- Member Since 28th Sep, 2022
- offline last seen Wednesday
MixMaster Dumbass
Twilight is Bae/ Check out my main account https://www.fimfiction.net/user/380059/k00l
MixMaster Dumbass
Joined 28th Sep, 2022 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- CHAOTIC MIST · 64k words · 183 21 · 4k views
- DontCallMeShirey · 44k words · 47 19 · 1.1k views
- MixMaster Dumbass · 23k words · 57 12 · 797 views
- Late2TheGame · 31k words · 34 1 · 627 views
- Kibat Grenbuku · 83k words · 146 29 · 5k views
- Zatoichi Vokunkiin · 23k words · 93 7 · 1.8k views
- Picta Vulpes · 128k words · 90 25 · 3.7k views
- Writer of Fantasies · 67k words · 101 6 · 1.9k views
Featured In6
Stats
Page generated in 0.162 seconds
Total duration
1,075 users online
1,949,745 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting
can't wait to see more.
Ooo interesting premise
More good
Might help a bit to decide whether you want to tell the story in past tense or present. Switching back and forth seemingly willy-nilly definitely gets a bit disorienting.
Also -- and this may end up sounding more disparaging than intended, so apologies for that in advance --, I’d consider whether the story really needs that first chapter at all or can just start with Derek’s arrival instead. As it is, witnessing the contradiction between the lead scientist being apparently enough of an idiot to think that running the first-ever test(*) of a potentially either not yet working or else extremely dangerous experimental apparatus in front of a live audience with no thought to anyone’s safety was a great idea while at the same time being allegedly smart enough to head whatever exact team made creating black holes on Earth (among other things almost certainly not a cheap endeavor that someone could just readily pull off in the equivalent of a high school lab) even possible to begin with gave me enough mental whiplash to for a moment consider setting the story aside altogether again if it started in such a slipshod fashion already. So I think that particular scene may actually hurt the story more through its inclusion than it could by its absence.
(*) Couldn’t very well be the “very first man-made black hole on Earth” anymore if they had thoroughly put the device through its paces and confirmed that it did in fact work at all beforehand, now could it?
More good
I am very happy to see a new human in Equestria story, and even more so to hear it's going to be a story first one.
Usually they are rushed into a one shot,
so it's great news we are not heading in that direction.
Looking forward to see and read more especially with a cute pony like Twilight really is.
11496805
Thank you, glad you are excited to read more! Twilight is the most adorable so of course it had be her.
I don't see how he was that much of a dick during their first meeting to be honest. I get here being called a horse is an insult for some stupid reason the fic hasn't bothered to explain yet, so he shouldn't know or even think he was being rude other than he simply referred to her as a wrong species which in itself isn't that big of a deal. During their second meeting, yes, but he was only a dick after she was one first. Sure, have him apologize for that but he was only responding to Twilight doing so. For the so-called princess of Friendship Twilight doesn't understand the golden rule, treat others how she wants to be treated. By insulting his name first she asked for him to simply return the favor and insult hers. I feel they are both equally in the wrong and she should apologize too. Unless, being called a horse here is something truly despicable, but until the fic explains why that is, assuming it does at some point in the future, I am simply left thinking the fic is treating his understandable behavior as worse than it actually was and ignoring that Twilight was acting the same way.
Well, this story is off to a pretty good start. I can't wait to see what else this has to offer and show.
11497128
I thought twilight calling him dare-wreck was because she wasn't used to human names and it didn't roll off the tongue very well lol
11497167
Sure, but that excuse and justification also applies to him, so again they are both equally in the wrong.
nice story
11497128
Thank you for your comment! I would be more than willing to explain my reasonings. First off I know I haven't really explained my reason why being called a horse is a big deal, that is because since this is a story driven clopfic, I'm going to have a lot of interactions between Twilight and Derek. Especially in the next chapter where they are going to be asking each other a bunch of questions. That question will be brought up as I am going through a progressive world build, where everything is explained the farther into the story we go. I got a lot of plans while doing this that I don't want to spoil so I will keep quiet on that for now.
I see your reasoning for wanting Twilight to apologize as well, and thinking Derek doesn't really need to, but this was my way of seeing it. Her mispronunciation of Derek's name was simply a misunderstanding, while Derek just insulted her right to her face about hers. She implied that she has never heard a name like that before, while Derek has heard of the word "Twilight" and "Sparkle" because in his world, they are real words. And putting them together into a name was outlandish to him. Again in this chapter, when he heard her friend's names, he thought they were "Fitting" because they are words he recognizes. Human names are going to be completely foreign to them.
Finally, another reason I made him apologize is mainly from their second interaction. Derek was pretty hostile to Twilight, he was angry, he yelled at her, his attitude portrayed a lot of hostile emotions. And yes, I know that would be a pretty normal reaction to someone who was haphazardly pulled out of their world and into a new one. Shit I would prolly react the same way. But after Twilight's continued kindness and generosity and willingness to help him, it would make anyone feel bad for lashing out at someone like that. Even though his feelings were justified, it boiled down to self guilt by how much he pushed his anger towards someone who wanted to help him. I hope my explanations were satisfying. I hope you stick around for more chapters!
11497346
Sure, I guess I can understand all that. The thing that really annoyed me was Twilight a few times, without one shred of self awareness, noting he's a bit rude, while ignoring the circumstances and not acknowledging she was the same way. She just came across as holier than thou and self-righteous. I still feel she should be called out on that or realized that she wasn't as innocent as she and the fic is acting like she was, but fine, I will drop it and see what happens.
11497354
Hope you don't feel like I'm brushing off your criticism! If it's how you feel I definitely take it into consideration. I'll take any view point I can get to develop more of the story to people's liking!
More good
Not a bad chapter, but considering he's talking to pastel ponies you would think magic would be a bit more believable. His reactions are a bit overboard. The hay fries, Spike being a dragon...he might be in another dimension or reality, but he can't accept things are different?
Romance seems fairly abrupt for now. I'll give it a bit, but they haven't even known each other 24 hours.
More good
11497775
Thank you for you're opinion! It may have been a bit overboard, but I also thought it would have been a bit lame for him to just "accept it," without too much thought. And yeah the romance may seem a bit rushed, but it's the first time their emotions clicked. I plan to do some time skips in the future, but for their first romantic moment, I wanted it to be intense.
Why would anyone ever want to make something so obviously dangerous?
11497827
That is a typo, I just meant to say creating man made black holes, not the largest
11497346
I see I am going have to wait longer to learn what the reason is
. Though to be fair and generous you didn't promise this chapter exactly, so I guess I will wait for it to come up.
Him learning magic is real hadn't happen before this point? Right, it hasn't. Weird, I figured it would have come up sooner, but ok. Find it a little weird, though admirable in a way that his skepticism hadn't been shattered upon being sent to another world. If it was me I would have just accepted magic being real since at that point my skepticism would have been destroyed already.
More good
this is getting good, keep it up.
So, he knows the value of a bit compared to his home currency? I guess I can buy him asking and learning about it from Twilight.
good story, keep it up.
More good
More good
More good
Happy Valentines Day, and that was a spectacular Chapter, keep up the great work.
Aaaah, Happy Chìnese New Year!
This is the reason, huh? To be honest I am conflicted because on one hand I get why she feels that way, though personally I disagree, since by definition humans and ponies, sapient ponies in her case, are still animals. It's an objective fact and personally I wouldn't be offended by being called an animal, or an ape, since that is what we all are. I would be like yeah and water is wet. Though, like I said I understand the human nature to put our selves above other living things.
More good
Seems kind of a dick move for Twilight not to let him know beforehand, especially with them being a couple. She should have told him before to be honest.
I don't know. Not like she told you that she wants Rarity to make you a more fitting outfit or anything.
She never told her friends about them being together? Wow, another dick move, Twilight!
Again, why? Twilight is really coming across as a bit of a dick, keeping things she shouldn't be keeping from her friends and even boyfriend. I guess that's one thing she picked up from Celestia.
You fucking shouldn't be. Count to five... ten... twenty. God, I am getting more and more worked up here, but Twilight's behavior here is getting on my nerves. Maybe if she was called out, or if one of them asked when was she planning on telling them, I would be more willing to let her keeping secrets that should be secrets slide, but I can't.
Tells her parents no problem, but not her close friends.
Well, I guess I should give her credit for not keeping things from family. At least that is one line she won't cross.
It's a fucking castle. I doubt there is only one guest room, so there should be plenty of empty guest rooms. Seems forced to have that conflict, but whatever.
11522735
I'm more then willing to explain my reasons for writing this chapter that way. But do hold your horses, you're trying to beat me at plotpoints I haven't even begun to write yet. As I have said, most of the story will be explained along the way.
I don't see how this is a dick move. I didn't specify when she received the letter from Celestia, but I made her imply she received it yesterday. Besides, Celestia wanted him to try and fit in before her meeting with him. It really doesn't matter that much if he knew that or didn't. Perhaps telling him could have added pressure to him to try and fit in as fast as possible. That way he could do it at his own time. I fail to see why this would be a "dick move."
He knows he is getting fitted for a suit an outfit, but he is unaware that he has to stand there for hours while she MADE the suit. That's why he was confused on why it would have been a "challenge"
What's the problem Here? Not to sound like a dick, but if you have a problem, tell me. I don't know why this bothers you.
Yes, Twilight and Derek are keeping quiet about their relationship, because I'm planning a big reveal later, where they both reveal it to their friends at the same time. There are many reasons I have for the secrecy that I plan to reveal later in the fic. One of the reasons is that they are still somewhat afraid of the public reaction to a relationship between a human and pony. It's not that she doesn't distrust her friends however, they are going to try and make their relationship noticeable in public to try and see what the public reaction would be, then the reveal. Keeping it a secret to their friends is just because they want to surprise them. Keeping it a secret from her friends is not a dick move, they want to make the reveal special.
I refer to my explanation above, unless you are talking about Twilight's reaction. She's a bit embarrassed, end of story there.
I don't know why you are getting so worked up here. If you read farther, Twilights motive was revealed. She wanted to surprise him. Why is that such a big deal?
Yes, since they will be staying at their house for the night, she told them a head of time. Since I don't plan on them coming to ponyville for the big reveal.
Dude, I'm doing it for plot convience. It's not that deep.
11522837
Not trying to beat you at anything. I am simply questioning and commenting on what I read as I read it. If it's answered in the future, great, but I am still going to comment on something with all the information I have available, since that is all I can do. I get you can't explain everything and I accept that, but you have to accept that I will question things as I read before they are answered.
Still thinks it's kind of wrong that she didn't tell him about Celestia being interested in him beforehand. Fine, after thinking more about it now that I calmed down, I realized it's not that big of a deal, since it was just a surprise trip and there shouldn't be anything wrong with that, though I still stand by my point that Twilight should be more transparent about things, especially with her lover. Hopefully, she will be more upfront and open in the future.
I added the twilight expressions simply as comedic effect. Nothing more and nothing less. Also, I explained my issues clearly in the comment, so it's pointless to ask, even if me adding the expressions had more to it than that.
Completely disagree. She has known them for a while and went through many adventures with them, making this excuse about public image ring hollow. Just have them come out to the rest of the girls in private, since they are friends and she should trust them. Actions speak louder than words and having Twilight not do this speaks more that she truly doesn't trust her friends than countless attempts of you saying she does. Even worse is Starlight was the one who pushed her to follow her heart and now Rarity gave her blessing, meaning it's even worse that she won't trust the rest of her close friends to be ok with it and to let them know. No, let's keep them out of the loop and treat them as every other pony.
Another reason it gets on my nerves is the double standard. Derek had to apologize and the story had Twilight note he was rude, despite the understandable circumstance, and now when she does something that is even more rude, she doesn't get called out. Derek and Rarity don't get annoyed with her for keeping things from them. Not even simply asking in a joking manner when did she plan on telling them. Nope, Twilight is a saint and the idea of her actions being rude isn't even considered one iota. I am worked up, since I care about what is fair. If Derek gets called out for being rude, or doing something wrong, than Twilight should too. At least have the other girls annoyed Twilight didn't tell them before. Perhaps, Applejack for not being upfront, since they are supposed to be close friends.
Then I take back what I said about her not crossing that line. If that is her reason for telling them and not because it's her family, than that's also terrible of her.
Dude, I am pointing out a plot hole. Stuff like that matters if you want a well written story.
Glad to see an update, keep it up.
11522859
like i said, her keeping it a secret is not because she distrusts them. Its because I have plans for a big reveal. You're assuming the worst out of her without taking into consideration what other reason she has for keeping said secret. Do you honestly believe she is keeping it because she distrust them?
This is similar to how Cadence and shining kept quiet about having a baby. Its not from distrust, they want to surprise them. But they also want to make sure from everyone else that it will be expected as they want to do it publicly. I havent gotten to that plot yet, and yes, I accept that you are gonna question it, but I also put faith in that since this is story driven, the whole story hasn't been explained yet.
What double standards? How is Twilight being rude??? Twilight wanted to Surprise Derek with a trip to Canterlot so that they can have time for themselves. I would do the same for my loved one, surprise her with trip where it would be just us together, how is that rude??? I already told you why Twilight has kept the secret from Rarity, and again, I fail to see why this would all be rude?
...seriously?
that's what you got from that? I'm trying my best not to be rude, but is that seriously all you got from that? You are assuming everything is being done out of malice, its not. Cut me some slack!
11522909
I can't take something into consideration that hasn't been presented yet. Since no other reasons has, I am left with all I have. A nonsensical reason that I explained how it doesn't work in explaining her actions, or more accurately lack there of away. Like I said I am left making conclusions with all the information I have. If you want me to take your other reasons, you have yet to present, into consideration, than actually present them. I get you don't want to spoil anything and sure don't. I can wait, but until then this is my conclusion and thoughts on the matter. As for Cadance and Shining, I think that was wrong of them for the same reason. Yes, I am consistent with my logic and reasoning. Like I said I am only going with all I have been given. My thoughts may change when actually presented with more information.
Ok. One I admitted her surprising him with the trip is fine when I calmed down, so don't lecture me on that when I already admitted my mistake on that. Not just from Rarity. From her supposed close friends. I explained how in detail in basic English so I don't know what else to tell you other than...
A loud beaming yes to both questions. Until your reasons are given and are actually valid (doubt they will be, but we'll see.) that is the only sensible conclusion I can come to. Don't like it? Tough. It's all I have to work with.
11522954
Dude, I'm not here to argue. I've explained my reasons for how I'm writing it, you can accept them, or you cannot. I was trying to be nice when I did. If you really don't like this story, then don't read it. You don't need to be a jackass about it.
11522961
Fine, and I do, but you have to also accept how I see and conclude things when I find your reasoning is nonsense. It seems to me you are actually the one who can't handle that. Don't be the pot calling the silverware black, or project your issues onto me. It's pathetic to be honest. Keep writing how you see fit and I will question and critique how I see fit. Fair enough?
11522968
I'm not trying to act like I can't take criticism. You left a Critique and expressed your immense dissatisfaction. I was more than willing to explain my reasonings. As to how to fix it, I honestly don't know what to say. I can't just show you a chapter that I haven't written yet, so I tried to politely explain it to you, which you have not shown me the same curtesy. I never wanted to come off as "Unable to take Criticism." But how else do I explain a chapter I haven't written yet. Feel as you want, and critique how you want. I'll accept what you said, but the moment you start acting like a dick for no reason, I'll stop answering.
11522973
Yeah, you gave a reason that I responded to with reasons why I think it's not valid and I think I was kind and polite when I did so. I admit I got annoyed when you failed to understand my points when I think they were easy to understand, but you seemed to have gotten annoyed with me too, so you can't complain too much. I get you can't spoil future chapters, but until they are out and reveal more I can't consider the so far non-existent reasons for Twilight's actions. To be honest, I think you were being just as rude by asking me questions that I explained in the paragraphs you responded to with said questions. I am willing to meet you half way and admit we both were being rude and could have handle it better. What do you say?
11522989
I am willing to meet you half way, and agree it could have been handled differently
暮光真的很可爱
More good
welcome to the family
11516607
A better way for Derek to stop that outburst or lessen it (if he stopped and thought about it a bit) would have been to mention that Humans did the exact same thing on Earth, a common ancestor between Humans and Apes, one gaining sentience and the other not.
Pretty great chapter mc kinda stupid for throwing a rock in courthouse tho lol
Average people: Ha! Knew it!
Average people pretending being pro-science: B-but... That can't!... Impossible!
Real pro-science people: So, apparently there are dishes moving upward with atypical change in its vertical momentum. This day is unlikely to become more interesting than it already is.