• Member Since 6th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen January 24th

Fimbulvinter


Yea, I'm a writer and I occasionally freelance as an editor or collaborator.

E
Source

While training Sweetie Belle in the use of her magic, Twilight finds a tape and a lemon on her door step, the former of which seems to be the ramblings of an insane man claiming to be one Cave Johnson, a man who comissioned a combustible lemon be made so he could get even with life.

but surely the lemon Twilight found is just a lemon, right?

Short crossover fic with the Portal franchise, just because.
written for no other reason than that I wanted to get some writing practice in before tackling my next larger project

Cover art by trunsako9

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 23 )

First of all, FIRST! Second of all *reads description* SRSLY!? Oh crap... Deus is first... SECOND!

1441241 You have to be quick to get those firsts :twilightsmile:

How're you screwing up with dialogue? How do you not know that periods come BEFORE the quotation marks, not after? "Spoken dialogue should look like this." "Not this".

EDIT: Let it be known though that I find this fun. I'm not trying to hate on you ^^

LOOOOOL :rainbowlaugh: That's an interesting super special talent Sweetie's got there. Oh, dear, Rarity's gonna have a fit if Sweetie does that in the house.
On a slightly more serious note, cute story. You might want to proofread it, though. I caught a bunch of grammar/spelling mistakes, too many to list. Still, I enjoyed it!

1441348 Yes seems Sweetie Bell has a knack for pyromancy.:unsuresweetie:

I liked it!

And that's coming from someone who's usually disappointed by pony/portal crossovers.

Could have used a few commas here or there, and Sadron's right, punctuation is supposed to go inside the quotes, but the story was fun.

:oracle-turret: "The answer is beneath us. Her name was Sweetie Belle. Remember that. That's all I can say."

1441321>>1441348>>1441459 Damn you Microsoft Spellchecker!
Seriously though, you all are right. a run through showed lots of little errors (I.E. benched rather than belched)

Fixed it now, but i'm sure some more are lurking, waiting for the Grammar Nazi.

1441477 I'm a grammar nazi! But I'm a helpful one.

1441607 Indeed you are, my fine pony.
at this point in my writing career, I will accept all the help I can get, so please - nit pick mercilessly

You know, I rather enjoyed this story. Nice job!

1469263 Glad you enjoyed it. Its certainly the most random of my stories so far

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Sweetie Belle Vs. A Lemon

Grammar score out of 10: 9

Pros:
It's a great nudge to Portal Fans.
Sweetie Belle and Twilight fit their characterizations.
Cave Johnson's bankrupt ....

Cons
Small grammar/spelling issues (to instead of too, and so on).
Punctuation in the dialogues.
Being a Portal crossover, it rips all the fun for the ones who don't know Portal.

Notes:
Nothing much to say apart from the pros and cons I listed above. Being a one-shot, there's not much to worry about when it comes to character development and so on. Maybe it could have been a little crazier, as the Portal saga is, but then again, this is a personal opinion. Nice, enjoyable read overall. Just watch out for grammar issues. I'm not too picky, but others may be.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Fallout Equestria: Viva Las Pegasus

This review is brought to you by the group Authors Helping Authors

Name: Sweetie belle vs a lemon

Grammar: 9/10

Pros: Nice little Portal crossover
Was funny and cute
Characters seemed to stay...well in character

Cons: a couple of Grammar mistakes. other than that not much else

Notes: The story was pretty good, gave me a little chuckle. Sweetie belle the pyromancer :pinkiehappy:

Hope you liked you review, please give my story Guardian of the Hearthfire a look.

Review brought to you by Authors Helping Authors in response to your review.

Name: Sweetie belle vs a lemon

Grammar: 9/10

Pros:
Was a nice, funny piece to read.
The characters were behaving in character, I can imagine an episode with this happening playing out like this.
The story played out smoothly without anything stopping it's flow that I could notice.

Cons:
This is difficult as I noticed basically no fault with the story, the only thing would be a few minor grammar errors but besides that I'm afraid I got nothing.

Notes:
I got nothing more to say really, you had a certain idea and that idea played out nicely in the story. The story succeeding to show the idea that you had.

:rainbowlaugh: I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Best line EVER:ajsmug:Other then a few errors I was quite impressed by this, though short, it really caught my attention and did well to give me a chuckle or two, great one-shot, always loved to see Twilight teaching Sweetie Belle magic:twilightsmile:

2248880 Twilight taking on the teachers role is something that I would love to see more in the actual show, maybe now that she is a princess it may come out more.

This was just a short, silly, written at 11 PM one shot that wouldn't go away.

Thanks for a fave and a watch.

2248972 I can completely agree with that, I love the idea of course being a Princess/Goddess has to be very hard for now:facehoof: Nonetheless, I enjoyed the story, shall be waiting for more:twilightsmile: :rainbowlaugh: It happens, sometimes an idea just punchs you in the face and wants you to write it:facehoof:

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:good job Sweetie Belle!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

2248880

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The original quote from portal 2...

With the potato's comments.

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