To any human that has found this book, I hope that you never have to experience the events that I did as I was ripped from our world and into this one. If you do end up in Equestria then hopefully this book can help you in your attempts to integrate into the new world that you have arrived into. The fact that you are reading this in the first place shows that you have the time and dedication needed to translate Equestrian into English (most likely using the convenient translation guide in the back of the book). This book may just save your life.

To any ponies reading this book. I ask that you enjoy the experience of witnessing your own culture through the eyes of an alien. A being from a world vastly different from the one you know. Don't worry though, I mean no harm. Like you, I am just a pony struggling to find a place in this world. If my experience makes it easier for another then it is my duty to share it with the world. You might even enjoy your time reading it.

Blank Slate never imagined the events that would occur after writing a semi-successful book. Most of his readers never imagined that the book was autobiographical.

"Humans.... Quite possibly the most infuriating mythical creatures in existence. If you ever have the 'luck' to meet a Human in your travels across Equestria, then you must be careful. Humans are extremely powerful creatures, some would say more so than Celestia or Luna, they are also more unpredictable than Discord. They can help you in a tight spot if you're lucky, or play nasty tricks on you if you don't hold the Human's favor. In my time I've seen a Human give a filly pounds upon pounds of gold, and the same one turn greedy ponies into gold. The only one I ever have seen 'face-to-face' was in my earlier years, he helped me repair my wagon when it broke down in Everfree Forest, by fix I mean a whole new one appeared not ten feet away, and the only thing the Human asked for in return was a spindle.... But be warned, never anger a Human, a trick or two in fair game is fine, but if you ever manage to truly anger a Human...... you'll be part of the small number ever to meet non-existence." - Star-Swirl the Bearded.

A silly nonsensical story, not to be taken seriously. Some chapters are not connected to others.

A hidden museum rests in the Canterlot palace, by law open to the public, by practice closed to visitors. Within its walls lie treasures of opal and gemstones, salt and wood. Shelves filled with untouched scrolls line the walls.

It is here that Luna pays her respects to Equestria's fallen heroes. Why, then, is it against her sister's wishes?

This story is a sequel to Princess Celestia is in your bed.

It's hard to get rid of a sun goddess when she doesn't want to be gotten rid of.

Reading the prequel is highly recommended. Find Chapter 3 here!
Rated teen for mild language.
Now with audio reading by MelancholyIguana
Cover art by SilFoe.

Twelve thousand years ago, humanity was driven into a war with an unknown enemy. Fire rained from the heavens and the sky turned dark as the sun dimmed. Acid poured from the clouds and a plague was unleashed upon mankind: A virus that caused men to turn on one another. A disease that forced man to fall to his knees and beg for mercy. A pathogen that ravaged man’s civilization.

And when humanity lost all chances of reconciliation, all hope of keeping their loved ones safe, they pulled the plug, three hundred souls left Earth while sacrificing their only home to the angel of the enemy.

In the twelve millennia since the Great War, all traces of humanity have been wiped from the surface of the Earth. In man’s rightful place now are a multitude of sapient species. For twelve thousand years, these animals have lived in peace and harmony, man reduced to nothing more than but a myth, a folk tale, a legend.

But word has spread across the countryside. Word of forgotten beasts that still walk the western wastelands. Creatures able to bend the world to their will without the help of magic. Creatures said to be older than time itself.

Teen for language, and dark moments. Character tags will be added as the story progresses

Fluttershy has a new job!

...and it's commanding the Imperial Super Star Destroyer "Executor" at the Battle of Endor.

No one in particular appreciates this.

A Star Wars crossover fic commissioned by Shoggoth. Special thanks to Propmaster.