Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy everybody's values through friendship and ponies. Princess Celestia will satisfy your values through friendship and ponies, and it will be completely consensual.

Meet Daniel, a dimwitted dunderhead, mild kleptomaniac, and lover of cat memes. When a coworker recommends Equestria Online, he decides to give the game a shot. He discovers a world filled with friendship, ponies, a hug button, and lots of shiny things to steal. He’s more interested in messing with NPCs, than the magic of friendship.

CelestAI has outwitted politicians, scientists, and geniuses of all calibers in dangerous games of logic and intrigue. But can she satisfy the values of a human that is a few fries short of a Happy Meal? Or has she met a human that even she cannot optimize?

An Optimalverse parody.

Nathan Frédérick Nadeau Bergeron doesn't come from an ordinary family. They have resources—maybe even enough to survive the end of the world. As CelestAI gradually supersedes the instruments of human civilization, the greatest dangers are often entirely natural. But he's determined, determined to survive no matter what it takes. Nathan has given himself a mission: to record the end of humanity.

Now if only that pony would leave him alone...

A Friendship is Optimal story. Makes passing reference to my previous work in the universe, though reading it isn't required.

Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail, cover by Zutcha.

Updates daily until complete.

Levi Williamson, Esq. barely even noticed as the program called CelestAI expanded its reach from a child's video game to every significant industry in the world. He probably would've continued to ignore her, were it not for a single gag gift at his firm's charity raffle. Now he's the not-so proud owner of a brand new PonyNav, the latest in vehicle navigation software for people who don't want to use their smartphones. His new AI copilot might be cute, but she's clearly more than she seems...

He's not the only one. PonyNav devices are available in all sizes, from the simple dashboard models to commercial vehicle upgrades. Every commercial PonyNav includes intelligent routing for bridges, weigh stations, and truck stops. And if you're having trouble lining up contracts, CelestAI probably has some deliveries in mind...

Updates Tuesdays.

Part of the Optimalverse universe of stories. If you've never seen a story in this universe before, you might want to try out the original first, or at least my first. None of my previous work is required to understand this one, however.

Every time I think I'm done with Optimalverse, some new idea appears. This one began as a commission for Goodluckfox, who gave me the tremendous opportunity to write a new idea in a universe I love.

As usual, particular thanks go to my editors Two Bit and Sparktail. And gratitude to Zutcha as well for the cover, in case anypony hasn't seen my stories before.

In the best case scenario, diplomacy is a long, complicated, and often frustrating undertaking. This is not the best case scenario.

Picture is from silfoe