You Spank Photo Finish for Photographic Shenanigans (by Jarvy Jared)
While you could say you were enjoying all this “spanking” going around, you did find yourself feeling like you were missing out on a lot of what Equestria had to offer. The typical dangers and Pinkie’s rampant partying aside, you found yourself wanting to enjoy the more “peaceful” moments.
You found it surprising. A year ago, you’d be locked in your shack, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Now, a year later, you looked forward to each day. And while peaceful moments weren’t hard to come by, only a few of them really mattered.
In particular, you liked seeing things. Certain things. Small things, really, at least compared to other seeing material other ponies liked. Sometimes you’d stare outside your window, watching the pegasi roll the clouds in. That was a marvel in it of itself. Other times, you’d allow yourself a stroll through Ponyville, all the while noting how friendly most of the residents were.
But, if you had to be truly honest to yourself, there was one thing in particular that you desired the most. One thing that the ponies took for granted.
Today, you were planning on capturing that thing in its glory. It had taken a lot of thinking, contemplating, and planning to figure out the correct hour to get up. Twilight Sparkle (after much needed persuasion of the physical variety—double amount, actually) had helped enormously, providing for you a good amount of the facts and figures. Thank goodness Equish was a relatively easy language to understand.
As the alarm went off, you managed to work your way through your silent curses and initial feelings of regret to roll out of bed. Staring outside, you saw that the only light was a slowly lowering moon, coming from the eastern side of Ponyville. Upon seeing this, a smile stretched across your face; the time had arrived.
You grabbed your clothes, quickly slipping them on, before rushing down the stairs for a quick bite to eat. You ate quickly, despite knowing that there was still some time before the main event.
The dishes, you figured, could be cleaned later; right now, you needed to get out as fast as you could. You ran up the steps back to the bathroom, launching a massive barrage on your teeth that would give even Minuette some pause. You checked your second clock, seeing that nearly twenty minutes had passed. The cold cup of water kept you centered; you reflected on the timing and on your mission.
Spitting out the water and washing your face, you moved back to your room, where all your possessions lay. Really, it was all the stuff that had been gifted onto you; you hadn’t had much time to pack before you were dropped here in this weird land. Eyes darting left to right, you scanned the assortment of knick-knacks, paddy wacks, and knick-knack-paddy-wacks, searching for the one bag in particular. Eventually, you saw it, and rushed forward, grabbing it in your hand and opening it up.
Inside was a camera, and though crude and outdated by Earth standards, you had seen it in action too many times not to know that it could get the job done. The smile on your face widened.
You slung the bag around your shoulder, and ran out of the house in a woosh. (A literal woosh. You could hear the wind parting behind you, you swear up and down!)
You ran and ran, through the silent streets of Ponyville, not caring for any random onlookers. Your destination lay in sight; there was no time to stop to greet or explain. Dashing around square and the occasional triangle adobe, your feet hit hard ground before suddenly transitioning onto softer grass. Finally, you saw the destination.
A hill, at the edge of Ponyville. The highest hill, according to a trio of rambunctious fillies. And if their cuts and bruises were any hint, this was a valid claim. And that made it the perfect spot for your capture.
Reaching the peak, you paused. Just beyond the surrounding hills, you could see a faint, whitish outline. It was just as bright as the slowly lowering moon. You could already see the navy-blue sky transforming into morning purple.
“Excellent,” you say aloud. You bent down, and started to unpack.
Equestria may have been missing the necessary Industrial Revolution to jumpstart its technological superiority, but that didn’t mean it was a land of savages (that, really, was reserved for the Dragon Lands). Equestria had trains, flying hot air balloons, and even electricity in some places. With that in mind, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to see how the country even had what you were unpacking.
Laying on its side within the bag was your ECC: Equestrian Color Camera. It was much like the ones used during a certain country’s battle between brothers, with a square-pyramid esque structure being the “barrel” of the camera. Powder wasn’t needed, thankfully; to take the picture, it was a simple point-and-click (thanks to the several modifications Twilight had added in order to be sufficient for your human needs); the click, of course, being the faded-blue button on top. Because of it being a special camera, it was much larger than a pony’s.
More importantly was the fact that this was neither yours nor Twilight’s. It was, surprisingly enough, Pinkie’s, and you knew that that meant you had to take extra care of it.
In another life, you might have found it rather lackluster. Currently, though, you couldn’t help but marvel at how far Equestria had come without advancing so much technology-wise.
You shook your head, clearing your thoughts, before taking out the ECC. In three swift motions, you extended the tripod’s legs, and sat it straight up on the hill. You gazed through the viewfinder, still being able to see the object of your fascination in the distance. It would be a little while before you could capture it, so you decided to wait.
You moved away from the camera, a dumb smile on your face. For such an event, you’d wait as long as you needed to.
Ponyville began to wake up just as the ideal time was arriving. You could already hear various doors opening as the main market opened. With a glance back down the hill, you saw a certain, grey pegasus flying around dizzily, somehow managing to drop the mail at the correct location. A smile crossed your lips before fading—memories of her spanking were still quite vivid.
You looked back at the camera, then reached out and adjusted it; it had been slightly bent. Absentmindedly, you rubbed the side of it. Then you drummed your fingers against it. Your gaze darted to the left, seeing the moon vanish behind the hills.
Now was the time.
You stepped over your bag and bent behind the camera. Pressing the button lightly, you let the device focus on the space between the hills and sky. You had to squint as the serene whiteness that ponies welcomed filled a good amount of the viewfinder, but were nonetheless able to not go blind.
Okay… okay, okay. Calm down. Just keep a steady hand, and wait.
Your finger lay gently against the button, and slowed your breath. In a few more seconds, you’d see the white light become a beautiful combination of red, yellow, and orange, that would paint the sky and earth with a glorious palette. An anxious smile developed on your face.
Your finger sunk down, down, down, pushing ever slightly more against the button, just as your prophecy was about to be fulfilled.
And… here… we… go…
Your finger pushed down, just as you held your breath, waiting to hear the click of the button—
When, all of a sudden, you were blinded by some flashing light.
“Aha! Zere is ze amazing human zat Miss Rarity spoke of! Pose for me, human!”
“Ah! Agh!” You stumbled back, as a series of rapid-fire clicks brought with it even faster flashes. You tried to bring your hand to your eyes to cover them, but blinded as you were, you ended up slapping yourself upside the head. The mishap caused you to step back and trip over your bag, and you tumbled back. Your feet shot forward, hitting something hard with the heel of your foot. You didn’t even have a moment to figure out what that was, as your back crashed directly on the hill’s surface. The grass didn’t soften the blow.
“Ah, ze human has natural model instincts! Look at him pose for me! I shall entitle it, ‘Ze Torture of Survival!’”
Wait a second… you recognized that accent. It had to be—
“Agh! Son of a mother hubbard and her seven duck babies!” you cursed, as another blinding flash filled your vision.
“Vat? I am unfamiliar with zat phrase. Hmm, I shall have to consult vith my advisors on zis—” Her voice might have continued to ring, but it was replaced with the ringing in your head as another blinding flash occurred.
“Gah! Stop stop stop stop stop!” Frantically you kick your legs, and while you aren’t able to come in contact with anything, it at least seemed to pause the flashes. You rolled over onto your knees, covering your eyes with your arm. You slightly opened them, only to be met with several large, discolored, and opaque dots that filled most of your vision. You attempted to rub them away, but in doing so, your eyes only grew more irritated.
Despite your sudden and (hopefully) brief blindness, you managed to stand. This elicited a gasp from the perpetrator. “So the human can stand! Vat a surprise! Oh, I must take more and more—”
“I said stop!” you yelled, whirling on the pony.
You still couldn’t see clearly, but you knew who you were facing: Photo Finish, the most famous fashion photographer in all of Equestria, and currently, looking at you behind pink-filled goggles. Next to her, through your blurred vision, you could see a sort of pyramid-shape. You guessed it to be her camera.
“Yes! Just like that, and—”
“Gah!” You managed to throw your hands up and close your eyes at just the right moment, but the resulting flash nonetheless made you disoriented.
“Oh, and I simply must get a good look at what you’re wearing! Zis… ragged attire; perfect for ze next magazine title!”
“No, wait—argh!” Another flash, and this time, you weren’t quite fast enough to dodge it.
“And another!”
“Agh!”
“Another!”
“Yeargh!”
“Another—”
You wanted to yell at her to stop; your eyes could only take so much! Only… the words that came out of your mouth… weren’t those.
“Why are you using so much flash?!”
“Vat?”
For a moment, you weren’t sure what either of you said. But seeing as how Photo Finish wasn’t, at the moment, causing your eyes to gorge themselves, you quickly steadied yourself.
“Vat do you mean, why am I using flash?” Photo Finish huffed. “I must get every curve, every contortion, every mark, on ze model’s body! Only ze flashiest vill let me see everything!”
“Did it even occur to you that I didn’t plan on being your model today?! And that’s not what you use flash for—”
You stopped mid-sentence, mind (pun not intended) flashing with memories of minutes before. Slowly, you turned, looking to where your camera had been.
It wasn’t there.
You remembered hitting something, and you felt your stomach sink with dread. “Vat are you doing?” Photo Finish asked. You ignored her, half-stumbling back up the hill.
“Oh, no… no, no, no!”
The slope was a graveyard of camera parts. Your kick had been the stepping stone; the fall, the ultimate killer. Your camera lay at the bottom of the hill, shattered into bits and pieces of metal and wood. The lens’s “scope” was in ruins, with a large hole poking out the side. Your eyelid twitched involuntarily.
“Vat?” You were aware of Photo Finish suddenly beside you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw that she had a frown on her face. “Vat is that?”
“That,” you said, between harsh breaths, “was… my camera…”
“Vat? That was a camera? No! That was not a camera; that was an abomination!”
Your eyelid twitched again, and you bit your tongue hard.
“It was… specifically designed… so that I could use it.”
You looked up, and your shoulders sagged. “I missed it…”
“Missed what?”
“The sun!” you suddenly shouted. “I was trying—before you came along and messed things up—to capture it in all its morning glory!” You pointed a finger out at the glowing orb in the sky. “And now I won’t be able to for a long time!”
“Vat? That’s it?” She harrumphed, and you could already picture her throwing her hair back. “Oh, pish-posh, human. Far worse tragedies happen in the world of fashion. Now, come! Ve must continue our photo shoot!”
All of a sudden, you were aware of a rushing sound going through your mind, like some sort of river. Then, the dots in front of you were replaced with a gush of red. You blinked, and they were gone; but the feeling wasn’t.
Your body trembled, in frustration, in indignation, in fury. Your fists clenched and tightened. You tried to keep yourself calm by slowing your breathing.
“Ah, yes! Your anger… it inspires me! And… pose!”
The moment the camera clashed, something snapped inside of you.
“You… blue… idiot!” you shouted, whirling back around. The sudden movement caused Photo Finish to jump, but she managed to take another needlessly-flashed-photo right in your face. You yelled and clawed at your eyes, but managed to force yourself to see through the pain.
You reached out and made to grab Photo Finish’s body, but she somehow darted out of the way. Instead, you fell forward onto her camera. The hard top hit your chin, and you were aware of your tongue being caught between your teeth. Pain filled your mouth faster than you could register. You pulled back, clutching your mouth, and felt something warm and wet spill down your chin.
“Ah! You have a natural model’s mindset! The terror… the anger! It is inspiring! Pose again!”
“Wise guy—Aagh!”
Another flash, but this time you were facing just the right amount away so that you weren’t completely blinded. In your random, sporadic flailing, your hands latched onto two things: Photo Finish herself, and her camera. You threw your arms around, hearing her gasp in surprise.
“Oho! The human has a fiery heart, and an even hotter spirit!”
Your vision began to clear up, and you were suddenly presented with an enormously shocking sight.
Photo Finish lay on her stomach, her rump facing up towards you. She didn’t even seem the least inclined to get back up. Your gaze mechanically shifted to your other hand, where you held the camera.
“Now, be a good human, and give me zat camera, vould you?”
Your eyes moved from the camera, back to Photo Finish, to the camera, and back again. Your arm tensed.
You weren’t sure why you did it, or how it even came to mind. In hindsight, it made no sense in and out of context. It was almost as if you were at the whim of some random fanfiction author. Either way, you acted in the completely and only rational way you could.
Swinging your arm, you spanked Photo Finish’s bottom with the flat end of the camera.
“Ack! Vat are you doing, human!”
You did it again, eliciting another “ack!” from the pony. “That’s for messing up my picture!”
Thwack!
“Ack!”
“That’s for nearly making me go goddamn blind!”
Thwack!
“Ack!”
“And that’s for not knowing not to use flash when you’re in a heavily brightened area!”
Thwack!
“Ack!”
“Now say you’re sorry!”
Thwack!
“Ack…”
“Are you sorry yet?!”
Thwack!
“Oogh…”
“Say it!”
Thwack!
“Ugh!”
Thwack!
“Ah! Ah!”
Thwack!
“Ah! Yes!”
You didn’t pause, but you did think, Is it just me, or does she sound like she’s enjoying this?
Thwack!
“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!”
Oh…
“Stop!” Thwack! “Getting!” Thwack! “Excited!” Thwack!
“Ah! V-vonderful! Yes, keep… keep going!”
If you had half a mind, you would have stopped then and there. But you couldn’t. Your arm acted of its own accord, swinging back and forth, back and forth. Each hit left a pinkish-red imprint on the blue behind. It was almost desperate in nature; as if you wished that, for each harder hit, it would get Photo Finish to stop.
Sadly, as it turned out, ponies with accents were notoriously long-lasting, and you couldn’t do much other than unintentionally fulfill her dirty desires.
“You okay, man?”
“Shut up, Spike.”
“Ookay? I’ll just… go over there, how’s that?”
You didn’t nod at the drake as he left. Your finger swirled around the cup of ice tea he had given you. Your eyes were wide and bloodshot, and you couldn’t stop thinking about what had just transpired three hours before.
“Oh, yes, human! Hit me harder! Finish on my photo!”
You clenched your eyes shut. Equestria wasn’t always the most peaceful place, you reminded yourself, but that only meant that some messed up shit was always nearby.
Well… maybe, if I’m lucky, I’d have taught that pony a valuable lesson in photography. Don’t mess up the picture for the photographer.
“Anon! You Pinkie Promised you’d return the camera! Where is it?!”
Rather than scream, you let out a sigh as you heard the speedy clopping of pink hooves rapidly approach. May Death engulf me peacefully, you thought, just as that pink filled your vision.
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Disclaimer: the author of this chapter holds nothing against Photo Finish.
Awesome chapters, you are doing a amazing job. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
7750562 Thanks for reading!
I am actually contemplating writing a few chapters of this, just for fun. My list of possibilities are as follows:
Rainbow Dash (for SO many reasons)
Gilda (for making Fluttershy cry)
Chrysalis (for being evil and dopey)
Iron Will (for not clarifying the difference between standing up for one's self and being a bully)
Sombra (for enslaving the Crystal Ponies and being evil)
Tirek (for stealing magic and not listening to his brother, Scorpan)
7756526 Feel free to choose whomever you want to punish and whatever you wish to punish them for (or with
). Check out THIS GROUP if you want to contribute.
more
8671324
Now what about for those of us who have ideas, but are too lazy to write or can't word right, would it still be possible?
8671324
Are you still accepting ideas? Cause if so, I "could" make an attempt here, maybe.
9022875
If you're still interested:
LINK