• Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 25th, 2014

Prof Yana


I'm just a brony who enjoys reading/writing Twidash. Maybe some other ships as well. I like snowboarding, video games (particularly GTA V), and playing guitar. I fear I have run out of things to say.

T
Source

Twilight Sparkle walks home with a spring in her step. The calm blue sky shines above and the birds chirp away from their roosts in the lush trees. A cool breeze prickles Twilight's ears as she nears the library she calls home. Twilight has the perfect dinner date planned for her and Rainbow Dash. Nothing can go wrong, can it?

Image courtesy of SparkyVerve

Pre-read/edited by Daetrin and Rainbow Skywalker

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 106 )

Okay. Great story, but Rainbow Dash DIED. I mean, seriously. You KILLED her.

1933927 Yeah... Yeah, I did. It was inspired by The Things We Leave Behind and I Miss You, both of which had somepony die. You can read the author's note for further clarification. Also, the cover image is pretty dark for any sort of happy story, isn't it?

I'm annoyed that people are disliking without saying why. I do hope they're just trolls... I put a lot of work into this story! One of my pre-readers can back me up, he was with me through most of it. I put my heart and soul into this. I'm quite happy with how it turned out, but still!

Oooooh...right in the feels... A great story man, but, umm, I think I need to go sit in a corner and listen to sad music for a little bit now.

*10 minutes later*

Okay that's better. Anyways a great read and I think the way you chose to end it was all in all in good taste. We can't always have happy-go-lucky stories, sometimes I feel I need a story that's a little sad.

I- I really want to dislike this because I hate sad, I really really hate sad. But this is fantastically written, it's written too well, I hope gilda got sent to jail for the rest of her life. I would say dies but I don't like death so jail. Sadly for me I have to give this a like because it is good. You should write a happier story or make this one happier with an extra chapter, hope you write more and as much as I hated this I loved it.

1934005 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

1934011 You should read my other story, while it's incomplete, it will be much happier than this. I was very stressed and sad when I started this. I was gonna have it be in flashback segments and it would have ended a little happier. More of a bittersweet than full on happy though. I just didn't have it in me to write the rest though and this was just sitting there. Anyway, thanks! I know I've done a good job when someone who dislikes sad actually liked it!

Oops, I think I got those backwards, I'll go edit them... There, fixed.

1933966
I definitely liked the story, but the death was sudden and a little jarring.
And I was just messing with you. I'm probably going to kill off characters with impunity when I get to that point in my story.

1934045 Yeah, the ending was meant to be a little jarring. It led you to believe that it would end happily, and then BAM, something goes gravely wrong.

1934073
Exactly. The people who disliked it are just being bad sports.

Good story. Depressing, but good. You know a good sequel to this could be Twilight seeking justice against Gilda. I can see the potential for a bigger story here. Just food for thought. Now I am going to sulk in a corner now. :raritydespair:

Oh god..right in the feels.


help me

Well written and tragic, but sorry, didn't like it. The circumstances leading up to the end just felt unrealistic; I couldn't get immersed into the story because my dominant thoughts basically consisted of "I just can't see Gilda actually acting this way." It felt too sadistic and petty.

Looks like it turned out pretty great dude! For those suggesting revenge against Gilda, I do believe that we were not aiming for Gilda to purposely kill Dashie, and Twilight would understand. I would think that Twi would be overrun with sadness to possibly think of anger. As would I:raritycry:

It was a good story, although we probably would have appreciated a Tragedy tag, possibly even a Dark tag as well. It would certainly help people not read this expecting something different.

1934518 Believe it or not, that was what I thought as well.

1934372 Oh well, sorry you didn't like it. My logic was that it had been a few years since the show, Gilda as portrayed by the show clearly was mostly your average "cool kid" who hates nerds and the like, and Gilda developed a grudge against Rainbow Dash since the show after stewing over the way Rainbow acted to her. I used to have her mention being an underground fighter, so that's why she isn't very afraid of killing. Have you read The Things We Leave Behind? It portrayed Trixie as a similar character to my Gilda. She developed a grudge over the years and then finally ended up killing Twilight. It didn't put very much depth into her character outside of her ending up a little crazy because of the grudge. Maybe I should have gone into a little more detail about Gilda's life since the show... Well, the more you know.

1934941 Maybe I'll add the tragedy tag, but I don't think it's necessarily a dark story outside of the ending. I've read numerous stories where somepony dies without a dark tag.

1934139 Thanks? Yeah, I'll go with a thanks, since that's what I was aiming for.

1934086 Read my first response of this post.

1934372 You know what? I'm just gonna go add a smidge of backstory to Gilda into one of her bits of dialogue.

1935006 My reasoning behind the possibility of a dark tag primarily have to do with Gilda's actions, sure there are lots of stories where a pony dies without a dark tag, but I don't think a story with an antagonist who pummels a pony, nearly chokes her to death, and then drops her over a massive storm cloud (where lightning may not have been a big issue, but the impact would have been), could get away with not having one.

Still, it's up to you, the tragedy tag is there, so people know what they're getting into before they read it, which means they now have no right to complain. Ahaha.

Wonderful wonderful story. I loved everything about it this is the kind of story my sadistic mind craves and for that I thank you. And I don't think its possible to have a bigger cliffhanger than that please say there is a sequeal:pinkiesad2:

1935285 Well, be sure to like/favorite it and watch me if you liked it that much! About a sequel, I didn't really lead into any sort of a sequel with this. I guess years later Twilight runs into Gilda again or something like that, I don't know. I really didn't have a sequel in mind while writing this, so it's probably not gonna happen. But you never know! I also kind of left the ending up to the reader. Most people will think that it's Twilight, but the imaginative reader could assume a passing pony could have said it, such as one of the other Mane 6. I also put it there to remind you that Twilight is there and that this is directly affecting her.

Hopefully this story picks up more attention. :rainbowdetermined2:

SORRY for double-posting. But this. Just, this.

I heard you like feels, dawg, so I put some feels in your feels.

1935502 I know! I'm a little annoyed that its like/dislike ratio is so uneven. I hate trolls and people who dislike without saying why. That is probably why it hasn't gained anymore attention. I'm actually a little sad that its view count is so low. Oh well, it's only been up a few hours, we'll see. If it's still like this in a week, then I'll really be more sad. It's just that feeling when you put a lot of work into something and no one sees it. Although I don't expect it to be accepted, I submitted it to Equestria Daily. I'm not hopeful, but if it gets accepted than that will boost the view count a lot.

Not that I don't appreciate all of you readers out there! I'm just being greedy is all.:fluttershyouch:

1935515 The feels... Wow...

1935544 One of my favorite writers on here writes a bunch of stories that are only a blip on the radar and get no more than a combined 20-30 likes/dislikes. It's good stuff, but getting more views is affected by four things initially:

1. Title.
2. Arguably more important than title, header image. It's sad how often stories get overlooked because of a bad image or no image.
3. The dealmaker but usually a dealbreaker, the synopsis. It's like when people go to bookstores and read the summary on the back.
4. Tags. People check for characters they like and genres they like, and skip over stories with story tags or character tags they're not fond of.

Admittedly, my synopsis is terrible for my story but it got people to click on it. I need to change it. Regardless, I think you do well for the first three, and the only thing really out of your control for the initial attention-grab is characters and genre. Now, what IS in your control after that is content. If you do the best you can do and they still leave a dislike, then they must have a decent reason why they weren't into it. It's a shame they missed out on an opportunity to share with you how they felt, but it can't be helped. They're not ALL trolls. Some are ogres.

The thing I was going to say is, Appreciate the positive feedback, take any criticism you're given, and just write another story. I don't think either of us are going to be like Kits or Swimminbrony where it's like "ermagerd you wrote [insert title here]???!!!" But people still like what you're doing, so as long as you enjoy it, keep doing what you're doing.

1935592 I'm aware that I'm being greedy. As I said, I do appreciate all of you readers out there, it's just that I want more. I had a good/sad time writing it. (Seriously, how can you not get sad when you have to WRITE something like this?) Except the stress in writing the now non-existent non-flashback parts. Then I realized that I didn't have to write them and that I could just release it as is. Also, I think you're doing pretty well for yourself with 456 favorites on your story! I'm one of them. I eagerly await your next chapter. Speaking of next chapters, I still need to finish the next one for my own story...

1935592 I was just looking at your profile, and you were the one who showed me The Things We Leave Behind and In History, Maybe. I followed the link from your profile. Those were two of the main inspirations for this story. It was them and I Miss You by Silver Cloud. So, indirectly, without you, this story wouldn't be here.

1935654 To be honest, I'm surprised I was never targeted by TWE...

So, you're saying I'm a big reason why this story is up? My mind is already blown by the fact people look at my profile page, so this is considerably beyond my scope. Now you're telling me good things are my fault?

Aaand that's what I get for reading the comments before the fic. :facehoof:

Silly Rainbow Dash, don't read comments before reading the story! :rainbowlaugh:

But in all seriousness. :fluttercry:

Well ok still that was one hell of a cliffhanger you had there. It really left me wanting more so I'm just going to assume she died cause thats what my mind wants.

:facehoof: no revenge? really? even if she didn't mean to kill rainbow dash she still tried to kill Twilight. (droping a unicorn that can't use magic through a thunder storm IS trying to kill her) Amazing story, lots of feels. I now hate Gilda even more then the first time I saw her... I just might have to kill her now :pinkiecrazy:

low view count? here let me help you.

Uhm... Gilda? You DONT want to get on Twilights bad side....

You know... I'd say something here about what to do to Gilda for this but... all that comes to mind just isnt enough. Best way I can put it is.... let her suffer... let her suffer endlessly....

1936667put her in the hole with the Rancor
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071119014612/starwars/images/f/f0/Rancor_NEGAS.jpg


EDIT: no... the worst possable way to die is to be crushed... that's strange because that's how I kill someone in one of my stories...
gulp

1936688 I think the best way to punish her is... locking her up in a room with Twilight for a day with her claws cained to the ground so she cant hurt Twi or flw away. if anyone deserves to bring down punishment on Gilda, it's Twilight.

1936757shit, now I"M scared.

1936746what's up


just realized I'm going to have to re-read this story... it's too good to absorbe it the first time around.

1936766 Not much man. Just browsing between classes, reading a couple fics here and there.

1936773browsing in school? nice

1936777 Gotta love college, right? 2 hours between classes, sleep time and ponies galore. 'Tis a good life.

1936788 Trombone Performance and Music Education double-major.

1936766 well as long as youre not Gilda, you have nothing to worry about^^

1936791nice.... i think that's enough cluttering of this stories comment's XD

1936806none of this would have happened in RD had just let Twilight do her thing instead of stopping her... poor Rainbow Dash.

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