Jimmy decided that the first order of business was to get Rarity some proper clothes. He loaned her a pair of jeans and a pair of Carrie's shoes that got left behind, as well as his spare coat. They climbed into the Malibu and drove to a Goodwill. It went better than expected, although there was a lot of the following:
“No... no... no... ABSOLUTELY not...”
“Excuse me sir, but do you have this in a maroon?”
“That is a crime against fashion!”
“It looks like an explosion in a rainbow factory.”
“This makes a statement, alright. That statement is 'I have no taste.'”
The last one was to a Hawaiian shirt. Jimmy cleared his throat, reminding her that he was wearing one. “Oh... but you manage to make it work, darling...”
The next stop was at Jimmy's favorite place, Phil's Diner, located a block or so from Curious Goods. He liked to stop in there once a week for lunch. The diner was run by Phil Tatopoulous, a jolly, rotund Greek man who emigrated to the United States about twenty years ago, and had been running Phil's for about fifteen. He always made it a point to personally greet his customers, and knew almost everyone in the neighborhood.
“Mr. Jimmy Quinn!” Phil said with an infectious grin. “How are you doing today, sir?”
“I'm fine, Phil.” Jimmy said. Despite his social awkwardness, he made an effort to interact with Phil. He was offended when people wouldn't talk to him, and he was a kind man.
“So, what happened to the lovely Miss Hayes?”
“She dumped me.”
“Awww... I'm sorry, agoraki mou.” Phil said, as he put a burly arm around me.
“It's fine, Phil. She wasn't what she appeared to be.”
“I understand. Life must go on.” Phil soon noticed Rarity. “I see that some move on faster than others...”
“Where are my manners? Phil Tatopoulous, this is Rarity. She's a friend of my sister's.”
“Welcome to my diner, koreetsi mou!” Phil said as he kissed her hand. “Your name is fitting. A woman as beautiful as you is truly a rarity.”
“Thank you, sir.” Rarity said.
“Please, call me Phil, everyone else does!”
“Okay, thank you, Phil.”
“It's no problem. I'll be right back to take your orders.”
The diner was once a malt shop where teens in the 50's came to congregate. Phil had kept that art deco aesthetic when he opened the diner. The booths that took up the wall underneath the giant window in front of the diner closely resembled their 50's counterparts: two plush, almost sofa-like seats with a table in between. There was an old-fashioned jukebox in the corner, playing Journey's “Who's Crying Now?” There was a lunch counter across from the booths, stools underneath, in front of the kitchen area. The walls were covered with 50's memorabilia and mementos from Greece. The diner gave off a homey atmosphere, something that the neighborhood loved.
“Nice place.” Rarity said.
“It is.” Jimmy replied. He handed her one of the menus on the table. “Have a look.”
Rarity started to flip through, and her expression became one of worry. “You eat meat?”
“Yes.” Jimmy replied. “Humans are omnivores, we eat both plants and meat.”
“That's barbaric.” She paused. “You don't eat ponies, do you?”
“No.” Jimmy replied.
Rarity breathed a sigh of relief, as Jimmy made a mental note to not tell her what glue used to be made from.
“So what do I do?” Rarity asked.
“There are people who are vegetarian.” Jimmy replied. “It's not odd to just have a salad.”
As Jimmy looked through his menu, Phil's voice boomed once again.
“Mr. Borchers! How are you!”
“Fine, thank you Phil.”
“Hey, Matt!” Jimmy greeted.
“Hey, Jim!” Matt replied. “Excuse me, Phil.”
“No problem at all.”
Matt slid in next to Jimmy. Matt was a scrawny guy with brown hair and glasses, about as thin as the Tenth Doctor. He was clad in a brown jacket, red shirt, blue jeans, and Doc Martens boots. He looked at Rarity, then back at Jimmy.
“Who's she?” Matt asked.
“This is Rarity.” Jimmy said. "She's a friend of Audrey's from out of town. Rarity, this is Matt Borchers, my best friend.
“How do you do?” Rarity said as she shook his hand.
“How do you do?” Matt replied.
“Matt, I don't think Beth's gonna like you flirting with her.” Jimmy said.
“Being a little hypocritical, aren't we?” Matt replied. “Does Carrie know about her?”
“Carrie dumped me, Matt.”
“Why?” Matt asked, concern in his voice.
“I told her about my Asperger's.”
“I take it that she didn't react well.”
“If what he says is anything to go on,” Rarity started, “She wasn't very civil at all.”
“She said she was glad she found out before we were married and had a litter of retards.” Jimmy said.
Matt winced... then his expression became one of deep anger. “That bitch!”
“Save your anger, Matt, she isn't worth it.”
“If she weren't a woman...”
“Well, she is. Just let it go. Rarity helped me out.” Jimmy said. Matt snickered. “Dude! Get your mind out of the gutter!”
“Sorry.” Matt said. “So, back on the market not one day and you already have someone?”
“No, Matt.” Jimmy said. “We're just here as friends.”
“Oh.” Matt said, not believing a word of it. “Riiight.”
Phil came by for our orders. Rarity got a salad and a soda, Jimmy the chicken sandwich and soda, and Matt the meat-lover's skillet.
“How's work?”Jimmy asked.
“You remember that dick Jason Burdick?” Matt asked back.
“Oh, yeah. The football player that no one on the team could stand.” Jimmy replied. “Dad was the principal, so he got away with murder.”
“Yeah... take a wild guess who just became my team lead.”
“Oh no...”
“That's right.”
“What did he do to you guys?” Rarity asked.
“Where to start?” Jimmy asked. “Should we begin with wedgies, towel-snapping, stink bombs in our lockers, beatings, verbal abuse, or the time he hooked the pants of that kid from the AV Club to the flag cord and ran him up the flagpole?”
“And this man is in a position of power?” Rarity asked, slack-jawed.
“Ain't life grand?” Matt said, dripping with sarcasm.
“Well, pal...” Jimmy started. “... I've got you, you've got me, and we're as high as a weekend beach... wait, that's Huey Lewis... anyway, you get the point..."
"As long as I'm here, darling..." Rarity started. "You've got me, too."
"You have a nice circle of support, bud.” Jimmy finished.
“I know.” Matt said. “But you don't have to put up with him daily.”
“Then stop by after work and unload.” Jimmy said. “We'll be willing to listen. You're my bro. Bros look out for each other.”
“Thanks, guys.” Matt said.
“No problem at all, darling.” Rarity said.
Jimmy and Rarity made it back to Curious Goods about 15 minutes before Jimmy's shift began.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. G!” Jimmy said as he and Rarity burst through the shop doors.
“Hi, buckaroo!” Mr. Gleeson said.
“Hi, bozelito.” Mrs. Gleeson said.
“Who's the lovely lady?” Mr. Gleeson asked.
“Oh, this is Rarity. She's an old friend of the family.” Jimmy said. “Since mom and dad are out of town, is it okay if she stays with me for a little bit? She really has nowhere else to go.
“Wouldn't Carrie find it a bit odd?” Mrs. Gleeson asked.
“Carrie dumped me last night.” Jimmy said.
“I'm sorry, buckaroo.” Mr. Gleeson said. “Anything we can do?”
“No.” Jimmy replied. “She wasn't the one for me, anyway.”
“Well...” Mrs. Gleeson thought. “Okay. She can stay. Just no funny business up there, all right?”
“Agreed.” Rarity said.
“Actually...” Jimmy started. “There's another matter I'd like to bring up. Rarity needs a job right now. Is there any way you guys could hire her on?”
“I don't know, buckaroo.” Mr. Gleeson said. “She looks like she could be good, but we thought O'Malley was a good fit, too.”
As Jimmy spoke with the Gleesons, Rarity took a look around the shop. There was a huge magazine section in the back, with magazines for every sort of human hobby imaginable. She took a look at the cover of a People magazine and wondered why the man known as Mike Tyson had a rather ugly cutie mark on his face. She'd ask Jimmy about that later.
She looked down the aisles, looking through aisle after aisle of models, paints, model train supplies, hobby items, yarn, thread, and craft supplies. As she headed back up to the counter, a man walked through the door of the shop.
“Good evening, everyone!” He said.
“Hi, Mr. Corman!” Jimmy said. “I'll be with you in a moment.”
Mr. Corman saw Rarity.
“Excuse me, ma'am.” Mr. Corman said. “Could you help me?”
“Well, I don't wor-”
“Just for a second. You see, I'm looking for a very challenging model to build, and I was wondering if you could recommend one for me?”
Rarity kept calm. The man seemed nice enough. Why not return that kindness? “Sure, right down this way...” She started as she found the model aisle. “Anything specific you're looking for?”
“How about this?” Mr. Corman had found a model of the Apollo lunar lander.
“Well, that looks really challenging to build.” Rarity said, hoping he wouldn't cotton on to the fact she had no idea what she was doing.
“You know, it does!” Mr. Corman said. “It looks doubly challenging in the paint department. I mean, just look at all the detail you'd have to get in...”
“Are you in need of any paint, sir?” Rarity asked. One of the things she picked up as a dressmaker was an ability to name colors and shades based on sight, and also determine what colors would look great on a customer. She could tell the difference between eggshell, white, and off-white at one glance. Now she was in her element.
“I may need some, young lady.” Mr. Corman replied. “I don't think I have many of the paints needed.”
“Come with me, darling...” Rarity said as she led him to the paints.
“So, I'll go to the mat for her, Mr. G.” Jimmy said. “If she screws up, I'll take full responsibility.”
“That may not be necessary, buckaroo.” Mr. Gleeson said, motioning for Jimmy to turn around. He saw Rarity leading Mr. Corman up to the counter. He had a large model in one hand, and a stack of paints and new brushes in the other.
“Jimmy?” Rarity asked. “Do you run the register?”
“Yes.” Jimmy said.
“He needs to be rung out, darling.”
“I'll be right up. Excuse me.”
Jimmy walked to the register.
“Rarity,” Mr. Gleeson said. “Could you come over here for a second?”
Rarity did so.
“Rarity,” Mrs. Gleeson started, “That was impressive. I've never seen Mr. Corman walk out of here with so much. How'd you do it?”
“All you've got to do is show a little kindness and generosity.” Rarity started. “You have to make the customer feel special. Otherwise, why would he shop here?”
Mr. Gleeson was doubly impressed. “Right answer. Smart, charming, polite, puts the customer first... we may have a position here for you after all. How would you like to start today?”
Rarity beamed. “I would love to, darling!”
“Then it's settled.” Mrs. Gleeson said. “Rarity, welcome to Curious Goods.”
Jimmy walked back, Mr. Corman long gone. “What's up?”
“You're looking at your new co-worker.” Rarity said.
Jimmy hugged her, spinning her around. “That's great!”
He then turned to the Gleesons. “You don't know how much this means to me.”
“Jim, anyone who can get someone to walk out with that much has to be doing something right. It'd be foolish to let that opportunity slip away.” Mr. Gleeson said.
Jimmy beamed. “Come on, Rarity. I'll show you around.”
Jimmy and Rarity entered the apartment at around 8:00, a first day well done.
“How about a cheese pizza?” Jimmy asked. “Celebrate your first day?”
“That would be lovely.” Rarity said, setting her Goodwill bags on the couch.
As Jimmy reached into his pocket for his cell phone, there was a flash of light and Jimmy thought he was hallucinating, for real this time.
Standing in the middle of the living room was a regal-looking white pony. She had a long white horn protruding from her head, in front of a gold tiara with a purple diamond set in the middle, matching the necklace she wore. Her mane and tail were all the colors of the rainbow. She sported white wings, as well as gold hoof guards. This was finished by the picture of the sun on her flanks. Based on Rarity's description, she was obviously an alicorn.
“Princess Celestia!” Rarity said, bowing.
Princess? Jimmy bowed as well, just to be safe.
“Rarity!” The alicorn said in a calming, almost motherly voice. “I'm glad to see you're safe.”
“Princess, this is Jimmy Quinn.” Rarity said.
“Delighted.” Jimmy said, nervously shaking her hoof.
“I see you have not been harmed.” Celestia stated. “Perhaps my faith in the humans is well founded?”
“Yes.” Rarity replied. “This darling man has been nothing but kind.”
Jimmy's face was turning red from embarrassment.
“I have come to take you home.” Celestia said.
“What?” Jimmy and Rarity said in unison.
“You knew this was only temporary. We needed to see if the spells worked, and they do. Twilight is waiting to take your place.”
“But... Princess...”
“No buts, Rarity. No offense intended, but Twilight is more of the type for this endeavor. She takes detailed notes, she's studious... what can a dressmaker do that she can't?”
Rarity looked downcast. “I'm sorry, Jimmy, but it looks like I've got no choice.” She took Jimmy's hand. “I'll always remember you.” She sadly trudged toward the princess.
“Wait, Princess...” Jimmy started.
“Yes?” Celestia asked.
“What was the point of this project?”
“To blend in and study humanity. To document their social norms, their customs, acts of kindness and compassion.”
“Don't you think that to get kindness out of somebody you have to give a little kindness as well?”
Celestia thought. “Go on.”
“Princess, last night, I went through the most horrible night of my life. My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a mental disorder. I spilled my heart out to this wonderful woman here. I was a total wreck. You know what she did? She took me in her arms. She told me that there was nothing wrong with me. She told me how much that woman was missing out on because she couldn't see past my condition. She assured me that there was someone out there for me. I believe her. It's remarkable what a simple act of kindness can do, isn't it?”
Rarity spoke as well. “And I have encountered numerous examples of human kindness and compassion here. Jimmy gave me a place to stay and a job to support myself here. There's a lovely man who runs a restaurant down the block. He greets each and every customer there. He actually talks to them. He's genuinely concerned for the well being of each and every person who comes through his door. Jimmy's best friend, when he heard about what happened, was angry. Not at Jimmy, but at the woman who hurt him. He wanted to protect his friend, to comfort him. Finally, there's a lovely couple who run a shop down below. They aren't related to Jimmy here. But you know what? They think of him as their own. His family is their family. They took him in when he needed help. If that doesn't show that humans are more than bloodthirsty savages, then I don't know what does.”
Celestia thought this over for a moment. “It is amazing that you could get all of this in one day...”
Rarity squeezed Jimmy's hand.
“Maybe I was too dismissive. Rarity, I apologize. If you wish to stay and complete the project, you may.”
“Oh, yes please!” Rarity said.
“You will need someone to watch over you. Someone who can show you the ways of this world.” Celestia said, looking at Jimmy. “Can Jimmy here be trusted?”
“Princess, I showed up here in a very vulnerable position.” Rarity began. “He would have had his way with me and done some very ghastly things to me if I couldn't trust him.”
Celestia thought some more. “Jimmy Quinn, please step forward.”
Jimmy did so. Celestia swung her hoof in the classic knighting motion.
“Jimmy Quinn, I hereby appoint you as this pony's caretaker. You will protect her as if she were your own. You will guide her through this new world and show her it's ways. Do you accept the responsibility?”
“Is this a trick question?” Jimmy asked.
“Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
“Then it is settled.”
Jimmy, in his sheer joy, hugged the pony princess. When he realized what he just did, he pulled away with a sheepish grin. Celestia returned the hug anyway.
“Wow.” Jimmy said. “You are really soft.”
“And that's enough hugging.” Celestia said, breaking it up. “Before I go, I have to tell you of the next step in the Human Research Project.”
Celestia's horn glowed. A large canvas sack materialized.
“Since it looks like Equestria may soon be contacting the human world, we're going to need to compile a document... a book. A book containing everything one of our own would need to know about humanity and how to interact with them. An Equestrian's guide to humanity if you will.”
Celestia waved a hoof at the bag. “In here, you will find the basics: quills, ink, scrolls...”
Her horn glowed again, and a strange item appeared in her hoof. She handed it to Rarity. “This is the Ring of the Two Sisters. You will use that to seal the scroll shut, and the scroll will be sent directly to me.”
Rarity looked at Celestia. “Do we have to write one now?”
“I don't think so.” Celestia responded. “Seeing a human and a pony look out for each other is enough for now. I will be looking forward to learning more about this world.”
Jimmy heard the door open and Matt speak. “Hey, Jim! I brought beer and my copy of Hudson Hawk. I figured you'd need some cheering...”
Matt stood there, slack-jawed at the sight of a pony princess standing in his friend's apartment.
“Jim? What the hell is going on here?”
“Well, Matt... it's a funny story.” Jimmy replied. “Once upon a time, in the city of Milwaukee...”
ONE WEEK LATER...
“Here's your change, darling. Thanks for stopping by Curious Goods!” Rarity said as she closed the register drawer.
Jimmy swept the floor nearby. “Like it here?”
“Yes.” Rarity replied. "Very much.”
“I'm glad.”
“I can't thank you enough, Jimmy... for what you've done.”
“You were there for me, Rares. I'm there for you.”
The bell above the entrance door sounded as another customer walked in.
“Hello, welcome to Curious-” Jimmy started.
“Hi, Jim-Jim.” Carrie said.
Jimmy glared. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“What? Is that how you greet your girl?”
“You stopped being my girl the moment you referred to me as Rain Man.”
“That's why I'm here. I'd like to try and make up.”
“Why?”
“The guy I'm seeing... well, he's a real jerk."
"Well, it seems like you two should be great together."
“But then I remembered how nice you were, how considerate you were. He's none of that. I'd like to give you another chance.”
“Give me another chance?”
“Yeah. I mean, you're retarded, but you're nice.”
“Gee, you have such a way with words.”
“So...”
“Get bent.”
“Get bent?” A vein started to throb in Carrie's head. “You should be getting down on your hands and knees and thanking me for giving a retard like you a second chance.”
Rarity had enough. “You must be Carrie.”
"What's it to you?" Carrie asked.
"I've been working here a week, and I've gotten to know this man. As a matter of fact, I would call him my best friend here. He's one of the sweetest, kindest people I've ever met. He's told me all about you, especially about how you dumped him."
“Shut your mouth, bimbo.” Carrie snapped. “Stay out of things you can't understand.”
"Oh, I understand perfectly. You left this darling man an emotional wreck because you couldn't see past something that wasn't his fault to begin with. Nobody is perfect, not even you. Of course, you seem to be too self-absorbed to see that. Am I right?"
“I see...” Carrie said. “You like this retard. You're interested in taking a dip in the shallow end of the gene pool, aren't you? You a retard, too?”
Rarity looked ready to break her in half and about five seconds into the act. Jimmy had finally reached the breaking point.
“Okay, that's it, now you've crossed a line!" Jimmy started. "You can insult me all you want. However, you've gone and insulted her, and now we have a major problem. I don't want you back because now I know what you really are. When you left me, I was devastated. I got drunk for the first and only time in my life because of you. I thought it was my fault for not being 'normal.' However, I see now that the problem was that I didn't really know you at all. I'm not a retard, Carrie, I'm a person. I'm just like you, whether you like it or not. I breathe the same air, drink the same water, and... I'm talking in cliches. Anyway, that 'bimbo' in the week that I've known her has shown more kindness, generosity, and understanding to me and everyone around her than you did in the year we were together. If you represent the pinnacle of normality, as you think you do, then I'm happy being 'retarded,' and if me being a so-called retard makes you uncomfortable, Carrie, then I'll shout it from the mountaintops if it makes you go away forever."
“You wouldn't dare.” Carrie said.
Jimmy casually walked over to the front door and opened it. Sticking his head outside, he shouted “HEY MILWAUKEE!!! GUESS WHAT?!!! I'M RETARDED... AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!!!”
Strangely, he got several honks in reply from passing cars. Whether that was due to his outburst or the guy driving at three miles an hour in front of them remained unclear. Jimmy strolled up to Carrie.
“You can come by later and get your crap out of my apartment. Goodbye, Carrie. It hasn't been pleasant."
If Carrie's jaw could drop any lower, it would look like the Wolf spotting Red Hot Riding Hood for the first time. She sputtered.
“Hey, look Rarity.” Jimmy said. “She's doing her motorboat impression. She seems to have thrown a rod.”
“You'll never do better than me.” Carrie could only muster those words in reply.
“When there's life, darling...” Rarity started. “...there's hope.”
Carrie started walking towards the door.
"Hey, Carrie?" Jimmy asked. Carrie turned around, a hopeful smirk on her face.
"Maybe you'll find someone, but it's not going to be me."
The smirk faded as she was hit with her own words. Carrie left, hopefully for good, as Mr. Gleeson came out of the office.
“What happened?” He asked.
“Oh, nothing, darling.” Rarity said. “Jimmy and I just took out the trash.”
“Okay... Love Story... gone!” Jimmy said, tossing the accursed DVD into the large, half-full Public Storage box. “Twilight movies... thank Christ they're gone! Nicholas Sparks collection.. gone!”
“I'm really proud of you, Jimmy.” Rarity said. “You stood up for yourself admirably.”
“I wasn't standing up for myself.” Jimmy replied. “When she attacked you, I snapped. A sweetheart like you shouldn't have to take that. Besides, I had great backup.” He returned to the task at hand. “Edward Cullen doll... GONE!”
“She really wasn't worth it.” Rarity said.
“Just had a lot to get off my chest.” Jimmy replied. “She needed to hear all of it. Whether any of it will stick is another matter entirely.” He then looked at her. "And you, my friend, are worth it."
Jimmy finally reached the Hummels. The creepy, accursed Hummels.
“Hummels...” He gathered them up and set them on the coffee table. He then picked one up and “accidentally” dropped it. The limbs separated once it hit the ground.
“Oops.” Jimmy said in the driest, most deadpan manner possible.
“Jimmy!” Rarity scolded. “That was incredibly petty of you. Normally, I would say that makes you quite a little stalli- er, man...”
Rarity then grabbed the baseball bat that Jimmy kept near the door for defense. “...but considering who we're dealing with, I'll make an exception.”
With a “KIAI!!!” Rarity brought the bat down on the Hummels. Arms, legs and heads flew off as Rarity rained down blow after blow on the accursed statuettes as if she were wielding Thor's hammer. Jimmy stared in amazement as she finished her assault. All that was left was powder with the occasional arm and leg. A blue aura surrounded the mess as Rarity swept it into a Goodwill bag and handed it to Jimmy.
“When she gets here, tell her the 'bimbo' says hi.” Rarity said with a smirk, throwing down the bat.
“Where will you be?” Jimmy asked.
“In the shower.” Rarity replied. As she closed the bathroom door, Jimmy had this to say to himself.
“I think I'm in love.”
THE BEGINNING.