Some times life gives you hard choices. When Twilight finds herself in a do or die situation she makes a choice and now she have to come to terms with it.
OR
Twilight kills a pony and has a breakdown.
Gore tag is just to be on the safe side. This is not a gore-fic.
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I was expecting her to have accidentally caused him to go crazy or something. That would have been a pretty cool twist.
2321967 apart from the other twist where a head popped off?
Not bad, the part with Luna seemed off and out of character, but not bad. You get a like from me.
The story had some great lines in it, the talk about the knife offering an example. All and all I noticed some confusion in the stucture, though, with the meeting with Luna and the last flashback seememngly a bit out of place. Also, I agree that the story could have improved with a little twist in it.
Lemme start off with the most glaring flaw right off that bat.
- *situation
Huh.....not bad, not bad at all, only thing is God means a male immoratal, Goddess is female, so I think you meant goddess. And hooves instead of hands for the chapter title. Also be sure to seprate when others are speaking, I noticed it a few times, other then that. Twilight Sparkle is mortal, so she has to deal with her actions and the choices she makes for the rest of her life, the Gods on the other hoof are...well, gods. They are allowed to chose if they wish to be 'good' or 'evil' during their many, many, MANY long life span, gods are neither good nor evil, that's the way I see it. While they can have a dark side, it does not mean that they are the villians or the heroes, so the speak.But as for the story, I really enjoyed it, you done good
I'm pretty sure equines are biologically unable to fly or break necks from ten feet away.
I wouldn't fret about it.
Not a bad little one-shot.
It wasn't exactly full of tension, since this was just about the most clear-cut case possible. There wasn't any real ambiguity to work through. She literally had to do something drastic, since in a split second a child would be dead. That removes a lot of the potential bumps on the road to recovery.
However, I suppose that given it's a short one-shot, something more ambiguous or indirect would have been out of the scope of the story.
Have no real problems with the characterizations, really, since you expressed that as a concern. Twilight falling apart after killing somepony is totally expected. Celestia probably would come to comfort her and offer sage advice. Dash would indeed likely have a 'You're a hero, what's the problem?' attitude. Luna is a little... abrupt, but she's got her share of awkwardness, so you could justify it.
There's a few grammatical errors with comma use scattered around, and a place where you don't split Applejack's and Dash's dialogue into two different paragraphs. You didn't capitalize Ponyville. But all that stuff is relatively minor. Reginald pointed out the typo in the description.
All in all, it's pretty good. I could see everything that happened, happening. It was a bit direct, but as I said, sacrifices must be made on the altar of brevity, one supposes.
Several punctuation mistakes, and it was kind of lacking in action. It would've been cool to do a short beginning with the whole fight.
I was fine with most of the dialogue, though. Nothing was terrible. So congrats. A like and favorite from me.
2323463 Both the story and chapter title are Macbeth quotes. I'll revisit my paragraph splits.
2323315 Well, that's embarrassing...
2325771 Very well
There were quite a few spelling and punctuation errors, but the story itself was good. Also, while real-world equines are unable to vomit, Ponies apparently can, as evidenced by the "baked bads" in Applebuck Season.
Not unless Twi's grown hands.
Edit: And yes, I know, Quoting literature. I couldn't resist.
Im glad I decided to find this again.
4469899
This was one of my first shorts, but I still like it. Check out my newest short, Heat of the Summer Sun.
Thank you
4470702 I think I will.
Yeah, equines are also biologically unable to talk.
6335383
wait! what? BLASPHEMY! Then what the hay are we all doing here???
Isn't it always so with her??
6342716 Fortunately for us, these ponies are obviously not "equines" or even from Earth at all, or even from the same dimension, so..
That lines holds a lot of awesome.
400 Kg? A pony less than 4 ft. tall? Damn, that dude's bone density must've been off the charts.
11358428
Yeah, I think I just googled, "How much does a horse weigh" on that one. I hadn't developed my full headconon on Equestrian biology yet.
11358536
Hehe, no worries. The comment was meant in a comical rather than critical sense.
It's kinda funny if you think about it, tho; a lean mare of average height (3 ft. plus ears/horn/mane) like RD for example is physically more similar to a large dog than an actual pony^^.
So smol, so cute.
Just found this page hidden among my random pony bookmarks. Thought you might find it interesting.
It's amazing to see to what length some fans have gone to over the years to figure out the casts respective heights.