The wind blew in from the window, shaking the curtains that fell in front of it and waving them through the air gracefully. A lavender mare lay still in her bed, the darkness of night shrouding her in the old room she grew up in. With the marbled flooring and decorative posters of all her magical heroes still plastered along the wall, a melancholic air drifted around the room as Twilight stared up with blank eyes. It was at her favorite poster, her most prized hero, Star Swirl the Bearded.
The maker and user of over 200 spells and her idol, now in a way surpassed by some stupid unicorn from some small town. Her heart tightened at the thought, and her new wings quivered at the cold seeping in through the window.
She tucked her wings tight against her body and the sweet smell of roses wafted into her snout. It was no surprise, as she'd received dozens and dozens of bouquets yesterday at the coronation. Flowers just seemed to poor down off the shelves she'd stored them on. She idly grabbed one of the many flowers with her intense lavender glow and twirled it in front of her, her magic slightly illuminating her face. She looked to the window to see the crack of dawn. She hadn't gotten any sleep at all.
"Oh, what am I going to do?! I can't stand this..." Twilight spoke aloud, breaking the everlasting silence.
The mare rose from her bed throwing her bedding into a fluffed pile against the headboard. Suddenly the door swung open and a stallion walked in, flipping the lights on. Twilight clumsily fell to the ground.
"My lady Twilight! Are you alright?" The guard asked, taking a step forward.
"I am fine, you just seriously startled me... It doesn't help when you have wings to throw you off balance... Hehe." Twilight said nervously.
"Alright then. I have come to inform you that you have a meeting with the council about your new position as a princess. Please, follow me."
Memories flooded back from the times Celestia was called away from her just to attend some dreaded council meeting. They could always be counted on to get in the way of something. It was all mundane stuff about economy and politics, so she didn’t yet know a whole lot about it.
Still she tried to understand it her best when she was young, but actually having to attend one was different. Preparations had to be made and even worse, one must know what one was talking about.
The worst thing though, was that the meeting times were extremely unpredictable. Some took place in the middle of the night! It was all Twilight could hope that they'd be relaxed as they explained further events. Stress was in great abundance right now, and any more could boil anypony over.
Twilight made her way alongside her escort to the preparation room. It was just like a small briefing room where they'd set her up with documents pertaining to whatever the meeting was about and make sure her princess attire was properly maintained.
Inside the briefing room, mirrors adorned the walls and bright lights were blaring down streams of white light from above. She had to cover her eyes a moment to adjust after spending so much time in the dark. She was fitted with her royal tiara, her brilliant dress and her shoes. Her wings were plucked clean of imperfections and her horn waxed down to shimmer in the light.
The hairdressers would attempt small talk, but she wasn't listening. Dark bags surrounded her eyes and all that she could murmur out was a small 'mhmm' whenever anypony said anything. It was all unimportant anyway. She had too much inside her head, churning away with a nagging feeling. Her face grew more tense and dreary with each moment that passed.
Preparations ended quickly this time around, so she made her way to the council room. Lines of pony officials were there, all awaiting their new princess’s arrival at the crack of dawn. These men ran on politics and politics alone. The word ‘sleep’ just wasn’t in their vocabulary.
"Good, Ms. Sparkle has joined us finally. May we begin, your highness?" A gray-maned stallion asked, adjusting his spectacles.
"Yes, we may. Twilight, why don’t you come sit next to me? We have much to discuss!" Celestia said, motioning to her.
"I don't understand why this meeting has to take place so-" Twilight was interrupted by a yawn. "Ah... Early."
"It's customary to hold meetings for new princesses as early in the day as possible! Cadance had to do the same thing." Celestia explained.
Twilight quickly took her seat next to Celestia at the long table. The council room stretched itself thin to make room for the table. It had only one pair of double doors leading out the back, and against the right wall was stained glass, letting in brilliant shades of light.
"Okay, lets get the ball rolling." The stallion started.
********
Twilight slowly descended a flight a stairs, her face gloomier than normal. The shadow of her former teacher loomed over her as she walked.
"Twilight, I know you might be under pressure, but believe me, it's nothing I can't take care of. You understand right?" Celestia asked.
"I don't know Princess... I can't believe I was so enthralled with my studying that I was so oblivious to the world around me. I just can't stand to know what else could be happening to our world! Battles, War, Treason... I thought all the fights I got into were extraordinary feats I accomplished with my friends, but when I think about the others out there... I can't stop thinking it's just average!" Twilight told her, taking the last step off the stairs and scrunching her face harder.
"Twilight, I assure you, the battles you've fought have had extraordinary impacts on the world! It's not normal to put yourself in such peril. Still, I allow you to do such dangerous things because I know I can trust you. Believe me Twilight, I've been this country’s monarch for a long time now. I'd like you to trust I know what I'm doing. Your life won't change dramatically any time soon, okay?" the princess explained.
"Hehe, I do believe in you. I trust you'll help the rest of the world, not just Equestria."
"That's the spirit! Now why don't you get some sleep, hmm?"
********
Twilight sank into her bed, whose sheets had been freshly fitted by the maids. The bed was soft and comfortable like it always was. The sense of nostalgia was strong, but her eyes wouldn't shut. The darkness in the room started to lift as it was illuminated slightly by the glow of the sunlight peeking over the horizon. Twilight enveloped the windows in her violet magic and swung them shut, curtains and all.
She once again was back where she started, her mind jumbled up with all this princess nonsense. Though, it seemed she always came back to one thought. She could never quite get that nagging feeling about what her transformation really meant out of her system.
Her thoughts kept slipping back to the friends she held in Ponyville, the town she knew and loved. She would be returning to Ponyville in the next few days and her friends even planned on having a party when she arrived. There would be no Alicorn politics, no responsibility, and hopefully no pressure... Just, you know, friends.
Pinkie Pie would decorate the cakes, only to eat them all up . Rainbow would be the one to boast and set up all the games just to try and dominate them all at it. In the end, though, she’d end up failing and probably crash somewhere along the way. AJ would always bring the best food, and Fluttershy would have her animals do amazing synchronized acrobatics. Rarity would always turn everything into a fashion show, too. All of them precious, indispensable and, most importantly, friends she couldn't live without.
"I know! I'm going to write it down." Twilight said, throwing a stray pillow against the dashboard. She got up out of the covers and walked over to the wooden desk she'd spent many nights at, slaving away at whatever problems she had in front of her. This time, her problems were internal. She grabbed her paper and quills with a flick of her horn and begin to write.
I can't find the words anymore. This princess deal was a bit much at first, but I don't know how much longer I can cope with it. This is such a huge responsibility and it's baring its fangs at me like a mother tigress blocking my path. I write these words for one reason: To vent my feelings. My eyes are not staring straight anymore. They are staring at my friends back in Ponyville. All the amazing adventures we went on... I don't think I'll ever forget them! Not in 1000 years! But you see... I might actually live that long... I might live long enough to forget them.
I don't want to forget them. I would rather die with them then forget they ever existed. I don't want to be a princess. Not if it means I abandon my friends when they die and I am forced to live on. But now I see, I can't be that selfish. Celestia, the princess of Equestria has lived for over 1000 years. Over ten lifetimes worth of ponies have fallen before her eyes. I can only assume what courage it must have taken her to step forward and outlive her dear friends to raise the empire as it is now.
Luna too, bears battle scars. Her 1000 years trapped on the moon have no doubt affected her some way. I'm sure she'd rather forget all of it. All her pain and suffering and all the pain she caused her sister. I can only guess what she's feeling and even just the thought is starting to tear me apart.
"Ah darn, I ran out of ink. Where did I keep that again?" Twilight said, putting her quill back in the empty pot.
Suddenly a knock came at the door. Twilight's wings popped open in surprise as she stared back at the door.
"Twilight? May I come in?" sounded Celestia.
"Celestia? Is something wrong?" Twilight asked.
"There's just one more thing I need to talk to you about." she said, illuminating the door with bright yellow magic.
Twilight quickly sprawled in front of the door, her wings uncooperative and flapping about.
"Sorry! I'm getting used to it is all... It's very hard to sleep with them you know..." Twilight forced a smile.
"Hehe yes, well... I need to talk to you about something very important. It's about me." she began.
"You? What about you?"
"Let’s sit down, shall we?"
The two of them moved to the corner of the room in which sets of bean bags were strung about. Nostalgia swept Twilight up as she sat next to her teacher. They always did this together when Twilight was just a filly. Back then, she'd always sit nestled right up against the princess in the dark, illuminated only by the candle they had perched on a small shelf. Princess Celestia would tell stories and comfort Twilight when she was upset.
"Twilight, oh where do I begin. Well, let me start off with saying this: I know you’re upset about something. Something irrelevant to this mornings meeting right?"
"You do? I mean..." Twilight blushed slightly.
"Twilight, I know you’ve been my student for as long as you can remember and you might be a little scared of me not being your teacher anymore. Your world is free now and it's so big, especially after today's meeting. But I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always be here for you just in case you need guidance." she said calmly.
"Princess... I..." the mare cleared her throat. "Princess, I have something I need to ask you... It's been nagging at me for so long and I can't stand it!"
"Whatever is troubling you, I assure you I can help." Celestia smiled through the darkness.
"P-Princess... Can... Can you die?" Twilight asked, determination in her mind but fear in her heart. Her face looked worn in the glow of the candle.
The princess eyes widened a bit but soon shrunk back down, giving a small sigh and tugging Twilight closer.
"Why Twilight, of course I can die. That doesn't mean I will, though. I've lived more than one thousand years and still haven't, so I think I'm pretty sure I'm good at keeping pace with Death!" Celestia laughed.
"D-do you want to die?" Twilight asked, a moment of hesitation in her voice.
Celestia paused. She was taken aback and her face grew serious and cold. She cleared her throat and looked down into her student’s eyes. Twilight grew anxious.
"I don't know." Celestia answered. "I don't know if I can afford such a luxury yet."
"Celi-" Twilight started to tear up a little bit.
"Now now Twilight... If you start crying, I might start, too..."
Twilight couldn't keep the tears in. Her mind swelled with the pain Celestia must feel. The friends she's lost. The lovers she's watched wither and die. Tears streamed down her face. She held her teacher firmly, not letting go. The images of her own friends and family disappearing while she lived on flashed before her eyes.
"There, there, Twilight... You needn't worry about me." Celestia started tearing up a bit. "This country still needs it's monarch."
"Celestia... Will I live forever?" Twilight asked in an intense, hushed voice.
The princess paused. She tightened her embrace with the filly she raised as her own. "...You only have to live forever if you can handle the burden it brings, my child. You could use the spell passed down through the Alicorn lineage: The age spell."
"I-I don't know if I can do that! I don't know if I could watch all the ponies I love die before me!” Twilight cried. “It's just..."
"I made the decision to be this country’s monarch and ruler for 10,000 years. That is the lifespan of an Alicorn of birth such as my sister and I. But you, Twilight, you're not of birth. You can live a normal life if you want. You have that decision, unlike me. You can live and die with all your loved ones."
"But then I'll just cause you more grief! I can't die knowing you'll be left behind. Knowing that this world will be left behind to fend for itself... I need to protect it!" Twilight said, pulling apart from her teacher.
"If that is your wish, and you feel you can surpass me, relieve me of duty..."
"Princ-" Twilight was cut off.
"I never intended to give you such a hard test of will. No one would ever blame you for backing down. In fact, I know anypony would prefer you do. I can't go on selfishly declaring you the new monarch and letting myself die. You must be the one to set me free. It's your choice Twilight."
The lavender mare lay speechless, curled in a ball in the darkness.
She couldn't think. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn't choose. The options too harsh. The outcomes too significant and uncertain.
"You don't have to choose right now. Choose when you think you are ready. Immortality is a dangerous thing to possess. In it lies the sorrows of countless lifetimes, and I've lived through only a little more than ten. If the day finally comes where I have to visit your grave, Twilight, know that I will be sad that you left me but happy I knew you. I could never wish you didn't exist. For all of those I've loved and lost, never for a moment think that have I forgotten a single one of them. I will always cherish them. Just like I cherish you."
Twilight sat for a moment and thought. Her emotions spun around in her head, the knowledge, facts, figures and outcomes... None of them mattered anymore.
"Princess?" Twilight spoke.
"Yes, Twilight?"
"I know what I want to do."
********