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It's Twilight Sparkle's birthday, and Princess Celestia has sent her a rather unusual birthday gift. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are each given a gift certificate to a place that no pony seems to have heard of before. What will Twilight Sparkle and her friend's think of this strange gift? Will they be able to have fun and enjoy themselves at this place?
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It wasn't long before the wall of text became unreadable, but it was long enough to see that Spike would not be treated like a character and would not be participating in whatever fun escapade the ponies are about to experience.
You should add some breaks in there, its quite annoying to read walls of text.
Yeah, make a new paragraph every time someone new speaks and the whole thing would be about 20 times more readable. As it stands, it's giving me a headache.
i gotta agree with the other comments about adding in some breaks, but otherwise the story itself was really good
You need to but breaks into your wall o text. It makes the story hard to read when all I've got is a solid wall of text to look at me, dauntingly.
Please do cut up these paragraphs as the others have suggested.
1427207>>1427201>>1427170 I really don't see where your coming from It was readable and walls of text are fine (unless I dont like what i am reading)
As for the story its self Iiked it ive always had an interest in arcades and I remember playing space invaders when i was 6 wont lie some of it felt like it was taked on eg when applejack asked for joysticks name but it was still a cool idea
4/5
btw heres some cover art
e621.net/data/sample/da/f7/daf7ba0e170bd9c376c04674854032aa.jpg?1314244347
One speaker a paragraph.
1427408
OH SWEET CELESTIA'S PLOT, IT'S ALREADY FRIGGING STARTED!
HIT THE DECK! IMMA DROP THE D-BOMB!
d37nnnqwv9amwr.cloudfront.net/photos/images/original/000/226/671/105650+-+artist+smashinator+atomic_bomb+derpy_hooves+poster.jpg
I can imagine you've already been told this, but I'm going to say it anyhow.
You need to make a new paragraph each time there's a new reader. For one, it makes it a lot easier on the reader to keep track of who's talking, and it makes it less taxing on the eyes to read the entire story. Without breaks between each speaker, it often becomes quite difficult to tell who's talking and who isn't, so at least hit enter once before you have a new speaker.
You REALLY need to separate this tower o' text. Like I've already said, it's taxing on the eyes. It is almost tiring to read all that text with hardly a break between.
After you introduce your enter key to this story, you ought to slow down just a smidgen. Events are seeming to blaze by before I can fully register all of what's occurring.
Other than that, I don't see too much that's wrong with this story, but I can't give it an honest-to-goodness review until I can read it. All that text is giving me a headache.
That was an awesome story...
But it kind was hard to stay focused
Try breaking paragraphs for each speaker
Holy great wall of text!
Good story, though, bro
1427391 Thanks for reading and liking my story! That cover art is just so cool, but I really wanted to keep the whole going to the arcade part a surprise to the reader. I love that image so much though! I'm glad you remeber going to the arcade. I actually still go to an arcade called Eight on The Break when I can. Arcades are so rare but fun, they are still magical to me!
1427764 Thanks for taking time to read. I'm happy you thought it was awesome!
1427789 Thank you! Have a Rainbow kiss!
As for everyone else. I'm sorry about the wall of text. I really don't know how to write any other way, and writing this way or reading other stories written like this dosen't bother me when I read. I guess I'm just used to it this way.
Nice story.
Though you should seriously space out your text. A wall of text is difficult to read and rather impossing.
Just ask this guy
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/392/685/a9c.png
1427391 Hey look! Another enjoyable outing that Spike is excluded from! I'm getting the warm fuzzies thinking of him cleaning the library while his friends are all out having fun.
AWSOME!!!!
Everyone's already stated the obvious. This is a good story, it needs some polish and some logical breaks to help engage the audience.
I got through about 2/5 of it before the lack of a break got to me, I think it's a very good start
Mr. Brian Jacko, tear down this wall of text, tear it DOWN!!!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvd2iunNBu1qjd0beo1_400.png
Umm, well g'bye.
1690758>>1462458>>1427668>>1427525>>1427335>>1427333>>1427314>>1427207>>1427201>>1427170 Just a quick update for those of you who couldn't stand to read the wall of text. I updated the entire story so it should feel a lot better on your eyes, I'm also in the process of updating all my other stories so they should be more readable too! There still might be some errors in the story, but I gave it my best shot. I hope everyone may reconsider reading now. Sorry it took me so long! Hope you guys enjoy!
2237601 I re-read the first few hundred words, and I still just see a bunch of ponies not giving a crap about the fact that one of their closest and most devoted and hard-working friends is completely left out while they go and have a blast. I skipped ahead and saw a bunch of ponies still not giving a crap that he missed whatever good times they had just experienced.
A other great story you good at writing stories
2247919 Thank you! I'm so happy you liked it
I honestly never realized how few arcades there are left before I read this. It's kinda sad.
2658782 See if there are any around near you and support them! Arcades are "Magical" and so is friendship!
I REMEMBER SEEING THIS LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES IN MY DREAMS
Rarity closed her eyes in frustration and used her magic to put more coins into the machine. "There's nothing wrong with trying again. You can have a little fun, Rarity. It's not a big deal." As Rarity selected her character, she started to scream at the machine. "You're going down punk! I'll show you this time!" Rarity couldn't help but smile a sinister grin. She felt awfully guilty that she was enjoying a game in such an unclean place, but that didn't stop her from playing again. She wanted to beat the game, more importantly, she wanted some pony else to play with her so she could beat them as well. Rarity pounded the keys again and she screamed out loud in excitement, "C-c-c-c-combo breaker!"
2938554 Me too! They are precious memories!
2691297
OH MY BUCKING FAUST, ARCADES ARE FRIENDSHIP!!!!
3062395 They sure are, and magical too!
arcades are where i learned how to shoot basketball better
still better at defense though 
What a great birthday for Twilight!
Don't be such a scaredy pony, Fluttershy.
Oh, Dashie... What you wouldn't do for your little sister on your first day at Bits and Games.
Man, I just love SoarinDash! One of the cutest couples in MLP ever! Any other straight couples you love?
Joy Stick, huh? Nice name.
Also, the correct plural noun would be princesses.
3239314 Thank you so much for finding those errors!
A fun fact about this story was that this entire story was created because of that one very short scene in the episode, Hearts and Hooves day, where the Cutie Mark Crusaders sang the song, The Perfect Stallion. If I did not see that little colt with the hat playing on an arcade cabinet, then I don't think this story would have been created, or at least not nearly as soon as I did create this. And yes, I was inspired to make this long before the fandom gave that little colt the name, Button Mash.
Joy Stick was kind of a cute name I thought.
I'm really glad you liked this story. It's also very much inspired by an arcade that I go to called Eight on the Break. It's only about a half hour drive away from my house too, so I'm very fortunate. Here's a great video about the arcade!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9z-F5Kj1i8
I wrote that one Flutter x Mac story in my (SiC) series. That can be a very cute ship, but that's a very difficult ship to write for because they are both so shy and quiet. Soarin' and Dash will probably always be my top favorite. I have written a few male O.C. characters to ship with the female characters like Rain Storm for Dash, or Sun Rise for Applejack, and I wrote a romantic story where you star as a stallion and teach Fluttershy kindness. Those are all I have as of now. I actually had fun shipping Applejack with a Wonderbolt named Lightning Streak too. It's kind of hard when there are hardly any male characters in the show. Most of the male characters in the show are just flat and dull when it comes to their personalities and it's rare that we even get to hear a male character speak unless it's Big Mac, but he doesn't say too much either.
3241559
I remember that part.
Yes, I know. I've read that story on FlutterMac you wrote. Needless to say, they're perfect!
too bad i was not at the arcade, arcade in the usa are dyeing out and being forgotten. I miss the days where all you need to be a gamer is a 25 Cs are 5 Cs if you go to the ow wow nickle arcade
3393311
Considering the upgrades in home technology it is no surprise. Better TVs, better sound systems, and graphics are just as good at home means that the only thing an arcade gives you is a place to hang out at the mall which they are finding are no longer so necessary. It is a sad but true state of affairs.
3395192 You know sometime i just wish i live in thos country you know like japan and others like it that understand that an arcade and cyber cafe are more than just there to wast money.
I mean really you go to japan and you see hundens if not thosen of arcades and cycber cafe you see that there full of people enjoying ever min of it.
The malls are no longger need for the USA becasue some how people think is supid to walk you fat ass out side and get to see some soon, i think tech have taken over our life way too mech if you ask me.
3395571
Interesting that you mention walking and it is part of it though not in the way you are talking so much.
Japan is a bit more squished than the USA with its large land area. It also boasts the use of more public transport and the use of more walking where both are more convenient there. Both of these make it much more convenient for the Japanese to want to stay out to hang out with friends rather than go back home. For an American going out to the suburbs and then hanging out with your friends at home is easy and expected so you can easily use your fantastic home entertainment where in Japan you might have to both use your public transport to get to one friends home hand out and then they have to go back. Japans public transport is very good but that is more of a hassle and when you have these arcades built nearby to where you work/go to school it is more convenient to hang out there and then go home when you are done.
At least these are the sorts of reasons that the articles I have read seem to think. Also with the even newer technology you are even seeing home gamers being able to interact with friends directly while playing the games in different places. In many ways all of the advantages for an arcade are slowly dying out except in the ways that the newer arcades in teh states are popping up and working. Those newer establishments are designed sort of like bars and other social scenes where it is all about the night out and the arcade is just the activity but it is really about the package of a night out with friends. Those seem to be working in the states but the simple arcade of just to play standard games after school? There just isn't much reason to do that anymore considering how awesome home entertainment is now.
3396640 good point about that about japan, but what about other country ( not as big ) like south Korea and china along side other eastern country they have the somethings like us but they more likey go to a cyber cafe or arcade ( mostly cyber cafe ) that they use.
Also yes it look like the only way the arcade can have any hope is to make it like hhhmmm like in this video here where the player is in like a virtual room kinda
That story is so cute
Cute story i love it!
Why haven't I liked this yet??!?!?!?!?!! Awesome story btw
"Videos games are for little immature colts that have nothing better to do with their time"
Okay that mess up twilight, arcade games are awesome and fun to play go ask button mash he agree with me
4384371
What with the face