opticblast
Joined 30th Dec, 2011 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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gotta say i like it and cant wait for the next chapter i just wish the chapters were a little longer
geez your fast with updates >.> your rainbow dash arent you
192816
Haha, nah. Just had a lot of chapters already done to be posted way before i even planned on posting it here
192827 ahh you know the odd thing i was listening to what is love when i found and it matches it
192832
ha that is odd, good song tough. Never realized it could match
I like the story but you really need to get some prereaders and proofreaders on this.
193369
Check the description, i did have it preread and proofread and even edited on some parts. It's still a work in progress. Care to give me some pointers?
193689
It's nothing too major. You just have some tense issues and a few run-on sentences.
The real issue is the frequency that they appear. Noting against your writing, but If I were in your place, I wouldn't have submitted this yet. That's me though. ever the perfectionist.
196392
Nah, your right. Truth is that i wasn't quite sure to post it just yet, but i got curious at the reactions it would bring. Could you maybe give me some help with editing since the other person i'm working with doesn't have that much time anymore, thnx for the tips anyway.
195228
so....good..bad??
I like this (a lot)but it needs some SERIOUS editing, flow and spelling and grammar kind of need an overhaul.
Also, dialogue for rarity feels unnatural it times.
Lastly, your perspective jumps around a bit too much, but that's just a pet peeve of mine.
On the plus side your story is very interesting and i genuinely enjoy it. Also you manage to keep it in past tense, which is saying which is more than i cn say for most writers.
Now I'm really curious to see the next chapter
541942
Glad you like it so far
you really need to reread your storys man, there is so many spelling mistakes and stuff....its so good as well!
Yep, the story is wonderful, but there's really a lot of errors. Normally I'm not doing this, but since you asked for it yourself, I listed a couple of mistakes I noticed. Maybe it'll help you.
I'll lose hope in the English language if it's really okay to write "the pegasus her". It sounds terribly, horribly [list of similar adverbs] wrong to me.
Possessive s 101: Is it singular, always add 's regardless of the ending. Is it plural and ends in s, add just the apostrophe ('). Is it plural and doesn't end in s, add 's.
Capitalization: I is written capitalized. Always. Names are written capitalized as well (yes, even if they're the same as things, like sparkle). Pegasus is not written capitalized. At least not the way you mean it. It took me a while to understand why you probably wrote it big all the time. Pegasus was the name of the winged horse in the Greek mythology, but if you refer to a winged pony as a member of a race of such, you shouldn't capitalize it. (If I'm not mistaken a word for winged equines doesn't even really exist in English, but pegasus is commonly used.)
You also often seem to mix similarly written or spelled words up. (on-one; than-then; your-you're; to-too; pet- pat;) And many more. You might want to check their meanings, unless it's a matter of concentration. Then you should read the whole story really calmly to make sure that you can reduce those mistakes.
Last but not least... well not even last to be honest. I'm okay with freedom of interpretation. If you want to spell her name Pinky, I'm alright with that. I did it too after I heard her name for the first time, but please do it consistently and don't switch between Pinkie and Pinky after each paragraph.
Finally, there's a lot more stuff that's not so important for me personally. Sorry for being a bit harsh on you, but you asked for it, and I hope that it'll help you. Please, continue the story. It's really awesome, even with the flaws.
552943
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so glad that someone actually gives me a few pointers. I always point out (also in the summary and in my recent blog) that it will always be a work in progress (it's mainly cause im also a programmer and a program is never done, not even when it's finished), so expect updates and flaws on a regular basis.
I actually posted the lasted chapter cause i mainly wanted to show people that i haven't forgotten the story.
Thnx fr the pointers and im glad you like the story
for some reason I hoped Dash would go the whole 9 yards
IfyouknowwhatImean.jpeg
Please don't stop ;-;
I'm really excited about the next chapter!
grammer and spelling errors but im enthralled..... is that the right word????
great chappie to a so far sweet story
i feel kinda bad for rares havin a crush on pinks thou 
all well at lest "auntie" rarity got to teach her luv something 
and who knew that pinks lik that whole bondage thing too 
anyways, can't wait for moar
199425
amazing....... just .......... amazing
a little short but still good nonetheless
i'd actually like to see it continue....................
think pinkie might be developing a bit of stockholm here.
any chance we can see more of the story?
Then shouldn't you add the dark and sad tags?
Did you forget this story?
549653 who bucking cares about spelling it's a good story
we won't know ether with out the next chapter please update soon
Aside from the need of an editor I love this and am sad that it seems abandoned!!! Please come back and finish it!! It is so sweet and gaaaah I love it!
Nightmare on elm Street classic, though in my opinion and I may be biased about this Friday the 13th and nightmare on elm Street should be tied for the most amount of blood anyone else think that?