ohhh a update!
neat.

You ever gonna explain why this guy is telling this fucked up story... to his daughter?

4280833 Well....she did ask.

nice update man great work

IT LIVE!!!!

4280833 it's the pg version.

why did you change his daughters name?
1st chapter. "Princess Aurora made gagging noise as she expressed her distaste for her parent’s intimate moment."
2nd." "What was it like living with mommy" Amalthea questioned nosily chewing on her toast as Celestia lightly scolded her."

hope you update more often.

You consistently wrote "checks" instead of "cheeks".

IT HAS RETURNED!

4281243 Fucking auto correct. Word of advice never write using an iphone!

4281229 Because I tottly forgot about her name dude thanks for pointing that out could have been a little silly

4280833 I explained in the two chapters, first with the/ audiences view of the story, the second is after the story in chapter 2 he recounts how the story had to be PG for the filly so instead of all that she is told of the two having a falling out as apose to the reality that the two are calling each other cunts. Whilst he is telling the story his mind plays the real scenario for us. Sorry if I wasnt clear I wrote this at about 2 in the morning with an Iphone so I think it went well

1. A guard cannot knowingly or purposely allow or cause harm to an innocent

2. A guard may never draw his blade and or attack/ kill anypony and may only be broken as a last resort if his/her life and or other guards/ princesses lives are in danger.

3. A guard may question or out and out refuse to obey a command from the princess if either of the first two are breeched.

Rule three will be override if either princess ever falls to corruption.

I see influence from the laws of robots.

4283494 Good eye

Yay.
Also, you need pre-readers, not just editors. Desperately. I'm almost willing to do it myself. (I have very little free time, and I spend it reading)

Before I start reading this, I need to know how bad the gore is going to be and why it isn't tagged?

4295311 Not really, I am not going to have shit like someone tearing guts out but there will be mention of blood and maybe broken bones. The rape scene is a bit strong but nothing really bad!

Wait I got confused, you use the same style for the past and the present, that assassination was in the past or in the present?

I really like the story so far. It's pretty fast paced, but that happens when the story is told using flashbacks.

A fun read, though I think it could use a fine-toothed proofread. Some errors here and there. A few I found after a quick glance were:

patterns some how managed

"somw how" should be "somehow"

"Husband still thou tongue, or I will remove it!"

Don't need the comma after tongue.

"A nightmare" I chuckled the foal giggling as Luna cuffed me.

You need a comma after "chuckled"

"YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU, YOU FAT CUNT"

Had to copy and paste to find this one, but you have one space too many before "YOU FAT CUNT"

Found those in the first couple pages. Might give it a complete lookover at some point or another. If I do, I'll post any errors found here, or email'em to you if you'd prefer.

2633129 Ironically enough nearly none of the comments posted by others were removed by me I only removed my own.

Dude I'm pretty sure most people reading this have been on Pinkamina's tumblr so I think the whole "warning rape and gore" is irelivent. Just saying and oh keep making these good stories

I like the story, the format isnt my favorite though.
I personally dislike the story being told from the future, as someone looking back.
Bearing through it, good story.

Update?

Update?

is this story canceled or what

5627366 I think I will do one last chapter to rap it all up.

5629071 oh,okay

Update 3?

um...not to sound rude,but,where's that last chapter

Over a year.

4495474

"Husband still thou tongue, or I will remove it!"

I think that was used for dramatic effect.

I has been a year+ since the hiatus. Any chance of an update soon?

6450208 Probably not but then again I only planned to do three chapters. So the last one would have been the final. Cutting to the foals birth and him recanting one more mission the one directly before being hired to kill Celestia.

It seems to me that it was possible to write a good story, and not excerpts from memories. If so, then do it smoothly.