• Member Since 9th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 22nd, 2019

Brian Jacko


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It's Hearts and Hooves Day and Princess Celestia has sent a special challenge For Twilight Sparkle and her friends to find some pony special for each of them. However, Rainbow Dash is not interested and is too focused on training to become the next Wonderbolt, until she finds that some pony had left her a rose on her door step.

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 106 )

well hello there! this looks like it will be diabetes inducing
EDIT: ok now that i read it all this is what i gotta say. i loved the first part! it indeed was diabetes inducing! but............then it went downhill fast.... RD not making it into the wonderbolts!? after all shes done for them and equestria! then lose a race to lightning dust!? since when does becoming a wonderbolt rest solely on winning a race in speed!? the what happened to ''the fastest pegasus in equestria'' so fast that she can do sonic rainbooms..........
overall the writing was very nice and like i said the first part was beautiful.....but the other 3/4ths was just way to OOC
EDIT:EDIT: i guess for me this was very off-putting with the biggest thing being that RD in cannon form is an elite flyer and does hardcore training and exercises so as celestias beard as witness how she would get tired out so easily when the average wonderbolt could do it any day of the week......especially when you know....broke every academy record!

A bit girly for Dash's reaction.... But I like it! :pinkiehappy:

I'd hate to be Soarin's girlfriend right now..


"I'm back!"
"Hi Honey! Did you pick up the milk?"
"Actually dear, I have some bad news. I'm getting back together with Rainbow Dash. It's over between us. Buh-bye now!"
:raritydespair:

Cute little story by the way. Probably could be divided into several chapters though. :)

I wish you could like things more than once.

love it i wounder what they named the filly and colt i hope they named him after his awsome father :rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowderp::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild::rainbowwild::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry:

This story reminds me so much of another story I read here on fimfiction. :duck:

2232686 First of all, thank you for reading and commenting!

Those are some good points and trust me, I was deep in thought about everything you mentioned. However, if I recall correctly, Lightning Dust seemed to be much better than Rainbow Dash in the Wonderbolts episode, her only downfall was that she was reckless. Remember, it was together that they broke academy records and that Lightning Dust was the one who seemed to be carrying Rainbow Dash.

As for the race between the two. I didn't see a problem with that. I could see Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust needing a race to see who decides to be the next Wonderbolt. They seemed like good competition for each other.

Even though Rainbow has improved her attitude when it comes to humility in season 3, she still has her moments where she comes off cocky and arrogant. She may indeed be the best flier in all of Ponyville, but I don't see her as being the best in all of Equestria. I'm sure her cockiness may make us think at times that she is the best, but I'm sure there are many other ponies that are much better than her. This is also way later in the future when she is much older and there are many other Ponies who are much younger that are nipping at her hooves to be the next Wonderbolt.:twilightsmile:

2232210 Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

2232725 I understand this, and trust me, I struggled with the idea about how to get Rainbow Dash all lovey dovey without ruining her tom boyish personality. It was hard to do, but I had to expose a somewhat softer side of her that hasn't really been seen before. I believe she has a soft and sweet side that we haven't seen to much of and I tried to bring that out in the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it as well!:rainbowkiss:

2241603 Thank you! I appretiate that so much! I have many other R.D. romance stories as well. She is my personal favorite along with Applejack and I just have a thing for using her in romance stories. :rainbowkiss:

2233218 Hahaha! I laughed when I read that! Thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

2242365 That's a good question. I was thinking of names for their foals, but I decided to let the reader imagine what their names should be.

2244187 It's quite possible, romance stories seem to be very popular with Bronies I have noticed. I have done quite a few other Rainbow Dash romance fics as well. The entire reason this story was created was because I was so inspired by how adorable the picture I used for the front cover. :rainbowkiss:

Wow...just wow. That...WAS AMAZING!!!! :heart:

2251663 Thank you! So happy you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

2247467 lightning dust better than RD? i think not. RD was breaking records while not being reckless while LD was being ridiculous for everything. When RD pushes herself sonic rainbooms happen sonic rainnukes happens the fantastic filly flash happens.......
and an easy way to prove LD not as good look at what happened when they created a tornado....LD was the first to lose control

T'was cute my good sir.:moustache:

But on a serious note, I didn't actually think it was possible for a romance to develop so quickly in 16K words.:applejackunsure: Actually, that goes for a lot of the emotions in this. Rainbow wakes up one day, talks to Soarin', and they declare their love for each other in the same day; and the only prior knowledge of them interacting was given after the fact that they told each other they loved one another.:rainbowderp:

Oh, and this...

"Dear Rainbow Dash, Good gravy girl, we have been tryin' to contact ya fer years now, but ya never respond to our letters. We miss ya so much in Ponyville and want nothin' more than to see ya again. How the hay are ya anyway? Is bein' a Wonderbolt everythin' ya dreamed of? Ya wouldn't believe this, but we all have a some pony special! In fact, they are the same stallions from that Hearts and Hooves Day when the Princess asked us to try to find a date for fun. We all thought she put some kind of magical love spell on us, but she claims she didn't. Isn't that hilarious? Anyway, if ya have the time, please write back to me, or even better, stop by and give me a surprise visit. Love ya sugar cube.....Yours truly, Applejack.

Did AJ just write a letter in her southern vernacular.....really?:ajbemused: I know she's a southern girl and all, but even I don't write in my slang when writing to anyone.

All in all, I liked it. It was a good story and I do always enjoy my SoarinDash fics. :rainbowkiss:

...Though I think it odd that Soarin's girl friend took it as well as she did, or at least from what Soarin' told us. :trixieshiftleft:
:moustache:Hey babe, I'm getting back together with my ex...that's cool right?
:trollestia:I never liked you anyway.
:moustache:Alright, bye.
:trollestia:Go f*ck yourself!

OMG that was beautiful :heart: I can just cry and I did, but in joy tears . I wonder if your gonna make another one with Rain bow dash and Soarn's filly and colt

2255867 Yes, i try to keep my stories short and sweet. I try to keep my storties under 20k words, and thanks for pointing that out with Applejack's letter. I fixed that now. :twilightblush: I'm glad you liked the story. I also think Soarin' is so well made for Dash as well. :rainbowkiss:

2274947 I'm glad it was an emotional read for you! I currently don't have any plans to continue the story or write about their foals, but if any new ideas come to my mind for stories, I'll do my best to make it happen. :pinkiehappy:

When ma freind reads this story ( we recommend to eachother) im sure he will spill a bit of "liqud pride" :rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

2518334 Thanks for reading and recommending the story! Feel free to check out my other stories. I love to write about Dash! :rainbowkiss:

This story is crap. Plain and simple.

I hate saying this to folks, especially when it comes to something that a rather obvious amount of effort was put into, but I try to be honest in my reviews.

Now, in the spirit of honesty, let's talk about why this story is crap. Simply put, this story is what happens when you condense a 15-20 chapter story into a 16 thousand word one-shot. It's a rushed, undeveloped mess with virtually no true plot or character development.

Honestly, Sonic the Hedgehog doesn't move as fast as this story.

I'd recommend using this as an outline for a proper multi-chapter fic.



In summary, your concept is interesting, but your execution is pure fail.

2574432 I can agree that the story does feel rushed and I feel a little bit guilty not taking more time to add more depth to it, but like I said before, I like to keep my stories short and sweet and this entire story was entirely inspired by the cover picture I used. Even though I feel that this is my weakest story, I still wouldn't consider it complete crap. Sorry you didn't enjoy it. :fluttershysad:

Nice short story, loved the lessons and morals in it :) and for the record it definitely wasn't crap ;)

2916431 Thank you! Glad you felt it was good! :scootangel:

I admit, this story felt a little rushed, but all in all, it's pretty good. At some points, it brought out emotions, which is actually quite hard, seeing as I reject emotions. I think you're going to end up being pretty good and get a featured story someday, Brian. You just need to keep writing and learning, and I'm sure you'll get it. Keep up the good work!

#BigMacForYouAsAReward :eeyup:

2947297 Thank you for those very kind words. I truly feel that I have been learning and improving my stories as I keep pumping more out. This is my only story that I really rushed and it did jump around a bit. I just couldn't bear to make it any longer when I was writing this. Thank you for taking your time to read and thank you for the big mac! :heart: :twilightblush:

2948162
I have my own crossover that just gets boring to write, and it takes me around three days to finish a chapter once I actually begin writing one that's around 1200 words, at the least. I understand how it feels to have a rushed chapter or story. I think. Look at me, having to think if I understand it or not. This means I don't understand it, doesn't it? ;____;

2948239 Hmm. I think I know what you're talking about, but my problem is that I tend to not like to go into too much details or descriptions because I don't want to bore the reader by carrying on and on and on about something that isn't terribly important in the plot. I really like to make my stories sweet, short, and right to the point. However, I find that most people tend to like very descriptive stories. I'm kind of like Rainbow Dash herself when it comes to writing. Very fast and packed with action! :rainbowderp: Thankfully all my other stories are slower paced than this, and I have learned my lessons from the mistake I made here. :twilightblush: Don't get too discouraged with your own stories though. Just take your time, and if it takes that much longer to write out, don't rush. It's better to make a good impact on your readers. You only become a better writer if you keep trying! :pinkiehappy:

2948304

Thanks for the inspiration words! :pinkiesmile:

I really appreciate them. Thing is, I don't want to butcher the crossover, and not with such a good show being with it. :c Oh 'vell?

i love this story. i started tearing up around when she quit. but then i think i started crying when soarin told her, he wasnt single.

3024285 I'm so glad you liked this read! There were some emotional parts for me when I read this too, but I feel that this overall was one of my more positive and happy stories! I thank you so much for the kind words and for taking time to read!

Soarin' x Dash will most likely always be my favorite ship! :heart::rainbowkiss:

2252124 I enjoyed it as well! But could you help me on HOW to make stories here? I'm making a Soarin Dash story right now, but I don't know if it's right...

3061716 Writing stories can be tricky, but let me tell you what I like to do now. There was a time where I'd have an idea and I would not get to it because I'd only have the end, middle, or beginning to it, without knowing how the rest of the story would play out. What I do now is I say, "Forget about how this will all play out and just write down everything you have in mind." If you don't have the end or intro in mind, then write the middle. If you don't have any of those, then write out a scene that you would love to see happen. I have written entire stories that have turned out to be well over 10,000 words when I expected to write something that I thought was only going to be a few thousand words at most. You just start with that one little scene in your head and as you write it down, something else should come to mind and many more ideas should trickle in. You might start to add more from the beginning or from the end. Just relax and put down a scene between the couple. Conflicts and resolutions should come more naturally when you do that much.

I'm so happy you're writing a Soarin' X Dash fic! I wish you all the best on your story. Now get busy and ship the cutest and best couple ever! :rainbowkiss:

3061753 Well, thanks about the Soarin X Dash, I like this couple! :twilightsmile:

2: I'm making the story on the long description, is it right?

3061768 I do not see any stories on your page, so I can't read the description to what you have. Don't worry to much about it. You know what's funny? I realized that I don't even write in the descriptions anymore in until I'm at the very end of a story. I leave it blank because anything can happen when I'm writing it all out and things are subject to change. Just start writing and worry about the description later :twilightsmile:

3061789 You're more than welcome! Best wishes on your story!

That was possibly the most beautiful SoarinDash fic you've ever written! :heart:

3083617 Thank you! Hopefully, more Soarin' and Dash will show up in my future stories if I get some new ideas. This is definitely my most detailed story about them so far. They do make a cute couple. :twilightblush:

3083731
Speaking of ideas, have you considered the last one I had for you?

3083737 Still thinking about it. I haven't forgotten about it, but I haven't had anything pop into my mind yet. I'm currently putting the finishing touches on a very big Rarity centered story. I have never written anything so long before and this will be close to if not over 25,000 words when I'm done. I also have another idea for a Fluttershy centered story after that. If anything comes to mind about your suggestion, I will do my best to make it happen. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

3083816
Well, I'll be reading more of your stories later on.

3085187 Awesome! Glad to hear it! Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

A sweet romantic ride with a pleasantly happy ending. Enjoyed it.

Pacing, goddamn it. Pacing! It's important, and you blew it completely.
The storyline is good, and the language is decent; however, you essentially tried to fit a 60k story into 16k, and it just does not work out.

3277094 I know.....I didn't want to write a novel with this one. If I remember correctly, I believe that I actually wrote this entire story in one single day which was probably a big mistake. :applecry: I try to keep my stories as short and sweet as I can. I know the pacing got really ugly, especially near the end. I learned a lot from writing this story, and I feel that my other stories have improved a lot more with the pacing. I now take my time and take breaks when writing and I'll let the writing process take days to complete so that I don't end up with terribly rushed stories. I don't just bash out stories in six to eight hours in one single sitting like this anymore.

I loved it!!! Great title and chapter!!!:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

Your welcome, no worries!!!:twilightsmile:

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