Abandoned by her friends, Sunset find herself alone, desperate, and broken. After sending her last letter to Princess Twilight, she decides to end everything. Fortunately, she is saved by a stranger even though he is hurt himself. They will start a journey of self-discovery and mutual support and try to heal each other's wounds.
Will Sunset be able to forgive those who hurt her the most? And why does that girl with glasses look so familiar?
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Interesting.. Make more please
Very interesting. I'll be keeping my eye on this.
-ThePortalPonies
It has potential, I'd like to see more for sure.
Spike approves.
But really though, this is good.
I have to agree, it a new concept and love to read more.
While i do want Sunset to forgive the others. I think it shouldn't be over night, in fact the others should work hard to regain the trust and friendship they threw away.
As for the ones who did this I don;t think she should hate them but she should be angry if not furious, since it was the three sisters or two sisters and sister figure to RainbowDash, Apple Jack and Rarity.
Holy Moon and Stars above, that was beautiful.
Where's the rest of it? *Nervous chuckle* More? No? Dangit...
Princess Twilight's reaction to what happened should be... interesting.
s6.postimg.org/5ul2jmext/continue_Monkey.jpg
Impressive story, I can't wait to see how this plays out.
Also you're Spanish? Nice, we are neighbors. (Portugal)
Well, look at this. Very interesting start here. I see a great story hidden here, so I'm going to be keeping an eye on this story.
Moar.
You've got me hooked! Props to Hakuno, the word choice and grammar is better than half the other fics I read! I can totally relate to the language thing--Inglés es mi lengua primera y mi Español es horrible!
5984354 I bet she freaks out and blames herself. Then she hops through the portal a nervous wreck and spouts incoherent apologies to Sunset for at least half an hour while bawling her eyes out. This is all assuming she finds out at all though, because who's going to tell her? Not Sunset I'm sure.
This story has a lot of promise, but it also has a lot of basic grammatical mistakes. I would suggest an editor.
(I was gonna post a funny picture here, but I got distracted by TVTropes)
Aww! This one is so sweet and sad. I can already tell my heart is gonna be destroyed at the end of this.
Welp! Time to go buy some Kleenex!
I would love to see how this develops
I'm going to be keeping an eye on this. I've been hoping to find an interesting Shining-Sunset ship fic.
I am very intrigued indeed. Keep the updates coming whenever you can
.
Loving this so far.
Aw... That's kinda cute.
Continue. I am also intruiged.
Ok. I am interested.
Well thanks Hakuno for the translation and thank you for such an AWESOME story! I can't wait to see more and see what the others think about what Sunset tried to do, if they even found out. Thankfully Armor was there to save her!
Still being worked on, awesome!
I was REALLY hoping that was the case.
Jeez, Celestia, just focus entirely on the alicorns, huh?
Interesting...I was wondering how you'd handle Shining and Cadence's relationship. This version of the wedding makes alot more sense, especially for the human world. That said, him with Sunset sounds interesting, but I'm reserving judgement until you get there. As is, you've got me hooked and I'm looking forward to more! Best of luck!
I bet you'll be taking this story to interesting places, but hopefully you can grab a pre-reader or editor to give you a hand.
Some spots get a bit too wordy, or some phrasing gets lost in translation. It just doesn't flow quite right.
When your characters are in dialogue, things like moaned angrily and panted tiredly don't jive very well. Stick to said, more often than not. Set up the scene or amp up the descriptions so we can infer how Sunset is feeling, without you spelling it out for us.
Sorry if this review seems a little harsh. I'm just hoping to give some helpful feedback.
This story looks like it has some great potential. Get another few hands on board and this could really flourish! You don't see this pairing done too often. I'm excited!
Nice update and tragic on what happened to Shining and Candance.
I think Candance was too hard on Shining, Yes he acted terrible to his sister and undrstand that bit, but he was given a rape drug and been raped it seems.
Candance if she still cares for him is too late, Shining has given up and feels it was never meant to and maybe he's right.
Etheir way it's over it seems, i wonder how Twilight and Shining will reconcile thou.
that could have ended badly for both of them. can't wait for more.
Would you be against having an editor or proofreader go over the story? I really love what you're doing with it, but there are places where the word choice is awkward or simply wrong ("comprehensive" instead of "understanding," for example), and that's really hurting what could become a great fic. I'd be willing to do it, or there are groups devoted to that kind of thing.
Anyway, good story so far, and I'm looking forward to more!
Interesting so far. I'm hoping this story leads to a point where Sunset helps Shining get back together with/patch things up with Cadance and Twilight.
Finally been waiting for another chapter! Pretty good, one too, I hope the CMC get punished hard for what they done.
I hope they nearly get expeled and hope Sunset actually lives the school to go to another, most of all i hope she doesn't forgive her friends so easily and they have to crawl on their hands and knees to gain even a ounce of forgivness.
6384159 this to the cmc
the amount of lives ruined by them in this story and others I think its a fair trade off.
6384658 my bad, I corrected
So far, so good!
I never thought I could hate the CMC but after reading this story I really hope they get punished for ruining Sunset's life.
6384855
Yeah... but even if they (assuming it's them. Took me a minute to link 'Anon-a-miss' with Gabby Gums) come clean from the gossip rag, and forgave Sunset, would she trust her friends that were all too happy to throw her away again?
Really, both of the protagonists had their loved ones turn on them for something that someone else did. The injustice is palpable.
Although at very least I hope Shining and Twilight reconcile.
Ok, good start, good start, I'll stick here for a while.
Ship it! SS x SA
Anyway, Shining and Twilight Re-connection and possibly more plot points, like maybe have Shining read in the magical Journal and find out it is linked to his Other Worldly, Dimensional Twilight counterpart?
6385005 It's going to get...awkward when Sunset finds out the identity of Shining's ex. And has he told Sunset his sister's name?
6385358
Maybe it'll be the easy-to-hate version of the person Sunset already kind of hates!
I'd say this chapter turned out much better than your first few. The word selection is much more appropriate and it was a lot smoother to read.
Way to go! Looking forward to more!
So when does Karma come striking down on the heads of everyone at that school?
6384159
Dude, that's very dark and cold.
As a matter of fact, the comic shouldn't have been created. Everything is off.
Besides it is a christmas based comic. That's why everything was very off.
6390831
I suppose it very dark and was shocking comic, given how things went bad for Sunset.
In the comic I'm not sure they offically apologized to her, and two things could gone very bad for Sunset.
She could been ganged up by three or more students and gotten beaten up, she could left town and wandered alone.
She could of gone back to her old ways from rage and sorrow.
One or two of these things could happen in the comic, thou not as bad as i described.
It just they so quickly turned their backs on her, and they made her cry in the school hall and nobody gave a dam.
So yeah they should grovel for forgivness , they should regret how much pain they cause.
And the CMC should face a strict punishment, in one of these Miss Amon fan fics the CMC got several months suspenion, and now have to repeat the school year.
But it hinted things went really bad for Sunset, before she was.....Well don't want to give it away.
6390891
The one who came up with that idea should be fired.
I mean, that ending was... senseless. Very OOC.
Unless in this upcoming December they make a direct sequel of the comic.
6390940
Well ethier way it made up ideas for fan Fics based off it.
Which i enjoy reading thou not all of them there one that very very dark it's a cross over with the game Hatred..Shivers!
Intriguing. I'm very interested in how Sunset was able to do magic in her human form. That should be impossible, but I guess anything is technically possible, right?
I wonder how Sunset knows what Flash's parent's room looks like.
Anyway, the big problem with this chapter is that I don't see how Shining is connected to Sunset. Why? Because instead of building up to this point and showing us how Shining became enamored with Sunset, you simply told us and summed up the events that led up to the point of Sunset announcing her imminent departure. That completely eviscerates the emotional message you were attempting to convey here. I can't sympathize with Shining here because I'm not presented with anything but shallow feelings. And by "shallow," in this case I mean that they aren't deeply rooted because they aren't shown to be. We haven't seen any valuable interaction between the two besides Sunset being drunk and her telling Shining she's leaving.
At this point, I'm hoping that this isn't a simple ship fic. I'd love to see something other than shameless pairing.
6407416 I think this is the point of this chapter.
Shining isn't in love with Sunset, heck, I don't even think he has a crush on her just yet. He just misses the feeling of being with someone. That's why Sunset said she's leaving, and also why Shining didn't try to hold her back. They don't know each other, they've just been "roomates" for three days.
At least, as the translator of this story, I think this is what the author is trying to tell. =D
And then she died. The end!
I hope to another chapter sometime soon.^_^