The Human's Guide to Equestria

by Siras-chi

The Interview

Two weeks. Two weeks had passed since Blank Slate had told his publishers that he would be open to being interviewed about his book. One week had passed since his publishers gave him a time and a place. In one hour, Blank Slate would be asked speak about himself.

“Relax, Blank Slate, this isn’t the first time you’ve been interviewed,” said Major Key as he helped to prepare Blank Slate for his interview. “And would you stop fidgeting and let me tie your stupid tie?”

“I’m sorry, Major Key. I’m just nervous.” The constant pacing back and forth over the past hour had been a good sign of that. What if the interviewer didn’t like his answers? What if they decided to cancel at the last moment? What if it turned out that the the entire fate of Equestria somehow hinged on his actions tonight?

“You’re doing it again.” Blank Slate froze as he tried to calm down from another panic attack. “That’s the third one today, Blank Slate. You’re going to be fine, trust me. And when have I ever been wrong?” Major Key put on the most charismatic smile he could manage as he finished correcting Blank Slate’s tie - again.

“You’ve been wrong plenty of times, Major Key.” The familiar banter helped calm the anxious unicorn. “There was the time you convinced me to levitate you around the house, the time that you swore that you found a way into the private sections of Canterlot Castle, that awkward date you set me up on - should I list some more?”

“No, I get the point” Fortunately for Major Key, his dark fur prevented Blank Slate from seeing the red flush of embarrassment that crept up his cheeks. A quick glance at the clock showed that the time for banter was over anyway. “Come on, it’s time to be on the radio.” Major Key could see Blank Slate’s nerves taking hold of him again as they left for the studio. As a last ditch attempt to calm him down, Major Key held Blank Slate with his wing as they walked.

Unfortunately for Blank Slate, his light fur made it easy for Major Key to see his blush. “You’re gonna give ponies the wrong idea about us.” Blank Slate mumbled as he walked in his friend’s embrace.

“Let them talk Doe, you know I don’t care. Besides, you’re not pulling away.” It was true. If anypony cared to notice, it would seem that Blank Slate was even leaning into the wing hold. He couldn’t help it really; even when they were young, Blank Slate would calm down when Major Key held him like this.

“Thanks, Riff Raff.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind it.”

---

In a plain apartment in Manehattan, a radio was playing: background noise for cleaning day.

“You’re tuning in to Equestrian Public Radio. Bringing you the news of the nation. Today in entertainment news: we have the founding of four brand-new buckball teams leading to discussions about an official, national league to be formed; the location for next year’s Equestria Games has been narrowed down to two cities; and to start the show today we have our reporter Bright Eyes speaking with an up-and-coming author.”

“Thank you, Easy Anchor. This is Bright Eyes, reporting live from the Crystal Empire. Here with me today is Dr. Blank Slate, author of The Human’s Guide to Equestria. How are you today, Blank Slate?”

At the word human, a mare stopped cleaning. The radio that was once background noise now held her rapt attention.

“I’ll admit, I’m nervous. I’ve never been on the radio before. I was wearing a hole in my house from pacing back and forth.”

Blank Slate’s voice was familiar to the mare, despite never having heard it before. It was so similar to the voice that haunted her dreams and graced her nightmares.

“I actually get that from a lot of the ponies I interview. So, let’s start with something easy. What inspired you to write this book?”

“There were two main ideas behind it. The first was a thought experiment: how would somepony from a world so different from this one react to being pulled into it? The second idea that went into this book was based off dreams I had when I was younger. In fact, in a lot of ways this character’s life is based off of my own. Write what you know, right?”

It was a lie. No. It was The Lie. The same lie that the mare had told herself as a foal. The same lie she told herself when she couldn’t remember her name in the morning, or when the face in the mirror wasn’t the face she expected to see upon waking up. That it was all just a dream.

“True, but I get the sense that there’s something more to it. In your book, you talk about wild magic frequently. Now, I’m no mage, but isn’t the concept wild magic currently being debated by the top scholars of the country? What led you to using it as one of your main talking points?”

“The fact that wild magic’s existence is debated right now is one of the reasons I used it in the book. I needed something unpredictable in order to bridge the two worlds. It also gives the main character a reason to do things. In fa…”

The interview continued on for another half hour. Blank Slate was questioned on details that hadn’t made into the book, and with each answer the mare became more certain that he knew far more than he was saying. She had to speak with him. She had to know how he knew so much about humans. She had to know if he knew about the other person in her dreams. She had to know if this Blank State was the man she loved a lifetime ago.

Please let it be him, or let it be a coincidence.

The mare couldn’t tell which she’d prefer.

Tomorrow, Astrid would head to the Crystal Empire.

---

That night, a man and a woman shared the most beautiful nightmares and the most terrible dreams.

Author's Note:

And thus the editor has graced us with their presence and improved upon my silly pony words

Comments

[Mix-up]

Interesting, it seems that their might be other former humans in the neighborhood then we first expected and this one might just actually know him, or at least she seems to hope so. I wonder if they will start making a human gathering convention after that, or other weirdos that might go bug Slate later on. Looking forward to the next chapter.

[badninja]

So we have another human possibly. I wonder how their foalhood went and just what is happening in these dreams?

[Raistlin]

8466287

Not sure if publishing the guide as fiction was a good idea. Next time a foal claims to be a human trapped in a equine body the caretakers will simple point the book and say the kid has too much imagination.

[Canary In The Coal Mine]

8466372

Considering they said that before the book, to both the humans so far, it's not a detriment. Plus, reading the book, realizing that the author knows what they are talking about, gives a starting point. Like, for instance, sending the author a letter.

[Mix-up]

8466372
I wouldn't get pass some ponies trying out that trick, but I think most ponies would be quickly dismissed or caught by medical professionals for tying to do that trick. Making up a language would be had, so it shouldn't be difficult to guess if it's a trick or not. I would imagine that ponies can't pronounce all the human words either so I don't think Slate could easily know what they are saying is human or not, but he could at least hear a pattern in the words, and I would be surprised that there are people of speaking other languages wouldn't be a possibility either. But I had more in mind that their would start to had conventions gathering about humans. I wonder what sort of fanfiction would emerge from that story alone.

On that subject I wonder if Slate had ever tried to find other former human around Equestria, it should be a lot of research to look over medical files manually from one medical center to another, prier to the book's publication. Still being a medical specialist he could hear rumors very easily about odd foals.

I wonder what his treatment was like about his human delusions?

[ferret]

you swore that you found away into the private sections

Ooh dear, so Blank Slate was right. That's even more troubling than if he's just nuts, because what did happen, to cause humans to be reborn in Equestria? How many humans? Is it still happening? Are ponies getting whisked away from Equestria in this way?

Please let it be him, or let it be a coincidence.

The mare couldn’t tell which she’d prefer.

Tomorrow, Daring Do would head to the Crystal Empire.

[Siras-chi]

8467230
How’d we miss that? It’s fixed now. Anyway.

You also made me think that my editor stuck Daring Do in when I wasn’t looking. You cheeky ferret.

[ferret]

8467241
They're both in the fiction section! It could have been a thing!