I'm a coward, a wimp, and a loser. I'm never any help to anypony, especially when it counts. I haven't done anything worth mentioning. And my childhood friend is always picking on me. I mean, I know I ruined Nightmare Night, but she didn't have to laugh at me . . . .

I made two of my friends cry. I kidnapped the Princess' bird. I set a Parasprite swarm on the whole town. I don't think anyone would care. I don't think anyone would miss me at all.

I hope that rope doesn't break . . . .

You've just moved into a new house in a new neighborhood, and as you unload some boxes, a sexy, purple-haired girl calls you over and asks for help. You'd seen her a few times as you've come and gone, but you'd never asked her out. Now, she's asking if you'd help her with some groceries. You say yes, of course, but something tells you she wants more than just a little assistance . . . .

The first installment of "The Steam Collection". Second-person present-tense perspective set in the EG universe, based on a random scenario I saw and replied to on Facebook. Rated 'Teen' for some steamy moments—as close to sex as you can get and still keep it clean.

Too many ponies in Equestria have committed terrible crimes and gotten away with it. The problem has become so bad that Princess Twilight has turned to the only creature in Equestria capable of delivering the swift, righteous, stinging judgment these naughty ponies need:

You!

You are Corporal Punishment, the only human in Equestria, and you have the tools necessary to put all the criminals, delinquents, schemers, traitors, terrorists and lawbreakers in their places. Armed with a thick wooden paddle, a rawhide whip, a collapsible cane, and a bad attitude, it is your sworn duty to find every bad pony in Equestria and deliver a harsh, brutal spanking to each and every one for their crimes!

This is a massive collaboration effort in celebration of my 700 followers. Not meant to be taken seriously. Full of completely tongue-in-cheek humor and crazy moments, and may contain crackfic-style situations, continuity in only its loosest possible definition, and some kinky moments where discipline and punishment should be. Each author will be credited in the title of his/her respective chapter. Character tags to be added as more chapters are posted.

If you wish to add a chapter of your own, see THIS GROUP for details.

Twilight Sparkle has always been known to forgive easily. Many of the worst threats to Equestria have gone unchecked after Twilight forgave them for their actions. But when Starlight Glimmer, a former enemy of Equestria, causes a major accident that endangers lives, Princess Celestia has no choice but to review and approve a plan to implement a checks and balances system against former antagonists—the Reformed Antagonist Regulation Act.

The introduction of RARA splits the Mane Six, and many Equestrians, into two factions. Supporting a former villain's right to choose their own destinies is Princess Twilight Sparkle. Supporting a system of accountability and a fail-safe for potential relapse is Twilight's former friend, Moon Dancer.

Friendships are tested, loyalties are questioned and switched, revenge burns in the air, and all the while, a new threat pulls strings in the background, ready to destabilize Twilight and her friends' bonds forever.

Based on "Captain America: Civil War".

Cover art by the amazing arcanelexicon!

Now with its own TVTROPES PAGE!

(REWRITTEN)

I've had probably the worst day ever. As if the hard days at school, crappy job and bad life weren't enough, now I have humiliation to deal with on top of that. First, my bullying older brothers. Then high school. Then my break-up. And now this. And it just follows me everywhere I go.

But no matter what, no matter when, there's one thing in this world who is always there for me. It's been my only comfort for years, but even when I'm at my worst, she's always there for me.

Rated "Teen" for some cursing.

Nocturne has always frowned upon Heart-and-Hooves Day, and for good reason—his looks and awkwardness discourage him from getting a date. But after some tips from the Princess of Love, Nocturne gathers his courage and asks to spend this day with a special pony—his first real friend, Fluttershy.

Well, not really a "date"-date. Just spending time together. As friends. Because that's all they are. Friends. And nothing else.

Right?

Nocturne's feelings for Fluttershy have been jumbled since day one. But trying to remind himself that Fluttershy is nothing more than a friend has become more difficult today than ever. Throw in some unfortunate mishaps, other stallions jostling for Fluttershy's heart, and Pinkie Pie having discovered Nocturne's hidden feelings, and Nocturne's heart—and his patience—will be tested at every turn.

But Fluttershy is a patient mare, and she hopes to bring her elusive friend out of his shell, and give him a Hearts-and-Hooves Day he'll always remember.

Special thanks for the amazing hand-drawn cover art to DandereShy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

After Fluttershy finally blows up in her face, a genuinely confused Rainbow Dash has a discussion with Twilight Sparkle, concerning the events leading up to it. Twilight confronts Rainbow Dash with quite a number of occasions that prove that Rainbow Dash isn't quite as considerate of her friends as she thought—and Fluttershy isn't always as willing to please as she seems. But Dash truly is a good friend, and as long as she remembers her friend's feelings, it might not be too late for Rainbow Dash to patch things up.

Partially inspired by Jay-The-Brony's "...That's It?"

Now with amazing artwork by JohnDarkblaze15!

Featured on 1/24/2016!

Nopony likes criticism. Someday, eventually, somepony will hate something you write. Pinkie Pie is about to learn this the hard way, as she gives her latest story to Twilight to read. But as she reads and lists off the story's numerous obvious flaws, things begin to look a bit familiar.

Really familiar, actually.

A satire/crackfic written (at 2:30 AM, in about two hours) in humorous retaliation to my numerous criticisms as of late. Beginning to think I have issues.

Partially inspired by my proofing work for lord_steak. Thanks!

Also, my 30th story! Yay!

You know how it goes: boy visits girl, boy and girl have tea, have a good time chatting, and girl refuses to let boy leave—

Wait, what?

After a lovely evening of sipping tea and chatting, former Phantom Pony, Nocturne goes to exit Fluttershy's home for the night. But it's quite the blizzard outside tonight, the worst in decades, and Fluttershy doesn't want Nocturne to freeze to death out there. Of course, they are close friends now, and she does care for him deeply . . . perhaps too deeply.

They say cold weather brings ponies together. Just what does that insinuate? Nocturne is about to find out.

Special thanks once again to the amazing _Vidz_ for his adorable artwork!

Theme Song: "Take Me, I'll Follow You" by Bobby Caldwell

"I have a copy of [So Shines a Good Deed...] so I can read it whenever I have no internet. I'm not trying to be stalkerish but it makes me smile every time I read it :)" - NightMareSong

A collaboration with my good friend spideremblembrony.

A reboot/spin off of The Mare Who Fell to Earth, this comedy centers on Jimmy Quinn, a nerd with Asperger's who's recently been dumped by his girlfriend. After drowning his sorrows, he wakes up with a killer hangover and a naked woman in his bed. She claims to be from a land called Equestria, and a unicorn named Rarity.

She was sent to Earth by mistake, but winds up in a grand experiment by Princess Celestia: to report on human social norms, customs, behaviors, and shining examples of human kindness and compassion. The results will be collected in a guide for Equestrians to read before first contact with Earth. Together, Rarity and Jimmy will write and compile the greatest book Equestria has ever seen... The Equestrian's Guide to Humanity.