• Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 27th, 2014

ToriBoshi42


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Source

Changed from the Unicorn of old, Twilight Sparkle comes to terms with being the ever esteemed Alicorn as granted by her completion of a new spell passed down by Star Swirl himself. However not all is sitting tight quite yet. A nagging feeling plagues Twilight, about her own mortality.

http://gashi-gashi.deviantart.com/art/Twi-351500122

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

Aww more Twilight. Se probably felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Your story was, very nice. Favorite? Why, of course! :twilightsheepish:

I believe that in the end Twilight declined to take over the throne and let Celestia die. She wants to live a normal life with her friends and doesn't want to face the possibility of outliving them for hundreds of years.

In all honesty though there's never anything that states alicorns are immortal gods. They could just have longer life spans than avergae ponies.

And an intresting thing to note is that originally Lauren Faust was going to make Twilight an alicorn with the intent of Twilgiht succeeding Celestia.

In all honesty I think you brought new life into a fic type that has by now been done to death.

What does she chose? Tell me she wants to revert back to unicorn. Please

Nice concept and I like the way the story is open ended.

Needs some edits:

Why Twilight, of I CAN die

Missing "course"? And if I may, I'd recommend italics for the stressed part rather than all caps.
Also a couple of paragraphs missing indentation.

2302161 She can't revert back to a unicorn, but she can choose whether or not to use the age spell to live as long as Celestia does and take over her duty.

I had to stop reading when you misspelled "bouquets" as "bouches."

2302271 I swear I was googleing that word for like 5 minutes and just gave up

doesn't help when spell check thinks that's the right word

I'd rather go with Twilight sets Celestia down easily and refuses to take her place, because honestly, Twilight always been sweet talked into accepting her roles and never really decided on anything her own, all Celestia has to do is say "its not bad, or don't worry" and BOOM, Twilight is doing whatever she says without a second thought. Sometimes I even wonder if she is deciding for herself in the first place, all Celestia has to do is smile and Twilight just ends up doing it. Or even wonders what would Celestia do in the situation

Celestia is something more than a princess, she's a symbol and something more. Its what gives Equestria hope and smiles. While people sometime say she was never stated as being a goddess and was just using an age spell, you got to realize back in the times that people believed in things so easily. While it would seem that it be selfish to keep her still doing her job because honestly on our behalf, if its not broken don't fix it. But you got to remember, you want to quit then maybe Celestia is the one being selfish.

Honestly, I'd rather have Twilight step down. Not all little girls want to be princesses, sure when they were like... 5 but growing up you realize there is more to it than one could imagine. That's also saying that all little boys want to be ninjas, while the idea seems cool... you could also die, plus its not much of a profession anymore.

and with a response i understand that ninja evolved into assassins but still.

2302280
There are numerous other spelling and grammar errors that are tiny, but noticeable due to the threadbare nature of the story. Make sure you're proofreading your stuff, and I would suggest having someone else take a look for you before publishing, as well.

2302309 I am aware that this is a thing that needs to happen, but finding such a proof reader is actually quite difficult... I am interested in all the little grammar mistakes and wish for them to be purged.

Better handled than most of the Twilight angsts over immortality fics, I think.

Though for one I'd like to read something like:
Twilight: Princess, will I be immortal, forced to lose all the ones I love?
Celestia: No, my dear student. Don't worry! You'll grow old and decrepit just like your friends.
Twilight: Gee, thanks.

I guess leaving the question unanswered, as you did, is probably the best answer that one could give.

I haven't read it yet, but the Twilight tag you're using is for Unicorn Twilight. You should change it to the Twilicorn tag.

2302879 I had no idea such a tag was up for grabs. Nor do I see it's purpose in the long run. Twilight is Twilight. Either way I did change it.

2302888 The purpose of the different tag is because some people do not want to read Twilight Alicorn (Or Twilight Princess.... Bad pun) stories. Some people just want regular Twilight. I, personally, don't mind either way, but I know people who get really mad when Alicorn Twilight is mentioned.

You don't need to write her decision because, of course, this story is about her having to make a choice and the feelings that would guide her decision. It is not a story about what choice she would ultimately make.

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Twilight Sadfic, another one? NOPE.AVI.

On a more serious note, got a smattering of typos all throughout. Interesting enough concept, except ever since the end of the latest season, everyone and their mothers and aunts have been writing similar things. So, not very original. Grammar issues detract from it as a whole, too.

2303327 Spell check sucks. I'd like it more if someone who can actually see the typos fix them cus I don't.

Short but heavy; the weight of a country, friends, and family placed upon her shoulders...

Faved and upvoted. You've gotten my attention with this.

I look forward to any works you have planned for the future.

2302286 Ninja isnt a profession anymore? Tell that to the Yakuza, they still have them, they're just known as assassins :ajbemused:

She should invent a spell that gives her extra life 100 years at a pop so that she can stop whenever she wants. :twilightblush:

And then when she doesn't want, turn herself to stone in case they need her in the future. :derpytongue2:

2303726 Thaaaaaaaaaaaat wouldn't solve anything.

Fairly short, but overall a good story, if one that's been written a few times before. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors here and there as others have pointed out, but the flow of the story felt pretty good. One thing that did stand out to me was Celestia's claim to have only lived 10 lifetimes. Even assuming ponies live for a century each that only makes her 1000. Luna was locked in the moon for at least that long, so she's clearly at least a little older than that. Leaving the decision unknown is probably the best way of dealing with the issue.

Hey! I recognize the cover art! I just learned of the person who drew it relatively recently.

2304226 The real age of them isn't exactly known... 10 just seemed to fit since breaking into real pony years would get kinda... high... If you consider how long the show ponies must live, that is, close to a humans life span, then you could guess 75 - 85 years max. But writing quickly, I didn't feel the need to just say a random number like 12 or 17 in there. it's uneven and makes you have to stop and think about it. I didn't like that so I went with 10.

2304249 Mind giving me the link? I just pulled it off google search.

credit served where credit earned :P

2304273 The artist is a Japanese DeviantArt member named Gashi Gashi. You can see the art you chose about two rows down.
http://gashi-gashi.deviantart.com/gallery/

2303702 can you get me an application then? i want to show them my skills :rainbowkiss:

A lot to think about here. Not that I'm faced with a choice like that, of course.

2304492 Yeah, good luck :rainbowlaugh:

I finally got around to reading this. Sorry it took so long.

It was a nice, sweet and simple story. I would advise you to cut down some of the paragraph's length into bite sized pieces, but that's just for ease of reading. The only other issue I really found was that I found myself kind of just coasting through much of the description. It would be my suggestion to cut down on some of it and only describe what's of the most importance so you can push the story along.

Other than a few syntax mistakes, that's about it. Overall, it was a rather nice story. :twilightsmile:

2329767 The real question is... is it worth its popularity?

2331076
It receiving so many views should be your answer. Worse stories have become more popular and better have become less, but I'd say you did a good job. :raritywink:

turning herself to stone every so often, would not reunite her with her beloved friends, and in a sense, would only prolong her torment.

There's a theory that Allicorns can actually visit the afterlife whenever they wanted and return back to the world of the living meaning they can visit all there loved ones whenever they wanted without actual dying, there's also another theory that the elements of harmony also makes the main 6 immortal, not just Twilight.

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