So, this could easily become a series of one-shots, following Sunset Shimmer as she runs around Equestria, and has Twilight's foal. :rainbowderp:

I'm still waiting for S4, and some of the leaked stuff is already making me :pinkiecrazy:.

Nice to see that I'm doing something right in this fandom.

2909052

Oh no, this makes too much sense!

Both girls become human... Actually, that's pretty much the only similarity. This is why we need more backstory for characters Hasbro! :flutterrage:

2908509
We're apples forever
Apples together
We're family but so much mo-ore
No matter what comes,
We will face the weather
We're apples to the co-ore!

God damn this is stuck in my head, and I love it.

..Now i want to see a sequel. This is awesome!:pinkiehappy:

2910648

It'll be a while before I'm ready for Celestia to have a Visit from SS. But I guess it has to be written now.

2913002
Holy new personas, ponies!

My god, you have no idea how much I laughed at that reference. The only thing I don't like about that clip is that it seems... out of place. It's like, "Let's put the mane 6 and spike in another city far away from ponyville and have them defeat a super villain that we've never seen before and explain why they're there in 20 minutes."

This is the only episode I think I might not like, actually.

Day 5 omg she tryed to do what? :pinkiegasp:
little brother siad im pretymuch twilights sister :scootangel:
Sunset shimmer appers as human me: :rainbowlaugh: epic fail
I at first didint feel sorry at all for her now wtf :pinkiesad2: and :fluttershysad: for her. :facehoof:

Generally, it's very nice and heartwarming. I liked the joke about Rainbow Dash's "writing" in particular. :rainbowlaugh:

I know other people in the comments have said you ought to space apart your dialogue and paragraphs. Maybe it's just me, but the effect of running them all together seems to make the dialogue come off a little stilted. I'm having trouble seeing where the dialogue ends and sentence descriptions begin. It helped that you captured Twilight's voice so well in the beginning, but I worry it might get lost in her quiet moments with Sunset.

But beyond that, still a good story and definitely going on my Favorites List! :twilightsmile:

Honestly. I would like to see this continued. I really would.

I know it's only a one shot but the thoughts going through my head of friends and family dealing with the human past antagonist are good.

loved the pacing wasn't too quick:ajsmug:

A sweet story, and perhaps the most creative take on an HiE trope I've ever seen.

One thing, though: I'd have changed Sunset's outfit at the end into something less... well, villainous. At the very least, lose the leather jacket in the universe where cows can talk.

Other than that, very nicely done.

3009137

I'll keep that in mind when ediitng. :twilightsmile:

And unfortunately, I must admit that I'm not the first to this idea. I wasn't aware of this other story when writing this one, but "The Mixed-Up Life of Brad" follows a similar concept. (And it's been featured on EqD.)

Woo! Congratz everyone, we just hit 100 upvotes!

I'll have the revisions done hopefully today, right afterwards I'm sending it off to EqD. Thank you all for reading this story, and encouraging me to continue working on the series. :twilightsmile:

And there it is...

I finally did it. The entire story has been edited, and I rewrote the ending altogether.

I hope I never have to do that again. :pinkiesick:

Like the fic. Wished there were many fics like this or at least a TwilightxSunset romance.

I liked it. Mostly well-written, if nothing else, but there was else--you had an interesting setting in the vacation grove, and a thoughtful, if not entirely fleshed-out, story. The concept of the EqG Mane Six abandoning Sunset is...unfortunately...not all that difficult to accept, especially with the way you played it. Admittedly the revelation that Sunset tried to kill herself is rather sudden and blunt, but it's also again believable, which saves it.
I did feel like it was sorta lacking in actual shipping, but there were beginnings, which was in and of itself kinda cool.
Altogether a nice piece, and I'm looking forward to any continuations.

Great story! I feel like it is merely an introductory chapter though. I mean there is so much more I want to see of this pairing. I want to see their relationship grow. I want to see if Sunset becomes a unicorn again because of some old magic Celestia or Luna know about, and if she doesn't how her and Twilight cope with this.

Is there going to be a sequel?

Either way it was a good story, and I understood why Sunset ended up in Equestria again and in the manner she did. I just want more of this story. I was surprised how few stories there are of this pairing considering how many Twixie stories there are. Especially, because Sunset is a much better and believable character than Flash Sentry (Mr. stereotypical cliche and not developed).

Anyways I think you did a great job describing the vacation area, and I can so see Twilight doing something like proof reading her friend's fictions when she should be relaxing. I liked the way Twilight finally understood all that had happened in the end and the words she said to Sunset before the two finally made their connection.

You handled the result of their last interaction very well. It was very much with the theme of the show. I did like how you left it open to much more happening between them, but at the same time I hated it because I want to read more about this shipping. Unfortunately, the only other two fics with this pairing I found are clop fics. I don't hate clop fics but I like actual stories with development and substance every so often.

I also think it very believable Twilight and Sunset could have something with each other, and you did a good job of showing this. After all in the MLP universe, it seems villains are more than capable of fully repenting and becoming fan favorites. It takes someone like Twilight to show them the way usually, but that is why she is now an Alicorn Princess.

On the downside, I do think it would have really helped your story more if we were given a little more insight in to Sunset Shimmer's thoughts. I also would have liked a little more interaction between the two than could have been covered in a one-shot without it being really long.

As a whole, I really did enjoy the story and I hope more people write romance to go with this ship. I think there is a lot of potential in this pairing, and as far as I know this is the first actual romance with this pairing using the Equestria Girls movie cannon. :twilightsmile: So for that and in addition to everything else I give you a :yay: and :moustache: :moustache:!

3172399

I'll be continuing Sunset's story eventually, once I get some other projects out of the way first. From here, it'll be focused on her perspective. This story in particular simply required it to be told from Twilight's perspective, something I couldn't avoid.

3172417 Well so long as it too is Twilight X Sunset Shimmer I am sure it will be good! :twilightsmile: I am glad to hear that though!

2906249
You learned it incorrectly. The only hard rule about dialogue and paragraphs is that you begin a new paragraph when the speaker changes. Everything else is at the author's discretion, but good writers pick up on when and when not to begin new paragraphs.

2905780
I like this story very much. Well done.

Comment posted by RainbowCoolDash Pariah deleted Oct 20th, 2013

"moment of friendship" I think not! ^^"
Great story :D

One more from 200 likes. Really great work, I'm glad it's come this far, and I hope that the eventual continuation will appease you all.

Shouldn't you wait until your previous story is complete before completing this one?

3757958

This was originally going to be a one off story, but I decided to expand it. It's still complete, I'm just not doing the sequel until the previous ones are done.

2909100
I NEED MY OTP SHIP FUEL HASBRO
I swear I'll buy Sunset Shimmer toys if you sell em'!

There must be more! I got the attraction vibes, but there is so much left unsaid. Sequels will be awaited with great anticipation.

A very creative premise. Competently written, too.

Twilight seems to be feeling substantial but deeply ambivalent sexual attraction to Sunset. Sure, you're playing up Twilight's obliviousness to the hilt here as a major backbone of the plot. But wouldn't it be appropriate after the reveal that Twilight have at least a transitory moment of fridge horror (as she realizes she was sending mixed messages to someone who was very vulnerable) ?

And I certainly wouldn’t have pushed you away for wanting close company.

This is within Twilight's character. Twilight is just really bad at assertiveness and overdoing it or underdoing it is sort of her thing. But wouldn't Twilight have eventually recognized she was under a lot of pressure given the unsettling sexual undercurrents in their interaction?

It would have been a nice countervailing note if Twilight had felt a sense of relief she hadn't acted on her sexual attraction to Sunset. Because sex with suicidal people tends to make the long term problems worse...the statistics on "rescue" relationships are _so_ dismal (at least 6:1 odds). If the sex doesn't lead to a stable, happy relationship it tends to just deepen the depression.

I wish I had more to say, but all I can think of is how well fleshed out this idea is. (Especially considering it's an AU taking place directly after the first EqG.) I loved this story; it's a really neat concept and written very competently. Is there now a sequel? :rainbowderp: I'd love to read that, too! :twilightsmile:

i read this and found it to be very good i am hoping like most of any one that would read this for there to be a sequel to it if not at least six or twelve sequels to it. this was so darn good that i am really glad i found this on this website such a beautiful story.

Please continue this story, either in a sequel or this book.

6946756 I agree so much. I want this story to go on.

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