"Princess Twilight Sparkle has best plot"
Noticing the four princesses stopping, Deep Thinker also paused and automatically did a quick scan on the surroundings before realizing that they were looking at him. His mind catching up and a sense of horror and dread filled him as he figured that he had said his last thought out loud.
"Would you repeat that, I'm not sure I heard you right." Princess Twilight requested.
Princess Cadance says, "He said that you have the best plot of us." with a sly smile.
Princesses Celestia and Luna joined in the smile as Twilight blushed and ducked her head to the floor covering it with her forelimbs and wings. Only for the others to laugh a little as she realizes that this simply better shows off her flanks and spinning around to fully crouch on the floor.
The Solar Diarch then states "Deep Thinker, you joined the guard to pay for your college. Philosophy degree if I recall."
"Correct, your majesty. I received it a couple years ago." Answered the guard.
Luna tells the purple princess, "Twilight, you should be proud to have been given such a title."
"She was always touchy about that kind of subject." Candance stated before continuing, "Shining is the same way. Can't get him to agree to any spicy fun, even when I invited Chry.... Crystal." The last said with a quick side-eye at Twilight.
Celestia and Luna traded a glance and smirk as they quickly figured out who she was going to say before changing it.
"Whose Crystal?" Twilight almost demanded, if she wasn't focused just as much on the guard.
The princess of love quickly said "Just a pony in the crystal empire that Shining has mentioned finding cute."
Noticing her sister-in-law's look she added "I can barely get him to anal, not to mention the one time i got to peg him." Then smiling at how Twilight went back to hiding her head and making noise to block out what was being said.
Celestia turned back to the guard before saying "Well, you've stated your conclusion, so defend your reasoning."
Deep Thinker took a breath before shifting into debate mode. "To start with Princess Celestia. For the last thousand years you were held as the epitome of equine beauty. Even with the other Princesses you are still considered one of the pinnacles. Your height brings your hindquarters up to eye-level of most ponies which allows for proper appreciation of it's size and shape. The ampleness and propensity for jiggling with the slightest movement lead many to describe them as pillowy."
Twilight spoke up with "What about cutest princess? Surely that's a far better topic."
"The debate on the second cutest princess is quite heated, hooves down Princess Flurry Heart is cutest." Deep Thinker replied.
""Well you do seem to be somewhat knowledgeable. I'll listen to how you got your conclusion." Twilight said as she sat up, though still hiding her body with her wings.
Taking a second to reorganize his thoughts, Deep Thinker states "Princess Luna, your very athletic. Often joining in on the training for the Lunar Guard and helping them become a more fearsome fighting force. This all has given you a very well toned and defined body. Watching your muscles work on your flank as you walk is a memorizing sight."
"Hahah Tia. My flanks are toned, while yours have gotten bloated from all that cake." Luna exclaims.
"Defined is just a nice way of saying bony, dear sister." Celestia said with a giggle.
Cadance, stifling a giggle herself, remarks "Quiet down, I want to hear his evaluation of my plot."
Coughing, the guard continues "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadance, for a couple obvious reasons have motherly hindquarters. Partially from actually being a mom, and partly from her role as the Princess of Love. Wide birthing hips, decent muscle and remaining fat from the pregnancy all combine into a wonderful set of flanks."
He finishes with saying "With Princess Twilight her adventures with the Elements of Harmony combined with her general nature as a bookworm have given her a perfect balance of muscle and fat. A set of foal bearing hips top it off to give her the best plot of the princesses."
"Queen Chrysalis gets an honourable mention, partially due to her not really being a queen anymore, and also because she was Queen and not Princess. Some of the other guards did get a fairly good look during her invasion, and taking into account how changeling chitin can be hard or soft depending on their will, she gets points for her exotic nature. However she doesn't have much fat or musculature so that's all she really has going for her."
"Hmmm. If you do have a philosophy degree, then write up a proper paper on you conclusion and send it to me." Twilight orders before turning as the four Princesses begin walking again.
"You know Tia, at least your 'ample pillows' probably make sitting on the throne comfortable." Luna quips.
Celestia laughs it off before replying "Maybe I should join the Solar Guard for some exercise. See if I can't get my flanks to something like Twilight's perfect proportional plot."
The other three princesses sharing a giggle at Twilight's blush. They continue on as the Diarchs, and occasionally Cadance, poke fun at each other. Twilight sometimes says something towards her sister-in-law, but is not quite comfortable enough to do so towards the much older alicorns.
Later at a bar, informally known as the debate hall, Deep Thinker is presenting his findings to the other patrons.
"A drink for the brave soul. No idea how he managed to tell the Princesses themselves which one has the best flanks and live." One person shouts out.
Smiling and accepting the various drinks being offered, "Honestly, I was sure I was dead when I realized that I had spoken the thought out loud. Pretty sure it was Celestia's and Twilight's academic natures, as well as the competitiveness between the two sisters, and Cadance's general nature that allowed me to survive."
"Well, lets help you write out that paper for Twilight. I helped teach her as a filly, and she will grade you far tougher than any other pony you'll meet."
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This has been most insightful (as well as entertaining)
We need a turnabout: which of the named guards has the best plot? Dictated by the princesses
A debate between Shining armor, Flash sentry, Flash Magnus, as well as Luna's batpony gaurds Echo and Nocturn.
The Flash bloodline is a on that smaller and more subtle side. Shining probably deals with more paperwork now that he 's a prince, losing some of that that toned physique from his more disciplined years. And our nocturnal duo probably has killer musculature on account of pulling Luna's chariot and the necessary build to sleep upside down from their tail (like the ones from the comics do).
Luna's boxcutter butt is better with how her cutie mark rides it.
I felt like there could have been a more smooth transition to the topic, like yes we got the jist of the whole scenario from descriptions but I would've still liked a bit of suspense to it. Like just cutting to them chipping in was sort of a missed opportunity to allow them to ease drop and he was (to my knowledge) alone.
That's me just nit picking tho, still silly story.
Confirmed, luna is a tomboy. A 1000 year old tomboy, but a tomboy nonetheless.
"Taking a second to reorganize his thoughts, Deep Thinker states "Princess Luna, your very athletic. Often joining in on the training for the Lunar Guard and helping them become a more fearsome fighting force. This all has given you a very well toned and defined body. Watching your muscles work on your flank as you walk is a memorizing sight."" i think you mean mesmerizing instead of memorising
Who is [may be mispronunciation on Twilight part]
you're
I think you want "mesmerizing" or "memorable"
has
11802476
There's a reason Luna is best princess. And while this might not be the reason for it, it most certainly adds to the growing list of reasons that she is.
Given that "plot" became slang for "ass" as a result of the "I watch it for the plot" meme, no writer has yet adequately explained why ponies within the universe of the show would use that slang term.
11802681
I imagine the same way. Ponies discussing erotic literature. "I read it for the uhh... plot." Even funnier if you imagine it was Celestia having been caught with a really spicy romance novel who said it first.
This was awesome and totally happens in the military. Made me laugh out loud a couple of times.
(If those descriptions are accurate Luna would still be the perfect princess)
This is one reason why being a Royal Guard is such a privileged position! Mostly from all of the scenery that passes by as you stand guard...
What the fuck did I just read? Why am a I laughing?
11802896
True. If woman can keep your pace while running/swimming and squat your weight no problem she already packs things leagues ahead compared to models.
I guess it had to be done at some point.
Nice save, having a full rational analysis right at hoof.
technically speaking there is 1 more plot to evaluate, it only showed up in that big shared dream but Princess Big Mac is technically a thing.
CADANCE WHAT THE FAUST!?
Chrysalis: ITS TRUE!
Heresy.
I think we can agree that Flurry Heart is the cutest Princess but she's also a foal. With all the other categories being sexual to an extent, it brings up a serious question about why the guards were talking about Flurry in the first place.
11802681
Plot is literally the term in english used for, well, a horse's rear side (aka "ass") by people who work with them.
Now did the writers of the series know that little quirk of their native tongue? That may never be known. However I would have loved to be watching when the bunch of them were going over a storyboard talking about the plot for the series when the resident jokester asking them why they are writing a hentai, then having to explain that the term has more than one meaning and what one of those meanings is. I bet quite a few faces turned interesting shades of red and white when they realized the potential minefield they had just jumped into.
11804366
I'd be interested to know where you got that information, as I couldn't find that particular definition of the word in Wiktionary, Dictionary.com, Merriam-Webster, or even the Oxford English Dictionary. Seems odd that not one of these websites would mention such an allegedly common meaning of a very common word.
What a fun read! I'll stick to Luna tho.
11804371
Actually its relation to horses is a legend. Like a legend in Sailor Moon fanbase about "talent" and "chest" being similar words in Japanese (look it up, if you wanna).
Another theory that the meaning was created by an interenet meme. That's probably inaccurate. I think, it was very regional and informal use in reference to naked (probably by accident) butt or to a "wardrobe malfunction" where low-sitting trousers reveal a buttcrack. Why plot? Well, because butt covers some area when you sit on it. Or "Watch for the plot" was a joke predating FiM meme. Probably. I heard it from several people from Sacramento and LA _before_ MLP:FiM was a thing.
It's hard to find sources on such usage. Just like word "mare" was used colliquially in States as a reference to a strurdy, strong woman around 20-40s, but you wouldn't find it in dictionaries either, but you may encounter it in some literature where author was familiar or native to that time period.
11805149
I know the concept of "I watch it for the plot" predates FIM, but I also know it was adapted to a rather notorious meme featuring the rear ends of prominent characters -- and that is the source of the slang term among the fandom. Therefore it makes no sense for it to be an in-universe slang term.
11804371
Veterinary training with a certified race horse doctor. As to why you couldn't find it. That would be because its not an "official" term (as in you will see it on anatomy charts, approved by English teachers, etc) but something used among people who deal with equines. And not even all of them will use it depending on where, when, and by whom they were trained. But it use is widespread enough to predate any "meme" as its origin.
Here is a hint folks. Contrary to popular belief fhe internet is NOT all-knowing. It has as many blindspots as the people who put data in and out have. That includes words specific to certain areas, activities, etc unless the people who use said words both use the internet and want to be bothered to put the relevant information in.
11805645
I never said it was. However, if it doesn't appear among the over 1.4 million definitions to be found in Wiktionary (to name just one of the sources I cited), I for one doubt that it is of any great significance in terms of commonality -- especially when you yourself state that "not even all of them will use it". So as far as I'm concerned, there's still no adequate justification for pony characters to use it in their everyday speech.
It's like you don't know how dictionaries work, or that compilers don't rely on just the internet, or even that the process of compiling them predates the internet.
That said, I've spent more than enough time on this stupid topic and won't bother responding to any other comments.
An amusing story. Could do with a bit more editing, though, as the story skips between past and present tense quite often, making for a bit of a jarring reading experience.