Putting Out a Hit on Harmony

by Wanderling

6: Doomed From the Start

Applejack raised an eyebrow at Rarity as the unicorn fell into stride with her and Pinkie Pie.

"You, uh, got a few somethin's in yer magic there."

Rarity raised her eyebrow in return. "Ah, yes, an assortment of my finest steel stitching needles, and a few fun little items I'm told are deadly poisonous blow-darts."

"An' I'm guessin' they have somethin' to do with the unicorn?" asked Applejack, as an orange-red unicorn with a frantic expression and a slight limp was keeping up with them, followed by the cloud of deadly sewing implements. Pinkie waved at her.

Rarity grinned and hopped daintily over a rock in the path. "You would be correct. This is Berry Blade, and she attempted to kill me just now. I'm guessing from the urgency of our pace and the disarray of your mane that you had something similar occur?"

"Yup! It's assassination central, today," Pinkie chirped. Well that was one way of putting it.

Applejack rolled her eyes, and sidestepped one of the townsponies as she ran. "I didn't have time to brush after I knocked my 'guest' out."

"Oh no, darling, quite right," said Rarity. "But once we reach where I assume we're both headed to discuss this matter, I insist upon a spell at the spa to fix you. Perhaps a session for everypony."

Applejack opened her mouth to respond, but instead of words, a long, sinuous body began to flow from her mouth. Applejack stopped in her tracks, coughing and spluttering. Discord curled upwards, regained his customary size, and began to float above them with a furious scowl on his face.

"Well," he said, pointing at Rarity. "I was on my way to rescue you from mortal peril, and you weren't even at the Boutique! How am I supposed to keep my friends safe if they keep disap- Oh. Hello."

Discord eyed Berry Blade with a squint. "Ah, not such a damsel as I had feared."

"Discord! Please, do not ever use that method of arrival again!" Rarity said, stomping her hoof, as Applejack was busy retching. "It's so icky."

"Fine." Discord said, pouting. "None of you ponies appreciate the efforts I go through to make my entrances anyw-"

"Hey, do you know what in the hay is goin' on?" Applejack asked, trying to forget the taste of draconequus. "What's with all the hitmares?"

"It seems that somepony has it out for you girls," Discord said. "I've sent Rainbow to Fluttershy, and taken care of both of their attackers."

"You got mine, too!" Pinkie said, and Discord nodded.

"I was more worried earlier, but half of you seemed to have been able to knock these villain out without any intervention," Discord said. "Applejack, I saw your work, and I'm a big fan."

Applejack grinned.

"Unconscious?" Rarity frowned and prodded the other unicorn towards Discord. "No, no, mine is still awake. Say hello, Berry Blade."

"Hello," said Berry Blade. "Please don't go after my eyeballs again."

Everyone blinked. Rarity trilled a little laugh. Everyone leaned away from Rarity.

Applejack coughed again. Was there still fur in her throat? It felt like there was fur in her throat. Wait a second. "Okay, so, if we all got assassins after us, don't that mean that Twilight's in danger too?"

Rarity's eyes widened for a moment before she nodded with pursed lips, and Pinkie's face screwed up.

"We need to get there now," Pinkie said, taking off again. Applejack could tell that her honourary cousin was really worried, because she was galloping instead of pronking. Applejack wasted no time in taking off after her.

"Ah, would you be a dear and bring along Berry and those other mares with you?" Applejack heard Rarity say. She glanced back to see Rarity push the luridly-coloured unicorn into one of Discord's empty paws and summon a pincushion for her needles and the darts. Discord's head tilted backwards and he raised a furry eyebrow.

Rarity leant back in towards Berry Blade. "If you try to escape the Lord of Chaos, he'll probably trap you in another dimension. A dimension full of needles. Just so we're clear about what happens should you go getting any ideas."

"Crystal." Berry squeaked.

Rarity nodded once, and then set off in hot pursuit towards her earth pony friends. "Thank you, Discord!"

The draconequus looked down at the quivering mare in his paw. "I suddenly feel terribly afraid of Rarity. What a peculiar feeling. Still, I suppose my enormously powerful magical talents will make this a snap."

He cracked his tail like a whip and the road was finally empty.

---

As soon as they hit the front door, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie split off into different directions.

Rarity cantered down the East hallway, pincushion floating behind her, and she used her aura to fling open the doors as she went. She reached a corner, skidding a little as she turned, and struck gold behind the third door when it opened onto the castle library. Starlight Glimmer was dozing at one of the desks, her head resting on the pages.

Rarity clattered into the room, whipping the book out from underneath Starlight's head. The other unicorn jumped up, horn igniting, and then let the aura drop once she'd squinted to see who it was.

"Rarity? What are you- Are those needles?" Starlight looked between Rarity and the pin-cushion in confusion. "Is this a sewing emergenc-"

"No, Starlight!" Rarity cried, spinning around on her hindquarters and making towards the door again. "Quickly, Twilight is in danger!"

"Danger?" Starlight's pupils contracted to pinpricks, and she scrambled after the white mare. "What could possibly-"

"Where is she, this time of day?" Rarity continued to fling the doors open as she passed them.

Starlight huffed as she caught up to Rarity. "Probably reading in the throne room? But what sort of thing could ever-"

"Then that's where we shall go!" Rarity called, and swerved down another corridor. "There are ponies here trying to kill us!"

"WHAT?" Starlight yelped, her stride faltering, but Rarity didn't have time to slow down and explain things further.

---

Pinkie Pie took the West, mostly, and bounced from room to room.

"Twiiiiiliiiiiiiight!" she called, peering underneath tables, behind bulky furniture, and into one rather steamy bathroom.

A yelp replied to her most recent call, and Pinkie Pie found Spike, clutching a towel around his waist. He was just twisting the tap to stop the water running into the enormous and mostly-filled tub. Pinkie eyed the bubbles and privately lamented for them. That bath could easily fit three ponies or more. How she envied that bath. How she wanted to- no, Pinkie, stay on track. Spike glared at her.

"Pinkie Pie! You can't just barge in on somedragon while they're in the-" He stopped as one pink hoof was put gently over his mouth.

Pinkie leaned in to stare Spike directly in the eyes. "There's no time to play around with bizarre nonsensical social etiquette in our primarily nude society, Spike! Twilight is in danger!"

"What?" cried Spike, hastily dropping his towel to the floor and giving his bath a wistful look. "Danger from what?"

Pinkie was already turning to head back out of the door. "Assassins and intrigue, Spike! Where's Twilight?"

"Assassins?" Spike's voice rose about an octave, and he started towards Pinkie with more urgency. "Uh, uh, in the throne room!"

Pinkie pulled Spike up onto her withers. "Then let's bounce this bathroom and throwdown at the throne room!"

The pony and the dragon sped off, Pinkie's hooves clattering over the crystalline floor as she made her way along the corridors at top speed.

---

Applejack had, by chance or intuition, headed straight for the throne room in the helter-skelter confusion of panic that had gripped her and her friends as they had entered the castle. This meant that when she burst in through the door, gasping for breath and eyes wide looking for Twilight, she was both right on time and in the prime position to see a tall grey-green pegasus looming over the Princess of Friendship.

To see him plunging a dagger into Twilight Sparkle's chest.

---

Twilight had been having a pleasant day so far. She had a hot cup of tea to one side, a tall stack of books about the intersection of thaumatology and quantum theory to the other, and several hours of undisturbed peace to last most of the rest of the day. Spike was due for one of his seven hour bubblebaths, and Starlight was studying her own project in the library. Her princess duties had either been completed for the day or postponed, and she had made no plans to meet up with her friends. They were all busy with things themselves.

Twilight wondered briefly how Rarity's last-minute dresses were going, if Pinkie had spared enough cakes from 'taste-testing' to pull off her latest party arrangements, and if Applejack was overly stressed prepping for the bumper crop that Applebuck Season had promised this year. Twilight sipped her tea, a blend she had been gifted by Princess Luna, and then turned a page in her current book.

Riveted by the devision of opinions from the scholars Professor P. Orbital and Professor M. Spectroscopy on whether or not unicorn magic violated the laws of thermodynamics or not - though Twilight was leaning towards her own ideas about interplanar energy siphons it was still interesting to see other ponies' perspectives - she didn't hear the door handle click open. Nor did she hear the door itself glide smoothly over the crystalline floor, inwards and then outwards, or the second click as the door closed. She didn't hear the quiet wingbeats that drew towards her, and while a vague shouting from somewhere else in the castle made her ears flicker, she didn't look up.

She did look up, however, when a shadow fell across her page. There was a strange pegasus standing upon the table above her, and she barely had time to squawk in surprise before he'd leapt and stuck one hoof across her muzzle. Twilight vaguely heard the doors behind her burst open, but then there was a frightful, awful pain in her chest.

The stallion leapt back, and she heard Applejack's cry of anguish before she slumped over in her chair. She grabbed at her chest and found the dagger's handle. Oh, she thought. I've been stabbed.

It was, quite frankly, mucking painful.

Twilight gasped for breath, wondering when she would lose consciousness. Any time now. The stallion had gone with a bit of slash to his strike so it wasn't like the dagger was keeping all of her blood inside her, and she was pretty sure the blade had got into her lung.

"Twilight!" Applejack was at her side, pulling her off the throne and laying her down on her side. The orange mare seemed to be crying as she cradled the alicorn's head, and hot splashes of her tears dripped down onto Twilight's neck. "It's okay, Twilight, yer gonna be okay."

Twilight had been stabbed, and she wasn't sure if Applejack was being totally honest with her.

More hooves clattered somewhere behind her, and she heard an assortment of gasps and shouts. She didn't hear Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy. Here she was, bleeding out on the floor, and a quarter of her closest friends weren't even here. It was rude.

"Oh you festering pile of manure, you're going to pay for this!" A bolt of turquoise magic flew across the room towards the green pegasus. Ah, that was Starlight. The stallion dodged, and Rarity held out one hoof.

"Ah, Starlight Glimmer, don't waste your aura on the likes of him." Rarity growled. "Allow me."

Twilight was rather amazed that she was still hearing all of this. She would have expected to have passed out by now, either from a lack of oxygen, or blood. Maybe she already had, and this was an out-of-body experience? She flexed one leg to check. Nope, that was still her leg, and it was still moving when she wanted it to. Twilight could feel her blood seeping into her fur. It was warm and wet and kind of gross. And the pain of the blade was still there, still horribly present. Apart from that... She wiggled her leg again.

"No, Twi, don't move," said Applejack. "Ya don't wanna make it worse."

Blue light flared and several small silvery things flew through the air above Twilight's head.

"Applejack," said Twilight. "How much blood have I lost so far?"

Applejack gulped. "T-too much, Twi. Jus' try an' stay calm."

"I am calm," said Twilight. "I just don't know why I'm still conscious."

Applejack stared at her. Rarity and Starlight, each wielding several pins and needles, walked toward the door with the green pegasus in front of them. He was trying very hard not to blink with what looked like a poison dart very close to his face. Rarity murmured something to Pinkie and Spike, and then the two unicorns were out into the hallway with the assassin. All Twilight could hear were their gradually quieting hoofsteps.

"I'm not even feeling dizzy. Shouldn't I have gone into hypovolemic shock by now?" Twilight asked, pedalling her forelegs and squinting at her chest. "The only thing that's bothering me is this Tartarus-forsaken dagger."

"Ya cain't take it out!" Applejack said quickly, and batted away Twilight's reaching hooves. "That's stabbin' injury one-oh-one."

"It hurts, Applejack," whined Twilight. The orange mare sighed.

"I know, sugarcube."

Pinkie Pie walked over to them, picking her way around the growing pool of blood with subdued movements. Spike, sitting on her back, looked down at Twilight with wide, watery eyes. He wrang his fingers together and gulped.

"Is she going to make it?" he asked, voice wavering.

Alright, that was it. Twilight scowled and lit her horn, tugging the knife from her chest with a short burst of aura before Applejack could stop her again. It clattered to the floor, and both the earth pony mares and the dragon looked aghast as Twilight struggled to get her feet underneath her. Blood and crystal made for quite a slippery surface. Applejack backed away as Twilight beat her wings a little to right herself properly, and then Twilight was standing. Maybe wheezing a little from the effort, but she certainly wasn't trembling all over like she had expected.
Now that the knife was gone, she felt fine.

"Yes," Twilight Sparkle decided. "I am."

Ignoring her friends' gawking, she turned towards the table and grabbed her teacup with her aura. She downed it. Actually, no, she wasn't fine. She turned back to her friends.

"Pinkie," she said. "Bring me the fridge."

"Um," said Pinkie Pie, glancing at Spike and Applejack. "Your fridge?"

"Yes," said Twilight, putting one hoof to her chest, over the ragged wound there. Okay, that was a little tender. She grimaced. "I'm starving."

---

Rainbow zoomed into the castle, even dragging along the rather less aerodynamic Fluttershy along with her. She sniffed the air, scanned the hall with quick eyes, and zipped towards the throne room. The pair found the doors already open, and Rainbow Dash at last released Fluttershy from her grip, as her hooves had dropped along with her jaw.

"...Oh my goodness."

Fluttershy gasped as the pegasus ponies took in the scene. There was... blood. A whole dang lot of it, and a bloody dagger sat in the middle of the largest pool. It was mostly all over the floor, but there was a fair amount on the seat of Twilight's throne. The pony in question was sitting against one of the walls, her lavender coat stained rusty from her chest down and all over her left side, as if she'd been lying in the pool of blood. Applejack was next to her on the left, looking a little shell-shocked, with the fur on her forelegs almost as stained as Twilight.

Pinkie Pie and Spike stood to Twilight's right side, reading a piece of parchment that bore the Solar Seal. Twilight had a square paper bag clutched between her hooves, and every few moments she would levitate some of the contents into her mouth. There was a pile of food packaging and an empty fridge just beyond Applejack, for some reason.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy landed - well clear of the congealing smears of blood - and practically cantered to get around to the others.

"What happened?" Fluttershy asked, staring between the blood on the floor and the bloodstained ponies.

"I got stabbed," Twilight said, and beamed at the two new arrivals. Fluttershy put her hooves to her mouth in horror, and Rainbow Dash glanced down at the bag Twilight was holding. It was... brown sugar? Twilight lifted another lump of it into her mouth. She seemed to swill the sugar around her mouth before swallowing it. "But I'm alright now."

"Turns out it's basically impossible to kill an alicorn," said Spike, brandishing the parchment. "I sent a letter to Princess Celestia once the panic was over and Twilight had cleared out half the pantry. So long as Twilight gets to eat enough, her body can repair the damage. The Princess is gonna send some ponies to pick the assassins up, too."

"See?" said Twilight, using her hooves to pull back her fur and expose the fleshy line of what really ought to be a week-old scar on her skin. "Magic healing, who knew?"

Applejack shook her head a few times. "Scared me half ta death."

"Huh," said Rainbow. "Discord popped up on our way here to say he has all the assassins at the moment. He said he was gonna come back for the last one to keep them 'safe' until the guards get here. Where's the pony who stabbed you?"

"Rarity and Starlight have him," said Pinkie. "I let them know Twilight was okay already."

Rainbow Dash thought about that for a few moments. "Sucks to be that guy."

As Pinkie nodded her agreement, Fluttershy walked up closer to Twilight and Applejack. "Are you sure you're not hurting, Twilight?"

"Not anymore," Twilight shrugged and ate another lump of sugar. "I think I might join Applejack in emotional shock once Celestia's ponies get here and wrap things up, though."

Applejack gave her friend a sage nod. "We could get some therapy together or somethin'. Please don't let me see ya get stabbed again, Twi."

"Absolutely, Applejack," said Twilight. "Next time I'll try to give you a heads up so you can stay at home."

The two began to giggle, and Fluttershy pursed her lips. "I think you are in emotional shock, Twilight."

The alicorn shrugged and continued to snicker.

"Aw, laughing helps," said Pinkie. "Take it from an expert."

"To quote one of Rarity's favourite words, however," said Twilight as she raised one hoof. "I am feeling rather icky. The blood is drying and I don't like it."

"Oh," Spike said. "My bath, Twilight. I'd just finished running it and it still ought to be warm. Why don't you-"

Twilight was already on her feet, the half-eaten bag of sugar and another back-up held in her aura. Applejack, too, found herself floating in magenta.

"What in blue blazes, Twilight?" she asked with a weary tone.

"You are also icky. So bath," said Twilight, trotting for the door. "Bath and crying, I think."

Applejack sighed again. "'Kay."

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Spike watched as Twilight's navy blue but blood-clogged tail whipped around the door and out of sight.

A popping noise above the table drew all of their attentions, and Discord floated in the air, looking down at the mess with a wrinkled nose.

"Golly," he said. "What'd I miss?"

Author's Note:

And aside from the epilogue to come (immediately), that's the end!

Comments

[iAmSiNnEr]

HHAHAHAHA CALLED IT!

[BurnNote]

Don't like the way this went down. Twilight is the only one of the group that failed to deal with the problem and basically got saved by luck. If she'd already known and was unconcerned because of that, it'd be fine, but that's not the case.

[Vaguely Demented]

At bare minimum somepony should have checked to find out if anyone actually knew if alicorns were immortal.

[zimmerwald1915]

10897413
This is entirely in keeping with her past successes, which have all been based on serendipity or timely aid rather than cleverness or skill.

[Natedogg2006]

10897422
Totally. I half expected Twilight to just look up at him after stabbing her and be like, "You're aware I'm immortal right?" More stabs. "Apparently not."

[BurnNote]

10897522
Now that is somewhere between incredibly harsh on Twilight and flat out wrong. Exactly one of them got into DBZ style beam battle in canon, and it wasn't Rarity.

If you're going to give the Mane 6 a competence upgrade so they can casually stomp assassins, then do it to all of them. Not doing so is just... improper.

And hell, I don't even demand Twilight be a badass fighter. Fluttershy didn't, because her kindness meant there were a ton of animals doing it for her (plus Discord, but that's a bit of a special case). I would've been perfectly if one of the converted past villains kicked the assassin ass. Or if Twilight talked him into turning himself in. Honestly, I feel that would've been the coolest outcome.

[Ri2]

Is THAT why Celestia eats so much cake?

[badninja]

Not surprised that Twilight would be the most difficult to kill. Somewhat surprised that she did get “slightly” injured, but a healing factor is always a fun surprise on both ends.

[zimmerwald1915]

10897637

I would've been perfectly if one of the converted past villains kicked the assassin ass.

Then you should be happy, because Starlight shot him with a concussive blast.

Also, the DBZ-style beam battle was a draw, not a success. So were Twilight's magic duels with Starlight (all three of them). Her beam struggle with the Pony of Shadows was an outright failure. Her success against Tirek came only with Discord's key and bookmarks in the journal, against Starlight came because she came to appreciate the consequences of her actions, and against Stygian only with Starlight's prodding and interlocution. Going back further, she was only successful against Sombra and Sunset because Spike butted in (had he not, she'd have remained trapped by Sombra's crystals and stymied in the human world), only successful against Nightmare Moon because her friends butted in (she lost the magic duel and failed to activate the Elements), and had to be outright saved from Chrysalis by Cadance and Starlight. Even her one magic duel victory (against Sombra) was predicated on a lie by Discord. So I stand by what I said - good fortune and help over cleverness or skill.

[zimmerwald1915]

10897641
Why? We've seen Celestia injured.

[LordBucket]

10897413

Don't like the way this went down. Twilight is the only one of the group that failed to deal with the problem a

Deliberate subversion. Twilight is the one who should theoretically be most capable. She's the smartest, the most powerful, she lives in a castle that maybe has guards and magical wards, she's an alicorn...if the story had ended with her effortlessly dealing with her attacker just like everypony else, it would have been anticlimactic.

Instead we were given a twist.

[Hakar]

10898007

Instead we were given a twist.

The story specifically mentioned it was a slash.

[Draco Dei]

10898007
Interesting point!

[Shrubb]

To all of y’all disappointed that Twilight was the only one out of the Mane 6 that was (technically) successfully assassinated..... You Fools!

Bookhorse was reading a book and nothing can separate the two unless something prevents, or at least distracts Bookhorse from reading as proven by when the assassin casted a shadow over her beloved book!

Considering the assassin was quiet and acted in a way that was unnoticeable as they typically try to do, the scenario was practically no different to a library! Minus the attempted murdering of course. A thing a Bookhorse is very familiar with - the library-ing, not the murdering - so she was in the perfect zone not to notice an assassin till it was too late!

That and we all know Twilight would either befriend or blow up the intruder otherwise. It really depends on her mood.