spetsnaz pinkie pie
Joined 16th Sep, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- spetsnaz pinkie pie · 14k words · 233 33 · 4.2k views
- spetsnaz pinkie pie · 14k words · 273 48 · 6.5k views
- spetsnaz pinkie pie · 14k words · 136 10 · 3.1k views
- Blobskin · 5k words · 320 33 · 15k views
- spetsnaz pinkie pie · 12k words · 251 23 · 2.9k views
- MrAnime · 13k words · 109 26 · 3.8k views
- Distorted Flare · 43k words · 891 203 · 17k views
- BlazingDragoonLord · 5k words · 93 17 · 2.3k views
Featured In15
Clopfics11,546 stories ·15,814 members
Human in Equestria16,977 stories ·16,824 members
Rule 631,248 stories ·3,992 members
Looking for Editors3,384 stories ·5,415 members
Transformations5,229 stories ·5,794 members
Anthropomorphics7,626 stories ·5,017 members
- Ponification870 stories ·1,405 members
- Humans turned ???1,236 stories ·2,384 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.22 seconds
Total duration
889 users online
506,815 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
mher
2532962
Ah why?
Wait, what?
I haven't even read the story yet, but...
You just.... failed at a title. In every possible way. It's supposed to be 'Who I've Become - Nightmare Moon'. Not only did you completely ignore the fact that you capitalize every word in a title save for things such as 'of', 'for', 'and', etc., you also ignored the fact that 'I', 'I'd', 'I've', etc. should be written in capitals, Title or not! That is common knowledge, bro. I don't even know how you failed so badly at that one. And.... you put a period in the title. One does not simply put periods in titles. That is why they are titles, not sentences. :U
And by the way, I'm totally liking how those last two mini-paragraphs in your description don't even begin with a capital letter.
How does one manage to get six likes and only one dislike if they fail so badly simply in their title?
....
WITCHCRAFT!
Now excuse me as I go read this story and find what horrors lie within.
EDIT: Nice, let's start out with the first sentence :I. I think I'll become your unofficial official spell-check.
I fixed your awkward comma.
Did you notice how I pulled out your random mid-narration role-playing? Yeah. I don't know why you'd have chuckling and sighing going on in your narration, much less in role-play form, but if you're doing what I think you're doing... don't. :L
I really wish I knew why you just randomly burst out with "It's just too damn hot" because it just sticks out kind of awkwardly. And by the way, in the first sentence, you really didn't have to say it was during the 'summer season'. I think people are smart enough to know what summer is without you adding on that it's a season.
Not only did I just take out your little unnecessary piece of info, I also rearranged that second sentence since it was really awkward.
I fixed up a few awkwardly-written lines in the first paragraph and fixed up some grammar in the second. Also, about that little list in the next paragraph? That literally had nothing to do with anything. Considering how the next paragraph connects slightly with your list, however, I'm not sure how you can rid that without the next paragraph not making sense.
I got rid of those few awkward lines at the end of the paragraph.
Aside from the fact that I fixed your capitalization in the mini-paragraph, who in the world builds a playground with no fence? Seriously?
I fixed up your punctuation. Seriously, drop the commas and use a period once and a while :U.
I fixed up the grammar there. I shall stop there, because I can tell that I just made an extremely long post; sorry about that.
Anyway, please, get someone to look over your chapters before you post them, because the grammar is just... irritatingly bad. I'm willing to help you with that, but... yeah.
2533269
I can understand the bad grammar for I can't write for shit just doing the best I can but I'm trying not to be as cliche as other hie fics.
I don't see anything wrong with it. Have a pinkamena
hope next chapter comes soon
2533376
I see where I majorly screwed up but I'm not a writer man i just write for hell of it ya know.
I'll tell ya this I'm gonna screw up alot.
Interesting. Proceed.
Might wanna get a editor though. Some wrongs here and there.
2535053
There's wrongs everywhere
2533377 People will literally WANT to proofread for you. Go ask them. And HiEs, because of the sheer amount available, each have to be really friggin' original to make it good. As in, there can't even be a little bit of something I've seen before (unless it's entirely necessary, like 'there's a human in Equestria). I wouldn't even care about grammar and syntax and fun stuff like that if the plot were super-original. MAKE HIM BE SATAN OR SOMETHING. Maybe he has cancer. Maybe... uh... he's a magician and finally feels at home amongst unicorns. Maybe he's schizophrenic. Maybe he thinks he's dreaming because he's been in a coma for the last two years. Maybe he's really good with blacksmithing and welding and introduces unwanted technology to Equestria, making him wanted, but Twilight takes pity on him, therefore making her a fugitive and going directly against the command of her mentor, which brings to light situations of morality, higher power, and the worth of an individual life for the safety of many. SO MUCH CAN BE DONE WITH HIE. BUT SO LITTLE HAS.
I'm gonna start writing.
2536732
I'm trying to be original about my fics especially this one I dont think I ever read a story were a human turns into nightmare moon usually hie fics happen like this they go to Equestria everyone is super nice and everything goes their way I dont want that their need conflict their needs many factors that's why I'm trying to write something good that people will enjoy.
2535766 you mean in your text, life, the world or the universe?
2536922
The first two.
2536941 too true bro. too true
2534868
I see. Well, as I said before, I'm willing to proof-read the story if you want. Besides, the least you could've done was fixed the things I pointed out to you. From what you said before, I can understand how you're writing this for your own entertainment, but you put it on a site where people give common criticism, and so it's only natural that someone wishes to point out your bad grammar. If you're going to put it on a site for others to read, fix it so others CAN read it rather than just shrug it off and say, "I know I did a bad job, but I only wrote this for myself." Because you can't. If you do the dislikes will just pile up and I doubt you want that.
"You're mentor"
Your*
its a good start so far but you need someone to look over the grammer in it as some of the sentences seemed a bit clunky or poorly layed out.
2545508
Yeah I have to edit that chapter it looked wrong when I re-read the damn thing.
While it was indeed a difficult read, I'm going to favorite for concept alone. A human becoming Nightmare Moon, a decent human at that, is an interesting take on HiE.
2546377
I'll edit first chapter before I release the next.
2536749
"HOLY BUCK, I'M CELESTIA." <- Real name for a fic.
2553457
Yes I get it I screwed up the name. Dont be so butt hurt about it.
Editing will begin once I get to a god damn computer.
2553474
I was gonna read this out loud (as is my brony profession), but... 's got smex. I don't do that stuff. Cracka.
then your like me
another good chapter.
Wait a second... the author... you... YOU...
STOP STALKING ME!
Moar please
good show old boy.
I HAVE NO FRECKIN IDEA if he is a full pony or a anthro?!
yes yes yes yes
more
2555776
their is a picture I modeled Nightmare Moon After I can edit the chapter and place it in the authors notes.
2556103 please do so
also, I found something that might be interesting for either of them to find
the Alcubierre drive
very impressive, hope next chapter comes soon, i really love this idea
Biggest complaint is lack of commas.
Some major things still present here.
- Tenses. -ing seems to be the one you miss the most when writing, but you also miss some of the -ed and you use the base word too often.
See bold and underlined for examples.
- Capitalization. i? Nope, always I. Even if you're doing 'I-I wish...' in speech, the i is always capitalized. I just skimmed, but I believe you did capitalize all the names.
- Commas. You lack them, you do. Some good rules of thumb to keep in mind.
When in speech, anytime someone is addressed, comma before/after their name. Ex ' "Hey there, Luna, how are you doing?"
If you read the words aloud, and you put a pause in the sentence, more often than not you need a comma there. I'd say this holds true 95% of the time. When in doubt, read it aloud.
- the classic their / there / they're mixup. Remember...
Just some tips for moving forward. Haven't checked the second chapter yet, but if it's as riddled with errors, I'd suggest going to an editor group and trying to snag one or two folks to help edit before you post anything. It'll help with the presentation of the story by a lot.
Yup, still errors in abundance.
I want to also point out that...
Yeah, breasts aren't a pronoun, and neither is large. Capitalization is not needed. I'd suggest finding another 2-3 folks willing to help and who have the time to spare to also help edit this story.
I haven't read your other fic yet but I wanted to read this one first because I love Nightmare Moon more and so fare I like it. Now for the next chapter.
More characters with alternate personality!
You get mixed up with your "there's" and "their's" please fix that, okay I have noticed quite a few mistakes you should get an editor.
Obviously Trot isn't such a 'great' editor, because there are still many errors.
Advice? Get a better editor. All of this doesn't mean I dislike the story, in fact I do like it.
Jesus Christ man, you need a Editor. Other then that I like where its going. Best of Luck.
2567166
Well I found one all I got to do is pm him my chapters i hope they will be fixed soon
2563773
I agree with this :U. Getting another editor aside from myself could help because I could miss something that the other editor could see. The fact that I have a very short attention span and horrible eyesight really doesn't help, so... yeah :I.
2565808
I apologize for being a normal human being and missing mistakes.
....
2568190
Were all human. Were all human
Well except me. I'm Jesus whom is not human. Hahahahahaha
2568190>>2568235
Yeah, I personally don't have much of an attemption span beyond who I'm already editing for on top of my writing. Can get maybe a page at a time when I edit things.
And, oh...
Could. Not. Resist. And oh, blasphemy!
2568190 Well, you missed quite a few obvious mistakes, my advice is to just properly scan the story a few times to make sure you catch every mistake! I by no means am an editor myself, but there are just a few things that were painfully obvious.
Also, keep this story going I am enjoying it.
Ok, I'm tracking it. Could be fun.
Wow this is really painful to read. Many, many mistakes. I'd be willing to offer my services in ironing out the grammatical tangles as well as sentence flow and structure.