• Member Since 3rd Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 7th, 2016

SuperGokuVegetaPony8000


E

After being abandoned by his friends, Gohan makes a wish with the areas to go far, far away. Little does he know his desire leads him to the world of Equestria. How Gohan deal with his life in a new world?

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 109 )

This looks good. You have captured my attention my good sir:twilightsmile: But a few things that I have a problem with. You misspelled some things, you need to remember to place words in the right place 'Warriors-Z' Its 'Z-Warriors'.:twilightsheepish: There are some things that could be better but either way it looks good man and cant wait for more

cars? equestria has cars? is it an anthro world? other then that fix you're gramer

well, its not another OC Saiyan character story and thank celestia for that.

good read some grammar issues, so wrong that gohan is the weakest out of them all in your story

I hate to break it to you, but Vegeta is stronger than Piccolo.
Even if he was critically injured, Gohan would still be stronger than Tien.
The beginning is wonky, and when you write please keep the same perspective, and please get their genders right. I've never asked this before but, is English your primary language?


Besides that, I really like your premise, but you have to improve the overall quality.
Honestly I do like this.

I hate being negative.

Thanks friend, if I have problems and some mistakes in the translation of the story, but it modifies :pinkiesmile:

Spikes power level should be over 9000. That made me little bit mad.

Without spoiling things for those who haven't done so, will this be any different at all from the one on FanFiction.net?

Pinkie pie's level should b high as well :pinkiehappy: :rainbowlaugh:

2681716 keep up with the good work sir

2679392
Because he's Yamcha. Only a threat in Dragonball... When Goku was ten.

2678165
What do you mean? Elaboration might help a bit.
Please keep in mind that I like your fic, but I can't help but see the faults in the things I like.:unsuresweetie:

Princess Celestia had been kind enough to allow them to stay in his castle until the matter was resolved. As for the room that she and her friends were staying in, Fluttershy could tell everyone was sound asleep when the sound of soft snoring filled the air.

*HER* Celestia is Female. I'm sorry, but you're driving me crazy.:raritycry:
Oh yeah, and...

Now that I read this chapter, I'll give a critique.
First, you need to keep track of who you're talking about.

"There you go little one, I hope you get better soon." he(This is Fluttershy/Her) said softly and leaned down to kiss her(This is Gohan/His) forehead.

As soon as his lips made contact heard a rustling behind her and stepped quickly to see who had entered. Standing in its(Princess Celestia/Her) own light majestic was the princess herself.

I'd word that part differently. For example, "Standing in the doorway exuding a majestic glow was none other than princess Celestia."
You really need to get a proofreader/editor. I'd volunteer for that, but I don't have enough free time.

EDIT:And before I forget, stop switching between third, and first person perspectives. It's very distracting.
Either pick a few characters to see their pov's, or write an unbiased account from the narrator's perspective.

Spike 1.5 hahahahahahaahahahaha oh my god that's hilarious

2682078 I think that he needs an editor. Seems that his mother language isn't english and it shows in the problems with the grammar and stuff. Overall he's doing fine if he's using some kind of translator like the one that Google has. I know for experience that it messes up a lot of things, the long the phrase is the more errors it will have for sure :applejackconfused: so if he can pull something readable out of it then I think that is almost a miracle.

Anyway, SuperGokuVegetaPony800 (wow, that's quite a mouthful), you should find a proofreader or an editor for your story. it has potential but the way it's written scares away your possible readers. I'll keep track on this :raritywink:

2682155
It does seem like English isn't his native language.
I'm going to keep watching, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to help him improve the story.
If you ever think my commentary is too harsh, please tell me.

2682226 Nah man I see you're really trying to help him :ajsmug:, but it depends on how he can use your tips and suggestions.
I mean, I'm not native myself and I had to read a lot of stuff before barely write anything understandable. What I'm trying to explain (maybe with too much words :twilightsheepish:) is that maybe he can understand most of your tips but maybe he can't apply them because he doesn't know the 'why' behind them (I'm wild guessing that he's young or is studying, maybe I'm wrong) so in the end they ARE good tips, but he can't make anything out of them, only correct the errors that you might have spotted and pointed already.

2682251
If you're right, this really complicates things.
(Your English is pretty good)
When it comes to language, it's relatively easy for me to understand his intent. That's probably because I grew up with English.
(and unlike half of the people on the internet, I actually try to keep my grammar up to par)

I'm pretty sure Tien is weaker than Krillin.:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

Holy crap man! This... I couldn't read past the first few paragraphs. The grammar... it's horrible.:pinkiesick:

Not to be a Grammer Nazi but.... yeah. :twilightoops:
On another note, Gohan looks like he could take down pretty much everyone in Equestria.

Does anyone know when the original author of this story is going to post the revised version on fanfiction.net?

great story cant wait till he goes super sayin 2 on em. not a lot of grammar problems just word placement and calling guys girls im sure u can find anyone to help u on this site just post a help wanted ad :twistnerd::twilightsmile:

1.- For if there will SSJ2 Gohan :pinkiehappy: (including SSJ3) :pinkiecrazy:
2.- also will do to the saga Empyre Crystal (bone Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra) :pinkiecrazy:
3.- Thank you for supporting :twilightsheepish:

you kept putting moon instead of Luna and horses instead of ponies other than that just the minor grammar mistakes such as putting I instead of He or she at the beginning of a sentence and some gender mistakes it is good i'm just pointing these problems out to help

Wait... If Gohan defeated cell and Piccolo couldn't, why is Gohan weaker than Piccolo?:applejackconfused::twilightoops:

2691596
Can you sum up what mostly happened in Chapter 3.
Because I can barley understand some of the grammar... no offensive.:rainbowderp:

Because Gohan is in basic form, still missing the Super Saiyan 1 and 2 :ajsmug:

Please don't take offence but WHAT THE FUUUUUUCCCKKKK :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::twilightangry2::twilightangry2:

Fix the home hers his and she's in your grammer please its so damn confusing!:twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Sigh u need a proof reader I'm sorry
U have a really good idea but I read 40 words then stopped because the grammer was so bad
If u fix it I'm willing to read it again and reconsider my down vote
Otherwise I have to down vote

what is the original story called

Read this on fanfiction, it was a good story, not going to give spoilers here through.

Has My Little Gohan been deleted from Fanfiction? I can't find it anymore. I follow the link and says "that story doesn't exists"... I want to continue from chapter 14 :S

What happened to this being on Fanfiction?

Grammar needs serious work. Your sentences don't flow accurately and it's just too choppy. I'm "thumbs down"-ing this fic until the errors have been fixed.

hey man look, I love this story on fanfiction.net but WHY DID YOU DELETE THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried translating the Spanish page but I cant understand it because it has words in the wrong order and the word he becomes she and vise versa. please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please bring the English translation back. I mean yours is super awesome, I love it with all my heart, and it was my first mlp fic so it holds a special place in my heart. I never got to finish so I really hope that you bring it back... as well as your gt fic.
many thanks!

so when does he start showing power? all this time has flown by and he hasnt flown or used ki powers of any kind nor used his speed and is this before or after super sayian 2 gohan

Hmmm interesting :D, it's been quite a while since I've read this story, I look forward to the upload of the next chapter, I thought you abandoned this story lol, but don't you mean

Base Gohan (Saiyan)- 1,500,000,000

4150695 I think it is after super saiyan 2 gohan.
Then again I don't know.:unsuresweetie:

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