This story is a sequel to Never get naked in your shower

Anon visits the crystal empire for some R&R. Too bad trouble seems to follow him wherever he goes

A genuine oblivious simulator.

Watch as pony after pony, throw themselves at you!

And you simply act borderline retarded.

Contains Mild Cursing And Lots Of Sex Slang!

I Wrote This As A Gift To My New Mate MDCommissioner!

It's dumb and silly but I hope you still enjoy luv!

Art By PonutJoe, check source for link.

Bloody Featured On 1\19\20 & 1\20\20 & 1\21\20 & 1\22\20 & 1\23\20 & 1\24\20!

Featured on January 24th-28th, 2020

You stumbled apon facing the toughest challenge since coming to Equestria; fighting off three overpowered villains with a bell to take all the magic from the ponies. It is up to you to help stop them from getting more powerful by using yourself as bait. When Chrysalis encounters you though, a clever idea struck your vision.

To ask her out!

Cover art by mirroredsea

Audio reading by StraightToThePointStudio

Twilight and her friends want to go caroling on Hearth's Warming Eve. Anon really has to use the bathroom. Who will win in this war of wills?

No one, really.

Chrysalis might be one of the most evil, vile, and dastardly villains that Equestria has ever known. She might have been responsible for nearly destroying the world more than once, she might even be a soul-sicking, shapeshifting monster, but she is still a mare.

She had never been given a genuine, honest compliment from someone that wasn't under threat or stuffed into a feeding pod or mind controlled. Today that is going to change.

Cadence really hasn't happy about the whole thing.

Artist is llamacheesecake

It's Hearth's Warming Eve once again, and Anon plans on spending it the same way he spends it every year: drunk and alone.

Well, not if Celestia and Luna have anything to say about it.

Anon has been forced into Canterlot's throne room. Even worse, Princess Celestia is inside of it. Crying silently.

Welp, there's only one real solution here.

Boops.

Now's the time to hope this isn't a crime of any sort, and that he isn't sent to the sun anytime soon.

First publicized story- would definitely appreciate criticism.

And being completely honest- this was made in under an hour. A product of sudden inspiration.

Edit 5/17/19: Christ, featured less than an hour after it was posted and generally liked- i'm honoured. Glad you all enjoyed my silly little story!
As of 12/12/22, this still manages to appear on popular stories and featured occasionally when I post, which I cannot fathom-

Now featuring a Ko-fi for the generous, looking to help me out or the folks I want to support in my life.

Hearts and Hooves Day. Anon wants a pizza; Cadance wants to find him a marefriend. Only one of them is going to get what they want today.

Equestria is in general a really kind, wholesome place. You've been around the block a few times, and seen your fair share of hardship. But honestly? Some of the slang that these ponies seem to be worrying about is just... out of line. Don't seven year old's say worse things on Xbox Live?

This Story Contains: Nothing to Worry About. Trust Me.

Don't you Trust Me?

Reading by Straight To The Point Studios

Life living inside the Changeling hive is honestly pretty baller. Everyone keeps to themselves. You get to 'hang out' with the Changeling Queen. But when you get scolded for cleaning your belly-button lint in public, you learn something quite special.

Reading by Straight to the Point Studios