Relaxing after a rousing session of "Ogres & Oubliettes," Spike, Big Mac, Discord, and Shining Armor begin questioning certain of their life choices. Not all their life choices, of course: just certain of them...

The original minific version of this story placed 10th in the Writeoff Association's 80th contest, "Lie Me a River." This rewritten and expanded version was my entry in Aragon's "Comedy is Serious Business" contest with the prompt "We Learned Something Stupid," and the cover image comes from Otonus on DeviantArt.

What is a mediocre villain to do these days? How in Equestria do you compete with the likes of Chaos gods and love-stealing shapeshifters? Ever since those Bearer brats found the Elements of Harmony and Princess Celestia's long-lost and kind-of-evil-but-not-really-in-the-end sister returned, nopony bats an eye at the small potatoes any more.

Small Potatoes himself just cannot take being relegated to the side lines any longer! He has one, glorious plan in the works, one that might finally see it - his name, that is - go down in history. He's going to do the one thing that villains all over Equestria have been failing to do since that fateful Summer Sun Celebration to stop the Guardians of Harmony once and for all.

He's going to hire somepony else to do the job for him.

[This story contains scenes about death, attempted murder, some blood and an injury described in light-moderate detail (and with a humourous bent, I'm hoping.)]

This story is a sequel to Post Negative Comments Only

He's been reassigned so many times as to have a file thicker than his armor. There are ponies who doubt his ability to cross a room without creating a disaster, and he's one of them. Banishment to Moon is in fact too good for him. He's the single least suitable member in the history of the Crystal Guard, and history had better be prepared to take on eternity if it's ever going to see him surpassed. Because Flash Sentry starts every morning with a silent declaration of I'll get fired today and goes to sleep on I'll be fired tomorrow.

Or maybe that's more of a prayer.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group: new members and trope edits are welcome. This story takes place after the events of Post Negative Comments Only, so reading that one first is highly recommended.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

What do Spike, Garble, and Smolder have in common, besides being dragons? They've been summoned to another world at the behest of a needy adventurer who thinks her fortunes are turning with their arrival. No one involved is ready for what comes next.

Done as a collaborative effort with a patron (RadicalDishonesty)! Will be updated weekly.

PS: This means you can blame all the typos on them, muah ha ha ha!

PPS: Lovely picture done by Dragonpony, thanks!

(This story is a paid commission, and may or may not represent the views of the author.)

Dubbed "Day Court", Princess Celestia's progressive open-court initiative was intended to shorten the ivory tower to the crown for every Equestrian citizen. Instead it has become a cosmopolitan fiasco of puffed-up peacocks looking for the complaint department, which The Sun must endure until a better idea comes along.

On a certain afternoon like any other, in the waning hours of daylight, a pony claiming to be Princess Celestia herself arrives with a special request for her doppelganger - a request that bears the weight of life and death. Discord must be set free. Before it's too late.

(Historian's Note: The two chapters of this story take place in different time frames. Chapter one occurs shortly prior to the events of the episode "Keep Calm and Flutter On", in season three. Chapter two occurs shortly after the defeat of Tirek, at the beginning of season five. This story was commissioned by DbzOrDie.)

All she ever wanted was a sister. Perhaps it was too much to ask.

Scootaloo is thrilled when Rainbow Dash invites her to the annual Pegasus Beach Party. Finally it's her chance to lay her lingering insecurities to rest. But when Dash then seems determined to avoid spending time with her, she's left instead to wonder whether Rainbow Dash really wants her for a sister. Or even a friend.

Glenda is Stygian's biggest fan in Griffonstone. (Not that there was much competition.)

Set a year or two after Twilight's Coronation and many years before the finale episode. Contains no S9 spoilers.

Note: M-rated sequel, "Beaks and Talons," available here.

Glenda is from the wonderful comic "The Convocation of the Creatures."

Winner of "Most well-written story" in the May Pairings Contest 2021.

Every single sentence this author wrote made the story come to life in a BIG way! I didn't once feel like I was reading a story. I felt like I was experiencing it, like I was right there, in the characters' shoes, feeling what they were feeling, seeing what they were seeing. It also helped me to get a better understanding of each character and love them on a deeper level. For example, let's take one paragraph from the story:
...
This kind of vivid imagery is found throughout the entire story, and the characters' voices help bring out their personality in meaningful ways that help you bond with them, to learn to love them beyond what the comics or cartoon give you. This was a no-brainer as the most well-written story in the contest.

Big thanks to Aragón for help with story structure, Wolfjack for trout en papillote, and  Steel Quill, Krack-Fic Kai, Sledge115, and Nitro Indigo for prereading.

Cover art via commission with Harwick. I love it and it is far better than I ever envisioned or deserved. 

What was supposed to be a day of laughter and joy for Spike ended in screams and terror.

After receiving a tear-stained scroll from Twilight, Princess Luna and a Royal Guard relief force race towards Ponyville. While the Guard sets to rendering aid to the shaken town, Luna heads for the Golden Oak Public Library to render aid to the one she knows all too well needs it the most.

Takes place directly after Secret of My Excess.

Pre-readers: Georg, Tek, and Pascoite

Cover art by Mysticalpha on Deviant Art, used with permission. Show him some love.

Featured on Equestria Daily.

Lyra explains the unfortunate series of events that drove her to cry when the parasprite devoured her pie. Very minor shipping elements, with Bon Bon, obviously. It was inevitable.

In the wake of the events of "Infernal Machines" and the Nightmare's most pathetic assault on Ponyville yet, Applejack is thrown into an existential crisis, despite her not knowing what the word "existential" means. So when a stranger named Stranger arrives in town, teaching a new way of coupling talent to power using complex machinery, she is quickly suckered in, along with everypony else. Now, it falls to the Most Dependable of Ponies to bring the resulting ruckus down to earth, but can even Applejack's legendary pragmatism stand up to the brain-fizzing horror that is... CONTRAPTIONOLOGY?

Now with a Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi!