2 - Siblings
I could feel all of the mares in the room staring at me during dinner. Applejack had daggers for eyes, trying to cut me down with her mere gaze. Granny Smith was casting glances to the both of us, but lingered on me longer than she did Applejack. Apple Bloom didn’t quite know what the problem in the room was, but she could tell it originated from me.
“Are you okay, Macky?” Apple Bloom looked up to me. I didn’t correct her like I did Applejack. There was no reason to get his youngest sibling confused and wondering where her brother went. I had to hope that my act was enough to convince even his own family.
“Eeyup.” I said.
“Are ya really?” Applejack piped up this time. My ear involuntarily flicked when I heard her voice. Out of anybody in this room, why was she the one calling me out? Granny Smith narrowed her eyes.
“Eeyup.”
“Yer sayin that differently than ya normally do, Mac. Are ya sure everythin’s right up there?”
No I wasn’t, it was the patented Big Mac vocabulary of exactly two words. They were pretty hard to screw up. Applejack was trying to get a rise out of me, and I wouldn’t let her do it.
“Eeyup.” It sounded more angry this time, I don’t even know where this giant throat had time to growl in that single word. Calm down, Big Mac, don’t let her get to you.
“Ahlright, that’s enough o’ that!” Granny Smith barked. Applejack’s ears flattened onto her head, and I felt mine press down as well. Big Mac’s body was telling me to tread carefully. “Ah don’t know what’s wrong wit’ either of yous, but clearly ya ain’t willin’ to talk about it and jabbin’ at the dinner table ain’t any better!”
“Sorry, Granny…” Applejack said.
“Ah know ah raised ya better than that. If ya got a problem with each other, hash it out properly! Now Mac, go get the apple fritter fer dessert.” Her eyes locked on to me, and my body acted before I even thought about it. The fritter was on the table before I had a chance to breathe.
The rest of dinner and dessert went by quietly, Applejack still had a fury pointed at me, but it was subdued by Granny’s presence. Apple Bloom, however, eyed me with nervous concern. That look she was giving me hurt more than the anger from Applejack. The last thing I wanted to do was worry her.
The cleanup was just as quiet, but I could tell it was a calm before the storm. Applejack continued to watch me, itching to say something. She just didn’t have the opportunity to say it with the rest of the family here. I may have taken advantage of that by helping a little extra during dishes and mopping. Apple Bloom wasn’t about to refuse the help, and it staved off the angry Apple sister for a little bit longer.
I couldn’t keep her away forever. When Apple Bloom and Granny Smith went off to bed, Applejack held me back. “Outside.” She said, and walked out the front door. Whatever she wanted with me, it had to be done away from the house so she could get loud. My mood was already not that great, but knowing I was about to be screamed at was making it worse. Something in Big Mac told me that avoiding it would only make the fight to come that much louder, so I had best get this over with.
The night at Sweet Apple Acres was peaceful. On the first night I found myself here, I couldn’t get any sleep with all of the emotions and thoughts there were inside of my head. Big Mac’s body had run on autopilot that night and led me to a peaceful spot in the orchard that allowed me to look out across the entire farm. With a sea of beautiful, glittering stars in the sky above. The moon was high in the sky on that day, the shadow of the mare in the moon a prominent silhouette upon the bright moonlight. I learned of the story behind the mare in the moon through Big Mac’s memories. Of a princess so jealous of her sister’s adoration that she tried to turn the world into an eternal night. For her punishment, she was locked away in the moon, banished to watch the world she was once a part of from afar.
I felt like I could relate to that isolation, even if a thousand years on a moon was probably worse.
I had felt a sense of comfort being up on that hill, and also had an unusual feeling of pride when my eyes looked across the farm. I guessed that it was Big Mac’s pride about all of the farmland he worked to sustain, seeing it thriving all around him. If he cared that much and felt so prideful about it, then why did he leave it for me?
There wouldn’t be time to stargaze tonight, or contemplate that thought. Tonight’s menu included Applejack, a barn, and a lot of negative emotions. So let’s get this over with.
“Ah heard somethin’ happened with Dr. Dream, Mac, what in the hay did you do?” Applejack said the moment I walked into the barn. I barely had time to close the door behind me.
“You know ah’m not Big Ma-“
“Ah ain’t callin’ ya Gabree-al, now answer the question.”
I swear I could hear a tea kettle whistling. We barely even started and I already want to blow my top. How much of it was her dismissal of my name, or Big Mac’s inherent frustration, I wasn’t sure. “Ah don’t know what ya mean by that question.”
“Ya gave Dream Heart an ultimatum, didn’t ya? She told me!”
“What happened ta patient confidentiality?”
“She didn’t tell me what the ultimatum was, Mac, but yer gonna tell me. Ya gave her somethin’ so bad that she refused to help you any further! What in the hay did you say?”
I snorted, literally blowing hot air. How it got so hot, I don’t quite know. Probably the anger. “Ah told her ta help me find Big Mac, and if we did, ta get rid o’ me. Ah don’t see what the big deal is!”
Applejack apparently did, her ears flattened and she took one step away from me. “What do ya mean by ‘git rid’, Mac?”
“Whaddaya think ah mean? Destroy me, erase me, overwrite the saved data, whatever ya wanna say. Once Big Mac is back, ah don’t need ta be here.”
“No wonder she refused, you’re talkin’ about killin yerself, Mac!”
“Ah’m not asking to kill myself, and ah’m not Mac! When he’s back, ah’ll just get in the way. Do ya want yer brother back or not?!”
“What ah want is fer my brother to get the help he needs! Not act like he can figure out all his problems all by himself!”
“Ah. Am. Not. Yer. Brother.”
Whatever statement Applejack was about to make was cut off after my words. The pupils in her eyes shrank to the size of peas. With her tongue tied up, my own voice took over, acting before I even had a thought. “Stop treatin’ me like him, stop seein’ him in me. He isn’t here right now, ah am, and the faster you recognize that, the better.”
The shock in her eyes glazed over, and I could feel all the rage and anger inside of me vanish when I saw her newly formed cold gaze. It was different from the fury and daggers she had been giving me this entire time. This look was harsh, uncaring. For the first time, Applejack saw me for the stranger that I am, a stranger she didn’t want to see.
“Yer right,” She said, her tone lifeless and hollow, “Yer not my brother, no brother o’ mine would be so cruel.”
Applejack shoved past me, moving towards the exit. “Applejack, wait, ah-“ My words rang hollow in her ears as she left the barn, leaving one last message for me.
“Goodnight, Gabriel.”
I finally got what I wanted from her, and it hurt. The barn was my moon, and Applejack was the world.
“I know you are there, Big Macintosh.”
Gabriel stood in empty space, endless white in all directions. He was in the body of Big Macintosh, but his voice was his own. Somewhere in the bleached expanse was the pony he was looking for, and he would find him.
Walking was a fruitless effort. It was impossible to see if he was making any progress. One step in any direction looked the same as if he was standing still. “Stop hiding, Mac! You have a family to be there for! A farm to tend to! You can’t throw it all away!” Gabriel cried out to the empty void.
“You can’t keep doing this. I can’t be you, Big Mac! I’ve already destroyed whatever relationship you had with Applejack, do you want me to break apart your entire family?!”
If he was out there, he had no answer to give Gabriel. He had to be out there, because Gabriel couldn’t live to think about the consequences if he wasn’t.
I had nothing to do today, Applejack made sure of it. She convinced Granny Smith that I had been overworking myself for the past week, and that I needed a break. When I tried to confront Applejack about it, she made it clear to me why. “Only family works the farm here.” She said with a venom that Big Mac’s memories have never heard her speak before. Once Granny Smith agreed with Applejack, there was nothing I could do. This body refused to go against Granny Smith, and with the memories he had of the times he had defied her, I can understand why.
Granny suggested that I walk Apple Bloom to school instead. Applejack tried to protest, but she gave in to the head momma’s demand. Nobody goes against Granny. So I found myself walking towards Ponyville’s schoolhouse. A church-style house, which Big Mac had actually helped rebuild after a flooding accident years ago. When Apple Bloom and I approached the heavily decorated schoolhouse, the memories of Mac holding up the supports and fixing the wood panels came crashing into my mind. That sense of pride was filling up my chest, Big Mac was always prideful of the work he put in.
“Hey, Macky?” Apple Bloom hadn’t yet left his side to join the rest of the foals heading inside. Her eyes looked up at mine. “Do ya think you and Applejack will reconcile?”
I didn’t know how to answer that, so I redirected it instead. “When’d ya learn a big word like that?”
“Miss Cherilee taught me!… After ah, uh.. “ Apple Bloom shifted nervously. “After she asked me what’s wrong, and ah mentioned you two fightin’ ta her…”
I could feel my chest tighten. Her words were like a punch in the gut to me. Big Mac’s body felt the pain of causing his sister distress… and I felt awful about making this mess even worse. Double the awful, double the knot that formed in my heart.
“Ah’m sorry, Apple Bloom…” I couldn’t promise that we’d reconcile. That bridge was quite possibly burned last night. The only one who could fix that was Big Macintosh, and he was still missing.
“Does… does that mean you won’t?”
“Ah don’t know, but… ah want ya to understand that what’s goin’ between me and Applejack… that don’t mean that we ain’t gonna work together, or stop lovin’ you.”
Big Mac’s hooves wrapped around Apple Bloom’s small frame, and held her tight against her chest. I was afraid about how tight I was squeezing, but the filly seemed okay. She hugged me back just as tightly. It was honestly frightening how easy it was for me to say those words.
“Are ya gonna try at least?” She asked me.
“Eeyup.”
“Good!” I let go of Apple Bloom, and she began to bounce off to school, but stopped right before leaving me behind. “Ah don’t like it when you are fightin’, you two love each other too much ta do that.”
As soon as Apple Bloom turned back around towards the school, I winced. Kids could cut deep with their words, and I was left feeling worse now than I had ever felt since coming here. What’s worse is how much truth there was in what she said, and I hated that my hooves were guiding me to the hospital. His body knew before I did where I needed to go.
Dream Heart had already refused Gabriel’s ultimatum. What he had asked of her went against every code of ethics she had sworn to keep when she became a doctor. She wanted to help him, to help him explore deeper into his cluttered mind, but she couldn’t do it on his conditions. There was nothing else for her to do with his case.
But her curiosity on it wasn’t sated. A completely different personality, with its own memories and quirks. A personality that is self aware of its unnatural place in its host’s mind. Gabriel saw himself as a problem that needed to be solved, and Dream Heart wanted to know why he came to be in the first place. That isn’t even mentioning the unusual quirks of the memories Gabriel has. A two legged, hairless monkey? The first thing that Dream had searched for was any records of a species called “Human”.
The Golden Oak Library had nopony to currently attend to it, but ponies were still allowed to read and borrow the books inside. It worked on a trust system, and while most ponies were faithful to that rule, it didn’t help keep the organization of the library. Books were stacked haphazardly, foal books were next to anatomy textbooks. It was a mess, and Dream Heart had to work hard to find anything she was searching for. This library really needed an organized pony to keep it together.
After an extensive search, she came up empty. Nothing about humans has ever been written. Her only understanding of this species would have to come from Gabriel himself. Dream Heart took the time that day to study any possibility. From Dissociative Identity Disorder, possession, coping mechanism, hypnosis. Some ideas seem to fit Gabriel’s case, but there were always a few missing pieces to truly confirm it.
That left Dream with one last idea to explore. Borrowing an old tome from the library that she hadn’t read in several years. Today, she sat in her office with the pages of that tome laid out in front of her. The Sleeping World by Selena Luna. It was a book written over a millenia ago, but was the foremost, no, the only reliable reference to the dream world.
It was while she was delicately flipping the pages that she heard the door to her office open. A familiar large and red stallion walking inside with a pained expression.
“Gabriel?” Dream asked, closing the tome gently. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Gabriel gave her no answer. He quietly closed the door behind him. His heavy hoofsteps led him to the couch he sat on two days ago, and he sat down in it once again. “Ah don’t need Big Mac help, ah need Applejack help.”
Dream Heart raised a brow. Her flank rose from the desk she sat at, and approached the seat across from Gabriel. “Did something happen between you two?”
“She called me my name fer the first time.”
“You don’t seem happy about that.”
“No, that ain’t it.” Gabriel shook his head. Dream tried her best to read the emotions his face was showing her. There was anger, but it was surrounded by a pained visage of sorrow that caged his frustrations and pointed them at himself… Regret? Guilt?
“Ah don’t want my… my being to hurt the family Mac has here, but ah broke up my relationship with Applejack pretty firmly last night. She sees me as me, but ah think ah destroyed Mac’s tightest bond in doin’ so.”
“Ah tried to think about it and figure out how ta fix it, but Big Mac’s head keeps fillin’ with frustration when ah think of Applejack. So now ah can’t think straight without gettin angry, and ah can’t even work to calm down cuz she took away my work!”
The anger wasn’t quite as caged as Dream Heart had guessed, but this was an opportunity. He was willing to engage with her, he came for her help on his own, and he’s opening up about his problems. This was something she could work with. A notebook and pen came to her via magic, and she adjusted the glassed in front of her eyes. “I see.. Gabriel, can you tell me what happened between you two last night? What caused this to begin with?”
I recounted my side of the events that happened the previous night to Dr. Dream Heart. I’m not disillusioned enough to not realize that this was just my side of the story. I have no idea how Applejack would have pictured it. That’s why I was here talking to her again. I didn’t want to be here, but both Big Mac’s body, and my quietest thoughts knew that he had to.
He had to talk to somebody, or else Apple Bloom will…
“That doesn’t sound like a very pleasant experience.” Dream Heart said after I finished. “I’m glad that you came here today to talk about it. However, I have to remind you Gabriel, that me helping you today does not mean I agree to your terms.”
“Ah know that. Yer not helpin me with Big Mac, yer helpin me with Applejack.” I huffed, and tried to get more comfortable in the couch underneath me. I didn’t remember being this uncomfortable in it.
“As long as we’re in agreement.” Dream smiled, noting my shifting and turning. “The couch is designed to be laid in. It’s very comfortable, I can promise you that.”
Part of me wanted to resist, to not give in to her therapy tricks. The other part of me was really uncomfortable. I shifted my body to rest on my side along the couch length. My head elevated and my hooves dangling off the side. She was right, it was pretty comfortable.
“Before we discuss Applejack in particular, I want to ask you. Have you told anypony else about your true identity? Are Applejack and I the only ones who know?”
“Eeyup. If ah told anymore people than that, they’d start ta see Big Mac as some crazy person.”
“And you are worried about how ponies will perceive Big Macintosh?”
“After he comes back? Eeyup, ah guess ah am.”
Dream Heart’s notepad continued to write, even as her eyes focused on me. Writing without having to look at the paper would have been pretty useful to have. Now I have to write with my teeth. “If you are concerned about how ponies would perceive Big Macintosh if-“
“When.”
“Apologies.” My interruption barely slowed her down. “If you are concerned about how ponies would perceive Big Macintosh when he returns, then why did you tell Applejack?”
That was one of those thoughts that I worked to avoid. It brought back a fresh memory that hurt to remember. “…She’s the one around Big Mac the most, an’ she can spot a lie better than a lie detector. Ah couldn’t have kept it from her, even if ah tried.”
“But did you try?”
No. “It didn’t matter.”
“I think it may matter.” She replied quickly.
“And why do ya think that?”
“Because if you didn’t try, and told her without hesitation, I think that speaks to how much you trust Applejack.”
“Ah don’t trust Applejack, Big Mac did, and sometimes my mind and my body aren’t in agreement.”
“But you do have his memories, yes?” Dream glow tapped her own head with her pen. “Big Macintosh’s experiences with his sister.”
“Eeyup ah do.”
“Would I be wrong in saying that his experiences and knowledge have helped to inform you of things here in Equestria?”
“Nnnope, you wouldn’t.” If it wasn’t for his memories, both in mind and body, I probably wouldn’t have been able to function in this place. The fact I can talk to a colorful horse with giant bug eyes and not be weirded out was because Big Mac was used to being around ponies. I’d probably be wondering what drugs I took to see pastel horses otherwise.
“Is it possible that these memories told you that out of anypony, Applejack is the one you can trust to help you?”
…I really didn’t want to admit that she was making a lot of sense. A sigh escaped me. “Ah didn’t hesitate. As soon as ah saw her that day, ah told her. Maybe you got a point.”
“You trusted her, and knew that she would try and help you… and she did try and help you. It was Applejack who introduced us.”
“Alright don’t start tootin’ yer horn. We haven’t gotten anywhere yet.”
The smile she gave me made my eye twitch. “Of course.” She said, “You chose to confide in Applejack, but what I wish to understand, Gabriel, is why you kept pushing it.”
“Pushing what?” I asked.
“That you aren’t him. It seems you have taken every opportunity to remind her that you aren’t Big Macintosh.”
“That’s cuz ah’m not! She’s the only one who knows that fer sure.”
“Does she?” Dream furrowed her brow and leaned forward towards me. “How did she react when you told her?”
Why would you say that to me, Mac?!
“…Not well.”
She nodded her head. “I’d like for you to imagine for me, Gabriel, a member of your family approaching you. They look normal, they talk just like they always do, by all accounts, they are your family, but they tell you they are not family. They deny any relation to you at all, and want to be referred to in a different way. How would you feel, if you were in their shoes?”
Whether or not I wanted to imagine it, the image became crystal clear inside my head. A figure of a teenage girl had appeared in my mind, saying exactly what I said to Applejack.
I. Am. Not. Your. Sister.
“Can you imagine it, Gabriel?”
“… Eeyup.”
My body felt heavy, any of the lingering anger I felt vanished from me the moment I imagined her… Why did it have to be her?
“Can you tell me why you kept repeating to her that you were not Big Macintosh?”
“… Ah don’t want her to see me as her brother, as siblings. They aren’t my family, and ah’m not theirs. Ah can’t replace Big Macintosh…”
“And they can’t replace your family?”
Dream Heart didn’t need to finish that sentence, but she did, and hearing that made the feeling all the more real. With her on my mind, I couldn’t stop the words from flowing out. “Ah’m gonna tell you somethin, Dr. Dream, and ah need ya to not ask me a single question about it. Can ya do that?”
“Of course.”
“…Ah can’t let Applejack replace my sister. Even if…” The sentence caught in my throat. I could still see her eyes. “Even if… ugh, ain’t no nice way o’ sayin’ it. My sister is dead.”
The doctor did not ask a question, she watched him quietly. “Car accident, drunk driver swerved on her on the sidewalk. She was gone before the car came to a stop… Ah already failed one sister, ah don’t want to fail another. She needs ta see me as a stranger, even if it hurts.”
Dr. Dream tapped her pen to her chin, and very carefully considered her next words. After what I just said, I can’t exactly blame her. I never knew what to do after the accident, I thought of her once, and the rest of my day was lost to it. So I worked until I couldn’t think about her. I doubt Dream Heart needed me to explain that. She did, at least, keep to her word and didn’t ask about my sister.
“That is your reason for doing the things you did. I understand that. Applejack doesn’t, have you… ever talked about yourself to her?”
“She didn’t believe me at all until now.”
“Gabriel, if she didn’t believe you at all, she wouldn’t have come to me.” Dream Heart put down her pen and notes. She brought herself close to me, and while eye to eye with my lowered head she spoke. “What Applejack sees is her brother pushing her away, refusing to let her in, to let her help. Maybe she did believe that you were lying at the start, but she doesn’t now. Not only does she have to process the fact that her brother may actually be gone, but she also has to see his face every day, and be reminded that he isn’t her brother anymore.”
“…Ah really hate it when you make mah screw up so clear like that, doc.” I shifted away from her gaze towards the ceiling. “What am ah supposed to do now then?”
Dream Heart retreated back to her chair. “I think what is best for you, Gabriel, is to allow her in.”
“Ah can’t do that! She can’t see me as family.”
“And she doesn’t have to, but outright refusing her will only strain the difficult relationship you have. If you allow her in, trust in the faith you had in Applejack, then you may find yourself with a friend at the end of this road. Somepony who can help you going forward, instead of fighting.”
I let out a snort. “Is that all ya got for me?”
“At least for today, will you be visiting again soon?”
“Hmph.” I got up from the seat and moved towards the door. “…Ah’ll keep what ya said in mind… thank ya fer seein’ me.”
“You are always welcome, Gabriel.” Dream Heart said with a genuine smile. I didn’t have the heart to look back at her. I walked out the door.
Stargazing at night didn’t feel quite as peaceful as it did the first time. The beautiful night sky couldn’t hold back what I was feeling inside. My sister’s face kept looking back at me in my mind. Every thought interrupted by the image Dream Heart had made me create. I couldn’t even feel the Big Mac pride from looking across the farmland. All I felt was an empty hole inside of me.
My hope of relaxing underneath the stars were dashed, and I made my way back to the Apple Family Household. Everything that I talked about with the doctor was still circulating in my head anytime the thought of her didn’t interrupt it. I frankly had no idea where to go from here. Sure, I understood what Applejack may have felt, but how was I supposed to fix it.
Let her in.
What would that do? Make her see her brother in an even weirder sense. I’m only going to be here until Big Mac comes back. Getting personal with anybody from this place wasn’t necessary. I’d be gone, and that would only make them sad if they actually liked me. I just needed to be tolerated… Unless Big Macintosh is really go-
No, until he’s here, I’ll keep him going. It won’t be long now. It won’t be. Man, I needed some work to do…
It was late enough in the night that I expected everybody to be asleep. To my surprise, someone was still awake. The light in the dining room was still lit as I approached the house. Was Granny Smith sleepwalking again? Apple Bloom sneaking a late night snack? I entered in through the front door to find the culprit, and to my surprise, it was neither.
Applejack sat at the dining room table. Hunched over a giant pile of parchment and paper, an abacus next to the pile. She was grumbling and cursing underneath her breath, rubbing her temples with her hooves.
“Are ya alright?” I asked her, and received an icy glare in response.
“Ah’m fine.” Applejack bit back, “Just keepin’ the books, like usual.”
“You ain’t the one who normally does the books.”
“Well ah don’t see the one who usually does ‘em here, now do ah?” She had her eyes narrowed. “Ah only see you.”
Big Macintosh did the books. “Yer not havin’ any trouble?”
“Nnnope.” Applejack stole my line! “Like ah said, ah’m doin’ fine.”
Anybody who knew Applejack knew that Applejack was the worst liar to ever exist. Some of the most disastrous moments of recent Apple Family history came from times when Applejack tried to lie. I still can remember the time I almost lost my hoof- Big Mac’s hoof. Don’t confuse my head with yours, Mac!
The lie Applejack was telling right now was far easier to spot. Namely because as soon as the words left her mouth, she cursed an obscenity that would cause Granny to wash out her mouth. Then she began to furiously erase the numbers she wrote down.
I looked over her shoulder for just a moment…
“Ya forgot to carry over the one.”
“Ah knew that!”
“Yer also missin’ yesterday’s apple delivery sales.”
“They’re in here!… Somewhere.”
“What about the repair costs to the west fence line?”
“Are ya gonna keep pestering me or do ya just want to take over?!”
“Sure, let me help.”
Two surprising things happened in that one moment. The first was that I approached Applejack and sat next to her without a moment’s hesitation. I blame Big Mac on that one. The second was that Applejack actually let me take over. Her hatred of math and record keeping was well known to Mac, it’s honestly surprising she tried to do this alone.
“Here’s the sales, ah’ll count em, you write it down.”
“Alright.”
What followed was a simple routine between Applejack and I. I would do the math and make the figures, Applejack would write them down and organize it. Big Macintosh was particularly good at this type of math, a skill that overlapped with my own skills. Bookkeeping wasn’t a complicated form of mathematics, you weren’t doing calculus, but keeping track of each transaction, expense, and profit quickly flooded your thoughts with numbers that were easy to mix up. Thankfully, between Mac and I’s shared knowledge from years of managing household funds, we were able to stave off any mistakes and finish writing the records without any problems.
“Yer good at this,” Applejack said without as much venom behind her tongue. Her eyes were barely staying open at this point. Any energy she had to be mad at him was lost in the math.
“Ah had some help.” I said while tapping on Big Mac’s head. A gesture that made Applejack’s lips purse.
“… It’s Gabriel, right?”
“Eeyup.”
“Ah just want to know.” She spoke in a soft tone, one that barely held back a quiver. “My brother is still in there, right? It ain’t just you, is it?”
I wish I could say yes, but I don’t know. She could tell before I even spoke up that the answer wasn’t going to be yes. Her ears were flat against her head when I did speak.
“When ah said ah would bring yer brother back, ah meant it. Ah… Ah don’t know where he is, or what happened to him, but ah do know that everythin’ fer him is right here.”
I tapped his head again, and Applejack furrowed her brow in confusion. So I continued. “His memories, his feelings, his muscle memory. It’s all here, it ain’t gone, and as long as ah’m behind the wheel, ah won’t let anythin’ happen to it.”
“But what if he ain’t? What happens then? Ya got my brother’s body, Gabriel. What’re ya gonna do with it?”
“That is not gonna happen, Jack.” The nickname just came out naturally, I didn’t choose to call her that, but I did say it, and the sound of it caused Applejack’s ears to perk back up. “Ah’m not gonna let that happen, not ever. He will be back, ah promise.”
Applejack snorted. “…Fer a fella that keeps sayin’ you ain’t my brother. You are certainly just as hardheaded as ‘im...”
I felt a weight press against me. Fatigue had finally taken Applejack. Gently snoring against my fur. Her stetson hat fell onto the table in front of us. Carefully, I picked up Applejack and placed her on my back. With her stetson hat in my teeth, I brought her up to her bedroom and tucked her underneath the sheets. With the hat hanging on the corner of her bed frame, just like how she always had it.
Before I went to sleep, my eyes lingered on the mare in the moon that rested high in the night sky. When I looked at her before, I thought I could relate to her isolation. Only now do I understand that my situation doesn’t even begin to compare. Whether I wanted them to be there or not, I had ponies around me ready to help. Maybe the mare in the moon will one day have that too.
My mind flashed more images to me, to my surprise, they weren’t of my sister. I saw Applejack fill the colors of my mind. Somehow, that felt worse than seeing her. I succumbed to slumber soon after.
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Drat, so he can't ask Luna for help...
The memory is blending in. A couple more weeks and it will be hard to separate the little things. A month more, and the big shards of memory will merge. It'll be a cross between Mac and Gabriel, like coffee mixed with milk. He doesn't have much time. Unless, of course, it's a woken memory of a past life.
It's only two chapters, but I'm gonna put a theory out here about the answer to the mystery:
Gabriel died in the human world, and he's involuntarily taken over Big Mac's body, making him a sort of "living ghost", which is giving him an opportunity to "resolve his unfinished business" so that he can move on to the next plane of existence.
Just a theory, and could be invalidated by the next chapter for all I know.
Also, cool idea having this take place before the show.
His time has Gabriel seems limiting due to mixed memories. I wonder how long until Nightmare moon occurs or Luna recovered enough after to help Big Mac? There could be a few years/months so looks like he is stuck here for the time being. …..Unless he somehow gets an audience with the Celestia, there is day court…. Depends how much he knows about the show/Equestria girls……
Great chapter!!!
She probably doesn't even realise that book is probably Gabriel's only hope at the moment
Things ate getting better, good
Okay so Gab isn't a brony, this takes place before the pilot, and he doesn't know what's going to happen in the future, which blows my idea that the he tells the entire G4 series to Dream and haunt her with the vision of the future when NMM comes in and that the next librarian is going to be Celestia's personal student Twilight Sparkle herself and that she is going to becomes an alicorn, have a crystal treehouse castle in the middle of Ponyville and that she would ascend to Equestria in Celestia's place. And that his sister is going to be heroin, and he is going to fall in love with a former cult follower, and have a colt together, and is going to play O&O with a dragon and a Draconequs in his weekends. I think she would start drinking at that point.
I wonder where this story could go next , with the issues between Gab and AJ partially resolved now. And apparently for just a moment there was a bleed through between Gab's and Mac's memory and identity, so either Gab memories are already starting fading away or that they are both merging with in either case would be very scary as much as for Gab. It would be nice if Gab could get his own body at some point but I don't think this setting would easily allow this. Or, that they finally find something that could connect to Who Gab arrived in this world in the first place.
Theory.
Gabriel died.
He was reborn as Big Mac, something happened which resulted in his original/previous personality come to the fore.
But only a theory
I legit fall into a sleep midway though this story....
Bigmac talk about being human, said human struggled to maintaine his identity and bigmac's social circle.
Very good concept, It just felt like everything lack energy
Very nice chapter, thanks. I suspected it takes place before FIM because of complete lack of references to Twilight as possible magical soul expert, good to see it confirmed. Dude is really on his own for now as far as magic solutions go.
Really interesting what actually happened to Big Mac, because from the first chapter it sounds like after his argument with AJ he did something bad to himself. Can you even kill yourself mentally?
And congrats on your second work blowing up, I'd say it is really the result of the good quality of your writing.
It wasn't clear until now that this story predates the Mane Six adventures and the arrival of Twilight. Is it possible that the Big Mac we witnessed in MLPFIM was a hybrid personality that had adapted to life in Ponyville before the main series started? That makes your story sound even more interesting, IF TRUE.
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actually now I do wonder if it was intentional since that kind of perspective confusion would be a good way to show Gabriel's own confusion with his mind and Mac's mixed together when done right.
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While a cool idea, that was actually just me mixing up the perspective. It was really a good idea to write a story that constantly swaps from first and third perspective. Definitely not confusing on the brain sometimes.
Thanks for pointing it out. I’ll try and make sure proper hints don’t look so grammatically incorrect.
Good chapter!
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Kinda disappointed I had the same idea as Pilot light.
More good
Man I don't know where the hell you came from but you've been knocking it out of the park with these stories. All of them have been pretty solid so far.
Nothing like hating math to bury the hatchet
Got a tough question for you “Mac”. Since We are a collection of memories. Is there any chance you think your Gabriel because those are either the most numerous or most recent?
Wonder if this chain of events is why Lyra is going to be so obsessed with humans…
Ah, so we're pre episode 1. That's unfortunate, but needful.
Interesting that Dream might know a bit about dream walking. A pleasant surprise her name isn't just for show.
Ah, to be young again such that the idea of replacing people in a relationship is a foregone result of interaction.
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In an accident at work, yes. Problem is we haven't received the in-between experience, hence Gabriel's confusion and indecisiveness on whether Mac is still alive somehow.
Really interested in the last night before incursion, what was actually said.
To be honest, I don't quite understand what all the fuss is about. It's not a bad fanfic, but not that good. Especially considering that nothing interesting has happened yet. I think that's the merit of Big Mac mainly in this.
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This is the start of the story of course nothing has happened yet.
You don’t get the knight charging at the dragon courageously without first seeing why the knight is doing so. So don’t be in such a hurry
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That would be too easy.
Maybe he’s sitting on his tail.
Honestly, I think that the most interesting thing that could happen is if Big Mac WAS truly gone.
How would everyone adapt if Gabriel stayed for a year, 2 years, a decade?