• Member Since 21st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 5th, 2019

GTPGuy


E

Rainbow Dash has long been teased as a fillyfooler, and seeks a new start in Ponyville, where nopony judges her for her mane. But when she opens her heart, she soon needs to find shelter from the storm that follows her. And find shelter she does, but not in the place that she originally expects.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 22 )

Not bad.

Could use a little more description in locale, but that might not be what you're going for. Other than that, good job.

4.5/5

It's well done, though more than anything I'm intrigued by the angle you're giving to Dash and Gilda's past and how they bonded.

226996

yes, this. i like how you've portrayed Gilda in a more positive light. it also makes sense because Dash is different and so is Gilda, so they can relate some.

You've gotten my attention. Poor Rainbow.

I really like how you lead up to the confession, and then cut straight to the aftershock of the event. Risky, but I think it worked quite well.
However, I can't help but think that the flashback suffers for going the other direction. I think it'd have more of an effect if we didn't actually see the beating.
Also, a few "I"s went uncapitalized.

Anyway, tracking.

I wish there was a GIlda emoticon >_>

Good start, but I'm really wondering how Rainbow could take such punishment without fighting back with her natural fiery spirit. I wouldn't imagine her to be such a push over.

ill be watching this

227137

My guess based on what we've seen so far is that she gets said fighting spirit from Gilda. At least that's my guess.

Author here (as you might be able to guess by the red thing :p)

Sorry if it disappoints you guys, but Gilda doesn't really show up in chapter 2 (which is almost done). But you'll see more of her soon, sorry :twilightblush:


Chapter 2 felt a little funky to write~I wasn't really sure how to end it, and it bugged me to the point that i did the current ending at 1:30 because yay insomnia~~~. So it might be a little messy and/or not as good as chapter 1. Please comment so I know if I should change it or not ~~

I'm happy this story isn't rushed too much. I like the separation of present and past, it makes for easy reading. I will be tracking this one, and it gets my approval.

~E.C.

AJ is soo in trouble I do hope twilight finds RD before its too late.
anyway good story.

Sorry for the premature publish on chapter 3, up fully now

Good fic, my only complaint is that the chapters are short :p

Yeah, the chapters are very short ;)
Also.... I SO hope that Gilda will reappear xD

243872 sorry, its just easier for me to write it in shorter chunks :(

244248 yeah I thought I was going to put her in here, but definitely in chapter4

I try not to leave negative comments, especially when my dislike boils down to personal preference. Here's my first failure on this site.

So, divine intervention. Guilt trip. Severely rubbing me the wrong way. If this is what leads Applejack to reciprocating Dash's feelings, the story has suffered a worse injury than the latter pony's. If Applejack couldn't see the pain she'd caused Dash or feel guilty about it without Luna's guilt trip, where's the romance? Dead in a gutter.

Things have have taken a turn for the preachy. There was an element of it before, in the first chapter, but by chapter two you were really bashing us over the head with your message. I'm not even the slightest bit opposed to what you're trying to get across, and even I feel assaulted!

As for objective criticism, chapter two needs to be proofread. Applejack switches from the accented "Ah" to "I" in the same breath, and the latter isn't even capitalized, for example.

I'm most frustrated by all of this because you show potential in your prose. Swallowing your writing is easy even if the thematic elements aren't. Chapter three's conclusion is a great example.

I'll keep reading, hoping it gets better. I know you can make it so.

249400

Thanks :heart:

I'm sorry about the whole bashing over the head thing-I didn't really plan for the whole Luna intervention thing, it was much more on a whim. Usually I'm writing small chunks of the chapters at school and then play around with them, but I didn't really think about putting Luna in until I was typing it up :facehoof: I'll probably rewrite it sometime this week-my laptop is currently getting fixed so it might be a few days.

And I definitely do need to be more careful proofreading, sorry :derpyderp2: Short attention span means I forget about it sometimes(read: a lot). I'll try to work on that too :scootangel:

Thanks again, always nice to hear about things I can improve on :twilightsmile:

249560 No problem. I just hope I wasn't too harsh.

As one last recommendation I'll say this: Give your ideas time to gel. Deliberate. Always ask yourself if those little whims will take things where you want the story to go. If it is, go for it; if it's not, you dodge the bullet. I get the sense that you really want to get chapters out. That's more than fine. Great, even. But don't rush things so that you can. Expediancy almost never trumps polish.

And if Luna's intervention fits your vision for your story (and I do stress that it is yours), if that's truly the best road you see yourself taking, take it! Just be aware of it. Mindful of your choices. If preachy is what you're going for, go for it. My observations are decidedly less than absolute, don't think that because I complain about it you shouldn't do it, otherwise the story is more your audience's than yours, and what are you left with? Apologies, apparently. Please don't apologize.

I'm ranting now, so I'll stop myself.

i guess yer not gonna update?:unsuresweetie: tis good story anyway.

539963

Uh, to be honest i'm not sure. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, but haven't really been able to focus enough to write anything, and at the moment i'm in a kind of precarious situation healthwise. It's very possible that I won't be able to finish this, but I'm going to try and get back into writing it either tomorrow or this weekend.

So i suppose we'll see soon :S

542036 well it was good while it lasted thanks for giving your final decision on the story.:twilightsmile:

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