• Member Since 3rd Oct, 2022
  • offline last seen April 16th

BurnyWrites


Engineering student, writing fluff and smut to relax

Comments ( 48 )

A very cute story and do need help with story ideas

Oh boy... poor Spike is gonna be in so much trouble when they get back. Flurry's gonna blurt out that Spike taught her about her cutie mark and Cadance is gonna have herself a new dragon skin rug.

Those interested in the full version of the cover pic should check out 2723718 (or alternates 2723719 and 2723720) on Derpi.

Why is this and it's comments getting negative bombed? It starts out rather well in my opinion.

11383482
Idk, feels pretty bad for my first story, but it has fueled me to want to turn it in to a masterpiece

11382713
No thank you. Creative and literary criticism is appreciated, but after seeing the response to the posted chapter, I have formed an outline for the rest of the story

11382741
Only if they find out. Also, let's be honest, cadence wouldn't mind too much. Princess of love supports daughters love no matter what. Her daddy on the other hand...

11383482
Pretty common for stories with fetish topics that are even a little controversial, such as foalcon.

looking forward to read it when it becomes complete

11384527
I believe so. If you fucked your cousin would you call it incest? Otherwise, it's just implied incest with shining, twilight, and cadence hooking up

I like the premise of the ship
Two immortals:
One, the heir to the throne of the Crystal Empire
The other, the hero who returned the crystal heart

11385003
It's a ship I haven't seen very much of which is a real shame. Future Flurry heart and spike could make a great couple, even if flurry isn't the princess of sex.

11383522 Don't let it get you down. There's a small group of people who downvote any stories with foalcon, but I say ignore them and do your damnedest to make the best story you can.

Can’t find the artist mentioned in the description on Derpibooru. I tried artist:Exelzior and no results were found. How about giving my numbers the pic is at like other people on this site do? Like 2854201 for example.

11386525
Alzrius posted the numbers in the comments already, but sure, I'll throw it in the description. 2723718

This is actually well written and has a nice pacing. I’m interested in reading more :3

Also, as others have said, don’t take the likes/dislikes seriously. Anything foalcon, incest, or Spike generally has a number of people whom innately (wrongfully) auto-dislike simply because it either “doesn’t interest”, “is sinful/immoral”, or “is annoying/shameful” to them… the like/dislike meter is a very bad thing to consider a measure of your own worth.

I'm not sure if '14 years' can be considered foalcon

11395768
That is true, too bad that everything underage is catalogues as Loli/Foalcon

So when are you going to be able to post it next chapter?

When is the next chapter of this story going to be updated? Other readers and I really want to see what else happens.

14, Look at the crime!!!!!

Well, I was surprised by this.

Flurry seems very manipulative, and her saying

“I love you Spike.”

makes me think that there are some secret motives behind what she's asking him to do.

I hope the next chapter comes quickly

1- 14 years old is a crime!!!!!
2- Spike has wings 3-
14 years is a crime!!!!!
4- make her 21 years old, and Spike is already the size of an alicorn
5 - criminal history

CRIME!!!!!!!!!

11459287
I was aiming for bratty tsundere, so sounds like I hit my target spot on. She's gonna be less manipulative in the future, but still able to pull out some manipulation to get what she wants.

Also, absolutely no alterior motives. Just two people. It's not like Flurry has secretly loved spike most of her life, that would be craaaaazy

11459353
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Riiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhhhht.

Such a cute story.

11459293
If you don't like it, don't read it. this a fictional story set in a fictional world. You don't know the laws of that world

I'm going to say it before the other person does.
Not a crime

11485189
I just choose to ignore him. He'll lash out but really, if you don't give him attention, then he'll go away, and I'll still be here writing foalcon, as you do

114851
11485481
well, there are terms of use for the site, it wasn't hate

Okay. Not a bad chapter.

Interesting introductions to new characters and the talk with flurry.

Wonder how things will progress??

How will cadence and shining react to their daughter getting with Spike the brave and glorious??

And did spike actually bang twilight, Luna, and Celestia?? Or were those adventures just that, adventures??

Great work so far, and that ending to the chapter is not as bad as you think it it. It's accually quite filling to a start of the friendship problem.

In the story description
One day, while visiting her aunt Twily, the cutie map summons Flurry and Flurry alone to the far reaches of Equestria.
Wow, both of them?:trollestia:

Flurry perked up at the mention of the map. “Wait, does this mean I’m gonna go on an adventure like you used to? All by myself?”

“Not all by yourself missy. You’ll have a detachment of guards-”

“Yep, all by yourself. No guards are necessary.” Twilight cut off her older brother as she gave him a harsh look. “The map is calling you, so you have to go.”

Shining gave her a dirty look right back, as the siblings wordlessly fought. “She’s my daughter, and I’m guard captain. She’s going with the guards.”

“I was actually called by the map before. I know what’s best.”

The two stood at a stand still until Cadence came to Twilight’s side. “I think we should listen to her. She is one of the elements of harmony after all.”

Wow. Twilight is really demeaning and rude to Shining in this chapter, not to mention really presumptuous and arrogant. I mean, telling someone else what to do with their own kid? I mean come on. This is really out of character for the Princess of "Friendship.":twilightangry2:

And Cadance, wow. Way to not support your husband at all. What happened to "a united front?" :unsuresweetie:

I know there wouldn't be a story if the guards went with her, but really? Supposedly, the guards are battle trained members of the military, and would be much better escorts than Spike, who is just a comedic relief who happened to follow along with Twilight on her previous adventures.:derpyderp1:

11504860
I know your other comment is a bit more important than this, but grammer is the one thing I will push back on. "Flurry, and Flurry" would imply that there are two flurrys, while "Flurry and Flurry" implies that there is one flurry who will have some detail about them in the next line. Flurry and Flurry alone is akin to her and her alone.

Also, I know Twilight was being rude, but plot and stuff. Besides, they get along better once they start fucking.

I am enjoying this so far. I don't like how much of a brat Flurry is but otherwise a good story

Comment posted by emerald_shine deleted May 15th, 2023

Very interested in the next chapter! Can’t wait

11505047
I wholeheartedly disagree, this is VERY in character for Twilight. While I understand Shining being protective of Flurry, the story makes it clear that he’s overdoing it. Also Twilight can be very engaged when it’s something regarding her specialty, in this case the sanctity of a friendship mission. Cadance understands this and isn’t necessarily choosing Twilight over Shining, as another Princess she’s encouraging Flurry to become more independent.

Login or register to comment