Once upon a time, shortly after Discord’s petrification, he perfected his last creation: free roaming Humans. The humans were feared by all pony kind because Discord had made them into the perfect predators. However, the Humans were given the gift of free will (nothing is more chaotic as a free will), and did not like to hunt ponies. A human village was developed on the outskirts of the Everfree forest, where Ponyville is now located. In this village lived the greatest hunter the world had ever known. However, while on a hunting expedition, a tragedy took place, and in order to survive, the hunter makes a deal with Tirek, swearing to serve him.
(Not an Assasins creed crossover only the look of the protagonist)
Chapters (2)
Interesting.
My attention, you have.
You spelled Prologue wrong though.
2722665 Thanks sometimes you miss something.
I like the premise, and story. But, I do have a critique, It did seem kind of rushed. Not to bad but still I felt like there could have been a bit more detail put in it. I felt like you could of explained the conflict between the humans and the ponies better. How the humans worked. WHY Discord made a race of perfect hunters.
ed with nature when ever we wanted. Also, and this just baffled me, how did the ponies manege to kill ALL the humans in the one-three hours he was gone, I can understand MOST but ALL there had to be Some survivors, or hell dead ponies, how the hell did he go through the village to his hows without seeing a dead horse from the battle even if it was a surprise attack.. And dose this mean all the humans are gone or just the ones who were in his village. Any ways Most of those were just minor plot holes I found odd my main point is the paising, it all seemed rather rushed in places with made it a bit stale to read. But overall good story and I hope to see it update
. Will definitely like and ave.
Also Warning Just a bit of nitpicking Ahed You say that they make great clock work and machines, yet you also mention tournaments and hunter groups and village chiefs, so are they post-industrial/enlightenment society, imagine Biritin top-hat steam-era, or Pre--industrial/enlightenment Roman chariots, Colosseum, and old Norse viking fighters.
Also, big point hear whats up with Lord Tirek, I feel like we could of had, most likely via Main characters thoughts from story's he's herd, an explanation on that guy. I understand you wanna save stuff for latter but it just seemed like it could use a bit more attention. One, more thing, "A long time ago, shortly after Discord’s purification." so how long have the HUMANS, been around for, because I can't imagine that the could have a fully functional society in a very short amount of time, Our were they around during his rule. And if so how did the function living under a guy who randomly created plagues and f
Will follow
2724558 Thank you for your critique. Many things will revealed over time, and I'm new to writing my second story ever and this is now
20% cooler than my first. I wished that the people who downvoted would leave a comment why.
Hahaha oh yes I can smell the death of thousands.
2813014 If my Proofreader were faster
pulls out a b_bat where they at?
very good, you may continue.
3138727 Thanks I appreciate your comment
Nice chapter but, you made him fight the smooze?
3140312 Yes there is a masterplan behind this the Smooze will play a important role.
This is a totally awesome story, and really stirring! Slightly awkward pacing, but I'll enjoy reading on.
well, this is interesting. Again, I feel you could draw out your pacing of dialogue-filled sections with more detailed description of scene to make your story feel less jumpy and irregular and increase emotional impact. You could also proofread for grammatical mistakes relating to tense of verbs.
3207532 Well thank you for your comment and I'm still new to writting(and that in english not my first language). I try harder to make this story awesome.
3210018 Oh? You're doing well for a second language. I can't imagine how ridiculously awful everything I write sounds in German, the language I'm learning. What's your first language?
Anyway, I'm available for proofreading if you ever feel like sending me a PM.
You've definitely got an awesome idea for a story
3212655 That is funny because my first language is german
3212748
I'm afraid to say anything now. Where do you live?
3212760 Germany in the state of North Rhine Westphalia
3212770 Cool, never been. Nice place?
*See's cover image*
Oh, for fuck's SAKE! I am literally writing my own Assassin's Creed LoHAV story right now, and then-
*See's it's not actually an assassin's creed story*
...Oh. I'm okay with this, then.
*See's cover image*
Oh, for fuck's SAKE! I am literally writing my own Assassin's Creed LoHAV story right now, and then-
*See's it's not actually an assassin's creed story*
...Oh. I'm okay with this, then.
4317361 It fits the group a human acting villainous
4317377 Yeah, I'm not complaining. I just thought it was funny because I've actually got my own story open in another tab right now.
I'm glad we're having more originality in the group, to be honest I'm kinda disappointed in myself for writing a cosplayer fic.
Do these human have magic?
4319759 No because of their naturell resistance to magic but there still enchanted weapons and more
4319777 aw.
5/10 would probably read if it had been updated within the past 7 months.
4332710 Yes I got a bad writerblock but I started to write again
4332847 Good... gooooooood. Perhaps this story has yet to be amazing.