spetsnaz pinkie pie
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When writing novels and other story-based items, don't use shorthand like this. It comes across as lazy writing. Spell everything out, including numbers.
Overall, this chapter could use another round of editing. There were several noticeable grammar errors (mostly missing commas and apostrophes).
This story can't be that bad... Can it?
3438728 You made a MiE fic, of fucking course it's going to be hated. MiE is one of the worst possible 'ideas' you can think of for a story. It's been done so much, it's pretty much spam.
3438728
People don't like soldier manz in Equestria after a good trillion appeared on the site, most sucking donkey pecker. It's not the substance, but the style. Just show the story can be good and that it doesn't suck.
awesome story so far hope you keep going
3438728 Well... I suggest that you make a twist in it.
Take away the 'dark' tag, yes, his death was tragic, but let that be the only ''dark'' thing to happen. Then keep concentrating on the comedy and randomness. In short what you got here is (the potential stereotype of a marine) a mix between AJ and RD with a potty mouth, who is the identical twin of (famous) stereotypical top model.
The Cliche of MiE is mainly:
-Soldier appears in Equestria
-Soldier still human and mistrusted by ponies
-Small crisis happens and Soldier helps..... now accepted by ponies
-major villain appears and cause major problem
-Soldier joins EoH and defeats villain.
If 'romance' is introduced in story, Soldier usually stays in Equestria (maybe as pony). If not he gets home or died in last battle against villain.
What is it with media and Delta squads?
3444049 Or dies but doesnt really due to plot device number 82167-B
3445019
And he can be resurrected after a 2 chapters pause, according to section #19-3.2, that states that if Author invokes 'hand of writer' and introduces the rights of using 'deus-ex-machina' §5-RGB #63.5-1. Then the author may revive the character in an overly dramatic fashion. The tone of the setting must reflect the tone of ''Did you miss me?''
3445199 Im talking about Died,Then got Deus-Ex-Machina'd back to life through some sort of plot device/magical Macguffin
3445210 It thought that Macguffin never needed magic, as long as he have some dried straw, a Swiss army-knife and a paper clip.!trollface!
3.bp.blogspot.com/-nWLBXl2yI3k/TWeWYL0x_pI/AAAAAAAAAKM/3zvL7tNmCd0/s1600/MacGuffin.jpg
Ps: get over to the Rarity story and we can span this conversation over 3 stories of the same author... just for the hell of it.
MOAR
3438787
Really, That stupid reason.
That reason is above stupid.
Just go shows that human stupidity is infinite.
Just because it done before doesn't it bad.
There is nothing new under the sun we have done almost everything
3619269
O holy Lord/Jesus/Allah/Whatever, please do not smite me, I will find a way to cure myself of my sins.
(Sarcasm, if you couldn't tell)
Also, what you're saying is bullshit.
Take a look at Call of Duty, it's the same shit over, and over, and over, and over, with nothing new, and it's the same shitty game with a new coat of paint every year, that's MiE in a nutshell.
And there are new ideas still coming out, the Chronicles 8 is masterfully written, Villianous is still just as brilliant, Of Steam Gears and Wings, and some others, and you're still as smart as a tree stump, and can spell as good as one, too.
This is a very good story so far. can't wait to read more.
oh god you were descriptive but i am not saying that is bad if you cech my drift.
Well.... sucks to be you now buddy.
Applejack in the house!
stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/2215198/panic-o.gif
Awesome!
awesome chapter you are doing a amazing job
Ok, only problem is that Applejack just suddenly accepted his explanation. It's a little rushed, but otherwise good.
4018024
She is the element of honesty... But I'm gonna go back and do something about that.
I love your story's but I think this one and night-mare-moon are my favorite one's.
4018053 Yeah, and it does work, but when she just accepts everything straight up, it feels a bit contrived.
Not to sound annoying and you probably get this question a lot, but when are you going to update the other who I've become stories? But in other words great chapter!
Nice!
Femme Fatal probably doesn't even cover it anymore
Would you mean she's knew being a girl?"
new
Nice!
The story is interesting and the plot is great, but holy moly, work out that grammar! It's not so bad that it severely distracts from the story, but it's there, there and everywhere! And I'm too lazy to point them out for you!
Still, loving it!
I would have done the same thing if I were in his/her shoes.
Just a little tip, the change in perspective from first- to third-person was a bit too jarring. If you are going to change that, then at least wait until the next chapter.
Continue this please.
Please continue this masterpiece of a story
P.S. Also work on your grammar a bit
more.
I am Admiral Jenna, of the I.R.W Scimitar The Romulan Empire finds this story... Amazing, and we wish to know what happens next, we demand you continue it. You will right more or your planet will face complete destruction, comply if you value to continued existence of your race.
ME NEED UPDATO!
COMPRENDO!?
I r8 8/8 m8. But seriously, this funny as f***! Please continue on, Mr Author.
Please, continue this.
Just thought you should know the K1 series of tanks like the K1A1 is SK not NK. Anyway's good chapter . Oh yeah i should mention i would read a story just based off of the first chapter
Your grammar is really good for using a phone
Really disapointing you don't continue. Really like this story. Also don't know if its just me but there is too much sexual talking in this. I think the story could have done with out it. Besides fleur's commentary on everything. That i like. Anyway would like you you continue