• Published 19th Jan 2020
  • 11,991 Views, 196 Comments

You're Anon The Oblivious Human Equestrian Guy - Mystical

Everypony wants to shag you...too bad you're oblivious to it.

  • ...

You Thick Bastard!

Rarity had invited you over for a lovely cup of tea. But to your surprise, it was just a guise to be able to question you about a few things. So here you sat if barely at a quite undersized pink-colored table, legs scrunched up at the sides of Equestria’s most petite little chair.

“Darling, I'm simply going to cut to the chase.” Rarity sat across from you sipping on a dainty glass of hot tea with a gaze of seriousness.

“Please do, I'm actually late for a date with Pinkie Pie.” You sipped from your own tiny cup, pinkie finger barely able to fit into the handle loop.

“The girls have told me about you dodging them.” Rarity flaunted her slender hoof towards you in curiosity.

“Dodging!? I've spent all day with them!” You snorted in a playful reply.

“No, that you won't buck them, darling.” Rarity smacked her lips casually expecting a reply.

“I kicked Applejack already, who else wants to be bucked?” You quirked a brow confused.

“No, I mean to shag.” Rarity narrowed her dark blue eyes annoyed.

“Who's too shaggy? Is it Rainbow?” You replied confused.

“Pound?” Rarity scrunched her muzzle cutely.

“A pound of what? Sugar?”

“Screw.” Rarity sighed.

“I left my tools at home.” You gave an absent-minded blink.

“To give them your dick!” Rarity tossed her teacup aside, rage growing within.

“I don't have a private investigator to give!” You tossed yours away too.

“COCK! -- I'M TALKING ABOUT GIVING COCK!!” Rarity lifted onto the table screaming wildly.

“Rarity, I don't raise chickens!!” You leaned inward matching her anger.

“Dear Celestia, you're thick!” Rarity scoffed with a frazzled mane.

You watched her gallop off in anger. The door of her adorable boutique slammed shut loudly behind her, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

How dare she call you fat!?