10 - Refusal
Dream Heart was happy she awoke naturally instead of nauseously. Everything else about her awakening was less so. The first thing that came to her ears after her eyes opened was a deep, rumbling howl from the large red stallion. Something scared Gabriel awake, his eyes frantically searching the room around him. Not to mention the shivers that constantly ran across his back.
“What in the blazes are you yellin’ for?!” Applejack cried at Gabriel the moment everypony had awoken. The book she had been reading was currently laying on her barrel, clearly having fallen asleep while waiting.
“Gabriel, are you alright?” Dream Heart asked him, and another vicious shiver went down his spine. Gabriel’s eyes shot towards the doctor, and she saw what was shaking him. In his eyes flashed by his own life, with eyes so wide Dream could see herself clear as day in the reflection.
A fear had overtaken him, shocked him and held his body hostage the moment he awoke. Gabriel’s heart pounded fast in his chest, and Dream swore she could hear the beat that it pumped at. There was no uniformity to his breathing, only desperate gasps for air that are quickly followed by heavy release. Adrenaline was being shot through his veins, keeping his body tensed and ears shot up.
What Gabriel was feeling was a feeling that was not often felt by ponies. In a land as peaceful and harmonious as Equestria, there were very few threats to the citizens that truly would shake them to their core. That would leave their minds’ fighting to stay calm underneath the fight or flight instinct their bodies are forcing themselves in.
A pony could feel this extreme effect if they were put through a near death experience. Dream Heart could guess that this would similarly happen when experiencing your own death. Gabriel just witnessed and felt himself die, and woke up immediately after.
“Gabe, Gabe! Talk ta us! Yer lookin’ like a cornered rabbit!” Applejack pleaded, and to Dream’s surprise, it worked. His breathing was beginning to calm, just by listening to her. “Yer okay, nothin’s gonna hurt ya. Just let us know what happened.”
“…A-Ah…” Gabriel finally formed words of his own, and immediately Dream knew something was off. His head turned to Applejack, but his eyes stayed on her. Transfixed onto her, he continued. “Ah.. don’t know. Somethin’… startled me.”
“What was startlin’ ya, sugarcube?”
His gaze had momentarily looked towards Applejack, but when she asked her second question, Gabriel flicked back towards Dream Heart once again. “…Ah can’t remember.”
Applejack was next to flick her gaze towards Dream Heart, and she returned that knowing look. The farm mare was particularly good at catching liars, and it didn’t take a lie detector to see past Gabriel’s obvious ruse. He was lying through his teeth, and knew exactly what it was that had shaken him so badly.
Eeyup, and he knows too. Big Macintosh’s words rang clearly in Dream Heart’s ears. Gabriel knew about that memory. He knew that he was crushed underneath his own car.
He knew that he died this entire time.
“Ah’m okay, sorry,” Gabriel started again, quickly trying to change the subject, “Did ya speak to Big Mac?”
A diversion, one so easy to discern that even the densest yak could figure out. A rock with the most basic level of social skills given to it would see through it… and yet it worked. Applejack knew he was lying, but the question of what happened to her brother was more important at this very moment. Her head turned to face Dream Heart as well. For the moment, the topic of his obvious lie had to be put aside. As neither Apple(in body) would wait any longer.
“…Well,” Dream sat back in her chair. She knew this wasn’t going to go over well. “I am afraid that Big Macintosh is not as receptive as we would have hoped.”
The event with Big Macintosh was recounted by Dream Heart. From their talk of his fight with Applejack, to the circumstances of his place inside of their shared mind. Everything was mentioned by Dream, except for the memory at the end. The last thing she told them was the final statement Big Macintosh gave her.
“Mah brother doesn’t want his body back?!” Applejack yelled, and Gabriel nodded in agreed outrage.
“For the moment, he has refused the idea of coming back.”
“Over that dumb fight?! Ah know what ah said that night was stupid, and ah regret every bit o’ it, but that’s even dumber! Why would he ever think ah’d never want him back?! What about Granny, or Apple Bloom?! He's just gonna abandon them too?!”
“Big Macintosh seems to believe that Gabriel is filling his horseshoes well. It’s… possible that he sees the better relationship you two have had, and has come to the conclusion that it is better off kept this way. He is under the belief that he is unable to fulfill the role of big brother as he currently is.”
“Well that’s just a load of hooey! Don’t you agree Gabe?”
“Eeyup!”
“Sure, he’s a pain in the neck, but he’s mah pain in the neck. Gabe’s a fine stallion, and he can be a good Big Mac when we need it, but he ain’t the real thing and never will be! No offense, Gabe.”
“None taken,” Gabriel replied. “He should listen to his sister if he can hear all this.”
“I understand both of your feelings on the matter. However feelings like this aren’t so easily remedied. They are not easily solved by a pony simply telling them they are silly feelings. Whether they are true or not, they feel them. Something the both of you can relate with.”
Dream Heart took the time to look both of them in the eyes as she continued. “Applejack, did you easily come to terms with Gabriel’s words that he wasn’t Big Macintosh? He begged for you to listen to him, but you refused due to your own feelings. Is that not right?”
Applejack winced, ears going flat atop her head. “Aaaah…. Yeah, can’t really argue wit’ that.”
Her head then turned to Gabriel, who already had his ears back. He knew what was coming. “Gabriel, do you still feel unwelcome in the world of Equestria, despite being here through no fault of your own, and being accepted by those who do know the truth about you?”
The two mares who knew that truth looked at him, and Gabriel let out a dejected nod. “Eeyup.”
“These feelings are real to us when we feel them, no matter how irrational they may be. It is important that we understand that moving past these feelings is not so simply done. The pony themselves must come to terms with them, and learn how to let them go. We can only try and help them. Which is what I plan to do when I speak with him going forward… In saying that, Gabriel, there is another matter I need to discuss with you.”
The rage had been quelled, and now Dream Heart could talk about the next very important topic for them. “What is it, doc?” He asked her.
“I must inform you that my time here at Ponyville General will soon be coming to an end. After the Summer Sun Celebration, I will be moving to Trottingham and working at their General Hospital.”
His eyes shot open, ears fully alert. Dream Heart could see Applejack nervously look between the two of them. “Doctor Dream, what does that mean?” He asked her again.
“In a week, I will no longer be in Ponyville, and the frequent sessions we have had together will be coming to an end.”
The unsure feeling the two farm ponies had shared was replaced with a tense feeling of dread. Dream Heart had just made the statement that their continued progress may be stalled indefinitely. If Dream didn’t act quickly, this topic may prove uglier than she wished for it to be.
“That does not mean that you will be without help, Gabriel. I may not be able to come to Ponyville often, but I can arrange for a fellow psychiatrist to visit from Canterlot. I know of a few that would be happy to take on your case and assist you. However they would only be able to visit at most… bi-weekly.”
“That ain't’ good news.” Gabriel said abruptly. An expected response.
“I know, but we are not going our separate ways entirely. I committed to helping you, Gabriel, and I still intend to. The dreamwalking sessions that I am able to offer will still continue.”
“How often?” Applejack asked this time, a concern dripping from her voice.
“…Once a month, after I get it on schedule.”
She watched as Gabriel’s head hung low. Dream leaned toward him with a sympathetic tone. “I know that this is not progressing as quickly as you would like it to, Gabriel, but it is not over. At Trottingham, I will have access to experts from all walks of life, and my associates in Canterlot will be better equipped to help untangle the deeper mysteries going on than I ever could on my own. Today, I plan to start the process by sending a letter to a former classmate to start the process.”
“…So ah’m goin’ to become some medical study case.”
Dream shook her head. “Your information will be kept anonymous, only ponies who directly interact with you have to know the identity of Big Macintosh, and they will be sworn to confidentiality. Anypony else who helps with this case will not know who you are, and Big Mac will still have a normal life to live.”
Finally, something she said eased the tension between them, if only a little bit. Gabriel let out a long sigh of discontent, but showed no signs of anger or rage. “We got seven days, then?”
“Yes, and I will be available to you for six of them. You can come in at any time, every day.”
“And do you think we can fix this by then?”
…Now that was a delicate topic to answer, and Dream Heart knew she couldn’t simply say no. Even if she believed that to be the truth.
“I cannot say for certain… it is possible, but I would keep our expectations tempered. Until we can better understand both Big Macintosh and the circumstances of your place here.”
It was a fancy way of saying no, and Gabriel knew that. Thankfully, he took it well. Unhappy, sure, but there was no outburst from the stallion. A few long breaths, a shake of his head, and a nod was his reaction.
“Ah guess ah’m stickin’ around for the family reunion, then.” Gabriel said dejectedly, and Applejack was quick to respond.
“Ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout a thing for the reunion, Gabe. Ah know it’s hard on ya… but you’ll have a good time, ah’ll make sure o’ it.”
“…Thanks, Applejack.”
It was a hollow word of appreciation. Gabriel didn’t actually want that. Dream Heart knew that his greatest fear was everything going well at the reunion. Enjoying life as a member of a large family. He didn’t seem to share this particular fear with Applejack. Perhaps Gabriel wasn’t sharing as much as he claimed he was with Big Mac’s sister.
“…The Apple family’s gonna be busy when all the supplies arrive, and that’s in… five days. Ah wanna come and do a dream session every day until then.”
“And you are more than welcome to, Gabriel.” Dream Heart said, “That is all we can do for today, unless there is anything you wish to discuss, I will let you two-“
“Now, now, wait a minute. Ain’t there an elephant left in the room?” Applejack cut into her sentence with a question of her own. “Gabe was lookin’ mighty shaken when ya’ll woke up. Do you know what happened to him, Dr. Dream?”
“Applejack,” Gabriel suddenly said, “It ain’t nothin’ to worry about, ah’m okay.”
“Like hay that’s okay! If yer gonna be doin’ these dreamin’ things all week, ya can’t come outta them a screamin’ mess every time. What happened in the dream?”
Dream Heart knew what a kindling looked like, and this situation was more like spilled oil underneath a torch. She did not bring the last memory because of how he had immediately reacted upon waking up. Gabriel knew what the memory they saw was, and did not want Applejack to know about it, but Applejack was already invited to today’s session. By all accounts, Dream should be able to tell her. The look in Gabriel’s eyes, however, said otherwise.
“Well, Applejack, the reason Gabriel reacted that way was-“
“It ain’t important, ya really don’t have ta mention it.” Gabriel replied curtly.
“It’s mighty rude to interrupt, and ah wanna know, so it is important! What happened?”
“Gabriel had to relive a… startling memory before waking up.” Dream Heart finally said, “It had no effect on him physically. I can assure you.”
“Startlin’? What kinda startlin’?”
“Applejack, please, ah-.”
“Didn’t ya tell me ya wanted me in on everythin’ now, Gabe? Ain’t that why ah’m here?”
“Eeyup, but that memory isn’t important!”
“Dr. Dream, is that memory he saw an important one?”
Applejack went straight for it. Dream Heart couldn’t say no. It was important, and bringing it up could bring them closer to understanding how he came to be in Equestria. Not to mention why Gabriel refused to talk about it. Applejack saw her hesitation as an answer to her question.
“See? If it’s so important, why ain’t we talkin’ about it?”
“Because it-!” Gabriel growled, his large hoof coming into contact with his forehead… Dream Heart had seen the humans in the memories touch their faces with their hands in a similar way, but this time it looked like it hurt… especially since it was a hoof and not a hand.
“Ah don’t want you ta know about it, that’s it.”
“Why not?” Applejack replied, her tone commanding his attention and demanding a proper answer.
“You won’t see me in the same way after! Ah ain’t tellin’ ya!”
“Gabe, ah ain’t gonna judge ya for some memory, fer cryin out loud! If ah can be of any help in gettin’ mah brother back and fixin’ this mess, ah need to know what the problems are!”
He growled again, but clearly was losing the fight against Applejack. Every encounter she has seen between them seems to end pretty similarly, with Big Mac/Gabriel giving in. This one was no different.
“Fine. Tell her, doc.” Gabriel said to Dream Heart. Applejack’s eyes focused on the doctor. Gabriel looked away with his ears pressed. He had certain expectations on what this information would do, and was bracing for the impact…
“Very well…” Dream Heart filled her lungs, and slowly released. Readying herself for this topic. “Applejack, during our session, Gabriel relived the last memory he had before he became Big Macintosh. In this dream, an accident occurred at his workplace. A machine failed to perform its intended function, and Gabriel was underneath the machine when it failed. Gabriel was killed.”
The color drained from Applejack’s face. “Gabe…” Her head slowly turned towards Gabriel. “You… yer dead?”
“…Nnnope, ah’m not, ah’m right here, aren’t ah? Clearly ain’t dead.” Gabriel’s tone was harsh, and Dream could almost hear the teeth grinding between words.
“Before we go any further, I would suggest a moment of calm. This information is startling, yes, but we do not need to-“
“Like hay am ah gonna be calm!” Applejack yelled out, standing up from her chair. “You died before ya took over mah brother’s body, and didn’t think to mention that while ya were constantly tellin’ me how much you ain’t him?!”
“Ah didn’t mention it cuz it didn’t happen! Ah ain’t dead!”
“Or yer a ghost possessin’ a body!”
Gabriel raised from the couch now as well. “Don’t call me a ghost!”
“It ain’t wrong!”
Just like that, Dream Heart had lost control. “Please, you two, let’s sit back down and-“
“No, nuh uh. Ah can’t sit here calmly with somepony who says he can trust me, but won’t mention somethin like that!… Ah need to walk.” Applejack glared at Gabriel, before stomping out of the office. The stallion had a look of pure fury on his face. More than Dream had ever seen Gabriel have before.
“…Ah’ll see ya tomorrow, Doc.” Gabriel said with a huff, and stormed out soon after. Dream Heart’s first thought about chasing after them, but their heated argument was far beyond what she could mediate peacefully. It would take a far greater force than herself to keep them apart long enough to calm down, a power she did not possess.
She rubbed her temple with her hoof, and prayed to Celestia that this could be salvaged. First, they had to finish their fight… much like siblings would do.
“Applejack!… Applejack!” I called out the very moment my hooves left the hospital. Chasing after Applejack as soon as she left Dream Heart’s office. The news about Big Macintosh’s refusal was squarely out of my mind, and the only thoughts I had were on her. Why, out of all things, did that have to happen?!
I didn’t want to think about it. I refused to, and now both Dream Heart and Applejack knew that my own car-… No, No, No. That isn’t it. None of that happened. None of it is true. I am alive, I am real. Dream Heart made sure I believed that, and being dead is the opposite of being real. There is no possible way I died, and I was going to convince Applejack of that no matter what.
Except that I couldn’t find her. As far as I saw, she wasn’t galloping out of the hospital. Just a slow stomp out… and yet I have been left in the dust in the few short moments between our departures. There was no way she disappeared that quickly. Ponyville General was at the edge of Ponyville, and there weren’t any immediate buildings for her to hide behind. Not that I’d expect a pony like Applejack to hide behind the hospital.
If she did gallop off, then her tracks would tell me where she went. I searched the dirt road for the freshest hoof prints, and soon found hooves that definitely belong to Applejack. Each step was buried deep into the dirt as she stomped away from the hospital…
Up until her tracks stop abruptly. Ten feet from the hospital.
That… that made no sense. Applejack wasn’t a pegasus, and couldn’t teleport like a magical unicorn. Her hoof prints couldn’t have just stopped. The only way they could have ended is if she suddenly grew wings, or was carried by something or somebody else…
Who would have the strength to carry a sturdy farm mare like Applejack? More importantly, why would they? Something was off, and my heart was beginning to race. My body felt on edge, with every fur bristling. Big Mac’s body was acting on instinct, tense, waiting for a predator to pounce. What did his body know that I didn’t?
My biggest mistake was fighting that instinct, I relaxed myself and shook my head. Only then did I hear her haunting voice.
“Maaaaackyyy…” She said quietly, “You broke a Pinkie Promise.”
I tried to scream, but everything went black before the sound reached my lungs.
“…UAAAGH-!…. Huh?”
I awoke to a bright and colorful bedroom, with balloon decorations all across the room. A single queen sized bed sat against the wall in front of me, its oak frame holding a mattress covered in tiled balloons. Images of teddy bears and stars were painted on the ceiling above, and the nearby gramophone was set to play a fun and cheerful tune.
There was also a nearby open doorway. Except I was unable to go to it, since my entire body was wrapped in rope.
“Real manly there. Ya scream like a filly.” A voice next to me chided. I knew immediately who it was, but it took a considerable amount of effort to turn myself around to face her.
“Applejack, what in the hay’s goin’ on?” I asked, and narrowed my eyes when I saw her sitting next to me, completely untied. Why was she not wrapped up like a cow about to be branded?
“Do ah gotta spell it out fer ya? Where do ya think we are?”
…Balloons, pink, cheery music. The scent of numerous delicious baked goods. Applejack was right, she didn’t have to tell me.
“We’re in Sugarcube Corner.”
“Eeyup,” Applejack replied,
“And Pinkie Pie brought us here because we broke our Pinkie Promise about not fightin’.”
“Eeyup,” She said again.
“That don’t explain why ah’m tied up and you ain’t.”
“That’s cuz Pinkie Pie used mah lasso after she carried me here, which ah want back now, so stay still.”
With her teeth, Applejack worked on the knots that held my large hooves together. I was surprised that Big Mac’s inherent strength couldn’t snap the rope, but knowing it was her lasso made it make sense. Applejack was capable of bringing down a full grown bull with her trusty lasso. Her brother certainly had no chance of stopping it if she decided to tie him up.
Pinkie Pie certainly didn’t make it easy. Most of the knots we tied were utilitarian. Simple, easy and effective knots that held together well and were easy to loosen when we needed to. Pinkie’s knots were what we would call “aesthetic” knots. More made to look pretty than to be effective, but with how complicated they were to create, it took much longer than usual for Applejack to untie it. Plus a few unintended bites on my legs in the process.
“Would ya stop nibblin’ me?!”
“Ah’m not tryin’ to! Now sit… still… There!”
Finally, the rope was made loose, and I could move my hooves again. The ground was now firmly under me, and the crack that rang out from my back was like music to my ears after being left in that uncomfortable position. It was amazing that a pony like Pinkie Pie could so easily tie me up and carry me here… Speaking of which.
“How’d she even find out the promise was broken?”
Applejack looked away from me with lips pursed.
“Ya told her?” I asked,
“She was walkin’ in to the hospital when ah was walkin’ out! She asked what was wrong!… Ah had to apologize.”
Applejack couldn’t lie. Out of all the things I could be frustrated about, that was not one of them. To think that breaking a promise like that would be answered so quickly, it had to be the worst case of coincidence I’ve ever seen.
Now why were we in Pinkie Pie’s bedroom?
“AHEM!” The voice of the pink captor rang out through the bedroom, and the source of our current predicament now stood at the bedroom’s open doorway. Which she dramatically shut behind her. Both Applejack and I turned our attention to her. Our fur collectively stood on edge. They knew not to mess with an angry Pinkamena Diane Pie, and man did she look angry.
“There I was, about to drop off the ‘Getting a Marefriend One Year Anniversary’ present for Doctor Horse and his special somepony, when I found that a PINKIE PROMISE was BROKEN!”
Pinkie Pie stomped her hoof on the ground, but instead of the loud slam of hard keratin, it sounded more like a marshmallow dropped on the floor. We both awaited our moment of punishment, when the pink menace would enact her judgement…
“Now! For breaking a Pinkie Promise!… Could somepony tell me what the promise was first?!”
…Blink. Blink.
“Ya didn’t tell her the promise?” I asked Applejack,
“Pinkie, ah thought ya already knew! Ain’t ya like… omniscient or somethin’ when it comes to those things?”
Pinkie Pie laughed, “Of course not, silly! That’d be unnatural! Great use of omniscient, though.”
The two of us stood in stunned silence, and surprisingly, a small amount of relief washed over me. Pinkie Pie wasn’t this all knowing, all powerful entity capable of learning all secrets. She just was really good at being at the right place at the right time.
“So… Applejack said sorry for us breakin’ a promise…”
“Yup!”
“And ya foalnapped us and brought us to yer bedroom… to find out what the promise was?”
“Yupperooni!” She beamed.
“…Why?”
“Weeeell, if you two had made a Pinkie Promise in the first place, then it means that it must have been super important! Aaaaand you never told me what the promise was, so it must have been a super secret, super important Pinkie Promise! Sooo in that caaaase, a private, important place was needed to talk about your private and very important Pinkie Promise that you broke!”
It wasn’t said out loud, but clearly, Pinkie Pie’s bedroom was the super import and a super private place she was talking about. In a weird, roundabout way, it did make sense. If you tried to think like Pinkie Pie that is. Be careful trying to work in the mind of Pinkie. Mild bouts of confetti infused crazes may follow.
“Alright, Pinkie.” Applejack said, “We get it, here’s the whole deal. Mac and ah made a promise not to argue with each other. We broke that today.”
“Eeyup.”
“Oooooh. That’s a bad promise to break,” Pinkie Pie said.
“Mhm,” Replied Applejack.
“Eeyup,” Said me.
A moment of silence then followed, and for a brief second, I thought we would be allowed to leave. That was quickly dashed when Pinkie Pie stomped her hoof again. Except this time, we could hear her hoof connect.
CRACK! The wood underneath her screamed out from the impact. “What a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE promise to break!” Pinkie Pie cried out. We both were quickly reminded that Pinkie entered this room angry. “Why, I couldn’t ever THINK of fighting with my sister! Her heartbroken face would be too much for me to bear! But YOU!”
Her hoof extended to me, inches from my muzzle. “You did it even AFTER promising you wouldn’t! You… Pinkie breaking, argu-ey, arguer!”
“She started it!”
“Ah did not!”
“And YOU!” Applejack had no chance to protest before a pink hoof pressed up against her nose. “You stomped right on off before you could fix your mistake!”
“That ain’t true! Ah needed a minute to mahself after… what ah heard.”
“It ain’t like ya were listenin’, anyways,” I chided,
“More like ya weren’t listenin’, you stubborn mule! Couldn’t think about anythin’ but yerself long enough to speak the full truth.”
“Now look at you guys!” Pinkie Pie cut in, a huff escaping her lips. “You can’t even stop doing it now! What happened to you two?”
With no immediate response either of us could give, we sat underneath the disapproving gaze of Pinkie Pie with not a sound coming from either of us. Only the occasional sideways glare pointed at each other.
“Alright, that’s it!” Pinkie jumps in and stands between the two of us. Sending glares in both of our directions. “As punishment for breaking your Pinkie Promises, you aren’t allowed to leave until you settle things once and for all!”
“What?” I said.
“What?!” Applejack cried.
“Ya heard me!” Pinkie Pie said dramatically. With a single hop she bounced back towards the the door and sat her rump right in front of it. “You’ll be right here until you two can get along!”
“We were gettin’ along just fine!” I huffed.
“Until ya kept another secret, guess ‘bein’ honest with each other’ is selective.”
“That ain’t-“
“Uh-uh-uh!” Pinkie cut me off, “There’s a problem, and you two need to talk it out like big ponies. Not fillies and foals. Until you do that, you’ll stay right here!”
“Ya can’t keep us here all day, what happens when it gets dark?” I hoped that was enough to convince her to give this up, but instead, it made her smile wide.
“Then we get to do a sleepover!”
A sigh resounded from next to me. “Give it a rest, she ain’t gonna change her mind.” Applejack giving in was a clear sign that there was no hope of convincing her. If Pinkie could beat the most stubborn mare in Ponyville, there was nopony who could stop her. “But we can’t talk about it here, Pinkie. Mac and ah’s problems are… between the family.”
She nodded her head in return, and stuck a hoof into her cotton candy for a mane. “That’s okie dokie! I got something just for that.” From within her mess of hair came out a pair of bright green, fuzzy earmuffs. Which she promptly placed over her pointed ears…
“I CAN’T HEAR A THING WITH THESE ON, SO GO AHEAD! I’LL BE RIGHT HERE!”
We both held our ears to protect our drums from her screeching… but it was certainly proof that the ear muffs did something. In hindsight, this was the situation I needed to be in. A place where Applejack can’t stomp off so that I could explain. If the only way out was the way I wanted things to go, then Pinkie was really helping me here. Even if she did kidnap me.
“Applejack, ah-“
“Don’t, Gabe.” Applejack said, quickly checking to see if Pinkie had any reaction to the name she said. Pinkie Pie was, of course, blissfully unaware. Humming a silent tune to herself. “Ah don’t want to hear a single thing from ya unless it’s the truth.”
“What ah’m sayin’ is the truth.”
“Prove it, cuz ah’m more likely to believe the doctor than you. Did you die before ya got here?”
“Nnnope.”
“Then ah ain’t listenin’, cuz yer not gonna get nowhere by repeatin that.”
My patience was already thin, but I tried my damndest to hold onto what miniscule amount was left. “Ah am tellin’ you the truth, ah am not dead. Ah’m right here, aren’t ah?”
“In my brother’s body.”
“But not dead.”
“Then why’d ya not want to tell me, huh?” Applejack narrowed her gaze, “If it was so unimportant, why try so hard to make sure ah don’t hear it? Thought ah’d look at you differently cuz of it?”
“Eeyup, ah did! Ah’m not a ghost possessin’ yer brother, and ah sure as hay don’t want ya to see me like that.”
“Why? So that ah won’t call an exorcist instead? Maybe they’d get the job done faster.”
“It…” I groaned, how could I explain this to her? How could I prove to her that the memory- no, the vision dream and I saw wasn’t true? With how little my temper had left, there was no reasoning in my head that would make this easier. Every synapse in my brain had a different idea, go on the attack.
“Why is this even somethin’ ya care about so much, Applejack? It don’t change what’s happened between us, and it don’t change what we’re doin’ next! There ain’t a single reason to get hung up on it!”
Applejack scoffed, and looked at me with eyes that were both furious and hurt. “Not a single one? How ‘bout how you placed this problem on me and me alone, expectin’ me to keep a secret!” She said, that final word coming out with pure venom on her tongue. “And ah’m acceptin’ o’ that now, but the least ah expect is nothin’ less than the entire truth, Gabe! You have two ponies you can rely on here, and ya don’t even trust me enough to tell me that?”
“Of course ah trust ya! Why do ya think ah told you who ah was? Out of anypony, yer the only one ah made sure knew ah wasn’t Big Mac? Do ya think ah did that willy nilly?”
“If ya trust me so much, then you’d have told me about it! Even if you don’t think it happened!”
“Ah didn’t tell ya about it because it didn’t happen!”
Applejack leaned in. “The doctor sure seems to think it did.”
“She don’t know.”
“What don’t she know?”
“She don’t know that it can’t happen!!” My voice rang out far louder than I expected, and even Applejack backed up when the words echoed through the room.
“Ah couldn’t have died, cuz if ah did, then that means that ah made the second biggest goddamn mistake o’ my life! A mistake that not only killed me, but ruined the business and life o’ the one man who never stopped bein’ my biggest supporter!…” My screaming energy was spent, but there was more to say. “…Ah didn’t die, because ah ain’t acceptin’ that ah left the last person ah cared about in mah life worse off than when ah entered it. So no, ah didn’t tell you, and no, it didn’t happen. No amount of truth arguin’ or sibling fighting will change that fer me.”
Applejack was dead silent, and clearly surprised by my outburst. Her mouth was left slightly open, as if she was ready to retort, only for the words to fail her. The frustration and distrust that was plastered all over her had fallen away. I said what I felt had to be said. Nothing more, nothing less. What effect it had on her, I had no idea. All she did say was one simple sentence.
“You’d rather hide from yer regrets than accept that they happened? Guess you and Big Mac have the same mindset right now.”
She looked away from me and back towards Pinkie Pie, who was watching me quietly. Applejack reached up and took off the ear muffs that the mare was wearing. “We’re done, Pinkie.”
Pinkie Pie blinked, and looked between Applejack and I. Unsure of what to say or do. Even the party mare could see the loss of the heated energy that once sparked between us. Now? It was just a somber melody.
“Are you sure? You don’t look like you two are getting along…” Pinkie asked gently.
“Ah’m sure. There ain’t no more arguin’ to have. We’re good.”
“You are?…” Pinkie Pie moved her attention onto me, and awaited my answer.
“…Eeyup.”
I could see the hesitation apparent on Pinkie Pie, but I think even she knew that keeping us in here wouldn’t help any longer. She stepped to the side, and Applejack took that opportunity to walk out the door.
With nothing else left to do here, I moved to follow her. Only to stop when I heard Pinkie’s voice at the doorway.
“Macky,” She said quietly, “No matter what happened between you two, or anything else, you deserve to feel happy… Okay?”
“…Okay.” I replied, even though I didn’t mean it.
Took a bit longer, but here ya go. 
Let me know what ya think.
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AH! You stubborn idiot, it was going so well
... Is Gabriel in denial of his own death?
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Yep, he probably died, got reincarnated as Big Mac, and his memories of his past life came back so he is in denial that he IS Big Mac but with extra memories.
Well, that was unexpected! So he's truly in denial. Yikes.
At least now that he's confronted it, he can start to heal...
Pinkie cares, Gabe. You should talk with her from time to time.
Can’t wait for Luna to return!! I’ll bet she can figure out some sort of a solution.
Ah, so that's how this is gonna wrap up. Gabe and Big Mac going through the five stages.
Nice update, keep it up.
I’m sure if Gabe reached out to the Ponyville community, he’d find some friends who are dead inside too. I know I am!
Damn this chapter was killer. Loving the emotions, keep it up.
Pain
media.giphy.com/media/dkuZHIQsslFfy/giphy.gif
There's nothing better than finding a story, binging it, and then it gets an update the next day!
Believe that should be "bounced back towards the door."
I’m going to give my honest thoughts and opinions, I don’t want the ending to be where Gabe actually is Mac and fully replaces him and all is well, I would want closure for Gabe, either he gets his own body and is integrated into the Apple family as a sort of second chance, or he completes his business as a ghost and passes on to be with his family, while also being a part of the Apple family, with how he’s in denial of his death, I fully believe that once he accepts it, he will finish what he has to and pass on.
11685295
his sister already died. It was covered in previous chapters
Pinkie Pie casually kidnaps ponies now.
10/10 chapter.
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Really? ,I read articles with Google Translate.
There may be some mistakes in translation.
I decided to read these chapters again.
Well damn, I read all of what was uploaded so far in one go today, and I'm left hanging with that last chapter! Your writing is phenomenal, all those discussions about feelings and trust between people and all is so well done, and I'm rooting for Gabriel to have his happy ending... but I also hope it isn't some sort of "Gabe was Big Mac all along" as I want both of them to live alongside and be happy...
You know something stupid but smart Gabe could do? Just... buy a train ticket.
"Oh so you think I can live your life better than you, smart-ass? What if I just leave, huh? I just had a big fight with your sister too... If you want someone to live a better version of your life, get back in there and do it yourself."
This would also put some distance between him and the family, since he'd quite literally threaten to tear it apart with this plan; and it'd even kind of accomplish his desire for non-existence, at least for as long as he's in the back of Big Mac's mind.
I can see Gabriel trying something like this now- it seems he's at the lowest point he's seen yet in this story.
11658258
Dear author, you've been awfully quiet last month. Everything's ok? You need something?
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I mentioned before that I had things going on in my life that have kept me busy. That hasn’t changed, and has actually made it so I can’t work on chapters as often.
That doesn’t mean I’m stopping, it just means that it’s gonna be awhile. All good here.
11716026
Ah, ok, I understand. Thanks for answering, and wish you luck and quick success in dealing with that things!
Instead of trying to fix another's problem he should have forced them to take it back. Moreso now that he knows that Mac is still there and just using him to clean up his own mess.
Keeping the relationship the same with the family and friends will only confirm Mac's conviction. Instead, he should either give up the charade or just leave.
Anyway — it seems like Nightmare Moon event might have, in my experience of storytelling, more... Magical effects on the situation. There seems to be a arrangement of an individual with extreme negative feelings around a creature that feeds on those, and it's also all dream related.
Of course, just a guess, again.
T.T
And it looks like Dream Heart has just 1 week to fix everything before we see the birth of NightmareMac.
But it's a good thing she's got that much time. Not everybody is as capable as the Doctor--he'd have it all fixed in 30 minutes or less.
Pinky Pie was nerfed a bunch😁😁😁
Well, that was a 2000 lb bombshell.
Dream can only kick the flight off. She can't land the plane. This is definitely not something they can resolve in a mere week.
What they need to do now is get them talking together.
Update when?
me and the homies waiting for the new update:
But, do write it on your own time, and when it feels right. Hope everything is okay
Still with us?
I hope this gets updated soon
PREDICTION: This guy has gone, and he ain't coming back. Seen it happen a lot, put it that way.
Really loving this and about to start chapter 4, but then I noticed it's been half a year since the last update, and months since the author has even been active, so it's hard to feel motivated to keep reading what I'm 90% sure is a dead fic lol.
Do all the authors write themselves into a corner on stories with this premise? Is that the reason every single one of them abruptly die right as something important happens?