I put on my Walter face on as I get my swag on in my I hate baby ducks t shirt and my Make America Great Again hat.
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Once, man walked the land of Equestria. Many winters have passed, and now they wish to return to close old disputes and become allies. But old prejudices will make this easier said then done.
Also, a note: adjust your canon. In this story, the Crystal Empire arose first, then Canterlot wedding later.
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I love this so far keep it up please.
Well. Me likes. Except, you MUST get a proofreader, and try to make your chapters a little longer. Liked and faved, let's see where this goes.
its looks good but need alot of work like
and you keep use ' in stead of "
I would fucking love this if you had an editor. I am such a perfectionist, I can't stand the mistakes.
it ok
2195889
Yay^^
This is almost readable. The premise, while not completely original, is interesting. However, the continuous errors in grammar, word choice, spelling, capitalization, and formatting make it a chore instead of a pleasure to read. As people have been saying on all of your stories since they first posted, you need an editor/proofreader since you can't be bothered to do it yourself. However, you have a habit of only acknowledging the comments you like, which belies a distinct lack of care about improving yourself. If I thought you were serious, I'd offer to help you out, but we both know you're not interested.
Also, for the love of Faust, if I see that "^^" again, I'm going to scream. It's okay to write a comment without it once in a while. It makes you look like a six-year-old girl who just learned how emoticons work. Okay, I'm done venting.
2159843
Your right of course. Any suggestions?
2060870
Quite right. Editing in progress to fix this problem among others
So i decided to read this story and it's sequel. So far, it's awesome
my favorite part
2212870
Really gets right to the point you know?
2213377 that it dose
2060870 You're paying too much attention to grammar, my friend. How about a nice hug, instead? hehehe
@ Ebony Griffon, Idk why anyone would really want to downvote this. Other than complete grammar nazis, that is. Humans kinda belong in equestria, so Shining should understand... I'll just have to wait and see!
well what can i say, i promised you a full comment so here i go.
this story, first of all i will say i enjoyed the reading, its an interesting universe, i see so much potential in it, mind it i haven't read the sequel and side story, which i will when i find a little time, so for now i would only talk about this one, the comedy was good, some of the moments filled me with feels, but good god, pardon me if i sound like a bastard but your writing needs work, so many scenes left behind because they where only portrayed as a single line, like in chapter 8 when Aduros watches Luna paint the night sky with stars, that could have been such a beautiful scene but you put it like this
don´t be afraid to play with words, those are your tools, use them, let me try to give an example, with that scene
there you go, from a sentence of 10 words, it can become a scene of 247 words
your universe has great potential, once you grow as a writer i would love for you to come back here, and redo this story so it can be as beautiful as it deserves to be.
sorry if i sound rude or if i offended you, its the first time i make a comment like this one, but i know this has potential to become one of those stories that the fandom will always remember with a smile. it just needs work and devotion
so go out there, grow as a writer, experiment, have some falls and some victories, and bring all the potential that i saw in this story, i will fave it and give it a thumbs up, but not for the execution, but because of all that this can be.
2475087
Thank you for your comment^^ And as I said in my pm, I agree entirely, this story, and my others, needs a lot of polish. And you needn't worry about looking like a bastard! I love this sort of constructive criticism, and shall take your critique and suggestions to heart
2475239 oh oh i forgot something in my comment, where did the whole ShinningxBlueblood came from
that ship oh god, i loved how the three of them interacted 
2475258
I have shipped together Shining and Blueblood... I apologize for nothing!
:D hehe tnx
yay
"story which just warms", or "that", alternatively, but the comma needs to go.
It's*, and you need a period.
freely and happily what? There's no verb in that fragment.
you could change "and" to "all".
the comma between "crops" and "to live" should be a semicolon, or possibly a colon, depending on intent.
their*
"and* others", and you should add the "with" for this mention too, otherwise it feels sorta lop-sided
.
I think that's supposed to be earth ponies? also, the second half of this needs a rework to actually refer to the eyes of men, something like:
"But while the earth ponies only lost the light in their eyes, a spark was lit in those of men."
"their* innocence"
"and an ever growing"
"mans" is possessive, thus: man's
Turn that comma into a period, ending the sentence. Change the first period to a comma, and change "But" to "Then"
Windigos*
"equine's"
"sands once again, and"
One thing you need to look at is capitalization of species. Are you going to make every instance of "Man", "Equine", ect. capital or not? It's technically not correct to capitalize them, but it can be a stylistic choice for these passages of legend-style storytelling.
I also just noticed - and I have no idea if there's a way to fix this or not - but there's a typo in the story's title!
"The Three Knights* Errant"
And while I'm on the overall meta of the story, fix your chapter names: they're inconsistent.
4709328
Ah shucks
I see a big misunderstanding coming in this story, considering Celestia's WTF expression about 'having ever dealt with the humans before'.
And what this Marcum say's, doesn't make sense either.
Welcome Aduros! To Equestria!
We support polyamory!
PS: No, you are not in Kansas anymore.
An odd concept. Reading on.
1. Celestia's
2. Very long, run-on sentence.
3. Issues with tenses through the chapter. You switch from present to past and back again several times. This disrupts the flow of the story.
After reading this I can only say that you REALLY need to edit this chapter... BADLY. Exquisite attempt at imagery, but the grammar is... there is no other way to put it, sickening.
You mean 'throne'.
O.K. enough. Cadence dropped an 'F bomb' F.N.A.R. and there is a character actually named MARY SUE!? Are you kidding me? Sorry bro, Downvoted.
6517106
Yeah... this ones kind of a wreck. This is honestly my first written story, or at least the first in the mlp world
6517166
Eh... that's fair. That was my attempt at a joke, and wasn't a good one at that. Again, first story, or at least my first real attempt. I've improved since... yes, shocking I know! I have crawled from the bog of fanfic shit to the lofty Donald Trump skybox of mediocre! YAY!