The Potency of Poetry Part 2
Caramel's quill worked the letters awkwardly onto the paper. His hoofwriting was an ugly thing, even when writing in his native language. In Equestrian, well, he would have called it chicken-scratch, but to be frank that would be insulting chickens the world over.
It wasn't his fault that he wrote so poorly. Ponies were so adamant about writing from left to right, which made things rather awkward considering he'd spent most of his life writing the other way around.
He put his quill down and admired horrific handiwork. It was as if an uneducated foal had tried their hoof at writing, and then somepony bashed all of the letters out of shape. It was a hideous scrawl of twisted lines. Did he get his F upside down? He honestly couldn't tell.
"It's nice," said Twilight, looking over his shoulder. "Your writing has a lot of... character."
"Remind me why I don't just write this out in my own language again? I thought that I was going to be the only one reading this." grumbled Caramel.
"If ponies like it they're allowed to make a copy using a replicating spell, y'know, to show their friends. It wouldn't do for somepony to find out that a twentysomething year old stallion who just wrote a heartwrenching love poem can barely write his first name now, will it?"
"Couldn't you just write it for me?"
"All poems must be written by the poet unless a disability renders them unable. Inability to abide by the rules leads to immediate disqualification," stated Twilight primly. "and before you think about lying, there are very simple spells which can detect who the author truly is, and they do several background checks before allowing you to get on stage."
Caramel shook his head dumbly. "Twilight, there weren't that many security measures back at Canterlot! Don't you think that's a little bit much for a poetry convention?" asked Caramel.
Twilight shrugged. "The convention's grown a lot in popularity since Celestia became a regular attender. Trust me, they take themselves very seriously." she hoisted a pair of books into the air. "It's all here in the Tourists Guide to Trottingham and the Poetry Convention Rulebook."
A rulebook for a poetry convention? He sighed. "You keep too many books."
"*Gasp* hold your tongue!"
He clapped his mouth shut as he was told, painfully aware of how much he had overstepped the line. He wrote and re-wrote his poem in silence, careful not to anger Twilight any further.
And so it went for the two weeks. Wake up at eight, at Twilight's by nine, a quick interview and then on to the training. Twilight was many things, and thankfully a good teacher was one of them. She'd turned his writing into something so legible that he might just pass for an everyday guy with terrible hoofwriting rather than full-on illiterate. Had somepony asked how spectacularly bad his writing was beforehand on a scale from one to ten, he would've said a solid twelve. Currently, however, he'd say that he and Twilight had managed to whittle that number down to about eight, maybe even seven!
The actual poetry itself was a whole different animal. Rhymes, stanzas, syllables, it was a test of the mind, and a particularly hard one at that.
"Twilight, what rhymes with orange?"
"I dunno... Door hinge?"
Caramel thought on that for a second before shaking his head and scribbling out the verse. He'd used door hinge a couple of stanzas back. Okay, no oranges. Maybe he could replace it with something? Bright? alluring? Dark yellow-ish?
"Y'know what? I'm just gonna start over. This one wasn't turning out too well anyways." he said before crumpling the piece of paper into a ball and tossing it into the waste bin, now overflowing with sheets of failed poems.
Poetry was hard.
"Maybe you need to have another look at the examples." said Twilight, slapping her Big Book of Poetry down in front of him and flipping to the 'love' section. Caramel had already read through half of them. The thought of wading his way through the daunting second half was enough to make his head burn.
"You wouldn't happen to have any aspirin, would you?" he asked, reluctantly flipping through the poetry book. Ever since the incident with the poison, he'd been getting these headaches. Sometimes it was naught but a little heat between the ears, and other times it felt as if his brain was three times too big for his skull. What he was experiencing now was something of a halfway point between the two.
"You should really see a doctor about that." suggested Twilight, raiding through her medicine cabinet. Throughout the past couple of weeks Twilight had gained ample experience in dealing with Caramel's occasional head-pains. Needless to say, her supply of painkillers had taken a nasty hit.
"And say what?" he replied. "that I was poisoned and now I get these unstoppable headaches? What happened back in Canterlot isn't a secret, y'know. Most of Equestria knows about the changeling who nearly died at Canterlot Castle by now. I don't want to risk some doctor making a connection and blabbing to the rest of the town."
"Couldn't you just lie?"
Caramel rested a hoof against his sore head. "I'll be fine, really. All I need is a little break. And an aspirin." In truth he just really disliked undertaking medical examinations. As skilled a shapeshifter as he was, no disguise could be truly perfect. Doctors liked to take blood samples, poke around inside your ears and up your nose. A trained eye might spot something out of place, and then it'd be game over. He didn't know what would happen if his true identity became public knowledge, but he doubted that the results would be good. He imagined lynch mobs and pitch forks galore would be somewhere on the long list of results.
Twilight tossed a box of aspirin in front of him and warned him not to take too many in her mother-hen way. Caramel popped two of them into his mouth, contemplated a third, briefly thought against it, and then swallowed it anyways. They took the edge off of the pain, but did little else. He stared at the daunting, blank piece of paper in front of him, his mind farting out the occasional rhyme or smart bit of terminology and then promptly forgetting about it. It was becoming more and more evident that poetry-heck, writing wasn't his thing.
A tapping on his shoulder ripped him away from the paper. "Sir," said Wild Rain. "I don't mean to intrude on your work or anything, but you're looking pretty stumped."
Caramel let a sigh hiss through his lips. "Well, that's probably because I am." he admitted, silently wondering what had prompted his guard to finally speak. Him and Silent Song had been relatively quiet up until now. Caramel guessed that it had something to do with keeping up the 'tough soldier' appearance in front of an Element of Harmony. Always a smart idea to make good impressions on somepony on a first-name basis with your boss, he supposed.
Wild Rain smirked. "Well, I don't like spreading rumors, but word among the guard is that Silent Song knows a thing or two about-"
"Wild Rain." Silent Song spoke his name as a warning, glaring daggers at the pegasus from across the room. He held up his hooves disarmingly.
"Hey, I'm just trying to help the guy out."
"If I remember correctly, our orders were to protect him, not help him." stated Silent Song, her glare steadily narrowing.
"Exactly, and by helping him, we're protecting him from any potential embarrassment, you see? Logic!" he turned back to Caramel, smiling like a kid who'd just dropped a dog turd in his sister's horseshoe. "As I was saying Sir, Silent Song here-"
"Wild Rain I swear to Luna!"
"-is a huge fan of p-" and that was as far as he managed to get before Silent Song ploughed into him, clapping a hoof across his mouth. The two of them rolled across the floor, tumbled into a bookshelf and were buried beneath the ensuing avalanche of literature. Twilight just about had a fit there and then.
The pile shifted and churned before Wild Rain breached the surface. "Silent Song loves poe-"
"NOPONY MUST KNOW!" screamed Silent Song, exploding out of the pile in a shower of books and tackling Wild Rain into oblivion. The two scuffled briefly on the floor before the purple aura of Twilight's magic surrounded them and hoisted them apart.
"Silent Song likes poetry!" gasped Wild Rain finally.
"Lies!"
"ENOUGH!" bellowed Twilight, silencing the both of them. "Now the both of you are going to explain what's going on, apologize for wrecking my library and by Celestia, you will clean up this mess or I'll see to it that the both of you be put on janitor duty for the rest of your careers!"
Fun fact about Twilight: she doesn't like ponies messing up her library. She doesn't like it at all.
Wild Rain raised his hooves defensively. "I'm just saying that I heard from a friend of a friend that Corporal Silent Song is a big fan of poetry, sir. I just thought she might be able to help out, is all."
Twilight gave Silent Song a small shake. "Is this true, Corporal Silent Song?"
To Caramel's surprise Silent Song turned red, and hid her face behind a wing. "I... it's a good pastime. I write my own every now and then, I guess." she managed, her usually stern voice little more than a squeak. "R-romance mostly."
"You write romantic poetry?" asked Caramel.
"Now and then... like I said, just as a pastime."
Well, there's something you didn't see everyday. The batpony with the steel frown turns out to be a lover of Shakespony. Who would've thought? Although to be honest, he'd been hit with bigger bombshells. You thought Rarity's love of metal was surprising? Just wait and see what Cheerilie does for fun.
"So you could help me out with this?" he asked, gesturing towards the blank piece of paper in front of him.
"Well, uh, a true love poem comes from the heart, Sir."
Caramel rolled his eyes. "Off course it does. The only problem is that my heart sucks at wording things. So how's about we make a compromise? I say what I want to write down, and you just make sure it doesn't sound like word-vomit. That works out fine, right?"
Silent Song shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting from face to face. "I'm not sure Twilight would approve, Sir."
"Actually, yes I would." admitted Twilight. "I've been reading through a couple of Caramel's failed attempts and to put it kindly-he's completely and utterly hopeless."
"Thanks, Twilight." sighed Caramel.
"I'm sorry! You tried to rhyme adorn with bike-horn here, bike-horn!" she complained, waving a crumpled page in front of his muzzle. "The sad fact is you aren't getting anywhere, and I don't have the necessary know-how with poetry to help you. You need somepony who's got some experience, and from what Wild Rain tells us, Silent has plenty."
Silent Song's face was getting redder my the minute. "I-It's just a side hobby, really."
"A side hobby you spend hours on every evening," added Wild Rain with a roll of his eyes. Silent Song shot him a glare that could curdle milk. "What?" he defended, holding out his hooves disarmingly. "I'm just saying. I've seen you sitting in your bedroll with that little notebook of yours. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"That's a journal!"
"Oh please, I've read a couple of pages and I know for a fact that-"
"You read my journal?"
Silent Song leapt towards Wild Rain only to freeze halfway towards him, surrounded by the violet glow of Twilight's magic, her teeth bared. Twilight levitated her a safe distance away from Wild Rain and placed her on the floor, where she crossed her forelegs grumpily and glared at her partner.
"As I was saying," continued Wild Rain. "Silent song has sank a lot of time into this 'side hobby' of hers. I've caught her reading and writing all kinds of stuff. I'd even say some of it was good enough to go to print."
For a moment Silent Song's glare lessened-
"And besides, you should've heard her squee-ing when Miss Twilight here told us we were going to a convention. She's in love with the stuff."
And then it came back with a vengeance.
"Anyways," continued Wild Rain, either unaware or uncaring that Silent Song was trying to murder him with her eyes. "If you really want a helping hoof, Silent Song here is the one to ask, Sir."
"Giving a 'helping hoof' isn't in our orders, Wild Rain." spat Silent Song.
Caramel was about ready to throw himself on his knees and beg Silent Song. He was getting tired of this. Tired of writing this god's damned poem and tired of failing over and over. Was it too much to ask for just a little bit of help? A spike of pain drove itself into his head as he supressed a scream of aggravation. His headache was blooming again at the back of his skull.
"Silent Song," said Caramel, and his voice came out peppered with an anger he hadn't noticed brewing until now. "look. I'm asking for your help. Now whether or not you actually give it to me is up to you, but I think it's only fair to remind you that you're assigned to me. That means you and me are going to be spending an awful lot of time together. You're going to be sleeping in my house, eating my food and spending more or less every waking moment of your day close to me." he leaned in closer. "Don't you think things would be easier if you just help me out, make friends with me and avoid all the awkwardness that'd follow from letting me crash and burn?"
Caramel caught sight of the slight shift in Silent Song's expression from defiant to considering, and decided to push his luck. "C'mon, Wild Rain says you're pretty damned good, and I'm guessing he's telling the truth. Who knows? You might even have fun. Please?"
Silent Song frowned, contemplating. For a moment Caramel feared she wouldn't answer, until she finally asked "You won't tell anypony, will you, Sir?"
Caramel smiled and set a hoof over his heart. "I promise."
So maybe she'd been a little harsh.
It was... possible that she'd been a little bit unfair him. After the whole 'yippy-ki-yay-imma-changeling' thing, she'd been a little on edge. It'd been jarring, to say the very least. It wasn't every day that your coltfriend burst into green flames and told you he was actually a giant bug, after all. She'd actually been willing to let it slide-at least until he came about with the whole 'Oh hey, just so you know I was also spying on you for the last year or so' thing. She'd been seeing red at the time, and who wouldn't? That deserved a good hoof to the face no matter what the consequences. But now the red had faded, leaving her alone to bask in the aftermath that it had created.
She'd physically assaulted him, slammed a door in his face, dismissed something that he had obviously been working on for a good week or so just to appease her and then finally reached her crescendo at spouting some crap about how bad it was to be a changeling and then walking out on him whilst he sat there half-dead from a belly full of poison.
So yeah, like she said; maybe she'd been a little harsh.
Just a little.
Just the teeniest, tiniest- okay, so she'd bucked up good and proper. Happy now, conscience? Jeez! So maybe she shouldn't have flipped out so damned much, maybe she shouldn't have gone all Little Miss Tantrum Thrower on the guy, maybe she shouldn't have tried to explain how nasty he was right after the Princess scooped him out of a puddle of his own puke and blood, maybe she should've tried being a little nicer!
Fuck!
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
She threw a punch at her pillow, and another, and another, all the while trying to picture her own stupid face. Stupid! She tossed another flurry of punches into her pillow before burying her face in it and groaning. So Celestia-damned stupid!
"Sis?"
"Applebloom," she grunted through her pillow. "This ain't a good time."
"Miss Twilight's at the door though..."
Applejack released a muffled groan. Twilight here could only mean one of two things: a national emergency or another scheme to get her and Caramel back together. She didn't have the energy for either, this was a Sunday, for Celestia's sakes. Couldn't the world just let her mourn over her idiocy in peace?
*Knock knock knock*
Apparently not.
She rolled out of bed and grabbed her hat from the windowsill. It was afternoon already? Hmm, time flies when you feel like shit. She looked at herself in the mirror. Messy mane. She covered it up with her trusty steston, that'd do.
*Knock knock knock*
"Hold yer horses, ah'm comin!" she growled, reluctantly dragging herself down the steps towards the door. It stood open on its hinges. The purple unicorn stood eagerly on the porch, an eager smile on her face.
"Hey Twi," she said, filling her voice with what little happiness she could muster. It wasn't much. The last few weeks had drained a lot out of her, and it was beginning to show.
Twilight, bless her, didn't seem to notice, and answered with a chipper "Hi Applejack!" she looked excited, bad news seeing as Applejack had intended to spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity. Twilight had that determined 'Hey lets go save Ponyville from a dragon/crazy wizard/possessed emo princess' look in her eye.
Applejack put on her best smile. "Ya wanna come inside?"
"That won't be necessary, I'm just here to ask whether you'd like to come with us to the Poetry Convention!"
"... Poetry Convention?" she scrunched her nose at the thought. She'd never been one for all of that wordy hoo-haa. "I dunno Twi, I mean I got a lotta work-"
"Oh come on, please!" begged Twilight, not even bothering to let Applejack finish her sentence. "Caramel and I worked really-" she clamped her hooves over her mouth, a little too late.
"Caramel? what's he got to do with anythin'?"
"N-nothing." said Twilight, lying so poorly that it actually managed to make Applejack cringe a little. Twilight was nearly as bad at lying as her, and from the look on the unicorn's face, Applejack guessed that she knew it, too.
"Well, maybe we wrote you a poem and was going to surprise you with it at the convention..." admitted Twilight, her head drooping shamefully. It was all Applejack needed to hear.
"All right, ah'll come." she said, much to the elation of Twilight.
The two of them shared their goodbyes once Twilight had her promise not to tell Caramel that she'd let his little surprise slip. Applejack felt sick to her stomach. She walked out on her near-hospitalised coltfriend, and in response he wrote her a love poem. A firm kick to the conscience if there ever was one.
Well, this time, things were going to be different. No more "changelings are bad" or "spying is wrong" lectures, she'd given up the moral high ground required for that long ago. She'd go to this little convention thing, listen to his poem, and by Celestia, she'd be the most grateful sonofabitch he'd ever laid eyes on!
Celestia glanced towards her calendar and beamed. It was a rare occurrence in which she was allowed days off, and thankfully, today was such an event. The Trottingham Poetry Convention was one of her few annual chances to allow herself a little indulgence. She placed her round-lensed reading glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she head towards the dining hall. The chefs tended to make those delectable crepes she liked on Saturday mornings, and she reckoned a plateful of them along with a glass of orange juice would be the perfect start to the perfect day.
She slipped on her 'I 
poetry' shirt and made for her chamber doors. True, it lacked the air of authority that came with what she usually wore, but it'd become something of a tradition that she wear it to every convention. It was an awful lot more comfortable than the hunk of metal she hauled about around her neck on most days, and it always got a few laughs out of ponies.
She merrily opened her bedroom door and-
"Good morning, dear sister!"
Celestia reeled away from Luna as she noisily announced herself, catching a hoof on the leg of a chair and nearly tumbling over onto her plot. Luna smiled down at her cheerfully, wearing an unfittingly modest brown jacket which belonged on an Equish teacher rather than a princess.
"Luna," said Celestia, dizzily getting back to her hooves. "You caught me unawares... What are you wearing?"
Luna gave a small flourish to show off her new jacket. "Tis what we shall be wearing to the convention, of course. We told the servants to rustle up something with an air of intelligence, and we must say that they have truly outdone themselves-" she waved the back of her forelegs in Celestia's face. "-look! They have even sewn patches onto the elbows, we art most pleased!" she gave Celestia's T-shirt a quick inspection, as well as the pair of glasses on her face. "We must say, thine own 'nerd' attire is quite convincing."
"Nerd att- Luna, what are you talking about?"
"Why, the convention of course! We have decided that it is high time that we entertain other hobbies, and poetry sounds most agreeable... Not to mention that a certain 'friend' shall be dropping by as well."
Caramel. Wonderful, her favourite day of the year was getting bombed by her sister and the changeling. It wasn't that she hated either of them, but for the love of her, this was supposed to be her day off! She didn't want to have to deal with her awkward sister or the apologetic changeling today of all days.
"Sister, thou seem mad. Aren't you happy that we could find time to join thou?"
"Of course," sighed Celestia, lying. To be totally honest, the time away from her sister and all the other stuffy nobles of Canterlot was the main reason she went to these conventions in the first place. "I was just wondering who would be left in charge after we both went gallivanting off into the sunrise."
Luna gave a dismissive turn of her head. "We have left Blueblood in charge for the day, he seems capable enough."
"You what?"
"Oh relax, Tia. We have enlisted our finest advisors to keep him in line, tis perfectly safe. And besides, a taste of real responsibility would do that stallion some good."
"And the changeling?"
"Mr Caramel has taken the opportunity to display his poetic prowess! Of course Applejack shall be there too, And we most suspect that Mr Caramel has written her a declaration of love wrought with prose." Luna gave an innocent flutter of her eyes. "Quite romantic, is it not? We remember when all the stallions were doing it-why, we were practically tripping over sonnets and verse!"
"...Nopony ever wrote me a poem..."
Luna gave a dismissive shrug. "What can we say? We were always the pretty one."
Celestia rolled her eyes. "I'd say more vain than pretty."
"And? Is it so wrong to love thineself?" asked Luna.
"No, but there is a limit," she replied, smiling. "Remember that time you complained that the servants weren't ogling you enough?"
"... T-twas' a phase."
"Sure, a phase." giggled Celestia, shaking her head as her sister blushed.
Luna tossed up her head with a dismissive 'hmph'. "Well, we art most eager to hear what Mr Caramel has composed. We doubt it shall be as glorious as that which the poets once wove in honour of ourselves, but who knows? Mayhaps he shall have a helping hoof well versed in the art of wordsmithing."
...
"You sent him a pony to help him write, didn't you?"
"Perhaps..."
"Luna!"
"We poked around within Twilight's dreams and found out that she intended to give unto Caramel the challenge of poetry. So when thou came to us asking for one of our Lunar guards, we chose somepony with a... varied skillset."
"So instead of giving him a guard you gave him a poet? Sister, you do realise that there is a possibility that whoever tried to kill Mr Caramel would be willing to give it another go, right?"
"Of course!" exclaimed Luna, and for a moment she looked genuinely offended. "Why, poetry is nought but a side-hobby for Miss Song! The whole reason we picked her out in the first place was for her impressive skill with a sword. Her savvy with a quill is merely a happy coincidence!" she gave a casual toss of her mane. "Honestly Tia, sometimes we fear that you doubt our judgment. Tis insulting."
"I..." Celestia sighed, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. It had to be today, didn't it? Luna had to pull some sort of crazy trick like this today, virtually her only day off (not counting Hearths Warming). "How did you even know that Twilight was going to have Caramel perform at the convention?"
"We may have poked about in her dreams-"
"Luna!"
"-just a little bit! T'wasn't as if we were delving into the deep recesses of her mind! We were merely... curious. Honestly, we don't see why thou art so peeved. This way we get to watch Mr Caramel win the love of The Element of Honesty and enjoy a day off together! Is it not grand, sister?"
"Wonderful." said Celestia.
Luna frowned. "thou do not seem very happy about it."
Celestia entertained the thought of lying and saying that she was over the moon. The truth of it was that she wasn't very happy about it. She wasn't very bloody happy about it at all. She'd just found out that her sister was bombing her day off and the changeling was coming along for the ride. She was the antithesis of very happy.
"what do you mean?" asked Celestia innocently. "I'm delighted!"
"Tia, we love thee more than anything, but thou art a terrible liar. Now come, what has our sister so grumpy?" replied Luna.
"She sighed again, fixing Luna with a tired stare. "Luna, this is the one of the only days of the year I actually have to myself. Now I'm not saying that you're ruining it by coming along-
"But you believe that Mr Caramel is." finished Luna.
"Luna, I know it may sound inconsiderate, but after what happened here hot a few weeks ago has shaken my trust of him. I'd thought, when I'd assigned The Elements to him, that he was... innocent. That he had love for Equestria, Justas he had for Applejack. Well, back at the Gala, he met his would-be murderer face-to-face, discovered that they were a changeling, and let them go. When I asked him why do you know what he said? He thought they were just a spy-or perhaps an agent on a mission of great importance! Don't you see, Luna? He slighted us in what he thought was a benefit to himself-"
"To his country, Tia," corrected Luna sternly. "Granted, we are less than pleased that he allowed one of his uninvited brethren to gallivant through the halls of the palace so freely, but we understand. What he did was an act of patriotism. Since he has acquainted himself with us we have rummaged through his dreams, and we can say with a certainty that he loves his homeland. Thou cannot expect him to become a turncoat on a mere whim."
"Even after he fell in love with one of our ponies? After I allowed him to stay here, despite having perfect reason to throw him back to The Badlands? It's ungrateful, Luna!"
Luna gave a sigh, and the semi-playful attitude she'd had earlier crumbled away, and suddenly Luna looked a thousand years older. "He has a family, Tia. A family that he hasn't seen for years. We have seen it in his dreams. A loving mother, a stern father and a little bother with whom his relationship was... strained. His dreams linger on them constantly, and are shot through with worry and sorrow. He fears for them horribly. What would anypony do, had they thought that the betrayal of those they had befriended could help the ones they loved?"
"Celestia bowed her head solemnly. "It is sad, but it doesn't change the facts. Had that assassin been after any other of those guests, the night could've ended in tragedy."
"It may have, but it didn't. The only one who paid for his folly was Mr Caramel himself, and we believe that more than earns our forgiveness."
"And if the assassin had tried to kill you?" asked Celestia persistently. "Me?"
Luna was quiet for a very long time, silently considering. "One cannot dwell on what could've been, it leads only to hate and suffering." she came out with finally.
"And how would you know?"
Luna fixed Celestia with a stare so cold that it sent a shiver dancing down her spine. "Because we have spent a thousand years brooding over dead possibilities and expired may-haves, doth thou remember how well that turned out for us?"
Trottingham, in Caramel's opinion, resembled everything a city should be. Statues and museums in abundance, musty old buildings rich with history and a particular lure towards tourists, as if it were bursting at the seams with lore, and couldn't wait to share it with you. It reminded him of the Hivelands, in a way, only with a lot less changelings, a serious lack of runes decorating the walls and a not nearly as much tension between the classes. That, and there wasn't a big-ass palace in the middle of the city (although it did have a really nice chapel).
So far Rarity had made only a dozen or so fruity comments on the 'pseudo-gothic architecture' with Twilight occasionally reciting the history behind the buildings she pointed out. Fluttershy was more than happy to sit back and listen to the two of them. Caramel was just happy that Pinkie Pie had work to attend to back at Sugarcube Corner and Rainbow Dash didn't want to come. Granted, he'd grown to quite like Pinkie ever since their attempt at baking, but that didn't mean that her constant babbling had become any less annoying. As for Rainbow, well, the less he saw of her the better.
Applejack had spent the majority of her time trying to get his attention. Which he was happy about. Or should've been. Judging from the heavy vibes of guilt he was getting from her, he guessed that she was feeling a mite sorry about largely ignoring him after the whole poison incident. He tried to make himself feel happy about it. She was giving him attention, after all; trying to get on his good side. But whenever he looked at her he saw the back of her head as she turned to walk out of Luna's bedroom and leave him there with a belly full of poison, and instead of feeling happy he just felt pissed.
"Ya look like you're enjoyin' yourself." said Applejack, smiling. Hers was an apologetic happiness. Sorry smiles and sad eyes and all that. He guessed that she was pining for forgiveness, or something of the like. He didn't feel like giving it to her, just yet. Maybe it was a little dick-ish of him, but part of him wanted to see her squirm.
A gentlecolt would have told her that it was okay, that it was his fault, not hers, but frankly, it was becoming more and more obvious to Caramel that he wasn't a gentlecolt in the slightest. He tried to tell himself that she was trying to make it up to him, that she wanted to forgive and forget and that maybe she was even getting used to the idea of him being a changeling, but that little voice inside of him called spite was sounding awfully persuasive.
He realised all too late that he'd forgotten to reply to Applejack. She had a sad frown on her face, as if she were some misbehaving foal whom he'd just told off. "Well you know I've always liked seeing new places." he said hastily, then cursed himself for doing so. Should've left it and let her know that he wasn't in the mood to talk.
"Ah'm guessin' that this here's one of the nicer ones you've seen, right?" said Applejack, perking up at his reply. "heck, I'd say this is prettier than a clear sky in summer! An uh... real romantic an' all?"
"I've seen prettier."
"Really?" butted in Rarity obliviously, her voice flavoured with curiosity. "Do tell!"
"In truth Miss Rarity, chances are that you've never heard of the places I've been to. Popular changeling resorts aren't all that well known in Equestria."
"Well that doesn't mean that you can't give us the details now, does it?" she said, undeterred.
He sighed, relenting. He hated talking about the Changeling Empire. Every small detail he gave felt like a colossal betrayal. There had to be a joke in there somewhere. 'Good old faithful Caramel, Defending changeling secrets even after his own nation started tossing assassins his way'. If he ever made it back home, they'd better give him one big-ass medal.
"Well lets see... I've seen the Imperial Palace in the Hivelands, the peaks of the empire's tallest mountains and the beaches of the Black Shores. Where do you want me to start?" beside him Applejack sent a baleful look Rarity's way-no doubt for stealing the conversation away from her-and all of a sudden he was a lot more eager to chat with the unicorn.
Rarity had turned giddy the moment he said 'palace'. "At the palace, please." she said with barely contained excitement. The others had gathered closer around him, curious. Well, he supposed describing how pretty the Imperial Palace was wasn't technically doing any harm, unless you counted provoking tourism.
"The palace was the first structure built from changeling hooves, and its construction was said to be aided by the gods. The palace was built over the hive, and Yara wanted a fortress of immense power to defend her children's birthplace. The walls are dotted with runes of protection and blessings, and there are statues more or less lining the palace's halls. The prayer room is host to the grandest of the statues- one of Yara and one of Kor, each nearly tall enough to touch the ceiling with their heads. It's rare for a lower class citizen such as myself to visit there, but when I do, I can't help but marvel at the wonder of it all."
"And the throne room?" asked Rarity, mesmerized.
"Well I've only been in there once, and to be completely honest with you, it was pretty bare."
Rarity deflated slightly, disappointed. "Why is it bare?" asked Twilight, picking up where Rarity left off. "I thought that the entire point of having a throne room in he first place was to have somewhere nice for the Queen to sit?"
Caramel shrugged. "It's forbidden to idolise the Queen more than the gods. The throne room has some beautiful things in it, including an ebony throne, but it doesn't hold a candle to your average changeling church. I've prayed at the imperial church maybe one or two times, but let me tell you, it's no joke."
Applejack perked up, butting her way back into the conversation. "Ya never told me you were the religious type."
She spoke with curiosity rather than acidity. Whenever she found out that he'd hidden something from her she was usually furious, not that he was complaining or anything. That whole 'leaving him hanging whilst he was splayed out, half-dead on a bed' must've really done a number on her.
"Well when you have to hide your identity you can't afford to take anything in half measures. I had to curb my praying and all that ever since I arrived in Ponyville." he didn't realise that he was speaking through gritted teeth until the words had already left his mouth.
"oh." she replied, quickly clamming up. Gods dammit, she was finally warming up to him and he'd chosen now of all times to get all bitter with her, and did she really even deserve it? she'd only ran to the hills when he'd desperately needed some kind of company, left him all on his lonesome whilst his insides burned, didn't even visit him once when he got back home to see whether or not he was okay-
"So how long since ya did any prayer stuff?"
"A while."
And that was the end of that conversation. Applejack retreated back into silence, staring shamed and hurt at the floor. Wonderful. He'd just shot down the very mare whom he'd come here to win over. Coltfriend material to the bloody max.
'Yeah, jeez man, give her a break, she only walked out on you when you were poisoned! Nothing terrible, really. You can't expect her to come check up on you every time something life-threatening nearly kills you.'
The remaining trip to the convention centre passed in an uncomfortable silence. Caramel despised silence, it had a horrible way of making things awkward, just as it had now. He tried to occupy himself by mentally rehearsing his poem, but his thoughts kept on crawling back to the crushing pain the poison had put him through, and how little company he'd had to endure it with, apart from a pair of stoic guards he hardly knew and the odd visit from Thunderlane.
The convention centre was fitting to its purpose, to say the least. The banner hanging above the large double doors was fashioned to look like a scroll, and the grand yet practical structure reminded him of the Canterlot Archives. The stairs leading up to the doorway was flooded with ponies, most of which looked as if they spent their free time smoking pipes, contemplating the equine condition and scoffing over tea. If he looked terribly out of place, then Applejack may as well have been from the moon. From what he'd heard from Rarity, wearing a cowboy hat to a high-end convention in Trottingham was bordering on lunacy.
Then again, with a pair of guards ghosting him, he wasn't exactly going under the radar either.
Silent Song and Wild Rain had decided to follow them at a somewhat leisurely distance. Close enough for ponies to know that they were guarded, but not close enough to deter anypony from talking with them. As much as Caramel appreciated the thought, he hated having the two of them looming over him as they were. Being guarded drew too much attention.
As if to prove his point, ponies had begun giving them curious passing glances as they loitered up the stairs, a great many of said stares being directed at him. By Chrysalis, did it make his head hurt. It was as if all the staring ponies were giving some kind of psychic migraine! Could unicorns do that kind of stuff? He reached into his saddlebags, pulled out the pack of aspirin he'd taken with him and swallowed one. Beside him, Twilight eyed him worriedly.
"At the rate you eat those things, you'll give yourself a chronic overdose before the week is done. You realise that, right?"
"Changeling's don't get overdoses," he lied in an attempt to shut her up. Twilight being Twilight, she saw right through the lie and was about to unleash a bout of furious bitching and moaning before Applejack cut her off.
"Waddya need them painkillers for?"
"Maybe you'd know if you cared to visit a little more often."
... Ouch. He hadn't meant to say that, he'd just been thinking it so hard that it just slipped out. He looked over to Applejack. She looked hurt, almost as hurt as him when nearly died from all that poison sloshing around in his belly, or when she walked out on him back In Canterlot, or when she didn't bother to visit him when he came back even though he nearly died and checking up on loved ones is something that you're supposed to do especially when said loved one had vomited and bled from the ears and-
"I didn't mean ta-"
"Fuck it."
And just like that, he turned around and walked away.
Escaping Rarity, Twilight and Applejack had been easy. He'd passed through a deserted alleyway, sprouted a pair of wings and flew away. He supposed the advantage of having a pair of unicorns and an earth pony as escorts is that you could always leave anytime you wanted, provided you could spawn wings.
His two guards, however, had proven rather difficult to lose. Wild Rain and Silent Song sat two tables opposite him, staring at him intently. The three of them were in a café- not because they were hungry, but because the overwhelming bustle and noise of Trottingham had been feeding his already pulsing headache.
"Sir?"
He took his head in his hooves and rubbed. Bloody headaches. It felt as if his brain was going to melt at any minute. Was this thing going to be permanent? He'd heard stories about changelings poisoned from skeltgrass being sent mad by the after effects, and bitterly hoped that he wouldn't be one of them. The world and everypony in it was trying hard enough to turn him batshit crazy as it was.
"Sir?"
"What?"
The waitress bounced backwards as Caramel snapped at her, giving him a hurt and confused look which filled him with guilt. It didn't help that she looked so damned innocent, either. What was with him and punching ponies right in the heartstrings? First it was Applejack, then Big Mac got all high and mighty with him, and then Celestia (because apparently choosing not to rat out other changelings 'risks lives', although the last time he checked he was the one who'd been poisoned). Heck, as far as he could tell Rainbow Dash hated him just because! Did he just have a really, really dislikeable face? Was it his cologne?
Did saying 'sorry' just not cut it any more?
"Sorry," he said. "Rough day."
"Oh. Well, that's okay."
...Huh.
The two of them were left in an awkward silence. The waitress, Yara bless her heart, looked earnestly sorry for him. Her supple lips pinched themselves into a frown and her big, watery eyes glanced at the floor uncertainly. The mare was, he suddenly realised, absolutely beautiful. It'd been a while since he'd thought of anypony like that apart from Applejack, but now that they weren't really a thing anymore...
"Y'wanna talk about it?" she asked. Her voice was heavy with a Trottingham accent-the kind you'd hear squawked by those teenagers and juvenile delinquents who swaggered down the roads in hoodies and tracksuits. No doubt most ponies would've found it off-putting, but he kind of liked it. It had a lot of character.
"Not really..." he began, and then then stopped himself, the past couple of months rushing through his mind like some feverish nightmare. "Actually, yeah, I do. I really, really want to talk about it. In fact I'd say I want to talk about it more than I've wanted to talk about anything else in my entire Celestia-damned life."
The waitress smirked. "Fire away. You're the only bloke in 'ere, apart from them two." she said, nodding towards Silent Song and Wild Rain. "And they're not too talkative. I try to serve 'em and they turn around and tell me they're on duty... sitting in a café!" she shook her head, sparing the two guards a scolding glance. "lazy, innit?"
"I'm sure they have their reasons." replied Caramel.
She dismissed the two guards with a casual shrug. "Yeah... anyways, what's on your mind?"
"Marefriend troubles." he answered honestly. The waitress gave a short burst of bubbly laughter which sounded nicer than most. 'Better than Applejack's.' he thought to himself and immediately chided himself for doing so. Then he remembered that he and Applejack weren't currently together, and enjoying a pretty laugh didn't count as cheating, anyways.
"I should'uh guessed," she said. "Only a mare can make a guy frown like that. So what happened? 'er family not like you too much? She cheated on you? Maybe the other way around?" she leaned in close. "Trouble in the bedroom?"
"Oh harr harr, very funny." said Caramel with a roll of his eyes. "I'll have you know that my performance in those areas has nothing to do with it."
The waitress threw back her head, and another gout of beautiful laughter came pouring out of her mouth. It seemed to be infectious, because before he knew it, he was smiling along with her.
"Well come on then, spit it out. What's the problem?" she asked.
"I... I lied about something. Something pretty big," he huffed, sinking into his chair. "Something colossal. Now don't get me wrong, she has the right to be pissed, but a couple of weeks ago she... Well she kind of took it overboard."
He'd earned himself a raised eyebrow and a curious twinkle in the eyes of the waitress. Nice eyes, he realised. Very nice. "What was it?" she asked, leaning closer.
The story pieced itself together in his head in an instant. "Now that would be telling, wouldn't it? Besides, that's not what's got me ticked. You see, to make up for it, I took her out to this fancy ball, and when I say fancy I mean I can't even pronounce the name of the place."
"Pretty fancy." agreed the waitress.
"Yeah, pretty fancy. Anyways, I couldn't dance for peanuts, and so I spend Celestia knows how long practicing beforehand. We're talking a week of training here-intense training. I mean, I couldn't dance worth a damn before this whole effed-up fiasco and now... well I still can't dance, but I can flail about with style!"
Another laugh from the waitress. "Very funny, now come on, on with the story!"
"Ok, ok... You see, I got sick. Very sick. Must've been some kind of food poisoning or something. Hurt so bad I thought I might've died. Anyways, I was locked up in some hospital wing and loam behold, she turns up at my door-"
The waitress smiled. "How adorable."
"-and pretty much calls me an ass."
"What a bitch."
Caramel winced. "Be easy on what you say about her, huh? That's my mare... Ex-marefriend you're talking about."
The waitress shrugged. "I'm jus' calling it like I see it, and the way I see it, she's a proper bitch. You would've thought that she'd 'ave at least have given you a second chance after all that."
"Yeah, well, I guess you're just a little bit more forgiving than her. Still, I can't dump all the blame on her. I mean I'm the one who started all this shit in the first place."
The waitress eyed him curiously. "Alright, you've gotta tell me what this lie was..."
"It isn't so much about what the lie was," said Caramel. "It was the fact that I kept it going for so damned long. At least, that's how I see it. Tell me, have you ever been forced to choose between loyalty and love? And I mean serious, unrelenting loyalty and proper Shakespony-esque love? Because I did," he leant back into his chair and heaved out a long, weary sigh. "And I'm starting to feel like I made the wrong choice."
When he looked back up at the waitress, he found that her eyes had misted over, and her beautiful smile had worked itself into a solemn frown. It was as if her previous warmth and happiness had drained out of her, leaving naught but coldness. "I know how that feels," she said sombrely. "Celestia be good, I know how that feels..." her eyes snapped back towards Caramel, and for a moment he swore that he could see a tear forming, and then she was all smiles, radiating happiness as if nothing had happened. "You know what? How about I get you some coffee? Sounds to me like you need it."
"Yeah," said Caramel, confused. "Coffee sounds good."
As the waitress darted away, Caramel allowed himself a quick glance at her rump, feeling guilty as sin for doing so. Checking out another mare whilst he was trying to make things up to his ex. He must've been breaking some rule or another in the unwritten 'gentlecolt's code', but gods be good, he was lonely. Applejack had left a big hole in his heart, and right now he was willing to fill it with anypony other than her.
He wasn't too certain as to why he was so damned apprehensive towards Applejack all of a sudden. Maybe it was the whole badmouthing him whilst he was poisoned thing, or maybe it was her stubbornness. Maybe it was all the little things that'd been dropped on him throughout the past month or so. Accidentally setting fire to Sugarcube Corner, Big Mac's spitefulness towards him back at the Ponyville market, getting tossed out of a window, Rainbow Dash's bitchiness... It all piled up into big 'ole heap of suffering and anguish that would've all been avoided, had Applejack been okay with the fact that he had a couple of holes in his hooves.
It was enough to make him ask himself whether he really loved her anymore.
Did he love her anymore?
He supposed... kind of. Love was as stubborn as it was confusing, and to be fair, he never really understood the emotion entirely-he just fed off of the stuff. By the gods, fully understanding love was nothing short of impossible. It was something crafted out of hate and joy and lust and envy and all sorts of horrible and wonderful things-a storm of paradoxes.
He sank his head into his hooves and sighed, feeling twice his age. His mother always warned him about getting involved in relationships. 'Be careful who you pick, because whilst there are plenty of fish in the sea, there's also plenty of sharks.' Silly saying, but nonetheless true-although he wouldn't really call Applejack a shark... More like a really, really prickly sea urchin with a southern accent and a very strong head.
The sound of wooden legs scraping along the stone floor beside him caught his attention. Somepony had dragged a second chair to his table. "Don't mind if ah sit here, do ya?"
Well, speak of the sea urch-... pony.
He looked to the side as casually as he could manage. "Plenty of other tables."
Applejack winced as if his words had just pinched her. "It hurts when you act like this, y'know? All bitter and everythin'."
"Oh I know," he said, monotone. "I've had a lot of experience with it lately."
His quip scored her deep, guilt gushing from the wound. He lapped it up, eager for more. Say one thing about Caramel, say he knew how to make words hurt. He'd had a lot of chances to sharpen his tongue back home arguing with his brother, and by now he could draw tears from a stone.
Her nostrils flared in a fleeting moment of distaste before she sighed in defeat. "Alright, guess ah had that one comin'," she said as she eased herself down into the chair slowly, as if he were some sort of snake who'd bite her at any sudden movement. It offended him, even though he knew it shouldn't. "Ah know there's a lot of nasty lil' words you wanna throw my way, an' chances are ah'll deserve most of 'em... but could you put 'em aside just for now, so we can talk?"
"I thought we talked more than enough back in Canterlot."
She nodded solemnly at 'Canterlot', as if she'd been expecting him to bring it up. Her regret washed over him like a bitterly cold wind, and he had to force himself to pry some more.
"It isn't nice, y'know-getting poisoned with skeltgrass. Feels your head is melting from the inside out, like somepony stuck a hot coal in the middle of your brain. Leave it long enough and the pain spreads to the rest of you... like little beetles running around just under your skin, nibbling and tearing at you. Give it enough time and your blood'll go black and as thick as pudding, but you'll be long dead by then anyways."
"Fer cryin' out loud, would ya stop it with the guilt trip? Ah'm tryin' to say sorry here!"
"And maybe I don't want to hear it! I mean c'mon, you don't even turn up a my door to check if I'm okay after I was fucking poisoned, and you think you can just patch things up with a simple 'sorry'?" he growled, on the edge of shouting. A streak of white hot pain shot through his head, painful enough to make him wince. "Fuck!" he spat, pulling out the packet of painkillers and tossing another into his mouth. Applejack's frustrated expression flickered with concern. She reached over and plucked the box from his hoof.
"An' just what're ya taking these for?"
"For nothing, give them back!"
Applejack peered into the little box. "Sweet Granny's apple fritter, you've gone an' ate most of 'em! How many of these things have you had today?"
"I... I opened the box this morning, not that it's any of your business!" he said. Most of the box? had he really had that much? He wasn't too clear on the maximum dosage of painkillers when it came to changelings-he'd just presumed that if it wasn't deadly to a pony, then chances were good it wouldn't kill him, either. A bit careless, he admitted, but he'd been brushed off by his ex, berated by Princess Celestia herself and had the mother of all headaches which may or may not be permanent. He'd earned the right to be a little 'devil may care'.
"You opened the box this-what in hay were ya thinkin'! Don't ya know what too many of these'll do to ya?"
"And since when did you become a doctor?"
"Never, but Twilight told me you lot were supposed to have some sort of inklin' on this stuff!" she barked, waving the packet in his face before tossing it aimlessly over her shoulder. "Ah mean, what if this here stuff gives ya some sort of gut-problems or-
"Wait," he said, stopping Applejack's rant with a raised hoof. "Twilight told you? When?"
Applejack's stern glare faltered into a bashful look sideways. "Well... The train ride over here was pretty long, an' me and Twilight were sharin' a booth, so ah reckoned it'd be a good time to start, y'know, doin' some research."
Caramel leaned in closer, narrowing his eyes. "How much research?"
"All of it..."
""All of it?" he shook his head disbelievingly. He'd told Twilight enough facts on changelings and their home to fill in an entire notebook. There was no way in Tartarus that Applejack managed to memorise the whole thing on the way here. "What colour is the grass where I come from?"
"White."
"What's the main reason why changelings avoid the forests?"
"Cus' near-on everythin' there is poisonous."
"What's my favourite kind of food?"
Applejack scrunched her muzzle in blatant disgust. "Beetles on a stick, congealed lizard's blood, bone marrow from all sorts of critters an' pretty much anythin' bitter," she cheeks showed the slightest hint of green. "Why ya'll like that stuff over proper chow, ah ain't got no idea. Ah ain't meanin' to insult, but from what Twi tells me you've put some mighty disgustin' stuff in yer mouth."
He fell back into his chair, brimming with frustration. She'd been dedicated enough to memorise all of Twilight's notes in a single train ride. Here he was, getting ready to give the rant of a lifetime, and she'd just gone and disarmed him completely.
"Dammit," he sighed. "How am I supposed to stay angry when you pull something like that."
"How's about ya don't?" she asked, and as she said so she reached over and laid her hoof gently over his. "I'm... sorry ah left ya hangin' like that. Just supposed that the last pony in the world ya'll would want to see would be me, guessin' from all that happened back in Canterlot."
"Yeah well I guess I'm kind of sorry for shouting at you. It's just with all your rejections and stuff, I start to wonder if you really care for me anymore... if there's any point to this whole makey-uppy shtick."
"Course there is," reassured Applejack, giving his hoof an affectionate squeeze. "An' ah care about ya plenty. Ah just need some time, is all. Time to get used to-" she spared a glance back at the wings he'd sprouted during his escape. "-to get used to stuff. It ain't every day your lover turns out to be a changelin'. It's just jarrin', ah guess."
"Really?" asked Caramel, painfully aware of how pathetically hopeful he sounded.
Applejack smiled, reaching over the table and placing a kiss on his cheek. It'd been packed full of emotion, that kiss; regret, love and sorrow. Bittersweet in the best possible way.
"Really." she assured as she broke the kiss. "Now c'mon, that poetry-thing ain't gonna wait forever, an' ah wanna hear what ya rustled up!"
He felt a blush building up in his face and turned shyly away. "What, my poem? You seriously want to hear it?"
"Well ah came all this way, right? 'Though to be honest with ya, ah don't see why you didn't just skip the whole trip to Trottingham thing an' just gimmie yer poem right at mah doorstep."
Caramel cringed. When she put it like that The journey did feel kind of pointless. Twilight had said that the grandeur of Trottingham and the fact that he was speaking from a stage made it more dramatic-but personally, he reckoned that she just wanted to go to the convention and see Celestia. From what he'd heard the Princess loved her poetry, and Twilight had looked awfully giddy for the past couple of days, not to mention nervous. Silent Song had been nice enough to confirm his suspicions.
"Why for the excellent coffee, of course." he joked as the waitress skipped over with a cup of coffee in her hoof. She put it in front of Caramel with a glance towards Applejack and a knowing smile in his direction. Applejack eyed her banefully as she left. Something told him she didn't very much like the way the waitress had looked at him. He couldn't help but smile-Applejack had always been a jealous one.
"Very funny," she said, and as Caramel moved the cup of coffee towards his lips, Applejack reached forwards and put another kiss on them instead, this time making sure the waitress was watching.
She tugged at his foreleg. "C'mon, ah promised Twi ah would bring ya back, an' we all know how funny she gets with... writin' stuff."
"Writing stuff, huh?" he asked. Her poisonous glance towards the waitress told him that she had a few more reasons to get him away from here than that.
The coffee had contained enough poison to kill Caramel five times over.
Kaathe leaned against the counter and smiled. One would call it a stroke of luck, had they not known Kor as he did. He walked over to the empty table, plucked up the coffee and tossed it into the bin. The petal of Desert Rose he'd ground into it had been worth a small fortune-Frauk had been against the idea of using poison again but had relented when Kaathe had promised to use something discrete and painless. It just so happened that when it came to poison, discrete and painless was expensive.
In all honesty, though; he couldn't care less about something as meaningless as wasted money right now. This was the second time the spy had avoided death by some strange stroke of luck, and Kaathe was almost certain...
He slid out of the diner and ghosted into a secluded alleyway, dropping his waitress disguise for something a little more convenient. Frauk followed not too far behind him. Kaathe felt at the small blade hidden on the inside of his foreleg. Chances were he'd be putting it to good use rather soon. Or would he? This was the second time chance had smiled upon the spy, and Kaathe was almost certain that there was something other than luck backing this changeling.
Almost certain-
But it couldn't hurt to be sure.
Caramel was sweating bullets, allowing himself another peek through the curtains. Backstage was empty apart from him and his two guards-they'd missed the bulk of performances when he'd been hiding in that diner, and now he was kicking himself for it. That meant that his would be the last poem all those ponies out there would hear. Sort of put him on the spot, he reckoned. It didn't help that he hated standing on a stage in front of so many eyes. He'd forgotten to tell Twilight about his stage-fright.
On stage, a mare about half his age finished reading her poem to the cheers and clapping of the crowd. He winced. That mare had used a lot more fancy words than him, not to mention it sounded as if she actually knew a thing or two about incorporating themes. He read over his poem once more and cringed. The mare's poem made his read like something an unenthusiastic grade-schooler had crapped out for homework.
"Hey buddy," said the presenter, sticking his head through the curtains. "You're up. Last performance of the day, so I hope you've got something good."
"Well..." replied Caramel as he reluctantly walked on stage. "at least it rhymes." There were easily over a hundred eyes on him, each glimmering with anticipation. He shrank under their stare. Why did Twilight have to drag him all the way to Trottingham? Why did he have to read this thing from a goddamned stage? Why couldn't he have just given his crappy poem to Applejack and be done with it?
He noticed Twilight standing between Celestia and a very bored Luna. She gave him a reassuring smile and pointed towards Applejack, not too far from her. The farmpony waved at him from the crowd, and his nervousness melted away. Concentrating on her instead of the dozens of other ponies, he began to read.
"An ode to a farmer, my heart sings for night and day,
A song I want to shout, but my mouth struggles to say.
For this farmer she hates me, and for good reason too,
Because in truth I'm a prick, so what am I to do?
I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for words to say,
None shall suffice to speak this love which pains me everyday.
Gifts of love are pointless, for she wants only trust,
But that's one gift I cannot give, but sadly it's what I must.
For in truth I am a liar, she's right to not trust me,
So I'll find another way, a way to make her see.
I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for gifts to give,
Or else I fear this wasted love is something with which I'll live.
I've gained her friends' favour, what small good that's done,
Their trust in me means nothing, their words she'll simply shun.
For in truth I use all kinds of folk, They're nought but a means to an end,
She knows this all too well, so surely I'll just offend.
I'll sit and watch, from afar and search for friends to woo,
Though little help that shall provide; little good they'll do.
To be honest... I am tired, I'm done with one-way love,
I'll scream if I see another rose, or wretched turtle-dove.
For in truth I'm rather blunt, I've no time for frivolous trash,
I'll tell her that I love her, and if she says no, well I gave it a bash.
I'll no longer watch from afar, I'll walk up to her and say:"
He hopped down from the stage and bustled through the crowd towards Applejack, taking her hoof in his.
"In truth I am an arse, and I lie everyday-
But I'm an arse in love with you, and that's the truth, okay?"
He'd been expecting chorus of boos. He'd been expecting-at the very best, some half-hearted clapping and an uninterested little cheer.
What he hadn't expected was a chorus of 'daaaaww's.
"That's adorable!"
"I bet he wrote that for his marefriend,"
"He sounds like a teenager in love!"
Applejack pulled him into a hug, and he returned it with gusto. Then she kissed him like she used to in that rough, loving way of hers, and the crowd showered them with wolf-whistles. He felt himself go lax in her hooves, the taste of her love draping itself over him like a warm, familiar blanket. The small pain in the back of his head dissipated, and he kissed her back.
"Those were some real pretty words, Caramel." she said, breaking the kiss.
"Thanks... you liked it?"
She smiled and kissed him again, lightly, on the cheek.
"Ah loved it."
Part II, Concerning Geography
I apologise in advance for the vagueness of the entailing notes, Caramel was initially opposed to saying anything on this subject, and when I finally managed to coax it out of him he gave me a somewhat brief summary. Still, something is better than nothing, Your Highness, even if it is a very meagre something.
The changelings live in an empire separated into five provinces named The High Mountains, The Dead Plains, The Black Shores, The Hiveland and finally Volka, a small, offshore island. Now, I'm afraid that Caramel refused to give me a map or general layout of the land, but he did give me brief descriptions of each, which I suppose will have to do for now (don't worry, I'll plead more details out of him yet. Recent studies have proven that he is extremely susceptible to the 'puppy dog eyes' technique).
What he described was... Strange, to put it lightly. White grass, twisted trees with bright, orange leaves and overall a very varied landscape. He makes it all sound so alien. Did you know that you could get black sand? Caramel tells me that the Black Shores have beaches full of it! And don't get me started on the Dead Plains, from what he tells me that place defies belief! Endless seas of desert and grassland pickled with pillars of black stone and animals I doubt even Fluttershy has heard of, It's like something out of a fantasy book! You can expect a full report when I finally compile all of my notes.
He also mentioned that there were a lot more things that could kill you in the Empire than there is in Equestria, particularly the plant life. A good knowledge of flowers and the like is more or less mandatory for anypony who wants to dare the jungles and forests. I'm sure Zecora would feel quite at home.
To summarise, Princess, it's an entirely different world over there. What Caramel's told me so far has frightened me almost a much as it has excited me. Do you think that perhaps, if we ever make peace with the changelings, that I could be sent on whatever diplomatic mission would entail? Please? I mean, I don't really take many holidays, so I could count it as an extended vacation! I really want to see those mountains he's been banging on about.
Sincerely,
Twilight.
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6398237 Confirmed derp.
It LIVES!
Wonder how Caramel will dodge death this time?
Ah, welcome back, old friend.
I guess the song's over now. Back to work.
This feels too uneven. The first half and second half are almost two totally different stories in scope and tone.
Caramel goes from 'by Chrysalis' to 'by Yara'... really, this entire sudden hyper-reliance on a changeling religion needed at least SOME presence from the getgo.
Not to mention, there is the non-subtle implication that the changeling gods and demons exist... which then implies what about the changelings versus the Equestrians?
Keep in mind, this world also has Discord and two alicorns whose powers would be akin to some of the upper Greco-Roman and Egyptian pantheons themselves.
Trying to rectify all these elements into some semblance of continuity is going to prove quite tricky if the story delves any deeper into them.
6398496 Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'm a big fan. I'll agree with you 100% that I've got the characters sort of uneven (looking back on it I've messed up Celestia particularly). Keeping my characters consistent is my Achilles heel, I swear to god. The storyline I drafted out in my head was overly basic and now I'm paying for it dearly (note Caramel's shift of character from the previous to the most recent chapter. I'd wanted to paint him more pissed off after continuous rejection, but reading it back to myself I notice that he went from a "little bit miffed" to "fuck you all" in the span of about five minutes).
As for the gods though, I always intended to include them. Maybe not as heavily as I am now, but I definitely wanted them in there. It gave a supernatural twist to the assassins and gave the whole idea of a changeling society more plausibility by introducing a religion. Again, looking back on it, it should've been a separate story altogether. I sometimes feel that I've written two fics and just mashed them into one :/
The problem I have is that I haven't really done a very good draft. I'd have written a better one but, evidently, I suck at writing drafts. A lot of the time I spent on the latest chapter was just me staring at my computer screen and asking myself "how the hell do I move the plot forwards?"
Lucky for me I've cobbled together a definitive ending now and a path of events leading up to it, and I intend to see this thing through to the end. If writing this fic has taught me anything it's the necessity of a solid draft-which is a problem because, like I said, I suck at writing drafts. It's my Achilles heel... my second one.
6398496 I re-read the whole story before getting to the latest chapter, since it had been a while, and the Changeling gods were mentioned earlier on. I think the revelation of their details has been proceeding reasonably smoothly over the course of the story and it's neat to find out that Caramel actually is religious. It's rare to have fictional gods treated "realistically" like this.
I did see a bit of a change of tone in this chapter, though, some of it good and some of it a little bit jarring.
For the good - and it's really good - I am so very glad to see Caramel calling Applejack out on her terrible behavior for a change. Sure, it's reasonable to be suspicious of Caramel and feel hurt by the secret he kept. And the initial toss-out-the-window thing is a reasonable panic reaction. But until this chapter I'd been starting to worry that Caramel was going to just keep putting up with being a comedy punching bag until Applejack forgave him. It was getting distasteful. But in this chapter Caramel realized that he didn't have to put up with it, that breaking up with Applejack was actually a not unreasonable option, and Applejack realized that she had to do something to meet Caramel halfway. All good stuff.
The thing that jarred me a bit was more stylistic. Suddenly it seems that everypony's swearing like sailors. Sure, things are getting rather tense and bitter, but it doesn't fit the feel of the story from before. I'd perhaps suggest editing the word choice a bit.
Oh, and I should also mention that I noticed a few spots in the older parts of the story where general proofreading is needed. Pinkie used the wrong "your" at one point, the word "hot" was used instead of "not", "Caste" instead of "Castle", and some others that slip my mind offhand. Stuff that'd pass a spellcheck but not a human editor. A more minor thing, though, that can be done as a final pass once the story's finished.
6398766 You've got two different stories worth of material, of two very different tones.
What you need to do is decide which is the primary and which is secondary, then minimalize down the latter to just the most relevant portions as such will then match the tone and scope of the primary tale.
Since you're also working with a split pantheon of deities, and possibly more if every race in Equestria has their own, you do need to define them properly if they're going to be plot-relevant. Are they all gods? All demons? Some gods, some demons? Which ones and why?
See, that part can get very complicated very fast. It's why battles of gods and dark plots don't usually work out in romantic comedies... unless it's crazy manga like "Mahou Sensei Negima"... which somehow balance the sheer insanity with serious magic battles... then go right back to the harem lunacy. But then, maybe the overall weirdness of the whole thing just prevents the mind from even trying to make sense of it. Sometimes, getting campiness just right somehow makes oddly segmented stories miraculously come together.
I don't think there's any rule to go by for that. It tends to depend on the author's innate ability to work with their characters in their wacky world.
I think I'm gonna need to re-read the story, as I've completely forgotten what happened in the last... Every chapter except the first.
6398801 Thanks, man. I'll try to put the romance first from hereon in with the odd segment harkening back to the sub-plot. But the gods... I dunno, I want to leave them somewhat vague. To properly define them would take away from their mystery and dampen the whole lovecraftian feel I wanted to give them (yes, I tried to put cosmic horror in a romantic comedy. Two stories and all that jazz). I'll admit that the whole arch with the assassins and the politics and all the like was only ever meant to be a side-story. I just let it get a lil' bit out of hand because I loved writing about it.
Wow, this is still alive, I'm going to have to give this a reread to remember what the heck is going on, but it's nice to see an update. I seem to remember that is was a pretty good story and it's nice to see it still has a chance at being completed.
Good to see this one continuing.
Hmm... White trees, orange leaves, black sand (real enough on Earth but almost never seen in fantasy settings) and animals that defy current understanding. Twilight should check for areas frequented by Discord during his rule, because that really seems like he was using the area as a testing ground for monsters he created. Also, I actually think the chapter (and the story as a whole) is great because of the subplots. They provide more depth than just "romance romance romance angst romance". Also, while I do get the lovecraftian feel from Kor, Yara seems far more equine; perhaps you could compromise by going in depth with Yara while leaving Kor shrouded in mystery. Alternatively, you could still treat Yara as a Lovecraftian entity, but on the level of Hastur or any others that regularly interact with the mortal world.
Well this was good. Interestingly, it was only yesterday that I finally got around to reading the previous chapter.
It's also just my luck that when I'm trying to read through all 600 of my unread favorites chapters, that people just magically start posting updates. Wtf.
Also, and again, get a goddamned editor.
6398831 Honestly, I don't have any problem with the world building. It fits well enough, but Twilight's letters are kind of forcing it. Maybe consider skipping the letters and slipping bits and pieces of info into the regular part of the story?
6399712 Thanks. I do get the feeling I'm giving away a bit too much with Twi's letters, and to be honest it is something I should fit into the story itself rather than just tacking on at the end. However that would mean subverting swaths of dialogue so that I could somehow include some offhand reference to Caramel's home. I've tried that before, and believe me, the way it reads is cringeworthy.
Also, I'll try to get a goddamned editor for the goddamned fic.
6400144 Goddamn.
lol
having just found this Story today and spent the good past 3 hours reading it. I have to say I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the characters in this, and your take on the changelings culture is very creative and quiet well done. Good work and hope to read more soon
Why have him be a pony? That way you could call him...
scontent.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xaf1/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e15/11352165_723299964458551_1920379003_n.jpg
I regret nothing~!
6398431 Well, that is sort of the point of the story. To provide propaganda to get you view things a little differently from how you'd normally do so. So in a way, it's getting written exactly in the right manner.
Mm, I'm glad you touched on Celestia's perceptions of Caramel's of patriotism and Luna's insights on the matter, but I can't help but feel the point is still getting missed. Why would Caramel ever have to give up his patriotism of his native country at anytime, especially just because he's staying in your country now and you don't particularly like his country? Frankly, it's racist. Surely he can love more than one country, and live in one while still loving the other, correct?
Caramel's sudden bitterness to AJ is a little sudden, pacing-wise, but you manage to justify it decently enough in the end that I can roll with it.
Good to see AJ's finally starting to soften, by the way. The timing for that actually feels pretty spot on.
Of course, it also helped that I stopped to review the past couple chapters real quick because I had forgotten the details of where we were at in the story because it had been so long since an update.
6398793 The swearing doesn't feel 'ponylike'... especially since they're OUR swear words. We have to remember that such vernacular has origins, and the ponies' history is radically different than our own. Also, the convention of using equine substitutions is lost with the casual use of English language profanity. It makes them feel suddenly like humans wearing pony outfits.
They have such things to say such as 'horseapples' and 'plot' and 'buck' and perhaps even other things which could use perversions of equine anatomy, posture, and excretory functions which to THEM would be gutter terms.
The point about the changeling gods... the early mentions felt like just their own superstition... but then it seemed to show one of them, and implied that a pact had actually been made with their god of death, meaning that these 'gods' were REAL. So then we must ask ourselves if these gods are the only ones and the changelings have a monopoly on deities in this world, of if we're dealing with a pantheon for each major sapient species... in either case, it could make for a messy set up as we must either ask why the changelings are hiding away if they have actual gods they can work with or where are the other gods thus far in all this.
Kinda why I like to avoid gods in stories at all costs. Kinda hard not to god-mode when some of your characters are gods...
6399321 Except where cherngelerngs are concerned! They're horrid evil monsters spawned from a tree of evil in a battlefield of dead ponies!
And they're also Starswirl's fault.
Gee, comics, you don't like Starswirl much, do ya?
6406083 In fairness, this is a world where you can schedule an appointment for a meeting with the Sun Goddess or Moon Goddess, and where the God of Chaos has a mailing address you can send letters to. And by some interpretations, one of the main characters is now a goddess herself and you can randomly bump into her down at the local burger joint stuffing her face with hayfries.
So gods are already on the table to begin with. Or perhaps Kor is some being on the same level as Sombra or the Sirens, who are near enough that they could be called gods too based on some of their feats.
6406203 But, trying to place the tone of a romantic comedy in the same setting as dark gods and assassins making pacts with said dark gods and murder and whatnot... that not only really complicates matters, but it also creates radical tonal shifts which become very jarring.
Tone in very important to a story, to aid the reader in knowing what they're supposed to be feeling. When a slapstick routine suddenly changes scenes into a graphic rape, for example... no audience can possibly know what to think!
6407698 Ah, that's more of the shift in tone that's been happening. I agree that that's a bit of an issue.
I guess I didn't exactly consider this primarily a comedy even from the outset so it doesn't seem as bad to me. The story has shifted from lighthearted to less lighthearted over its course but it wasn't a completely abrupt transition (Caramel got poisoned several chapters back and before that he was reminiscing about how mass starvation has been plaguing the Changelings, both of those things put an edge on the story). Maybe a little editing could smooth it out more. Ideally IMO by lightening things up just a bit in the most recent chapter, stuff like the sudden cussing did seem a little much. I don't think the basic events need to be changed though, it's fine overall.
The pain-killers will kill him first, what an ironic twist that will be. Still congrats on the win Cramel now get back before she goes swinging back to anger mode!
6408176 It turns out aspirin is as deadly to changelings as it is to many other bugs.
Killing with kindness indeed.
Should be not.
Very well done on the poem. Very.
Caramel likes Trottingham? I wonder why...
Nobody spies on the spy. Except other spies, that is. They're quite good at it.
Applejack and Caramel finally start to reconcile, and he escapes being poisoned again in the same chapter? Glorious!
Hell yeah.
Also, that pain disappearing seems like it could be significant, do changelings in this 'verse have the ability to regen given enough love? I've read too many different takes on them to remember.
6461107 I'd consider it more of a soothing than regenerative thing. Think lying down in a warm bath whilst you've got a stomach ache. This 'verse's changelings are a lot closer to ponies anatomically, although they're weaker, sneakier and-when it comes to mentality-less compelled to do the 'right' thing.
But yeah, no health regen. Can't have Caramel becoming OP now, can I?
Just read and enjoyed your story!
Thanks for the wonderful work!
6688886 Thanks, always nice to know that people like my stuff.
Real sad that this story died.