Chapter 7: Touchdown
It was around two o’clock in the morning when a massive meteorite flew over the slumbering town of Saddleston. The once quiet night was quickly thrown into mayhem as the local populous sprung into panic. Pieces of debris detached from the massive object and fell upon the edges of town. The metallic detritus crashed into trees and farms, ruining the town's crops and outer dwellings. The damage caused by the force of the smaller objects' collisions knocked over lamps and candles that in turn created towering fires that engulfed homes. Townsfolk ran amok while the sheriff and his deputies attempted to maintain order, demanding for stallions to get to the wells to gather water and put out the fires around town.
As the burning object sped over the town it never smashed into the ground. There was no collision, no explosion, nothing, it had stopped moving. Just above the panic filled town, the meteorite had stopped falling, the massive flames that had once enveloped it like a warm blanket dissipating into the air. In its place hovered a long metal vessel. The object resembled a whale, the head starting off wide and fat, but as it drew closer to the center it began to taper in, it then broke apart into two separate sections that weren't connected. These sections led to massive vents that held a blue hue to them, while the entire object cast out a dim light, allowing those in the distance to see it clearly. The belly of the beast generated a noise louder than anything the townsfolk had ever heard. On its stomach were these humongous fans that roared louder than thunder, the blades spun so fast that one would be hard pressed to make out a single blade.
Despite how big they were, each of these parts created a loud humming noise that made every citizen in Saddleston stop what they were doing and gaze upwards in awe. They saw lights shining from upon the skin the beast: red, white, and green. Mouths fell open when the flying monstrosity began to move, tilting forward and slowly drifting across the sky.
Even the ponies that were previously busy fighting the fire dropped their buckets and watched as this vessel moved towards Mount Neighson. But looking closely, the ponies of Saddleston noticed something; the object was losing altitude, and quickly too. It hadn’t stopped falling at all, instead it was only slowing itself. the fans were slowing the vessel down and keeping it from crashing into the town.
A fire erupted out of two of the spinning machines, which were then followed up with a multitude of explosions and a squealing whine as it slowly came to a halt. All townsfolk present jolted and yelped as they were brought back to reality. The metal being looked to be in bad shape. The once bluish metal was charred and the ponies could see holes in parts of its sides. It began to lose altitude even faster than it previously had been due to the halted blade. Before anyone could see the aftermath though, the vessel disappeared behind the mountain.
A small tremor shook the town.
:[-]:
It had been two hours since Princess Luna and her platoon of bat-pony guards left Canterlot to chase after the meteorite. The moon was setting just over one of the western mountains as Her Highness and her troops neared the town of Saddleston. They landed just on the outskirts upon first sight of the damage that had been caused, already the residents had doused the roaring flames that consumed the outer farms and houses. The families that had lived in those homes now sat outside, weeping while their kin dug through the wreckage, trying to retrieve any valuables that had not been destroyed.
“What a painful sight to behold,” Luna mumbled lightly under her breath. While they walked, she watched a small family of three searching amongst the rubble of what had once been their home. The mother and father dug at a hurried pace with their small filly sobbing on the sidelines.
“Is something wrong, Princess?” One of her guards asked.
Luna glanced over, feeling a pang of sadness as the filly continued to weep. “You stallions keep on moving into the town, help anypony that is in need.”
“What about the unidentified object?” The guard asked with a raised eyebrow.
“These ponies are in need of our help, and it is our duty to help those who are in need of assistance.” Luna replied as she turned away and broke off from the ranks.
“Princes Luna, where are you going?”
“I have my own matters to attend to.”
Stopping short behind the crying filly, Luna got to her knees and wrapped a wing around the foal. “Do not cry, little one,” Luna said to the pony, causing her to jolt in surprise at the unexpected statement.
The filly looked up at the night princess and gasped in disbelief. “Pri- Princess Luna?” She said in between hiccups.
“Yes child, it is me, I’ve come here to help those who are in need of assistance.” Luna smiled. “Now tell me, what is making you weep?”
The filly sniffed and looked over at the wreckage. “I lost my friend Lily.”
Luna’s heart instantly sank into the dirt, but she remained regal and kept a straight face. “She kept me safe at night from the monster out in the forest,” The filly continued, “and whenever it comes near our home I’d hold her to my chest and sing the song my mommy taught me.”
Releasing a nervously quiet sigh, Luna could take comfort in the fact that the filly wasn’t talking about another pony, but instead a toy. However, that didn’t stop her from wondering what the filly was talking about. “I dunno what we’re going to do,” the filly went on, “without Lily the monster is going to come tonight, and it’s going to take me and my parents away...” The filly began to sob again.
“Now, now, my little filly, there is no need to worry. I’ll help you find your Lily.” Luna assured her as she tightened her wing around the filly and held her in a warm hug. After a few moments Luna unfolded her wing from around the filly and stood up. “Where was the last place you had seen your Lily?”
“She was with me and my dad back in the forest by Ripples Stream just before the giant flying thing came... I would go back and get her but I’m afraid the monster will get me.” The filly whined, sinking down onto her belly, lowering her head into the grass in fear.
“If I go with you to search for Lily, would you still be scared?” Luna asked.
The filly had to think about this for a moment before shaking her head no. Luna smiled and got back onto her knees. “Climb onto my back and show me where to go little one.”
The filly once again looked back towards the wreckage where her parents worked without end. “What about my parents?”
Luna followed her gaze towards the two digging ponies, she smiled. “I’ll notify them before we go.”
:[-]:
Under the thick leaves of the trees the forest was nearly pitch black, nopony could see more than five hoof steps from where they stood. Luna and a pair of her guards, along with the filly, whose name she learned to be Violet, cautiously traversed along the forest floor. The only sources of light that they had was a lantern carried by one of the guards, and the glow from Luna’s lit horn.
“How far are we from your Lily?” Luna asked in a whisper.
“We’re close, I can hear the stream...” Violet whimpered at the end of her answer. She was never fond of the forest. Even with most of the wildlife being friendly towards the residents of Saddleston, she still couldn’t get over her fear of being alone in the forest. Especially after dark.
“Princess, I think I can see a clearing up ahead,” One of her bat pony guards said as he quickened his pace.
Stepping out into the bright moonlit clearing, Luna could see a pretty sparkling stream that trickled down from the mountain and along the rocks. “Oh my, this place is gorgeous,” she said under her breath. Her eyes lingered over the glistening stones and she gazed up at the lone pink flowering tree that was overhanging a part of the pond. Petals blew off the tree and drifted through the wind until they settled on the softly flowing stream.
“There she is!” Violet squealed with a sudden joy that nearly made Luna jump out of her coat. Violet leapt off Luna’s back and onto the smooth stones below, then scampered off towards a large rock at the edge of the stream. At its base Luna could just make out the outline of a small toy. Violet quickly snatched it up off the ground and held it closely to her chest. Luna couldn’t hear her but she could see Violet’s lips moving as she spoke to the toy.
When Violet finally pulled the toy away from her chest, she looked over her shoulder and beamed at the princess. She then hopped back onto her hooves and ran to her, only to wrap her forelegs around Luna’s leg. “Thank you princess!” She beamed.
Luna giggled. “I’m glad I could be of assistance to you Violet. Now come on, hop on my back and I’ll take you back home–” Luna immediately regretted her choice of words. How could she be so inconsiderate?
Violet cringed, her lips cascading down into a frown at the memory of her home being burnt to a crisp.. “Forgive me, Violet,” Luna quickly apologized, “That was not right of me to say.” Luna levitated the filly off the ground and gently onto her back.
“I-it’s alright, as long as Lily isn’t angry.” The filly mumbled quietly, her head hung low as she curled up into a small ball between Luna’s wings. “You aren’t angry, right Lily?”
Luna felt terrible that she had slipped up, taking a deep breath she took a step forward. Only to stop at the snap of nearby twig. “Your highness, we have movement!” One of the guards shouted, quickly unsheathing his sword while the second guard shined his lantern light onto the bushes on the other side of the stream.
The ponies fell silent, nothing could be heard save for the gentle sound of water splashing against the rocks. Luna eyed the bushes on the other side closely, but she couldn’t see a thing. The only light she had was her moon’s rays and her horn, due to the thickness of the trees lantern’s light did little but illuminate more than three hoof lengths ahead. “It may have just been a critter,” said the lantern guard, “maybe just a wee little rabbit.” He chuckled.
“Then how about you go over and have look then, Shade?” The other mumbled past the sword in his mouth.
“That will not be necessary Greaves,” Luna said. “Let us drop the little one off first, and then we shall carry on with my sister’s orders.”
The two bat ponies looked at Luna and nodded their heads. They turned their backs to where the sound was previously heard and began heading back to the town. Violet, however, kept her eyes focused on the area where the twig had been snapped, and as they began to enter the tree line, an unrecognizable sound erupted out from behind bushes on the other side of the stream.
The sound blasted their ear drums, it sounded like rain pounding relentlessly against cobblestone. All members of the party, especially the filly, cried out in fear and quickly whirled around to see what it was. Just as Luna’s gaze landed on the bushes, the sound ended as quickly as it began and was followed up with a “bleep” that also fell into the silence. Again, Luna couldn’t see a thing in the darkness, but her heart was racing. She had never heard anything like that before. Was this the monster that Violet had been talking about?
“Alright,” Shade snarled as he draped the lantern over one of his wings and unsheathed his sword. “I’ve had enough of this.” He began to approach the opposite tree line. “Show yourself!”
“Shade,” Luna said her voice filled with trepidation.
“Don’t worry princess.” He reassured her, glancing back. “I got this–”
“Shadewood, you stop this right now, I’m ordering you!”
Shadewood stopped in his tracks in the middle of the stream, confused at the sudden fright in Her majesty’s voice. Taking his eyes off of her, his head slowly began to turn back towards the tree line, his eyes blinded for a moment by a small red light coming out of the overgrowth. As a matter of fact, there were multiple red lights peering through the leaves, all of the them trained on him. Peering down at his chest, he noticed a red dot marked on his right foreleg, two others on his chest, one on his sword and the last in between his eyes.
Another bleep came from behind the bushes followed up by the sound of something quietly grumbling. Luna was scared now. “Shadewood, I want you to back up very slowly. Whatever it is that is in there, it’s very territorial!”
Shade didn’t say a word, instead he nodded his head quickly and began to back up. Slowly, Shade inched his way back towards the princess. While doing so he sheathed his sword, never taking his eyes off the bushes. Doing this seemed to ease the tension between him and whatever was behind the leaves, as Shade began to notice the red dots disappearing from his body.
Luna heard a bleep and some more grumbling. Once Shadewood was back by her side, silence once again encased them. Suddenly another indescribable sound exploded out of the bushes causing the ponies to flinch. They could hear something or somethings snarling and moving about behind the tree line, whatever it was. It was coming out to greet to them.
:[-]:
William, for some unknown reason, was sitting down in a backyard with his back snug up against a lawn chair and his vision obscured by the sun’s warm rays. Raising a hand up, he shielded his eyes from the crisp clear sky. Realizing his left hand was cold and wet, he moved his gaze to his hand and noticed he was holding a glass of ice tea with a straw and a lime wedge.
William was now officially confused. Laughter came from his right and he jolted in his seat, nearly spilling his drink. That was no ordinary laughter. No. It was a child’s laugh, but not just one. looking up from his drink, William saw a small group of three children hopping on a trampoline. How did he not hear them before? William’s eyes remained locked on the children, not even the slightest of sounds made him take his attention off of them. The sight alone of three playing kids, happy and smiling nearly brought the lone scruff soldier to tears.
William hadn’t seen a child in how long? Eight years? And that wasn’t counting his time aboard the ship. At the beginning of the war children were the first to go next to the unhealthy. Their small, weak, and frail bodies weren’t able to fight the virus or even the infected individuals. Only families that were able to flee from the major cities or defend themselves till they reached the shelters were able to save their kids.
His eyes remained on the children until he felt someone’s arms wrapping around his chest, startling him back to reality.
William jolted in his seat, nearly spilling his drink again. “Easy there, soldier.” He heard the familiar voice of a woman laugh.
William glanced over his shoulder and came face to face with a woman staring down at him. The woman was smiling at him, her bright ocean green eyes locked with his, her white teeth nearly forced him to squint, and her smooth brown bangs tickled his nose. She held a hand to her mouth and giggled. “Sorry dear,” She said, stepping back.
William hadn’t said a word, he hadn’t even taken his eyes off her. His eyebrows were raised and his mouth was agape. He knew this woman... yet he didn’t. He recalled the voice but he couldn’t recall the name. It had been so long. He swore he knew who this was, but why couldn’t he recall her name? Even her features seemed a bit off to him, did he know someone with ocean green eyes and brown hair?
“I-is something wrong, Will?” The woman asked him, holding a worried face. “You seem a bit pale, do you need to go lay down?”
William shook his head and glanced around the open yard. “N-no, I-I was just... thinking a-about the war. That’s all.” Why was he stuttering? William never had social problems around women before, except for when he first... first met his wife.
It struck him. The revelation struck him hard like a runaway train. He couldn’t have, yet he did. How could he have forgotten what his own wife’s name and appearance was? It’d been so long, so tragically long, that he didn’t even have a picture of her to keep his memory fresh. The collapse had taken such a long toll on William that he didn’t even know that part of his payment was his family.
“Laura?” William nearly croaked.
“William?” Laura took a step back when William dropped his drink and stood up slowly. “What are you talking about?”
Fresh tears slowly began to trickle down William’s cheeks as he held a hand out to reach for his wife. Laura hesitantly grabbed his hand. “Laura, baby...” William choked. “I’m so sorry...” William pulled his confused spouse into a tight hug. “I’m so, so sorry...”
Laura slowly wrapped her arms around William who sobbed like a child. “What happened, William, what war?”
William paid no heed to her questions, instead he continued to cry apologies into her shoulder. Finally Laura moved her arms from him and planted both hands on his chest and gently pushed him away. William cried. “Baby please don’t–”
“William you need to––shh-no, no––you listen here mister.” Laura spoke to William like he was child. She placed her hands on his shoulders. “Whatever happened, it’s not your fault.”
But it was.
“You hear me? It’s not your fault.”
Yet it was, it was his fault, and it would be forever. He lied. He told them that he was coming back for them, that he would never let anything happen to them. Forever engraved into his heart was the fact that William James Keshiner lied to his own family and had paid the ultimate price. To this day he could still hear the rushing water.
William couldn’t look his own dead wife in the eyes. Breaking contact, his vision fell to the grass. “No...” He mumbled slightly under his breath, but just enough for Laura to catch wind.
“Excuse me?” She asked, her voice slightly stern.
William had stopped crying, his voice low and mixed with anger. It was anger that was not directed towards his wife but instead himself, an anger that had driven him into battle so many times, not because he was brave but because he wanted to die. It was an anger that had driven him to make stupid decisions in a hope that he would receive his rightful punishment for sacrificing his own family’s life.
“It is my fault.” His voice was raspy and cold. Laura watched him with fearful eyes.
“Moooommy!” A cry shattered the silence like a hammer through glass.
William’s eyes snapped over to the sound of the wailing child on the trampoline, her hands firmly grasping her right foot. “Abigail!” Laura shouted. Before running off she shot William a glance. “We’ll talk later, for now I need you to go grab the buns out of the kitchen cupboard.”
“Mooommy!” Abigail cried again.
“Don’t worry sweetie I’m coming!” Laura gently pushed past William and jogged over to their child, the same child that William had paid the price of forgetting, the same child he had lied to, the same kid he left to the rushing water...–––
BOOM!
:[-]:
A large earth trembling rumble nearly shook William out of his slumber. Opening his eyes, he found himself oddly restrained to his bed. Tilting his stiff neck upwards he saw that his hands, legs, and parts of his chest were being held by leather bindings. “What the Hell?” William struggled under his restraints. “The fuck happened while I was out?!”
The door to the medical bay slid open and through the open entrance William could hear cheers of joy coming all throughout the ship. A doctor entered the room with a large smile plastered across his wrinkled face. “Ah, Commander William! I’m glad to see you’re awake.” the doctor spoke with an old, raspy voice, his words coming out slowly as he stepped towards William.
“Why the Hell am I tied to this bed, doc?” William continued to struggle. The doctor smiled, revealing the few teeth he had remaining.
“Now Commander,” he spoke as he began to undo the clasps around William’s wrists. “We wouldn’t want you to be splayed all over the medical bay’s wall during reentry.” The man chuckled creepily as he freed Will’s hands and moved down to work on his legs.
William rubbed his wrists and got to work on freeing his chest but then he stopped. “Wait... we’re on Earth?”
“Mhmm.” The doctor hummed. “Right in the thick of a forest to be exact, that panic riddled pilot... Ronald I think, almost threw us into the side of a mountain.”
“Why would he do that?” William returned to working on his chest.
“The ship was literally being torn apart and the navigation system stopped working in the middle of it all. It was all up to him and that pretty girl Susan to fly us to safety. Tis' hard to land a starship by eyeballing it.” The doctor freed William’s right leg and began undoing the straps on his left.
“I was asleep during all of that?”
“Like a stone on a river bed. I ain't ever seen a lad like yourself sleep during such shenanigans.” The doctor chuckled again and pulled William’s other leg out. He looked up and smiled when he noticed William struggling with his chest strap. “Let me take a look at that, son,” he said as he swiftly undid the strap as if it was nothing. “You’re free to go, Commander.”
William sat up and slung his legs over the side of the bed, making sure not to hit the doctor while he did so. “Thanks, doc.”
“You’re welcome— oh–” The doctor turned away and walked over to the closet on the far side of the room. Opening it, he took out a small, blue respirator. On his way back, he gave the respirator to William. “–I was told to give you this.”
William examined it with a confused look on his face. “Why do I need this?”
“If you hadn’t noticed, we had a rough landing, and with most of the heat shields burned away. The northern half of deck six was breached, but thankfully no one was down there to get hurt. And after examining your friend, Shaun Bell, we were able to conclude that there is indeed something in our atmosphere. Not sure what though” The old man explained. “So if you ever have any plans on deck six, make sure you put that on before entering.”
“Do you know how long it’ll be before they patch it up?” William hopped off the bed and twisted his back around, groaning as his back let off three loud pops.
“We won’t need to.” The doctor stepped back, allowing William to walk past him and out into the large open space between the two sets of beds on either side of the room. “Starting today, Commander, after you and the scouting parties return, we’ll begin Horizon’s deconstruction and settlement process.”
“Oh, I forgot about that.” William popped his knuckles and gave the doctor a quick wave. “Thanks again for watching over me doc, take care.”
“You too, Commander.”
:[-]:
Men and women—the soldiers of the Horizon crew—all sat side by side in the briefing room chatting away with each other. Some cracked jokes and others seemed to be nervous wrecks. All in all the sound they generated drove William mad.
Sitting with his own squad—which he told them that if they spoke more than a single word over a house-toned voice he would see to it that they didn’t get dinner—William just did not like crowds, which was odd seeing that he could run across a raging battlefield just fine.
It may have just been his age, but he didn’t like to think about it that way. It just irritated him when he looked over at the other hundred and twenty five soldiers on board and saw people he considered to be professionals make fools of themselves. He tried telling himself that they were just happy to be back home safe and sound, but there was still no need to act like rambunctious high schoolers.
There was a stage in the front; a few rows up from William and his squad. It was currently empty, save for a podium with a single chair placed beside it. From the far right of the stage walked Admiral Watson who was soon followed by a beautiful looking woman he had never seen before. Watson took a seat while the woman took to the podium. The room fell silent and William took a sigh of relief. He found he was much more calm when everyone was acting like proper adults. Grabbing a hold of the mic sitting on the podium, the woman adjusted it until she appeared satisfied and cleared her throat before speaking.
“Hello. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m First Chairperson Nicola Patterson.” She took a deep breath and brushed her blonde bangs out from in front of her eyes. “For nearly twelve thousand years, humanity has been on the run from a terror that can only be described as one of our darkest fears. For nearly twelve thousand years, mankind has only traversed half of the solar system in an attempt to escape from this harbinger of death. Starting today, I believe that we, as a whole, have achieved that goal, and that we are no longer under threat from the Archangel.” Nicola smiled. “Starting today, ladies and gentlemen, I think it’s safe to say that humanity can settle down and start again. We can wake the others that may still be asleep, and rebuild what we’ve lost!”
"Hallelujah!" A random soldier in the back shouted with laughter thrown into the mix.
“Amen!” Shouted another that William could only assume was the other’s friend.
Both men were rewarded with a wave of contagious laughter that spread like wildfire through the rows. Even the Admiral himself smirked before rising up and telling everyone to settle down. The chairwoman snickered. “Thank you for that, gentlemen.” The two boys in the back chuckled and playfully shoved each other. “Now before I turn this over to Admiral Watson, I just wanted to thank our Captain, Theodore Felington.” Nicola outstretched her arm towards the three individuals standing in the front row, “and his two amazing pilots for landing us safely back on Earth. Even with the catastrophic failures. Please give them a round of applause.”
The Captain and the two pilots bowed before the band of soldiers while receiving their praise before turning and sitting back down. “Now, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to turn your attention to the Admiral,” Nicola said, stepping back and allowing Watson to take the podium.
Watson looked towards a man on the right side of the stage sitting in a chair with a laptop computer connected to the large screen on the wall. Both of them nodded to each other and the man clicked a few keys on his keyboard, bringing the screen above to life and revealing a large blue hued map with a black background that showed off Horizon’s surrounding area. In the center was a large cyan oval indicating the starship with dozens, if not hundreds of red dots showing off the local wildlife around it.
The lights dimmed, allowing an easier view of the screen and Watson looked at the soldiers, his face seemingly expressionless. A minute passed. “Good morning,” he finally said. Watson stepped back, twirling a remote in his right hand. “At exactly oh four hundred during touchdown, drone sixty six detected a vast mobilization in what we are concluding to be the native forces. We think they’re coming to investigate on what the hell just happened, also known as ‘Us.’”
A hand shot up. “Yes, Conway?”
“How do we know for a fact that they’re native soldiers?”
Watson glanced back at the man at the laptop, the man nodded and began pounding away on the keys. The screen above transitioned into a thermal satellite image that showed off a large number of equines with bat like features, all of which appeared to be carrying weapons. Getting a closer look at the small amount of details the thermal imagery gave, the soldiers could still see traces of equine like features.
“What in sam hell are those?” Junior Lieutenant Michael Sterling leaned forward in his seat, turning his head to look at William, who was sharing a similar expression.
“I have no clue,” William said, “these ones look a lot different compared to the others Nelson showed me.”
Michael frowned. “You mean there’s more?”
It was William’s turn to frown. “Haven’t you seen any of the images Caroline took?”
Michael shook his head. “I’ve only seen pictures of the towns, not anything relating to... well, those.” He motioned his head towards the monitor.
“Does that answer your question, Sergeant?” Watson raised an eyebrow.
“Yes sir, thank you.”
Watson nodded, “Alright, moving on. As a precautionary measure we’ll be forming a defensive perimeter around the ship. After this presentation, you will all be assigned to your patrol groups and sent out to secure the perimeter. In the mean time, the game plan is to set up motion trackers at locations Alpha-One through Bravo-five,” he pointed out each of the markers with a laser pointer.
“The teams that will do this are designated Paris, York and Baghdad. Three other teams, Red, Blue and Green, will be on patrol in our AO just outside these trackers. Afterwards, Paris and York will join together and see if they can locate one of the Japanese cold storage facilities that they left for us. With any luck they’ll still be there, but it will be very, very cold. So make sure you dress warm and wear your mittens if you don’t want to freeze your collective asses off.
“As for Baghdad, they’ll be investigating a nearby settlement we detected during reentry. Why those systems were still online I have no idea, but we’re using whatever intel we got. I also want Commander Keshiner to lead this expedition, as he has the most experience with these natives, save for those who went with him last time.” The screen went dark and the lights brightened again. “Any questions?” Watson raised an eyebrow and looked at the soldiers, all of them nodding and smiling. He waited for a minute before smiling back. “Then it’s settled, we’re moving out in five hundred.”
:[-]:
“How many are there?” Michael crawled through the dense vegetation and positioned his stomach on the large boulder beside William, who was keeping an eye on the town with his night vision goggles.
“I dunno. Over a hundred, I know that for sure,” William replied, his voice muffled by his respirator. “Maybe even three hundred... God I’ve never thought I’d see anything like this.”
Michael chuckled and rolled onto his back, making sure to keep an eye on their rear in case anything were to sneak up on them through the dense overgrowth. It turned out Horizon was off course from their original landing point and had landed thirty miles north of where they were supposed to. Instead of landing in what was supposed to be an open clearing, the star ship ended up crash landing in the middle of heavily forested area at the base of a mountain.
“Right,” Michael agreed, his mind drifting off into distant memories. “Feels like we’re in the Planet of the Apes movie, except with horses.”
William smiled. “Damn right we are.” William pushed his goggles back up onto his helmet to let his eyes rest for a second. The world around him was nearly pitch black as he waited for his eyes to adjust after having looked through the night vision goggles so long
It was then that William’s radio crackled to life. “Commander, Second Lieutenant Stacy here, we’re in position and waiting for your orders. Over.”
“Roger that, Lieutenant,” William answered while lowering the volume on his radio. “Remain in position and keep your eyes on the settlement and alert me if anything happens. Over.”
“Wilco, over.”
Michael groaned quietly, William cocked his head back and looked at the man with a raised eyebrow. “Is something wrong?”
“Eh nothing, just didn’t have the time to take a leak before leaving.” Michael mumbled as he positioned himself in a more comfortable spot.
“Oh God...” William shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Try to keep it down. We don’t want any unwanted attention.”
“My apologies sir, I shouldn’t have drank that extra glass of wa–”
“Seriously, shut up.” William couldn’t help but let out a frustrated sigh. He flipped his night vision goggles back over his eyes and returned to lazily observing the small town. Nothing much was happening right now. Equines roamed left and right carrying large buckets of water to put out the remainder of a large fire. A fire possibly caused by Horizon’s reentry. “I really hope they believe that this was all some weird accident.”
“Sorry, what?” Michael glanced over his shoulder.
“Nothing,” William replied. “Just talking to myself.”
“Oh, well keep it down.” Michael mocked like a child, he chuckled. “We don’t want any unwanted attention.”
“Excuse me?” William flung his goggles back up and looked at the lieutenant.
Michael laughed quietly. William couldn’t keep a straight face either, shaking his head he returned to peering through his goggles. Moments passed and Michael rolled onto his stomach and gazed at the bustling activity. “How?” He wondered, “How could something like horses have the capability to do something like this?”
“What the hell are you going on about now?” William kept his eyes on the town he was hardly listening to him.
“Just think about it for a minute Commander.”
“Think about what? You need to tell me these things?” William felt like he was bickering with a sibling.
“The town, the horses, how are they not prey, how were they able to get to the top of the food chain, and build these towns and castles?” Michael listed off, “They don’t even have opposable thumbs for Christ’s sake.”
As if on cue William noticed a bucket of water, levitating in front of a equine that was heading towards a burnt down home. William’s jaw nearly cracked against the base of his respirator. Noticing he wasn’t going to receive a response Michael went to hop off the rock they were laying on to stretch his legs for a brief moment.
William blinked a few times. "Michael, did you see that?"
“See what?” Michael hopped into the bushes.
“That bucket it was–where are you going?” William had pushed his goggles back up and was now staring at the lieutenant.
“Oh nowhere,” Michael said, “I was just looking to stretch my legs a bit; they get stiff, you know after sitting around for thirty minutes.”
William rolled his eyes and waved for him to get back in position. “Take a look at this.”
When William turned away Michael shrugged and hopped back onto the rock, pulling his own goggles down he sat beside William and looked out at the town. “What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“Shortly to our left, roughly a hundred and fifty meters east, target is heading north.”
Following his commanders directions Michael cocked an eyebrow when his eyes locked onto the pony levitating the bucket. “How the hell...?”
“I think this just answered your question,” William said. “It appears they have some sort of levitation ability.”
“Damn, man.” Michael continued to watch the equine as it slowly faded out of range of the night vision goggles. “Why the hell can't we do that?”
“Maybe cause evolution was kind and gave us hands,” William stated.
William’s radio spat a wave of static very briefly. “Commander, this is Stacy,” her voice finally road through clearly, “we’ve spotted movement on the southern end of town. Over.”
Will took the radio off his vest and held it near his mouth. “Roger that, what do you see?”
“A skinny equine that’s a lot taller than the others I’ll say that for sure, and whatever it is it’s being followed by a pair of soldiers. They’re heading straight for us, should we pull back? Over.”
William thought for a moment. “Affirmative, rendezvous with the rest of us back at the stream. Over.”
“We’re Oscar Mike. Over.”
Michael once again hopped off the rock. “Wait, so we’re changing positions just like that?”
“Yep,” William said, following Mike’s movements off the rock, the two of them moving deeper into the tree line.
“So what now then?” Michael huffed as he quickly ducked under a low hanging branch.
William copied his movements. “I’ll contact Central and tell them what’s going on. Once we reach the stream we’ll form up with a perimeter and wait for further orders.”
“Seems legit.” Michael slid down a small ledge and shoved his way through a wall of bushes with William following right behind him.
William quickly changed the frequency on his radio to the command channel. “Central, this is Commander William. Over.”
“I read you, Commander. Over.”
“My squad and I are pulling back to the perimeter, local forces are beginning to close in on our OP. Over.” William could see the moonlight wafting through the thick branches ahead of him.
“Copy that, Commander, you’re clear to pull back.”
Even though Central wasn’t there to see him, William nodded his head and clipped the radio back onto his TAC-vest. Breaking through the clearing the two men stopped right on the rocky edge of the stream.
“Phew!” Michael chuckled, he took a deep breath. “I hadn’t had a good run like that since.... boot camp!”
William looked around the stream, trying to find Stacey and the rest of her squad. With none of them in sight William felt a pang of anxiousness, afraid that the other squad had gotten caught. Then again it didn’t pay to be a worrywart in his line of work. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm his nerves.
SNAP!
“Oh shit”
Whirling around, William and Michael flung their rifles out in front of them, loaded and ready to fire if need be. Thankfully though, there wasn’t any need for pulling the trigger, lowering their weapons at the sight of a friendly hand held in the air. Stacey and her two comrades Castillo and Roger, Shaun’s temporary replacement, stepped out of the tree line.
“Sorry to startle you, Commander.” The woman smiled as she brought her hand back down to her side. “I was going to call out to you, but Castillo here tripped over a branch and scared the hell out of me.” Stacey stuck her gloved hand out in front of herself and William took it in a friendly shake. “Nice to see you again, sir.”
“Same with you.” William broke the shake. “Anything else on natives?”
“Not much, the larger one of the group I’m assuming is a leader of sorts, judging by the attire and the two guards following it. Oh, and the natives are also to be designated “equines” until further notice seeing that we have no better word to call them” Stacey explained.
“Commander,” Michael said as he looked out into the tree line with his night vision goggles, “I’ve spotted movement closing in on us, I suggest we find some cover.”
William nodded. “Alright, everyone in the trees. Keep your eyes open for any movement!” Crossing the stream the soldiers proceeded to hide themselves deep within the vegetation a few yards from the riverbank. Each person spaced themselves out a few feet from each other so that they could cover more ground. William positioned himself by a log that gave him a clear view of the stream, while Stacey took up position in front of a tree a little further down the riverbank. “Were they carrying any weapons?” William continued his previous conversation.
"Only the two guards,” Stacey said. Her back was firmly planted up against the tree, her goggles draped over her face, and her head faced out towards the stream. “The leader though looked to be carrying something on its back, I couldn’t get a good enough look to see exactly what though.
William nodded his head. “Princess, I can see a clearing up ahead!”
He cocked an eyebrow, what the hell? William thought.
William put on his goggles and looked out at the stream, on the other side through the thin gaps in the trees. William could see three figures approaching. Two small equines entered the clearing, followed by a much taller, blue slender one.
“There she is!”
William jolted at the sound of something squealing in what sounded like joy. Watching closely he saw something about the size of a house-cat hop off the back of the taller creature. William followed the smaller animal as it scampered across the ground towards a large boulder. The creature that was now identifiable as a tiny equine bent over and grasped an object even smaller than itself with its teeth.
“What do you have there?” William mumbled under his breath as he zoomed in on the creature.
The little one sat back on its haunches and cuddled what looked to be a small ragdoll. Its lips were moving as if it was speaking to the toy. An odd thought came to William and he chuckled quietly to himself. “I don’t know if the little thing creeps me out or melts my heart.
The equine pulled the doll close to its chest and held it there for a few moments in some sort of awkward horse hug. It then took the toy off its chest and turned its head so that it was looking back at the tall equine. Suddenly the creature jumped to its feet and ran as fast as it could towards the larger equine whilst squealing.
The little equine wrapped its hooves around the larger one, the dark blue equine eying the pony with a surprised look. Shortly after, it chuckled and began to speak, so William thought. Then it cringed for some reason, the little one’s face fell, its eyes slowly beginning to water. The larger equine looked to the smaller with a sorrowful expression, it had gone onto its knees to allow the little one passage onto its back.
Snap!
“Your highness we have movement!”
One of the guards turned towards the bushes and shouted, his sword unsheathing, William had no idea what it said but quickly ducked down using the log to avoid detection as a light shined nearby. Looking around William saw a small badger scurry through the trees not too far from him. Looking at Stacy who was looking at him with wide eyes, William brought a finger to his mask warning her to remain silent.
“It may have just been a critter.” William could hear the guard speaking, a light shined over head, just inches above his head. He held his breath. “Maybe just a wee little rabbit.” William heard the guard chuckle.
When the light vanished William peeked over the log. “How about you go have a look then, Shade?” The guard on the left muffled unintelligibly into the sword's hilt.
“That will not be necessary Greaves.” The larger said out loud to the two guards, the two glanced over their shoulders. William glanced at Stacey, her eyes were focused onto the two equines, her gun ready if need be. William’s eyes were drawn back to the guards, their eyes stern as they began to turn away from the bushes while heading back across the stream.
William released a quiet breath, relief washing over him.
“Central, this is Paris.” William’s radio came to life, his eyes widened in sheer horror as all four equines cried out and turned back towards them, he quickly ducked his head back behind the log. “We’ve just placed the last of the motion trackers and are now awaiting further orders. Over.”
“Copy that, Paris hold your position and–” William switched the radio off and remained silent, his heart pounding in his chest, all of his squad mates' eyes were on him. Even though they couldn’t see it, he smiled sheepishly and mouthed the word, “Oops.”
“Alright.” Will heard one of the creatures snarl and he heard a sword scraping across its scabbard. “Show yourself!” William looked over the log and saw the equine approaching them, its sword locked firmly in its teeth. Glancing to his left he saw Stacey, training her rifle on the creature along with Michael and the others on his right.
As the equine got closer William raised his rifle, focusing more on the weapon in its mouth then the animal itself. The equine stepped into the stream, only four yards away from William. There was no chance he or any of his squad mates would miss if the situation came down to it. He was tempted to shout to the creature, but before he got the chance the larger equine shouted something at it.
The guard stopped and its eyes eased their way down its front to see the red laser dots that shined out from underneath each of the rifle barrels. The guard’s pupils shrunk in fear and it snapped it’s head back up to look towards William and the other soldiers.
“Stacey, Central here.” From William’s left he could hear Stacey’s radio. Her eyes widened as she scrambled at the power switch to shut it off, cursing under her breath with each movement. “We’re having issues contacting Commander Kes–”
The equine out in the stream seemed to finally notice the danger it was in and started to slowly back away from the bushes at the sound of the taller one’s voice. “I see,” William said to himself in a hushed voice. “They’re afraid of the radio.” He smiled and watched the guard sheath its sword.
William looked at Stacey, his smile growing even wider. She gave him a concerned look and he motioned for her and the others to lower their weapons. Unclipping his radio he switched it back on and unleashed a wave of static into the air followed by bits of garbled chatter that the radio couldn’t quite pick up.
Holding the radio high above his head for all to hear William stepped over the long and began to move out from the cover of the tree line. “Commander?!” Stacey hissed.
“What the hell are you doing?!” He heard Michael asked as the other two men shared confused looks with each other.
“There’s no point in moving back,” William said. “We were told to hold the line–”
“And not to make contact!” Stacey added, “We were told to observe, not make first contact!”
William looked back at her and smiled. “And that’s what I’m going to do, I’m just going to observe.” He was being sarcastic of course.
William stopped moving. Stacey was right, they were only meant to observe. What was he thinking? They didn’t even have a diplomat, or any way to communicate with them. Hesitantly William reached for his radio and switched it back over to the proper frequency. “Commander please what are you—” Stacey began but was immediately cut off.
“Central, this is Commander Keshiner of Baghdad,” William spoke with a hushed voice. “A group of native stragglers just stumbled upon our position. Over.”
“Jesus.” Central’s voice sounded full of relief, but the relief faded as quickly as it came. “I-I read you, Commander, forget the stragglers,” Central said quickly, “we need you and your squad back here immediately. Over.”
William frowned. How come Central sounded so nervous? “Roger that, what for? Over.”
“These are the admiral's orders, Commander.” Central’s voice was stern and repeated, “Forget the stragglers and pull back immediately: we have an infiltration, I repeat: we have an infiltration. We need every man we can get. Over.”
“Shit” William shook his head and clipped his radio back on his vest. “Alright everyone! Pack your shit and retreat back to home base!”
:[-]:
Luna and her guards watched the bushes, their eyes wide with fear at the sudden shout of an unknown creature. Minutes had passed, and an eerie silence had engulfed the scene, but nothing happened. Whatever was coming out had backed off and left. “I-I wanna go back,” Violet whined. The poor filly was literally shaking with fear. Luna knew how the filly felt, if it wasn’t for her royal title Luna would probably be shaking alongside her.
“As you wish, Violet.” Luna nodded her head and looked at her guards. “Greaves, Shadewood, I want you to watch out for any hostile activity on the way back.”
The guards nodded. “Yes ma’m,” Both said in unison.
The trip back to town was much quicker than expected. Neither pony on the way back had noticed anything bizarre. Upon arrival, Luna could already take note of how much the town had improved since their previous departure. With the help of the guards the townsfolk were already clearing out most of the rubble from their homes, and the town’s inn was in the process of taking in the ponies who had recently been made homeless.
“Violet!” Shouted a hopeful pony. “Violet, is that you!?”
The group was stepping out onto the main street when Violet’s ears twitched at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Mom!” The filly squealed with delight at the sight of the oncoming mare. Leaping off of Luna’s back, the little pony ran to her mother’s embrace.
“How’s my little bud doing?” Violet’s mother held her tight. “I was so worried that something happened to you.” She looked to Princess Luna. “Thank you so much for keeping her safe.”
“You’re welcome Mrs. Blossom.” Luna smiled brightly.
“Mom look! We even found Lily!” Violet wiggled her legs out of Blossom’s embrace and held the toy right in her face.
Blossom held her head back and giggled. “I see, where was she?”
“Down in Ripples Stream.” Violet said happily while making Lily dance in the air with her hooves.
“Ripples Stream, eh?” Blossom said. “Your father was just down there not too long ago with some guards.”
“Is he not back yet?” Luna asked, she had just dismissed her two guards.
“No.” Blossom frowned and looked at Luna. “He volunteered for the patrol squad, they were supposed to be back fifteen minutes ago but I haven’t heard back from them.”
Luna’s thoughts instantly shot back to the creatures they heard back in the woods. “This isn’t good,” she mumbled under her breath. “Mrs. Blossom, I want you to stay here with your daughter. I need to investigate something” Luna turned and began heading back the way she came.
A bit of nervousness started to creep into Blossom’s eyes.“What’s wrong Princess?”
“Just do as I say please.” Luna looked back, her brow furrowing. “Now go to the inn and tell everypony to get inside as fast as they can and not to come out until I say so.” Blossom nodded even more nervously now and released Violet. “Come on honey, let’s go tell the others what the princess said”
Luna sighed and looked back to the woods while muttering under her breath. “Please let everypony be alright.”
“Your Majesty!”
Luna’s ears perked up at the sound of the voice. Looking towards the sky, she caught sight of a bat-pony guard before he touched down and galloped to a halt in front of her. Out of breath, the stallion looked at her with bloodshot, puffy eyes.. His armor was battered and torn, his sword was missing and his left cheek was scratched and bleeding. Luna’s heart skipped a beat.
“What... what happened?” Luna was so shocked she could hardly even speak.
The stallion tried to bow but his legs gave way, luckily Luna caught him right before his face smashed into the earth. “We... we were ambushed, the creatures–they had some sort of stun magic... we tried to fight back,” The stallion huffed in an attempt to catch his breath. “but they overwhelmed us. I couldn’t see them. It was as if they were invisible.
“What happened to the others?” Luna asked, her voice growing with anger.
“I-I never seen anything like it, it was like we were trying to fight ghosts–”
“What happened to the others?” Luna snarled.
The Stallion looked at the princess and sniffed. “I don’t know...” He broke eye contact. “Before anything else happened I ran... I ran because I lacked the courage!”
Luna’s eyes softened. “You are not a coward, Lance,” Luna put rather bluntly, “if what you say is true then there was nothing that could’ve been done.” Luna took a deep breath. “Now, rally the rest of the platoon.”
Lance stared Luna with wide eyes. “Your Majesty you can’t be thinking–”
“Yet I am, Lance. Rally the others, I think it’s time we find out what these creatures are.”
Editor’s Notes:
Isaac 3924 - Gah! All this build-up is killing me! And here I thought we were finally going to get some discourse going through the ponies and humans this time.... apparently not. Well, I'm crossing my fingers for next time. I did love this chapter though, so suspenseful! Aside from that, again announcing I'll be at Nan Desu Kan for anyone in Colorado, check "Star Swirl the Bearded's Journal Entry 6-13" for more info on what I said. Tokyo Ghoul is awesome(curse Funimation for the censors). And I would like to deeply apologize for how long I took to edit this, I had a lot of stuff going on, but I know that doesn't excuse the fact, I almost took 24 hours. I'M SORRY........ I really hope I'm not the only one doing Editor's Notes.
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First
FAPFAPFAP.
Start fighting something already!!
I hate cliffhangers.
Why must you tease us author?
But good chapter otherwise.
I wonder who infiltrated the humans.
Bah, humbug.
As long as it's well written there's no such thing as writing too much.
Oh right. Editors' notes. Oops. Sorry....
4880432 ¬_¬
4881163 Yahtzee?
So first contact is next chapter?
Sounds like a great time for a Star Swirl chapter before then!
Wait we have editors' notes? When did this happen!?
4881204
*static*-and whistled for a baboon.
i cant remember that editing session too well but i think it's a case of it not being conducive to notes at the end and i dont remember why
4881225 It's been going on since Chapter 2 I believe
4881285
I put it there since we'd been doing it for awhile.... but I remember now that I'm the last editor to go through the story. Oops.
Aw, crap, I knew I had forgotten something! Well, anyway...
There, that better, 4881436 ?
Whelp. This isn't going to end well.
P.S: Please tell me this does not become a story with the humans becoming "super-cuddly bestest friends FOREVAR XD" with the ponies. I'm not saying balls-out war but just...please don't have them instantly trusting the ponies enough to divulge every last scrap of information they have.
God cliffhangers I hate that so much good chapter though.
4881835
I'll answer that question with
images.sodahead.com/polls/004235849/5623959922_No_answer_2_xlarge.png
The humans and ponies will not be cuddly snugly... yet.
I want to attempt to make this story as semi-real as possible. The reason I started writing this in the first place is because of that fact, with the humans and the ponies all lovin' up on each other. So yes, there will be political disputes, possible skirmishes, and specism (racism), lots of specism.
But didn't they see Discord when they went into Fluttershy's cottage? Or is it just that no one knows about it but the team?
And there's a double period at the end.
How many times are you going to say that only to rewrite it! Geez!
4882200
how unprofessional!) but there's also no confirmation if that was discord or not. Mainly because the humans saw Discord as a blood thirsty monster that plagued their lives (quite literally to) and destroyed everything. Not a loving creature who takes pictures of himself with horses.
As of the moment the knowledge that Discord may still be alive is under the belt of the team ((and quite honestly I forgot for a brief moment I had that
As for the double period, fixed.
The rage, THE RAGE!
Cliff-hangers, gah
But seriously, only half the solar system? really? I'd have thought they'd have at least gone to Neptune in their time in space.
4881935
Thank you so much. <3
Wooooo first contact
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6vmigupuL1r3xauuo1_500.png
Why so many authors worried about too many words. =~= Me likey very long chapters.
4882957
Former dominant species are going to meet current dominant species....Is there any reason not to get hype?
(Although ponies have magic, they are not superior than humans because humanity are perfect by our flaws. Can't fly? Let us build flying shit. Weak? Let us create some steroids. Lack of food? Let us engineer fast growing crops.)
You greatly underestimate your readers too much.
I'm not exactly THAT hyped for the first contact as you would think. ( this cliffhanger is still a kick in the balls though.
) I'm more interested in what happens after that, as like you said, they won't exactly become the best of buddies immediately. Not to mention some serious shit will go down once they find out Discord is still alive and trolling. ( I would imagine they would classify such an information because I doubt that everyone on that ship is completely mentally stable. )
You better add in all the small details, it's delicious imagining all the complications they will run into, and triumphing on said problems.
4881575
Yes. Yes it is. Thank you.
Can't wait for the next chapter
Can you tell me what exactly was wrong with the original chapter that you had to rewrite it multiple times? I'm just curious, that's it.
Also, I've read chapters that were 30k words long just fine, so while your concern is appreciated, it is not necessary. Though these constant cliffhangers are beginning to get to me...
And as a side note, I don't quite understand if ponies in this story speak English (as previously heard via the probe) or some other language? Cos the scene with the guards was kinda uncertain: it seemed that humans understood ponies most of the time but then a sentence stating that a random human didn't understand what has been said would flash. Backed up by the fact that ponies didn't understand a single word said on the radio, this is starting to look quite strange.
Other than that - a really good chapter. I certainly enjoyed the descriptions of the emergency landing... it must have been quite a sight to see... I wish I could see the ship like this IRL even if it would land atop of me the very next minute
Though I doubt that it will fly again after that landing =(
Oh well, they better mount all the defenses they have and prepare for the shitstorm that is about to come when they find out about Discord. Maybe they should at least make the ship airborne-capable again seeing as they have enough fuel to move it in case things get out of hand.
P.S. Please, don't do a Starswirl intermission chapter now, you can't possibly be so cruel, right?
P.P.S. Any ETA on the next chapter?
4885410
Yeah one editor did bug me about the scene via the humans not understanding the ponies (Teslaponie) but like the stubborn fool I am I shrugged it off and said the readers will be fine. To clarify though Italics in this story will mainly be used for when a species is speaking in a different language.
Now if you Italics that are not surrounded in quotations it is usually a pony or a human expressing their personal thoughts. Which half the time could be self explanatory because it is the only time I write in first person. Save for Star Swirl intermissions (and no I'll not be that cruel).
So again just to clarify, yes the humans and the ponies speak separate languages. Their is an easy solution to that problem, but with every super easy solution there will always be a catch.
ETA on next chapter? Son, I just finished and posted this yesterday, give a man a break! (Joking)
In all seriousness, I haven't even started and today was also my first day back at school.
4885565
Oh yeah, sorry... I kinda lost track of time due to the holidays. And I remember you saying that you want to take a small break after the first contact chapter is done. I just was interested if it meant we will get the actual first contact chapter (next one) before or after the said break of yours?
P.S. You still haven't said what wasn't scientifically accurate in the original version of the chapter, but that's okay if you don't want to talk about it for some reason =)
4885410
Sorry for not answering this first. What was wrong with the original story was that:
-Story was more disjointed than it is now.
-Characters were super boring
-Humans were idiots
-Ponies had hardly any screen time
-The beginning was waaaaaaay too long, it wasn't until liked chapter 12 in which the humans actually landed.
-Ponies and Humans spoke the same language
-When Discord was introduced the humans acted casual instead of horribly scarred and frightened.
-When the humans tried to contain Discord the ponies sided with him and bitched at the humans and forced them out of the castle.
There were a lot of problems with the original, it was rushed, I didn't really care what the viewers thought at the time. Until I had the light shined on me, and a there were a shit ton of scientific inaccuracies.
I know already there are a lot of science inaccuracies, but that's the point of a Science fiction/Fantasy story. There are still inconsistencies yes, but not as much to the point that the story seems entirely unbelievable. (Says man talking about a story with talking intelligent horses) That is why I rewrote it.
4884067 Good, good. Also, massive electrical storms that hit your apartment building are AWESOME!! Like seriously! It was nonstop thunder and lightning, the rain was pouring hard and when I stepped outside to watch it from my balcony, *bzzt-CRAAKOOOM!! My outside window shattered and I had to fix my power! The lighting was white-hot and purple-green, and I'm pretty sure the tar on the building's roof got cooked! One word: WICKED!! I'm geeking out here, it was so fucking awesome!
Ok, I will start by saying that have enjoyed reading this story, but that's probably because I only started yesterday. Pacing is by far your worst problem, your story is to slow, and I never thought I would say that. To say that about a story with only 8 chapters is rather shocking. I fallow your human and you and Whether we like it or not, people are always complaining about those stories being to slow I have no problem with them. Each one of there chapters are rather self contained with enough content to make them worth reading all on there own, unlike half of your chapters. If I hade to wait weeks only to get "Inferno" frankly I would be upset. The chapter is very well written, but is only an introduction to "Touchdown" and has no right to be it's own chapter.
Your characters, well first of there all really tropes without much definition, but there well written enough that it doesn't bother me. So far none of the pony characters have appeared in more then one chapter so there existence iterates me, no mater how well written they are, has at this point there gest speed bumps. The humans simply put, there are to many of them. I am not very good at names so almost every human section has confused me. The fight with the bear was especially confusing. I thought it was the stupid shoulder ho got mauled not the scientist. Then there's Doug Miller... I have no idea ho Doug Miller is.
Your story is broken into three pieces. prior to touchdown the pony chapters have been both redundant and rather irrelevant. The journal entries, despite being my favorite part, are shoehorned into the story without any apparent relevance.
Now on a more personal note, are your humans stupid!? Not covering anything that happened on the Horizon, the mech pilots did not seem to suspect the ponies where intelligent despite having been active on the surface for several months, and having one of there settlements about 3 miles from there base.
Didn't you previously say, that William's family was, waiting for him on the surface then in this chapter say they were dead?
There is no way a rabbit could throw a heavy bock, a rifle could make dinner plate sized holes in a wall.
I am often upset by future settings that fail to actually be futuristic. More often then not they simple incorporate a few things beyond our ability's and the rest is gest the same has it is now. They fail to incorporate truly unique and revolutionary things that even being developed today.
Finally I hate translation spells. Stardust did it the best, and even then I didn't like it. It might be possible to learn there language by specifically stimulating there brains and monitoring there brain's responses.
4886240
A lot of your complaints are rather interesting and I'll agree with the slow pacing. But.
It's too soon.
A lot of the complaints are just too soon.
I have everything planned out.
A lot of human characters?
I'd say there are a lot of supporting characters who come in and out. Doug Miller was introduced the previous chapter right before the landing, he's actually the man to first mention a potential pathogen in the air. Star Swirl chapters having no relevance with the story? Again it's too soon to actually say that, as of the moment yes. But keep in mind this isn't a fully written story that I'm posting every other week, so as of the moment it appears to be irrelevant but keep in mind the author may have a plan.
Are the humans stupid?
No they aren't, you never know if the Japanese mechs already knew about the ponies. The ponies of Saddleston had mentioned that they've been hearing something large moving around through the woods over the past month.
Why would the humans settle near the pony town? The ship was going in for an emergency landing because the navigation systems malfunctioned (hasn't been mentioned by anyone but was described) and two VTOL thrusters blew out forcing the ship to earth.
William telling the women he had a family back on Earth, but all along they were dead. He lied.
Angel Bunny throwing a text book? It's a cartoon rabbit, not too mention that very same book explains in the chapter Inferno that the human and ponies speak a different language.
Back to the humans settling down near Saddleston, it wasn't really their choice the doctor who unstrapped William told him they'll begin the deconstruction process. Meaning that Horizon will be recycled into pieces and used to build, so where ever the ship lands is where their town will spring up.
A rifle leaving dinner sized plates? Yes, but I don't see why you brought that up.
The one pony chapter? Again a little too soon and yes I'll agree it was only there to really introduce that one character. The up coming chapter really (right before the first contact) said character (mini spoiler) will be making a return.
Hard to remember names? Yes I'll agree that is why I'm beginning to do more characterization (hence the dream sequence) to help make the two main character "
only two main characters?"
Yeah surprising isn't it?
Johnny and William.
Information guy and Soldier guy.
Johnny is the human character who supplies most of the information, William is the man who shows off all the action and ground sequences for the readers.
The soldier did get mauled by the bear by the way. The scientist is the one who didn't he got knocked off the edge by the book.
Finally, I'll say this. The story maybe slow, that is just how I write, and it may or may not be for you. I like to try and give abundance of information and take things slowly, think of it as the man who wrote Lord of the Rings. J.R.R Tolkein I think his name was.
If you really think about it, those stories are borrrring as fuck, and they're slow. The characters and bland and trope-ish. But the writing and his world makes up for it!
I kinda follow a similar pattern (I'm not trying to that's just how I am)
And as of lately, with my editors we've been having trouble, due to everyone and their jobs with shoving out chapters frequently. So it's going to take a while, so just try and give it a little time before you start shouting that some chapters are completely irrelevant to the plot
Because I already have everything planned out. (Glad you enjoyed it so far though)
PS: Translation spell might not be what you think either Wulf95 and I have already talked a little bit on how we're going to have it work.
4886358 First Thank you for responding, so many authors don't.
I do accept that they needed to land, and that they had problems on reentry. I was mainly referring to how rushed they seemed. Although I have no idea how long they where in orbit it couldn't have been very long. They failed to properly survey the area before sending down a team. If your already in orbit why waste time sending a drone into atmosphere to take pictures. Creating orbital satellites would not only be essayer but also have better long term potential.
I have no problem with the amount of detail you put into the story. I like having a lot of detail in my stories. The problem comes in with time we have to wait in between chapters. Most of them simply don't have enough to make them worth reading on there own. The chapter "sparkling light" is the prime example. It is rather long, only gives redundant information, and introduces a character we have yet to see again. I don't doubt it will come into play with the hole story, but we have to read the chapters one by one has there released, and that is a chapter which is simply not worth the wait.
My biggest problem is simply the multiple story lines. I have yet to enjoy this concept in any media. this might become better in the future now that the humans can have an actual impact on it. You said it your self "to soon". I'm here with major questions/problems about the story, and your wasting time with a completely separate story. I will say this, no story has irked me this much, and I still want to read it.
I thought that might be confusing. I said an infantry rifle could not make the dinner plate sized holes Fluttershy described seeing in her house.
It doesn't matter what type of translation spell it is, I won't like it. Nothing would make me want to wipe out the ponies more then knowing they could mess with my head like that.
PS: I'm not has upset has my comment may have led you to believe. I have a bad habit of working myself up, and it took me two hours to write that comment. It took me even longer to write this one
Hold up there just a second buddy,
??!!!
What have I signed myself on to?
Can't wait for the next chapter to be thrown my way. Hopefully I'll be ready for it as well.
4888351
*regarding about infantry rifle making a dinner plate sized holes*
Actually it can but depend though, example I shoot at a guy, the part where the bullet hit will be a small hole but the exit wound would be large. That because the bullet spins when it was fired, causing more damage.
4889133
Yes the exit is larger then the entrance. I fire guns and have seen this. Also the non comprisable nature of water will exaggerate the effect. However the bullet of a 7MM round is only about the size of a quarter (and larger then an assault rifle which fires intermediate rounds). A dinner plate is simply to friken large. Seriously the dinner pates I'm familiar with are larger then my head.
pengus khan lieks wiggle
4888351
Like I said, I take things slowly.
If you want a prime example of when I use to write fast. The Butler is a perfect choice, it's a good story by the ratings but the actual writing is sloppy and at times contradicts itself.
As of the moment though it is under hiatus seeing that this story kicked off again.
And I should also remind you that I have: 8 editors.
Each of them have their own lives and recently only 6 have gotten to this recent chapter.
For the humans above Earth, they already sent down a couple fireteams to examine the planets surface (The end of "Johnny Conway" and the chapter "Grizzly").
They also mentioned drones scanning the planets surface, and in the chapter "Inferno" the hacker "Nelson" told William that they were building and launching satellites which was a prime reason for them to land because the fabrication process was chowing down on their materials.
They even confirmed in the recent chapter there is a pathogen in the air, and because of the "emergency" landing they were unable to properly check a specific area for landing.
Further more the "sub plots" will all come together in the end, because I have a plan.
4890399
That sin is partially a mistake, I'll have to look further into it and fix it. I think what I meant to say is "Horizon will be entering the atmosphere is six hours" that'd probably make more sense.
As for the the bad flight patterns during entry, the navigation controls (as said in the latest chapter) went haywire meaning the ship had to manually be landed. Without the computers help out with landing process it was mainly up to the captain, pilots, and engineers to get her down without having significant amount of damage.
So yeah it wasn't entirely the humans fault for buzzing over Canterlot, so we're just going to blame it on the wonky machinery
. <dats a joke.
Other part with the the re-entry half. I think they were talking about the the fire team that were sent down to Earth, William (I think that's the guy talking there) was questioning on how they didn't see the castle when coming down.
4890341
"I have a plan" oh how many times I have heard that before.
All joking aside, the reasons I thought the humans where stupid aren't really logical. The way the mech pilots treated the ponies made me think they didn't know the ponies where intelligent even though they really should have. Though it isn't unbillable that they actually did, or there is a logic reason they wouldn't have known. Has for the Horizon crew that was mainly because "so we have discovered creatures down there that can rip our ship about like bread" 15 minuets later "all right people where landing this ship"
Lastly there is the general impression that thus far they have been doing poorly. Instinctively that leads me assume personal fault, has if they where smart, and did things right they shouldn't have had these problems. It was a fault in my logic and I am sorry for bothering you with it.
I'm positive I am not alone in saying things that are mentioned like that are sally lost, especially with how much detail you put in the story. Usually I'm very good at finding miner details, Like how the image used in the mission briefing had to of been an areal image.
Can you confirm whether or not they established a spy satellite over Equestira?
Even if I was reading this thing has a hole, I can not see any reason to tell such a divided story. Oh so you thought that was interesting and really want to know what comes next, well to bad because we are moving to group B now *evil laugh*. It adds nothing and only manages to disrupt and dilute the action of a more focused story and *deep breath*... I'll shut up now.
4890474 Ah okay, that explains it. Though you'd think with the best scientists and stuff humanity had to offer they'd be able to steer clear of cities even without computers, after all the "computers" on the Apollo missions space craft could be bested by a modern day digital watch.
4890934 I just thought of it as a big lumbering ship falling so fast and the fact that it would turn really slowly.
4886240 Too be honest if this wasn't an MLP fan fiction I'd completely agree with you! But with fim fictions tight rules on HiEs I'm literally forced to divert away from the humans and talk about ponies. That is the main reason why I'm forced to got to story B not only does it entertain me to see you guys writhe when I hop away, but I'm literally in a bind here.
And it has been mentioned numerous times that the humans have drones flying over Equestria. Other than that I'm
4891002 Well Inferno could actually have been the first chapter, and all preceding details could have been filled in later. Has a hole the opening is horribly slow, with nothing to catch the reader, unless they have a preexisting interest in the subject.
4891046
Well the opening seemed to be doing just fine for the 998 people who are reading this now.
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Jokes aside, I do not think that would be a good enough intro. Yes it's sooner but the back story and actual character would need a vast reworking (meaning I'd have to go over everything again). And the readers do like to see how the humans would approach Earth from the beginning, hence the first expedition team. The Star Swirl chapters are fine and even if I did rework it I could just push those ahead, also my editors would not like me dumping all 10 or so chapters down the drain just because the intro is a little slow.
The intro so far provides basic characters that will be developed as time progresses, and it also supplies the back story. Such as the collapse, ((sleeper virus)), character history, also a pony ((organization)) that for some reason is classifying specific information relating to humans.
Why are there parenthesis surrounding a few specific words?
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4891124
I wasn't suggesting you change it, only saying you could have done it difrently.
Open with Inferno, tell everything from the ponies perspective. Then at some point (probably when they reach that cold vault) alter the direction of pony/human relations, add in the human characters and there past. Then leave the Stare Swirl Journals until the main charecters have actually got his Journal, and tell them all at once when there relevant to the main plot.
Not saying it would actually have been better, gest what I would have preferred the story have been.
4891198
If you haven't noticed when reading the "Sparkling Light" chapter, the character "Sparkling Light" has the journal. And if I were to have the story your way, (this isn't Burger King guy, you either have it my way or GTFO.... <dats a joke) if the humans were to have the journal then it would interfere with what I have.
Any who stories doing fine, and we're actually nearing the "Slice of Life" aspect of the story now. Basically meaning I'll now be describing the humans settling in, with minor short stories with conflicts of their own.
Which then build up to the main-main plot and antagonist.
Can you guess who it is? (Hint: It is highly unlikely you'd get the right answer... so... like... don't even try.
))
4891002 I wouldn't call it lumbering, it may not be agile, certainly, but lumbering more or less means slow, but in order to get out of the atmosphere in the first place those engines would've needed to propel that ship faster than the fastest fighter jets. I don't recall exactly what speed you need to escape the atmosphere, but I recall it being above Mach 20. (Which means I'd be pretty disappointed if Luna caught up to the ship even if their engines are on half power, unless she teleports.)
So agile it may not be, but it certainly has straight line speed that would make RD envious.
I'm reading C8 now, but if the navigation failed mid flight, well, they should've already been pointing in the right direction the moment they started re-entry, so really if the nav computer failed part way through the pilots mainly would've just had to keep it in a smooth arc until the atmosphere burn was through, and then they would've stayed on course.
Ships do not turn outside of a shallow arc while in an atmospheric burn, they set the angle while still in space, and then stay on that angle all the way through, before being able to adjust course after the burn.
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At least I'm assuming it's like the space shuttle in that the heat shield is mainly on the bottom of the craft and that it would hit the atmosphere with the bottom. If it's designed to hit the atmosphere on the front instead it would probably have an even straighter arc, it would also take much longer to slow down, kinda why the arc would be straighter.
Now doing this without a computer is difficult do to the speeds, but again they supposedly have the best of the best people on that ship, so they really shouldn't have to rely completely on the computer.
Though with the heat shield failure you can say they were a bit distracted on making a smooth and pretty arc.
But I'm being nit-picky.
4891318 Yeah it's nit picky but hey!
I'M LEARNING SHIT!
Speed wise the ship slowed itself with frontal engines. Which I believe you know what those are, engines burning in the opposite direction, which I don't think that's covered because the story itself wasn't too focused on the actual reentry. As for the ship being up to turn upwards is because of the VTOL thrusters/rotors what ever the called. The big blades that malfunctioned and exploded above Saddlestonl, that's what was used to help push the ship up into a horizontal position and slow to a hover.
But again it's fiction and we don't want to delve too deep into the science of everything or we're just going to end up writing an entire text book on how magic works xD. That is when the humans learn the ponies have magic, though I do have a few experiments in an upcoming chapter planned out.
All I need now is a specimen to test on.