• Member Since 24th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

SMP


E

One little dream is all it takes to brighten your life,

But when do you make the dream a reality

The second part of Magic is Love Series

Featuring Twilight Sparkle X Rainbow Dash

Disclaimer: Aside from the basic story idea I make no claim to anyother material unless otherwise noted

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 7 )

Cute, really cute, keep at it bro! :pinkiehappy:

It was alright. Mainly it was the way you did your dialogue. You could've used a few more commas or "...". I'd say 7/10 for quality, but it was really cute, and I admire that. Worth the read, and thumbed.

The story is good, but too short to make proper use of the idea, and what happens after the dream? do they seriously let it go just like that?

I'd say keep it up, and try to work on the length and pacing of your stories :twilightsmile:

It was okay. You really need to learn to effectively use commas more, though. Without them in the right places, things devolve into one big mess.

Interesting Idea, but the length of each dialog relevant sentence is roughly twice as long as it should be, unless the speaking character is, in fact, Pinkie Pie. I would recommend using commas, ending the sentences shorter and continuing the subject in the next sentence, and using a thesaurus for diversification of the wording, thus allowing for the story to go down nice and easy, right into our intellectual gullet.

Doesn't that sound tasty?

But, again, the story Idea is quite interesting. I look forward towards the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

... Sorry, but its so hard to follow.

We have an interesting and awesome story here! :rainbowkiss:

Just please, I need more commas and dots! :twilightsheepish:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!