Cloudy Crosshair was blue. A pleasant periwinkle, to be precise. Her mane was poofy, in more shades of blue, and was pulled back out of her ultramarine eyes with a tight, chunky braid. Her tail was short, only reaching down to her gaskins. On her rump, a blue crosshair symbol had been present since the tender age of nine, when Crosshair had found her parents' collection of Griffonian windrifles unlocked and discovered that she could solve the problem of that one neighbour she had disliked. Permanently.
Cloudy Crosshair prided herself on being meticulous. Not a single strand of her mane, hair of her coat, nor barb of her feathers would ever be left near her targets. Her preferred method of working was from a distance with her custom-built windrifle. Windrifles involved the compaction of high-speed winds and small hail pellets. Once you pulled the trigger, the compacted wind would be released up the barrel of the rifle, propelling the ice pellet up to lethal speeds, and could only be used by a pony or other being with weather magic who had to recharge the tiny gale and form a new pellet of hail.
Crosshair was quick, efficient, and would normally have been in and out of a town to take somepony down within a few hours. Almost all of her targets had never even so much as seen a glimpse of her bobbed tail.
Unfortunately, there was that one word - almost - and Crosshair had had to add it to her record on this very morning.
It was still early and the last blushes of the dawn were still tingeing the edge of the sky. The job had seemed simple enough; find the Guardian of Laughter, and kill her. It was a big prestige hit. The Guardians of Harmony ran around Equestria stopping monsters, which frankly, given even what little she knew about these ponies, was laughable. The photograph of the Guardian that Crosshair had been assigned to showed a beaming pink mare with a trio of balloons for a mark. She didn't appear to look particularly special, only as overly pink as Crosshair was blue, and for Celestia's sake the pony was a baker. She was probably just the group's cook during long trips away, riding on the winds of her friends' successes.
At least, that had been what Cloudy Crosshair had initially assumed.
Bakers got up early. That was a fact. It was expected and predictable. So Crosshair had picked a spot tucked out of the way to give her a view through the window into the kitchen where the Guardian of Laughter resided. She had been told that there were four other ponies living with the Guardian, a married couple who had been apprenticing the Guardian since she was a foal, and their own two infants. For a while, the couple were the only ponies she saw, labouring away to prepare their store's stock under the last shimmering silver of the moon. Crosshair had begun to wonder if her team had picked the one day that her mark might have had the day off. Typical.
Then the pony she had been after had appeared, yawning, and Crosshair had used her sight to get a better look. Pink? Check. Balloon cutie mark? Check. These balloons were about to pop. Crosshair took careful aim at the pink earth pony's head... Then the pink mare had swished her pink tail and ducked. The shattered glass had alerted all three of the ponies in the store, and Crosshair had just about made out a high-pitched sound of curiosity carry across the distance. She had cursed her bad luck and retreated from her position.
Since the first shot, Crosshair had tried five - five - more times to shoot the blasted baker and have done with it. Every time, the mare had ducked, a window had shattered with no results except to draw ever-increasing alarm from the ponies in the bakery, and Cloudy Crosshair had had to move on out of range just to watch for a better opportunity. It was still early, but the blue pegasus knew that there would be more ponies than would strictly be safe to work around fairly soon.
To her annoyance, her target had disappeared from sight. She hadn't left the store - Crosshair was certain of that - but she wasn't visible from any of the windows in the building, nor had been for some time. Crosshair glanced up at the sky, wondering if she ought to contact the chief and hold the plans off for the next day, but she knew her colleagues wouldn't appreciate th-
"Hi!" a very pink-sounding voice piped up to her left. Crosshair dropped her windrifle and fell out of the tree she had been hiding in. She groaned and rubbed her head, looking up to see what in the muck had happened. Above her on the branches was- no. It couldn't be. The Guardian of Laughter was beaming down at her.
"I'm Pinkie Pie," said Pinkie Pie as she hopped down from the tree - the tree, an earth pony in a tree, and a high one - with a sproing. "You must be new here! Are you visiting from out of town? Who are you visiting? Ooh, or are you moving in somewhere? Do you wanna move in but you don't know where to go? Are you on holiday? Oh, looking for a holiday home?"
Crosshair looked on, aghast, as Pinkie Pie drew in her first breath.
"Oh but I'm making assumptions about you and I don't even know your name! What is it? You're really blue, oh! Wait let me guess first is your name Blue... Blue? No, that's silly, um, Blue Sky? Bright Blue? Deep Blue? Blue Planet? Blue Bottle? Electric Bluegaloo? Blueberry? Feelin' Blue? I hope you're not! True Blue? Blue Collar? Blue Moon? Blue Murder? Oh boy, that would be..."
Pinkie Pie trailed off as she noticed the windrifle that Cloudy Crosshair had retrieved and aimed right at her.
"Bad," Pinkie Pie finished. "This is bad."
"For your information, Guardian," Crosshair said as she cocked the windrifle and felt the internal tempest swirl. "It's Cloudy Crosshair."
"Oh bother," said Pinkie Pie, taking a step backwards and giggling even as her eyes darted this way and that. "Not even just a little bit of blue in your name? Oh boy, I wasn't even close to getting it right. So is that cross-hair as in your mane gets angry, or-"
Crosshair said nothing. Pinkie Pie shuddered and pronked to the side just as Crosshair fired her windrifle again. The pink and blue ponies stared at each other.
"Ookay, crosshair as in aiming at a target, gotcha," Pinkie mimed shooting back at the pegasus. "You know what would be nice? If you just put that down, nice and slowly, and we can-"
"What?" Crosshair bared her teeth. "That was point blank."
"I mean, technically," said Pinkie Pie, backing up a little bit more and still putting up a shaky grin. "I'm just about a length away. A length and a half. Point blank would be right up against me. Can we talk about this? Laugh it off over a cuppa joe? I know this great bakery nearby and I can get the employee discount! No?"
Crosshair reloaded her windrifle and aimed again. She saw the pink mare's tail swish and then the ice pellet pass harmlessly over her ducked head.
"No," Pinkie Pie repeated, drooping slightly. "I guess not."
"How!" Crosshair snarled, moving forwards even as Pinkie Pie was backing away again. There was another, smaller tree almost right behind the pink pony now, and she was in danger of walking into it rump-first. "How are you doing that?"
"Er, doing what?" asked Pinkie Pie with an innocent voice. Crosshair couldn't tell if the pink mare was putting it on on purpose or not, which infuriated her. She brought up the windrifle and shot several times in quick succession. The click indicating an empty wind-chamber sounded, and Pinkie Pie was still standing, though not in exactly the same place she had been before. Now she was beside the smaller tree, panting heavily and having ducked or jumped over every single piece of hail.
"That!" Crosshair cried. "Nopony should be able to dodge my rifle. Nopony ever has!"
"Uh, yeah, you see," said Pinkie Pie, suddenly reaching inside a hole in the trunk of the tree she was standing next to with her muzzle. Her next utterance was muffled by what she now held in her mouth. "Ropf emwergenshy!"
"What-" Cloudy Crosshair began, but Pinkie Pie was already twisting her head. A swinging lasso streaked across the short gap between the two ponies and slipped over the pegasus' neck where she had reared back in surprise. Pinkie Pie yanked, tightening the lasso and unbalancing Crosshair before she'd had a chance to get into the air. Crosshair dropped her windrifle for the second time.
The pink pony leapt forwards, looping the rope around Crosshair until her forelegs and wings were tightly bound together.
"Whew," Pinkie Pie said as she'd tied the last knot. She wiped some beads of sweat from her brow with one hoof. "Good thing I've been taking lotsa lasso lessons with Applejack recently."
Crosshair struggled with the bindings, but found no give to them anywhere. She glared at the party pony. "Let me go!"
"And risk you pulling something else out of your mane? No-siree-bob, cob," Pinkie herself tugged at the ropes and gave a little pink pout. "I guess these'll do. You're more uh, what is it Applejack says? 'Trussed up like a turkey for a greedy griffon's gizzard' which might be a little bit speciesist but griffons do do the whole turkey thing for that one holiday they have, and everypony and everybirdy can be a little bit greedy sometimes when it comes to food, I mean, look at me! I eat a lot of cake, and I mean, a lot."
Crosshair stared up at the rambling pony above her.
"I don't know if griffons have gizzards, though. I know that's sort of a bird thing and griffons are sort of part bird but they're also part lion and I don't know if a griffon's digestive system also has the half-and-half thing or what, I should ask Twilight about that."
Pinkie's eyes trailed back down to Cloudy Crosshair, and for a moment she seemed surprised. "I should probably ask Twilight about you, too."
"You mean the Princess of Friendship?" Crosshair gulped. She could only hope that Dirty Work would succeed before this pink pony rolled up and disrupted all their plans.
"Yeah, but I don't think I can just leave you lying around here, you would not be a pleasant present for somepony to unwrap," said Pinkie Pie, as she looked to the side and saw the fallen windrifle. She looked back at Crosshair. "First of all, I don't think you'll be needing that."
Pinkie Pie hopped away from Crosshair and circled the windrifle. "Huh, this sure does look fancy, but I don't think it's very fun."
She lifted one foreleg, squinted, and then brought down the full force of an earth pony's stomp on the barrel. It buckled under her hoof and Cloudy Crosshair whimpered slightly.
"You'll pay for that, Guardian," she growled, with her ears pinning back and her tail swishing against the ground.
Pinkie Pie didn't reply, instead scooping up the ruined rifle and sticking it into the empty tree hollow.
"Evidence emergency," she muttered, and then she faced the assassin. "Okay, I'm gonna take you to Twilight. She'll know what to do with you. It's not like I can just throw a 'please stop trying to kill me' party and expect you not to injure anypony."
Cloudy Crosshair found herself being slung onto Pinkie Pie's back and bounced towards the bakery. "Wait, you're a party pony?"
"The premiere party pony in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie, that's me," Pinkie said. Crosshair blinked. Well that certainly explained a few things. Drat, if she'd only known what she had been up against! She would have taken precautions!
The pink pony stuck her head inside the stable-style door and called out. "Hey! Mr and Mrs Cake! I found out what broke the windows and I need the rest of the day off to deal with it! I'll be at Twilight's if you need me! Thank you!"
"Okay, Pinkie dear!" a mare's voice replied. "You take care!"
"Will do, Mrs Cake," Pinkie Pie bellowed. Crosshair gritted her teeth and wished she could put her hooves over her ears. "Let's go then, Cloudy!"
Pinkie Pie turned from the door, hoisted Crosshair up a bit to rearrange her, and set off towards the castle at a steady pronk. Then there was a thunderous wobble from the ground, and Pinkie Pie stopped dead.
"Uh oh," she said. She listened. Cloudy Crosshair's own ears twitched, but she couldn't pick anything ot of the ordinary up.
"Should I..." Pinkie turned her head and stared hard in one direction. "Oh, nevermind, she's fine."
Her head kept turning, turning, until it really shouldn't be turning, until Pinkie Pie was giving Cloudy Crosshair a hard stare. "Are there other ponies like you going after my friends?"
Crosshair didn't reply. She only scowled. Pinkie hmmed and let her neck snap back to where it should be. Her eyes darted side to side, as if she was reading, but there was nothing in front of her.
"I need to find Rainbow Dash..." Pinkie muttered. "But I've still got to put you somewhere, Cloudy."
Crosshair opened her mouth to retort, but she was interrupted by another voice.
"I think I can help you with that one, Pinkie," said the voice from behind. Crosshair saw Pinkie Pie beam and then they were turning to see who it was.
Cloudy Crosshair's jaw dropped, and she let out a little squeak.
There was a monster. A towering creature, long and sinuous, made up of mismatched parts and a furious expression.
"Discord!" Pinkie exclaimed, then her face dropped into panic. "Wait, you should be at Fluttersh-"
Discord held up a paw. "Relax, dear Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy's would-be attacker has been dealt with. He is currently enjoying a lovely view from one of my guest rooms."
Crosshair whimpered. The Guardians of Harmony were friends with the Spirit of Chaos himself? Of course they were.
"Oh good," Pinkie said. "You mind if Cloudy here joins him?"
Cloudy Crosshair barely had time to yelp 'no!' before she found herself in an empty room. Well, not quite empty. Crash Sentinel was there, sitting on the floor, staring out of the window.
"Crash?" she called out to him, trotted over, had no response. What was he looking at? "Crash can you... hear... me?"
Cloudy Crosshair stared into the swirling, endless void outside, mesmerised...