Putting Out a Hit on Harmony

by Wanderling

1: The Perfectly Pleasant Tea-Party

Fluttershy sipped her tea and marvelled slightly that it didn't just go flying off to the right. More accurately, down. Discord had decided to hold their little get-together on the wall today, because the ground was 'boring' and the ceiling was 'getting there'. It was rather early in the morning, but Fluttershy usually had to get up to feed all of her animals, and a tea party for breakfast was just what she needed.

"How have you been, Discord?" Fluttershy asked.

"Simply splendiferous, my dear," Discord said, chewing the crusts off his sandwiches and leaving the middles. "I've recently started a new chaotic project for the good of all Equestria."

"Oh?" Fluttershy asked. She knew that Discord enjoyed it when his friends went prodding for more information.

Discord sighed deeply. "I've been talking to some of those stuffy scholarly ponies at Celestia's school. You know the ones, like Twilight but even more boring. I've been helping them run tests."

"It sounds like you're putting in a lot of hard work," Fluttershy said, putting her teapot left and reaching for a spoonful of jam to scone.

"Oh I am," Discord said, putting his lion paw to his head. "Truly it's-"

Discord paused and took his paw off of his face. Fluttershy watched his disgruntled expression and the way his ears twitched to and fro for a few moments. "Discord?"

"Ah," Discord said, his bushy eyebrows falling into a scowl. "Terribly sorry, Fluttershy, but there is an issue that requires my attention. I shan't be two ticks!"

"Oh," Fluttershy said, for lack of any other words. "Of course."

Discord snapped his claws, vanishing. He would be back - it wasn't like Discord to skip out of their tea parties without good reason, after all.

---

"My, my," Discord said upon materialising in front of an interesting mix of creatures.

Harry was there, of course, standing up on his hind legs with his arms crossed and a snargly snarl pulling up his lips. If ever there was an ursine-themed shindig thrown by the delightful Pink One in need of a bouncer, Discord would definitely recommend this bear for the job. There was also a family of rather angry-looking weasels, a very aggressive flamingo, and a duck.

The demon in rabbit flesh was perched on Harry's head, but for once his beady little know-too-much eyes weren't aimed at Discord. No, in fact they were set on the most interesting of the creatures gathered on the path up to Fluttershy's house. A pony.

He was rather large, as ponies went, and a pegasus like Discord's dearest friend. This pegasus, however, did not seem to be of the adorable, sweet-tempered nor kind variety. Not at all. This pony had scars littering the dark orange of his coat, and his dark blue mane was patchy in places where the scars travelled over the back of his neck. Discord had seen his fair share of pony warriors in his time, but this one was giving off quite the most alarming vibes of no-sense-of-humour.

He was probably here to recruit Fluttershy and her friends for some boring mission somewhere where Discord wasn't going to be. Hrmph. Still, he'd tripped the barrier that Discord had set up around Fluttershy's house to let him know if there were any malevolent intruders wandering around, and so it was worth asking him: What was up with that?

In all likelihood he'd probably just been startled by the bear and the demon, and reacted like a warrior towards them in picking fight over flight. It had happened before, and Fluttershy had pulled out her big watery eyes (the Stare was ineffectual on him, but by gum the waterworks were not) and convinced Discord to apologise to the mailpony who'd accidentally stepped on a wolf's tail and incited a small brawl. He'd been in a bit of a bad mood that day and might not have reacted to the brawl with the best of intentions... But the mailpony had seemed to forgive him for his trip around the Chaos Plains when he'd pulled him back!

"Goodness me," Discord said. No one there had really reacted when he'd spoken before - the pegasus was sizing up the bear with an iron-willed focus, and the other animals were too used to him to really be surprised by his brand of teleportation by now. "What in Equestria is going on here?"

Finally, the orange pony looked over to him, and Discord had the absolute pleasure of watching his eyes widen and his pupils shrink. Oh ho. If nothing else, still being able to inspire a little bit of awe would be worth the pause on his teatime with Fluttershy. "D-Discord? You're real?"

"Eh," Disord waved his talons around vaguely. "That's not important. No, no, no, what's important here is why you set off my 'bad intentions' alarm."

"Uh," said the pegasus. Hm. Not a very eloquent fellow, was he? "I have... A delivery? For the Guardian of Kindness."

Discord felt red flags fly around inside his brain and made a mental note to clean those up later. The pony in front of him had a delivery? Then where was it, whatever it was? "You're not any of the usual mailponies."

The orange pony began to sweat. That was, as Applejack might say, 'a tell for when somepony was lyin' their Celestia-forsaken hocks off'. "I'm new."

"New," Discord said, re-examining the pony in front of him. A couple of lightning bolts as a cutie mark. Kinda bland. He didn't even try telling a believable lie. "How... Nice. What's your name, little pony?"

The pegasus blinked at him. Was he going to try and give a decent false name, at least?

"Crash. Crash Sentinel."

"I see." That sounded far too real. Oh, this pony was no fun at all. Something about the name was familiar - ah, probably similar to an actual guard that somepony had mentioned before, perhaps? Maybe they were related. A member of a guard family gone rogue and turned to... What? Mercenary work? That, at least, was dramatic.

Wait, now just hold on one tick! Mercenary work? Now where exactly had Discord pulled that out from? His cerebral janitor pulled a red flag away from a blinking console. Aha, the analysis of the situation was done! Discord hit the button and a report began to spill from his mouth. He used his paw to hold the piece of paper up so that it was easier to read, and so that he would be able to catch it when it was done.

The pony was a warrior, but he was doing distinctly un-warriorlike things, such as sneaking up towards... Fluttershy's... House. Discord felt his brows pull down into a scowl and the paper burst into flames in his paw. Mercenaries were hired to do violent things by other ponies. The only pony who lived up this track was Dearest Fluttershy. Therefore, if this extrapolation thing Twilight kept going on about was to be considered, the mercenary was here to do violent things to Fluttershy specifically.

Clearly, this could not be allowed to happen.

"Uh, so if I could just be on my-"

"What were you really planning to do?" Discord asked, in an admittedly flat sort of voice as he pulled out a clipboard and materialised himself a nice pair of glasses. So what if he sounded a little bored with this situation? He was! He'd much rather have had something like a hydra with laser eyes threatening to rampage, because that would be something fun to watch, rather than this whole pony thing about being polite and letting other ponies have their say and not teleporting them into the Chaos Plains for a few relative centuries. He was already sure that this pony deserved it, of course, but first he'd have to prove-

"Muck, I ain't gonna get this mark, am I?" Crash said. Discord felt one of his eyebrows soaring up in response. Aw, rats, he'd have to fetch that back later.

Discord looked through the papers on his clipboard. "Hm. Mark. Mark. Nope, no ponies of that name out here. Unless you're meaning mark as in 'target', in which case it seems as though you were approaching the dwelling of my dearest friend Fluttershy. Which, well, is frankly an activity that may not be particularly healthy for you in the long run."

The stallion gulped.

"So, if you wouldn't mind telling me how exactly you were going to ruin Fluttershy's - that is, my closest friend's - day, and who sent you to do it, I may be inclined to hand you over to the town's police department," Discord said, snapping the clipboard and glasses away to snake his head forwards and meet Crash's eyes from very close up. "Instead of, you know, taking matters into my own claws."

For a moment, it looked like the stallion was sufficiently cowed enough to capitulate. Then that spark of stubborn pony defiance flared in his eyes, and he braced himself on the ground. What a bother.

"I won't talk," Crash Sentinel growled. "You might be the Lord of Chaos, but I will never-"

"Yes, yes, I've heard it all before," Discord waved his hand and snapped his fingers to bring his wandering eyebrow back. He turned to the animals. "Angel, I know we have our differences, but in this instance I believe we share a common goal."

The fuzzy little demon rubbed his fuzzy little demon paws together, and let out a fuzzy little demon laugh. Crash suddenly seemed to remember the presence of the animals - notably Harry, but in Discord's opinion that wasn't the one to watch for - and his head swung around to stare at them with once-again widening eyes. The weasels were bristling, the flamingo looked ready to kill, and the duck was a duck, so really anything could have been going on in that brain.

Discord and the demon rabbit locked eyes.

"Make him talk," Discord commanded.

For once, the demon named Angel seemed only too happy to obey.

---

Fluttershy was just wondering if she should help herself to another jam when Discord rematerialised.

"Oh! You're back!" Fluttershy said, smiling at her friend. Discord didn't smile back. "Oh dear, what's wrong?"

Discord looked off to the side, expression pensive. "I believe this issue may take longer than I thought in order to resolve."

"Goodness, is it anything I can help with?"

"It's probably best if you stay here," Discord said. "I just apprehended a would-be assassin on his way up to the path here."

Fluttershy covered her mouth with one hoof and gasped. "An assassin? After me?"

"Yes, it seems like you and your friends have become targets for some nefarious criminal," Discord sniffed. "I must go check on the others. Perhaps, lock your doors and windows until it is safe."

"Oh, uh, yes," Fluttershy said, feeling her pulse racing. An assassin? Goodness gracious, if Fluttershy's language might be excused.

Discord's ears twitched. "I believe I will go check on Pinkie Pie first. Stay safe, my dear."

Fluttershy nodded, and Discord disappeared. Oh dear. She hoped that all of her friends were safe, and that Discord got to them in time. She stared at the remainder of the tea party and felt her appetite leave her. Right. Lock the doors and windows, and wait. She could do that, and then she would be free to fret under her bed.

That sounded like a plan.

Author's Note:

Well, there it is! The beginning!

Comments

[DracoLazarus]

Oooooh, I'm curious how it will go ^^

[Double Vision]

You have my attention. Do keep going!

[Hillbe]

Hired killers?

They wont know what went wrong

[Vaguely Demented]

And here I thought the Duck was bluffing.

[thamoneyman]

oh. oh, you poor, poor fools.

[Lady Lightning Strike]

"Make him talk," Discord commanded.

Oh god. The poor stallion! When Discord is the one giving you over to Angel, you know you messed up horribly. Especially with a statement as open as that.

[Daethalion]

I suppose it's for the best the duck didn't need to get involved. Who knows what might have happened.

[Natedogg2006]

I figured Fluttershy would have tamed them and the rest would walk in on them and Fluttershy having a delightful tea party at the very end. But sicking angel and discord on them was definitely more fun.

[Fireheart 1945]

10895372

Release the Quacken!

[Draco Dei]

My estimation of who would actually be dealing with the assassin changed three times while reading this chapter. Good job!

[Cerulean Blue]

Fluttershy? The cads!