• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 2nd, 2014

Jomm


coolness

T

The life of Alex Mercer is over. He is reborn as something else, something more. Will he be allowed to live as perfection?
Will Blackwatch and the ponies hunt him down?
Who'll protect Dana?!?
My boi Blacklight sold this idea to me!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

Blacklight is Black, not purple. Blacklight is THE most deadly virus, Mercer designed it to be several times deadlier than Redlight. And I still suggest you replace the Gun with something else.

Besides that, good job. Two typos I noticed.

What's the deal with all these sight?

sighs

lead the the world ending,

lead to the world ending

I like where this is going. And I agree with him, have the guns be like unicorn magic bolts or something.

3977047 I didn't say they were bullets.
Magic makes a sound.
The guns are called magic compressors.
They shoot magic compressed as a deadly bolt.

3977308 At least make them limited. They aren't something that would have been mass-produced, since Equestria ain't like that. Black-watch can have them, because they're sneaky like that, but they wouldn't have enough to hand out to the Royal Guard

3977406 Disagree for several reasons. First and fore-most, he's a idiot. He couldn't work a computer, even after eating lots of scientists.

3977404 Trust me, the royal guard wont try to even get near the weapons.
They would risk a war with people who were made to prevent the end of the world, AND they have hand-held insta kills.
A war would be foolish.
So they just lay down and accept it.

3977522 Nininininininininininininiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin
Thanks for making this.

3977522 Black-watch do technically work for Celestia, and they couldn't afford to be publicly ousted, so they would maintain the image, and follow her orders where they can't be sneaky. However, if there is a limited supply of these guns, then it would make more sense to give them to those trained to use them (Blackwatch goons).

3977456. my whole thing is that Mercer is a stupid Emo. and at least Heller didn't drive down the street in a tank crushing people wandering if he was doing the right thing.

Heller Knew he was a bad guy. He didn't bullshit around for half the game he had a mission and stuck to it.

I hate all knowing ass wholes like Mercer they make the game not fun to me personally.

Mercer had no charicter development besides Im an Emo I've always been an Emo and i have to kill people because i'm an emo who wants revenge and i have to spread the virus..

Where as Heller was a dad in the Marienes who was only there to support his family careening father who was doing whatever he could to pay the bills. who's family was killed by the virus that Mercer had started because of his stupid plan to takeover the world. And like any father would got pissed off and went after him and he just happend to get infected to get infected.

And lets not forget that Mercer was infected by chance Where as Heller was Chosen by mercer meaning that he is by default better than him. Heller was a believable person with Realistic problems.

And by no right am i saying this is bad. Its not bad at all, in fact its pretty good, and in my opinion its legions beater than what i wright. I am just expressing my opinion of character of alex mercer.

3977908

my whole thing is that Mercer is a stupid Emo.

He ain't no Emo. Emo's are all about being sad, and introspective. Mercer was dealing with memory lose, and people betraying him. He was largely driven by revenge, like Heller, to get the people who turned him into a monster, like Heller, and to protect his loved ones, like Heller. Mercer is a lot like Wolverine actually. One hell of a temper, trust issues, some manly introspection (not too much), and a "go fuck yourself" attitude towards most people.

and at least Heller didn't drive down the street in a tank crushing people wandering if he was doing the right thing

Yeah, he drove down the street in a tank crushing people to get revenge on Mercer.

He didn't bullshit around for half the game he had a mission and stuck to it

Mercer didn't have as clear cut a goal. He had to find out secrets, and that's a lot harder (even if you can absorb memories), while fighting two armies.

Mercer spent the first nine years as effectively a orphan, in Foster care with his sister. When he was 10, his mom was released from Prison (where she was for the last 9 years), and he was sent to live with her. She was a terrible mother, and a Alcoholic, so he became Dana's parental figure. He had one hell of a back-story too. As for motivation for the story itself, Amnesia, killing the bastards who made this plauge, and was doing human testing, and protecting Dana.

And lets not forget that Mercer was infected by chance Where as Heller was Chosen by mercer meaning that he is by default better than him.

... That I do not follow at all. How does circumstances surrounding power obtainment effect anything? Especially since Mercer gave several other people powers, who aren't better than Mercer.

3978118 Look I'm just giving my opinion of mercer having read the comics that happened between the first prototype and the second. if your gonna get get upset about it then i respect your opinion. And to each his own.

3978150 What part of that sounds upset? I heard your reasoning, and refuted. And on the matter of the comics and P2, that is generally ignored by the Fan-base for messing many things up, not just Mercer. I have a convoluted theory that would explain Mercer's actions in the Comics and P2, it's probably wrong, but for whats cannon so far, it works, buts that's another matter.

3978189 hay lets here it. im sure it will probably enplane it better than the comics. and still as a reservist i just connect more with Heller. i appositives for saying you were upset.

3977308 im just throwing this out there. in my prototype story magic compressors are flamethrowers and jet engines. so his probably makes more since. :rainbowlaugh:

3977404 My only problem with what you just said is that Blackwatch aint sneaky at all. they will kick down your door, blow up your neighborhood, fuck your dog, and maby your wife. and leave.

stealth does not apply to blackwatch.

3978221 *apologize, and no need. First things first, Alex is a Sociopath. He's better than Alexander was, but he still doesn't give many fucks for anyone other than Dana. He's also have had a TERRIBLE experience with Humanity through out P1, and taking the Amnesia into account, that's about all he has. From the moment he woke up, people trying to kill him. He remembers a Sister, and shows up to people trying to kill her. All the monstrosities Gentech has done. His Ex-girlfriend betraying him. Blackwatch willing to Nuke Manhatten after they finally beated Greene. Yeah, a very colored experience.

Head-cannon time. Anyone Alex comsumes they become part of him (he got all their memories and stuff permanently placed in his head). So not to lose himself, he sub-conciously partitioned it off (the web of intrigue). That only does so much though. Some slips through, manifesting as voices, chattering away. The voices are only voices, but it doesn't mean he doesn't hear them. They are linked to his sub-concious, often times taking on the tone of his thoughts (if he's irratated, they start getting noisier, and talk about violent things), which has the potential to cause a positive feed-back loop. Especially with Greene in there somewhere, she was all sorts of crazy.

Now, at the end of P1, he left to travel the world, to think. On his travels, he has had terrible luck, and ran into some more of bad stuff the world has to offer (all the while the voices are chattering away). He get fed up, and retreated to Canada for alone time, renting a cabin from a Dude and his daughter. During the months there, the two slowly got aquanted with Alex, and he grew to like them, and become taken with the daughter. Then Alex hears news of a logging company planning on forcing the man to sell his property with violence. Alex deals with them, but in the process learned that the Dude used to work with the Logging boss in a gang. In a fit, he kills the Dude for his past crimes, and goes to try to talk the Girl into leaving with him. He finds the Girl in the Cabin, and the box where he kept the money he "borrowed" from a drug ring a while back Empty. When he questions the Chick, she shoots him in the face, saying "Once I found that stash, there was just no way I was going to let you leave here with it. My daddy taught me better than that. Too bad. I really liked you." Then Alex got back up from being shot several times, and killed that Chick.

He then goes on to conclude that all Human are vermin. Head-cannon again, faced with two choices, he can either just remove himself from the vermin, and live alone forever, or, he can "help" the world, and make it a better place. Since he's the only one who could, he decides he might as well. He proceeds to do the half-assed job that he did in P2, because he doesn't really want to help the world, but he's the only one who can. When he learned that he can't easily consume Heller, he found his way out. Shove that responsibility on Someone else. So, right before the final fight, Alex gathered all his Evolved, to consume them and remove them from the equation. He then proceeded to "fight" with Heller, testing him. And then, Mercer let him win, welcoming him to the top of the food chain.

3978260 That's what they do on the ground. Politically, they are masters with cover-ups. They somehow were able to contain news of a Zombie out-break in Manhatten for a week or two. They then were able to pass off that nuke as a terrorist attack.

3978260 Also, P1 Blackwatch was a lot better than the stuff they had in P2. In P2, they were really under manned, and where taking just about anyone they could get. P1 were mostly just emotionless bastards. P2 had all the psychopaths.

3978288 ok now that makes more since and is now cannon. and about blackwatch i think your right with them form one but blackwatch from two not so much. they are like the freelancers or the seals people know about them but no one knows just what they do.

3978345 Thats what I'm saying. P1 Blackwatch where a top-notch group of highly trained individuals. P2, they were scraping the bottom of the barrel.

3978321 and that's why i love blackwatch. there hilarious because there are relay guys like that on base, there funny.

3978393 Have you taken a Look at the other [Prototype] stories out there? There are several good ones that I could suggest.

3978385 i would be horrified if steve was given a riffle and was told to just go at it. id just walk away.

3978412 ya i have and have actually read most of them. but they don't relay tickle my fancy if you will.

Also this is probably the most intelligent conversation i have had on FIM Ever or on the internet.

3978412 and the ones that i do like are never continued. that's why i am writing my own.

3978441 I'm a fan of debates. If there are any subjects you wish to discuss, I will do my best.

And really? I can think of 4 off the top of my head that rather good. Osker Osaker, Greene fields under Red Lights, Monster of Manehatten (I'm helping with that one indirectly, gave the idea to the author, and am talking with him about it regularly. Its still him writing it though), and Philosophy, Deceit, and the Regrets of a Monster

Osker Osaker is about one of Alex's Evolved in Equestria. Greene Fields under Red Lights stars Greene in Equestria, and shows her in a rather interesting manner, and has believable reasons for her not immediatly infecting people. Philosophy, Deceit, and the Regrets of a Monster is largely about Mercer, and his character. Its a take other than mine, but is rather interesting. Finally, Monster of Manehatten is about P2 Alex (My Alex, the one I just told you about) in Equestria, and gets a Filly metaphorically dropped on him.

All of these stories are currently active, and are being updated regularly

3978241 My magic compressors...
Think of guns from star wars. The ammo clip is filled with liquid magic and the fun shoots pressurized magic. Helicopters and tanks exist as well as the nuke. They are significantly different than real life due to ponies living in the renaissance (and the old west)
What do you know, ezio auditore and John Marston's territories :0

3978694 I was picturing the gun as basically a Rail Gun. It has a small projectile, that is accelerated at great speeds with magic stored in a gem.

And Tanks and Helicopters would be VASTLY different, seeing as they barely have guns, and would hardly deserve the name. The tanks would have something with Unicorns casting shields. And the Helicopters wouldn't be anything more than either Pegasus drawn carriages, or Air-ships (they're a thing in Cannon), propelled via magic powered propellers.

3979938 Tanks are slightly like the tank from assassins creed. images.wikia.com/assassinscreed/images/archive/7/77/20120820225600!Acb-tank.jpg
Hellicopters would have to be similar to real ones tho. Maybe just a magically accelerated airship or something else.

3980393 Magically accelerated air-ships are nothing like Helicopters. And they wouldn't be able to make use of Leonardo's tank, because of how slow it is. It would be crushed and destroyed in no time.

3977908 ...I don't know where to start with this without facepalming, screaming into my first, and throwing metaphorical tables around, and I somehow feel that using a character study here wouldn't have much effect, so I'm going to have to ask directly.

Give me an example of Alex being emo in Prototype 1. Direct lines. Show me a part where he's whining and complaining beyond reason. Hell, show me a part where he's whining and complaining, period. Show me a part where he - not the player analogue that is you controlling Alex, but Alex the character, ala the cutscenes, is acting at all like you just described him - emo, omnipotent, what-have-you. I want some lines.

I'd also like to point out that Prototype 2 was written and developed by an entirely different dev team than the first, and Mercer's character was entirely warped. (The original dev team, before Activision happened, did have plans for an entirely separate Prototype 2 that never came to fruition.) Additionally, the writers did not actually dictate the plot - they were given the plot and then had their freedom with the hows and the whys things played out. Granted, I don't think they did a good job. Dan Jolley is a cool guy and a great conversationalist, but he openly did not like Alex, and I don't think he really tried to understand the character when it came to the tie-ins and his behavior in the latter game. Honestly, you could say the same for the entire setting - Prototype 2 took everything realistic, grim, and gritty about Prototype 1 and made it silly and illogical. But anyway, don't use Prototype 2 for these examples, use Prototype 1. And I'd also like to bring up the fact that 'I need to spread the virus' is a Prototype 2 thing anyway; Prototype 1 Alex, which also seems to be the one that is relevant to this story, did everything he could to stop the spread of the virus.

I'm not going to debate the merits of Heller with you because while I think that Heller's ultimately a cheaper character than Mercer and was made directly as a replacement for him, with the hamfisted purpose of being 'better', physically and morally - I have done so much to shut Prototype 2 out of my mind that I cannot properly or objectively analyze his character. To be clear - I see Mercer with all his redeeming qualities and his gaping flaws. With Heller, I only see the gaping flaws, so I'm not in a position to discuss his character in a rational manner. However, I am not above pointing out that the fact that Heller was 'chosen' says nothing about his character or inherent superiority; it is merely indicative of the amount of contrived bullshit a plot contains.

But no. Give me that example. Always be prepared to back up your claims, because the internet is a many-faceted writhing beast, and you have provoked one of its many faces; the raging Alex Mercer fangirl.


Anyway, the story itself. Hm. It looks like an interesting start, but I think you could work on consistency and pacing a bit more. You've got some spelling errors and miscapitalisations that could be easily fixed, true. But you've also got point of view sort of jumping around between characters, and as a result, it's not really clear who's in the focal point at a given time, so to speak. Also - if you are following the plot of Prototype (I'm just hedging a guess, because that's what this looks like), I don't think Blackwatch knew that Alexander James Mercer's corpse was infected the way it was - otherwise, they would have incinerated him, and virus!Mercer never would have been 'born', so to speak. I don't think any of them understood how Blacklight worked, for that matter - not even Doctor Mercer himself, not completely.

Lastly - things seem to be happening rather fast. It's a little odd to launch straight into Alex claiming what Blacklight does while he's in the middle of running for his life - it's a necessary infodump, but it almost seems in the wrong place. Some of the descriptions themselves feel rather contrived - like, the part where you say that they weren't paid to feel or care because they were Blackwatch. It's a powerful sentence that seems rather misplaced, and lacks the impact it would otherwise have because of it - and given that Alex is now unconscious/dead at that point, it's not even really clear what perspective it's from. You might have gotten more mileage out of that scene by having Alex, collapsed on the floor and bleeding, look up and realize they were pulling on gas masks, realizing the futility of his last vindictive gesture. They stare down at him impassively, judging - like they have a right to judge him. He tries to spit at them, and it comes up red. He knows those masks - Blackwatch. They hunt. They kill. And they felt nothing. And then - neither does he.

The scene with Rarity and Rainbow Dash, however, is much less disjointed; the flow and emotions there feel much more natural.

(I would like to mention, though - the 'I wasn't paid to feel' line is actually from Doctor Mercer himself, referring to Gentek and his work on the Blacklight virus. That isn't to say that Blackwatch doesn't operate on exactly the same principles, but they have their own creed for it. 'When we hunt, we kill! No one is safe! Nothing is sacred! We are Blackwatch! We are the last line of defense!')

3981549 dude our conversation ended forever and half ago.

3981825 If you consider forever less than a day, sure.

It doesn't really matter. If you want to spare me the trouble of a constructed argument that won't be read, fine. I have other things to write.

Woah, what? There's a second half? Either it wasn't there when I first looked, or I somehow missed.

The face Rainbow made when she revived the news was... appropriate.

received.

3981549 Ill fix emotional stuff later.
Actually, I checked and the Rainbow and Rarity Part is NOT supposed to be there.
I didnt even relook at that or anything.

while i am liking this story i have to address the idiot that said he likes Heller to an extent liking the shit sequel known as P2. I just feel like they completely missed a mark of what Alex Mercer and what he stood for. Alex is a symbol for a science experiment being a better person than its creator and the organization bent on killing it, a harbinger of death, and a catalyst for fear. In P1 they were speaking of Alex, Elizabeth, Pariah, and other runners as if they were gods they could not stop, forces of nature as well as the embodiments of natures wrath if you will. In P2 the new development team that turned out to be shit comic book writers threw all of that out the window for a shitty short plot, fucked up characters, and a shitty tone and setting in order to appeal to the fuck bag Christians, that's right people you heard right Christians.

Comment posted by Logan Victor deleted Oct 26th, 2014

For those of you who dont know, I'm taking this story back. Jomm has some stuff going in.

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