• Member Since 8th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 15th, 2020

Martian


He's just this guy, you know?

E

Hard lives breed hard ponies, whether by choice or by need. A chance meeting, a kindness rebuffed, and a direction of travel shared all lead to a journey of self-discovery on two fronts.



Cover is a composite of images from the talented artists Murphylaw4me and Dufy.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 172 )

TrixieMac? Haven't seen one of those in a while

So the Pies are relatives to the Apples? Nice to know I'm not the only one to think of that. I will be keeping an eye on this for sure.

Awesome descriptions, well written....
yes...I will watch this with interest! :moustache:

"Trixie was being outperformed by a random piece of geology."

I hate when that happens. :trixieshiftright:

Interesting fic you've got here. Can't wait to see more!

This is really quite good so far. I'm loving how you are writing Mac and his relatives, and Trixie is about as much fun as expected (in a good way).

Eagerly looking forward to more.

This story came with five invisible chapters in my favorites. It's a somewhat common glitch that I can't figure out yet. Is there some unpublished chapters, perhaps?

I wonder how a strange pony like Trixie will play out in Mac's life.

2677008

Huh, odd. The next chapter is sitting GDocs and not uploaded to here yet, so I'm not sure what is causing that for you.

And I am also interested to see just how this will play out. Like I said; I have no plan, I'm just letting the characters go where they will. :twilightsheepish:

2677041

I like what you have so far. I always liked when an arrogant character snubs a charitable one. The resolutions for those relationships seem to have more payoff and heartache, which makes a good read to me.

Well, this is a nice afternoon surprise. Very well written, with an interesting premise. Faved and upvoted, I look forward to seeing more.

2675441
It's happened to you too? Don't ever call an igneous rock a sedimentary rock- there's a long standing hatred between the two families- and they will get back at you somehow with their partner in crime, Gravity.

2677651
Oh, Gravity already hates me. Made that clear when I was a yearling: I descended a very long flight of stairs in a very short time, a neat trick when you can't actually walk yet.

Good sir/madam, I clicked on your story thinking it was impossible that you had 40 likes and zero dislikes. Thank you for proving me wrong. I love this story! It has everything I've been looking for in a fan-fic. The pacing is light-hearted and smooth, allowing for character development and interaction; the characters, especially Turnover, are fun and interesting; and your descriptions- good god, your descriptions. When you describe the petals falling onto the path in chapter 2, I could see it in my mind and I could feel the love and admiration Big Mac has for the orchard in your description. Furthermore, you made Trixie likeable. She's rude, she self-centered, but the way you portray the character, it's like there's something underneath- like she's afraid to ask for help, not just unwilling.
The thing I love the most, though, is the relationship between Macintosh and Trixie. They seem like they make a terrible couple what with Trixie being Trixie, but there's chemistry between them. It isn't much so far, but that's realistic. I cannot count how often I see in TV shows or fan-fics where it's obvious who's going to in a romance. It's so annoying when people write relationships like that. You allow the relationship to grow, and it's way more entertaining. You never made a scene that sets off an alarm saying "THESE TWO ARE GOING TO BE A COUPLE," and I love this story for that.
In terms of flaws, there were a few grammar mistakes and missing words, but nobody's perfect, and they never detracted from the reading experience. Some of the descriptions were a little long for me, but that's probably just because I have ADD. Besides, your descriptions are so good that I'd be doing myself a disservice not to read them.
People keep saying Fallout: Equestria is the best MLP fan-fic, but I found it pretty uninteresting. This, on the other hand, has me craving more. You deserve every amount of praise you get, and then some.
Also, where did you learn all that stuff about smithing? It's fascinating.

2678335
i.imgur.com/yXDJNIM.gif

I am so very happy you are enjoying it, and I hope not to disappoint as future chapters are added! The next one may have Trixie being a bit overly nice, but there is a reason for it. I also know exactly what you mean about 'obvious romances', where the authour's want for the relationship to happen becomes overbearing and removes the characters from who they are.

This is more or less the reason why I am letting the characters react and move they way I think they should, rather than trying to railroad them into what I want. It moves slower, but it moves organically~

As to the blacksmithing; I've always been attracted to the skill, to the point where I actually bought my own forge and anvil... unfortunately, I had to move cross-country only weeks after acquiring it, and had to leave it behind. There is a stellar book on the subject though, and I cannot recommend it enough for those interested: The Art of Blacksmithing, by Alex W. Bealer. It not only contains technical descriptions of the work, but also a whole lot of history and love for the craft. Very much worth owning and reading.

:heart:

a3V

A much as Trixie would have loved a soft life

Hmm hmm.

Hay Martian :U

2678454 I know I shouldn't but you buying a forge and having to abandon it- it made me chuckle.
]:heart:

Actually there were several very advanced cultures with little to no metallurgy. Most notably the greater societies of early America: the Olmec, Aztec, Inca, Mayans and others.

Also, one hundred years ago (1913) blacksmithing had already been declining for decades due to the industrial revolution.

I have always seen blacksmiths represented as musclebound (which frankly they were), but I don't recall much that indicated they were stupid. I consume more books than any other part of popular culture, so perhaps it's present somewhere I'm less familiar with.

Oh, and I'm liking the story thus far. Nicely done.

2678671
Absolutely true, I suppose I should have clarified that there were no 'advanced' civilizations without their blacksmiths. When entire nations relied on horses to get work done, the farrier was king of the town.

Most blacksmiths weren't muscle-bound, though they were indeed immensely strong. It sort of comes with the job. A lot of people mistake strength for muscle-bound bodybuilder-type bodies, though. Working in front of a hot fire for hours on end doing a lot of intense labour burned a whole lot of energy, and heavy muscles are quite a bit less efficient at using energy than lean, wiry ones, especially when it comes to constant use. As an example, take a look at the average MMA match; the lightweights can fight for years and barely slow down, while the heavyweights are gassed after two rounds. Of course, outliers everywhere, but for the most part smiths tended to be on the lean side.

:heart:

I have to say, for being front and center in the story, Trixie, herself, doesn't seem to come through in any of the text. If the viewer were to hear directly from her in some form or fashion, it would do an immense amount of good towards building a connection with the audience. For example, this passage,

The magic flickered once, then died with an unceremonious and decidedly unimpressive fwizzle. Trixie slumped to the ground, eyes squeezed shut, belly heaving as she tried to catch her breath. She had been at this for hours, she thought, and she wasn't used to this kind of workout, wasn't at all used to the idea of sweating for any reason, really. Trixie was of the opinion that it was far better to marshall one’s strength and so just ‘augmented’ her act with cunning use of fireworks.

Now let's change a few of those 3rd person pronouns and make them 1st person(with a bit of spit polish), to illustrate the results

The magic flickered once, then died with an unceremonious and decidedly unimpressive fwizzle. Trixie slumped to the ground, eyes squeezed shut, belly heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I've been at this for hours, and I'm not used to this kind of workout-to the idea of sweating for any reason, really. I'm of the opinion that it's far better to marshall my strength and just ‘augment’ my act with a cunning use of fireworks.

Additionally, I, at no point in the text, felt like I had any proper introduction to why she was doing what she was, nor was did I feel drawn into her world and her journey. Part of that is in the lack of the premise in this into, and another is the lack of concise or poignant details. Without them, the reader can't get a clear picture of what you're trying to paint for the viewer. For example:

If stones had eyes, this one would have been regarding the pony with one of those steady, unimpressed looks that could last all day.

You can't assume the viewer knows what a steady, unimpressed look is; you need to be specific. What is a steady, unimpressed look? How about

If stones had eyes, this one would have been regarding the pony with one of those steady leer that could last all day.

Apologies if I'm harsh, but I think the premise can be very interesting and engaging, given the right TLC, and that's definitely what I want for your story now and in the future

I find your fun fact relevant to me, for I have been obsessing over blacksmith videos lately!

2678900 While I can see where you're coming from, oversimplification can be as much of a metaphorical suicide as superfluous writing can be. The best way to avoid turning the reader off is to find a balance, which this one has done commendably. Also, there is a serious difference between textbook writing and free-form fictional literature. In this case, a little variety in the sentence length is most appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to give advice, but do keep in mind what it is you are giving advice about.

I love the way you portray Big Mac. He doesn't talk much but he says what needs to be said. You just got a thumbs up and a favorite! :eeyup:

2679052
I fully concur. This is more of a third-person, introductory narrative than a first-person storyline or dialogue, and the author did an excellent job portraying it as such. Changing it to part first-person, part third-person would only be confusing.

lol this is awsome now i can scrap my fic i been working on about trixmac since i found a better

2678760
Ah, I thought you were implying they weren't muscular, rather than asserting it was lean muscle.

Hullo, what have we here? I thought that was Applejack at first in the pic, but when I saw this was TrixieMac, I decided I should read it.

There's something very familiar about your style, which isn't to say that I've read this before, but there's a certain calmness in your fic that brings to mind other quality works.

I am intrigued, good sir. I hope for an update in the near future!

Big Macintosh glanced up curiously when he heard a shout from the wagon, and caught a glimpse of something vaguely jar-shaped speeding off towards the horizon at the kind of velocity usually reserved for the space shuttle.

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule about this, but it's generally best to confine your analogies to objects that are found within the setting of your story. :eeyup:
...
...
Unless, of course, Equestria has a space program in your story. ::trixieshiftright:

2678760 it's also important to note most black smiths required more finesse then muscle, big broad arms and thick sausage fingers make the finor details much harder to work, they also had incredibly thick skin that came from being around flames and searing hot metal for so long in life. there muscle would be less likely to show through it.

great story, lol pinkies neice seems to be potentialy just like her.

2680212
Ah, I took page out of Terry Pratchett's vast repertoire for that one: 'whatever is amusing and makes sense to the reader.'

I can't think of many medieval things that travel like bullets other than bullets, and there seems to be no guns in Equestria either, so I just rolled for comedy. :twilightsmile:

Micah. true that Marie`s posting is good, last tuesday I got a top of the range BMW M3 since I been making $9819 this - 5 weeks past and would you believe, 10 grand this past munth. this is certainly the most financialy rewarding I've ever had. I actually started 3 months ago and practically straight away startad earning at least $81 per hour. I follow the details on this straightforward website, Bow6.com

2678900 I guess it's a matter of subjectivity like this, but I'm very much glad he went the third-person route, as that first person in such narration and inner monologue would of put me right off during that prologue.

I found the narration to have a twang of country accent in it as well. Though I might be of the manner to believe he simply forgot to add some missing words. But, after reading it all, I do believe it's just flavour, and it works quite well to bring out their character.

Admittedly, a bad prologue (introduction), can make or break a story for many. If I were not to have read the story's premise, I'd a stopped right then and there. But, leer vs a steady unimpressed look are two very different meanings. If you stare at someone with a 'unimpressed' expression. Staring them straight in the eyes.

What would that look like? Try a mirror. A bored expression of "That it?" or "Meh" and even a unfazed expression. Leer is far too menacing and would of thrown off the whole build up of a smug and taunting atmosphere playing up the amount of effort and frustrations playing in Trixie's mind and body.

Sometimes it is good to write stories that make people think, then to worry if someone can't tell what a simple meaning of unimpressed look vs expecting the average person to know what 'leer' means. Which, I fear you may have skimmed this far too much, or breaking between your read to find things to pick at, to really let the words sink in.

I'll admit, for a while I wondered what the point was for that prologue, but finally becomes clear in the next chapter. Which we find that Trixie's fire, which she had set her pot to cook her mean, was taken over by an intruder who seemingly tossed her small offerings—pot and all—aside to seemingly make his own meal over the fire with his own cauldron.

Was the 1k words about Trixie's inability to pick a rock from the ground, which was likely just the tip of what could of been a boulder for all we know, truly worth the time reading her fruitless and stubborn pride-filled excursion? I dare say not, but instead, that it did what all other novels do. They simply introduce us to the moment in which we meet the character. There is no set rule for how and where we find them. Even *I* questioned the need for it. But, to me, it was an amusing Trixie vs Pebble short that setup nicely, the start of the story.

I apologize for leaving such a lengthy comment, but if you made it down this far, I only ask you try to read a bit more slowly, maybe add some character into your readings. Get involved a bit more. There is a few areas within you can complain about even if you like, though it is hard to tell if it was styled intentionally to be in such a way (Trixie have a slight twang of southern in her; Words cut off; words that connect to other words missing entirely.) But still a story most totally worth a feature on any site, including quite easily on EQD. Though, I imagine he'd get a rookie or skimmer as a pre-reader to try and correct those seemingly flavoured narrations and slight twang in Trixie's speeches certain times. Most notably once she reaches the farm.

2677041 All this is unrestrained, unplanned, writing? You sir, I am impressed. :raritystarry:
If you ever need a second pair of eyes for an honest opinion, hit me up any time! :rainbowdetermined2:

Also, if you do decide to go for EQD, might want to read the latter half of the above posting. I got a bit long though... Keep doing exactly what you're doing and let the small stuff fix itself later! It is always told that it is best to shut off the inner editor when typing. You sir, did just that, so keep it off! (I'm DIEING for that third chapter! :pinkiesad2: but I can hold out! Like Trixie, I will earn it through patience and perseverance!)

Grand story. Apologies for not leaving a proper comment earlier, and quite possibly even now, but great job on characterization and that lovely narration!!

Well this alone is enough to get me following you like a crazed stalker. Many thanks for the enjoyment this brings.

I command you to give me more

2684867
100% support this comment. Take your time, flesh this out.

I like Trixie and think she needs more screen time like I did in my story.

Is Inkie Pie related to Pinkie Pie somehow because I know Pinkie has two sisters and that she is from a family of rock farmers. Question why do they need rock farms?

The Mac / Peachie interaction was so cute.

You might want to check your formatting, it switch to italics half way through her show. You did well with this. I may not particularly like Trixie but I do know that she is damn fine illusionist.

2690302
Oh damn. Thanks for warning me. :twilightblush:

2690321
You're welcome, it ain't that big of an issue, at least the switch was consistent, yes that mean I have read a fic that font couldn't make up it's damn mind.

Im loving the pacing here. There is no rush to, what many authors would deem, "the good bits". Just a steady flow of interesting character development and natural progression of the story. Good work!

Many authors on fim seem to miss that the buildup should be rewarding for the reader, not something you have to get out of the way so you can start writing the "then they snogged" bit.

"Greensleeves prodded a hoof at the ground a bit, glancing nervously to his peers, who all egged him on from the safety of a head start at running away should Trixie turn into a manticore or something." -I'm pretty sure this is a run-on sentence (it just felt a litlle awkward reading).
"It made it tricky to get the high-paying audiences as she had been able to draw in before, but Trixie was nothing if not a quick learner[,] and a lucky break outside of Trottingham had her re-evaluate the whole idea of performing for fillies and colts."- Perhaps you could split this into two sentences.
"Trixie wasn’t entirely sure if she should have been happy or angry about that, but the thought was fleeting and her attention was drawn back to the crowd of tumblings foals when they discovered just what was kept in the strange and wonderful Mystery of Akahto[i/]."- The sytem done goofed. You have an italics command at the end, and that seems to have put everything in italics (but probably by the time I post this comment that problem will be fixed).
Third to last paragraph- you wrote "side" instead of "sighed". Also, in the parenthesis you end a sentence with a comma, which I don't think you're allowed to do.
I brought up these flaws I found because I think this story deserves to be featured on Equestria Daily. This wasn't my favorite chapter, but it was still very enjoyable (I had to force myself to stop grinning like an idiot while reading this). It offered some nice development for Trixie's character, showing that she does, in fact, have a heart. I even chuckled a few times while she was showing them the "magic" box.
Excellent read, old sport.

2690464
Thanks for catching those. One of the risks of self-editing is that you can't always see what is there... and I sort of rushed it. The grammar goofs have been addressed.

I'm not trying for EqD, though - I am persona non grata over there after a fight I had with them a few months ago about my Turning Winds fic. :twilightblush:

2690513 Oh God I know the pains of self-editing. Not only do I miss mistakes, but I see ones that aren't there. And if you wrote a story that angered the EqD staff, I feel a need to read it.

Well-written, and enjoyable. Keep it up, and you'll probably find yourself on my Kindle before long!

a3V

2690513

Not sure if this has been pointed out yet, but:

“You have a question for me?

Single quote at the end should be a double.

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