The Human's Guide to Equestria

by Siras-chi

Game Night

“So you’re a former human too, eh?” Major Key asked, as he graciously shared his pizza with the other two. “Darn, for a moment I thought Blank Slate had brought a mare over without telling me.” It was with well honed reflexes that the pegasus was able to dodge the pillow his friend threw at him.

“He knows? Is he also human?” Astrid asked her host between bites. It was rude to talk while chewing, after all.

“No, he’s just my best friend from foalhood.” Blank Slate stated as he was eating his slice. The pizza was too good to stop eating long enough to talk. “I told him about Earth when we were colts and he’s always believed me.”

Major Key chose that moment to tackle hug his life long companion, “You’re my friend, how could I not believe you? Besides, Blank Slate here was always a terrible liar. Remind me to tell you about the book case incident.”

The blush growing on Blank Slate’s face was increasingly obvious. “I thought we agreed never to talk about that.” Blank Slate whined.

“Exactly, we agreed to never talk about it. Nothing was said about one of us talking about it with somepony else.” Major Key always enjoyed making Blank Slate blush. His pale fur did nothing to hide his bright red cheeks. “On another subject, I ran into Crystal when I was getting food. She wanted to know if you had delivered that form like you said you would.”

The blank look on Blank Slate’s face said more than enough. “Astrid, Major Key; will you excuse me for a bit while I run an errand? Help yourselves to anything in the fridge, if you want. Major Key knows where everything is. I’ll be right back,” He rushed out the door before he even finished getting his vest on.

Astrid looked over when she heard the pegasus next to her laugh. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at him, I just can’t help it when he gets flustered like that. It’s adorable.” Astrid had been watching the short interactions between the two. It was obvious that Major Key cared for his friend, but she felt that there was something more there.

“This might be personal, but are you two ehhh…” Astrid wasn’t entirely sure how to phrase her question. It mostly devolved into hoof gestures implying togetherness and camaraderie. Well, that or anxiety. Growing up around griffins gave Astrid both an appreciation for gesturing while speaking most Equestrians lack, and an inability to reliably gesture. She forgot that she didn’t have talons or fingers surprisingly often; a surprising amount of physical language did not translate well when conveyed with hooves.

Fortunately, Major Key understood exactly what she meant to ask. It was one of the two questions most ponies asked him shortly after meeting him, after all. “No, we aren’t together. I will admit that I wish we were though.” Major Key said forlornly. His entire face drooped with sadness. “It’s possible that it could have happened a long time ago, if not for one thing. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been obsessed with the woman of his dream.” Major Key’s face grew serious.

“Oh.” Astrid said softly. As afraid as she was to admit, it was entirely possible that she was the woman Blank Slate dreamt of. Just as he was the man in her dreams. She wasn’t entirely sure how to react to Major Key’s statement, so the two sat in silence for a time.

“Know that I’m only going to say this once,” Astrid looked back at Major Key as he began to speak again. “I’m not afraid to say that I would give up my wing for him. If you’re lying about being human, or if you hurt him in any way, I will do everything I can to return the favor.” Astrid knew the severity behind the stallion’s words. She remember how her siblings felt whenever they were grounded for any reason. No griffin or pegasus would sacrifice their wings willingly except in the most dire of circumstances.

“I understand, and I swear by Moon and by Sun that I tell the truth. May storms hinder all my travels should my vows prove false.” Astrid declared. If Blank Slate truly was the man of her dreams, then she could never hurt him.

Suddenly, a smile found it’s way back onto Major Key’s face. “Alright, enough seriousness for now. Want to hear some embarrassing stories about Blank Slate?” His jovial nature was infectious.

“Sure.” Astrid had decided to trust Blank Slate already, what was one more pony in her life?

---

When Blank Slate returned to hear laughter ringing through his apartment, he suspected that he was going to regret leaving Astrid alone with Riff Raff. Seeing them sharing his cider didn’t help matters.

“Hey, Doe! I was just telling our friend here about our school days together,” Riff Raff exclaimed from the couch.

“Did you really try and blame your cat for getting Major Key stuck on the roof?” Astrid managed to ask through an intense bout of debilitating chuckles.

“To be fair, I still wasn’t perfectly fluent, and I meant to say that he climbed a nearby tree. I realize now how equally impossible that is.” Astrid and Riff Raff’s laughter doubled in volume at that. After all, it is incredibly difficult to climb a tree with hooves.

“Anyway, guess what happened while I was out?” Blank Slate said as he took a cider from the fridge. He also checked if there was any more pizza.

Curiosity eventually won out over the laughter. The two ponies sitting on the couch urged Blank Slate to continue. “A messenger from the castle found me. Told me that Princess Cadance wanted to speak with me sometime tomorrow.”

“What about?” Astrid asked. She didn’t know much about the princesses, but Princess Cadance was technically in charge of education. In a way, that made the princess her boss. Then again, there were rumors that the newest princess wanted to take over the education system.

“No idea. Probably just to check on how my clients are doing. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s asked about it.” In fact, Blank Slate had met with Princess Cadance irregularly in the past. She always tried to ask about is love life when they met. Blank Slate didn’t quite understand why; it’s one thing to care about your subject’s mental health, but it’s another thing to try and get everypony they meet to fall in love.

“Anyway, now that Blank Slate is back, game night can really begin!” Major Key declared. What followed was a night of laughter, joy, and gaming. Morning would find all three passed out on Blank Slate’s overly sized bed.

Author's Note:

All Chapters made better through the magic of editing.

Comments

[AcrossTheCosmoz]

Why do I get the feeling that they're going to keep trying to address the human issue, only to get interrupted every single time they try?

[nighters]

haha, ponies and their magic and how much they get involved in random lives an issue they try to solve in one go is a bit... much. cutie mark map magic to feel love dream watcher future sight so much cuddling! but it nice but sometimes.... no wonder there no common sense sometimes

[Queensarrow]

How likely is it that Cadence is going to ask Blank Slate about humans, especially if Twilight told her about the world behind the Mirror?

[Siras-chi]

8538857
.
..
...
what?

[Mix-up]

This was an interesting chapter not much happening, but still.

[badninja]

8538666

Probably. I can see this not being a fun conversation especially when Astrid is found out.

Also I love your avatar!

[nighters]

8538921
ah when a pony unhappy magic and ponies have a way to be involved in everything and then it works out if you work together type of things like the princesses and the element bearer are like guidance counselors with there magic and connection almost

[Bast]

8538921
i’ve read that abhorrent garbled mess of words several times and i am still having trouble understanding what the person is trying to say x3. great chapter by the way as well! Makes me want to put on my shipping goggles and let sail the USS Blank Slate Herd with all three of them <3

[ferret]

Worry not, everypony. I have taken a correspondence course in Ramble.
8538857

Ponies and their magic, sheesh. They get so involved with random people's lives, and they always try solve every issue in one go. From Cutie Map magic, to Love Spreading magic, from dream watching to future sight, sometimes they can be a bit much! It's no wonder common sense doesn't seem to exist in Equestria.

8539161

When someone is unhappy, magic and ponies always become involved. With magic involved, it all works out, if you work together. The Princesses, and the Element Bearers are like guidance counselors, but with powerful magic, and a connection to almost everything that happens in Equestria.

[The Watcher Face]

Cadance smells the love.

[Mix-up]

Any signs of life still there?

[Siras-chi]

8797883
Yes. I do still have plans to continue. I just haven't written anything other than outlines. I really do want to make sure this has an ending though

[Stormsilver]

8797883

I keep telling him to write things. He just won't listen. Maybe if other people start bugging him, it'll work?

[PonKing]

8800140
Poke

[Fistfire]

you left me hanging! not cool man, not cool.