- Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Kiernan
I left for eight years. Now I've returned, a changed beast.
Kiernan
Joined 10th Dec, 2011 ·
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Premise is kinda weird, but I wanna see where this goes. Specially with those fetish tags.
Cozy wants to conquer Shining Armor? Now that's a first!
Proceed.
I'm surprised that they had no idea what to do with Sunburst's "I wouldn't trade [Flurry] for anything in the world." Sure, there might be nothing they could do for Sunburst alone and in an immediate time frame, but neither is strictly necessary anyways. Really, it just means that if they can get Flurry, willingly or otherwise, then Sunburst would follow shortly after, or possibly alongside her if they play their cards right. He even said it himself; he'd continue helping her, even if she was no longer a princess...
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I do plan to answer that in time. Rest assured, there is a reason why they are currently doing what they are, and why they chose not to go down this avenue.
Interesting and pretty funny
Too much Starlight-focused chapters lately.
Where's Cozy and Gallus?
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They'll come back into focus around chapter fifteen, when the first arc is coming to a close. Gallus is next to be in focus after that.
I hope Cozy will rape Shining.
cherry popping tag
Very few characters here who never had any sex. I think I know who will be the one.
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We're coming up on the end of the first arc, and the second arc is where almost all of that happens. It's coming, a thousand words at a time.
First of all, I wish you a Happy New Year Kiernan.
You know I didn't expect I would curiously wait every time you update this story like I feeled with the Chrysalis one we come up with back then, but I'm definitely interested and very eagerly waiting now to see how this is gonna go and will really unfold now as we go further.
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I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it. I hope you continue to be enraptured by it. And a happy 2023 to you, as well.
I love how you wrote Sunburst. He's just someone caught up in something way out of he's league but he still protects flurry.
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The fun thing about that is, I was originally supposed to have him take both Cadance and Flurry's cutie marks as a show of fealty to Cozy, but one day, while I was chopping potatoes and listening to an opera, I came up with a cool thing to add to the climax that I still think is a good idea weeks later. So, I changed it. I only had to move a few pieces around, and this was the biggest one, but it's going to make the ending that much better.
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I'm honestly looking forward to where you're taking all of this. You understand build up like no one else.
Did Cadance get enthralled, or she just lost hope of the situation ?
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In the process of being enthralled. Losing hope day by day. Putting up quite a fight of both.
Kinda crazy how canonically racist the EEA is.
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From their perspective, she is neither a student nor teacher, not licensed to practice medicine (natural remedies require no license despite being more dangerous for amateurs), and she does not live within the city limits. She has no business at the school.
The fact that she's a zebra just allows them to be more snotty when they ban her from the grounds.
Honestly, Twilight could fix this in one sentence: "She teaches botany." The problem there is that Equestrian citizens outside of Ponyville still think her a freak. She'd still be treated poorly.
There's more to say, but I'll leave that for the upcoming chapters.
Even Zecora ? How many people have a bone to pick with Equestria ?
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More than you would think. There are actually a few more I have yet to add that the requester wanted involved. We're building up to it, though, every triumph a wave weathered as it crashes upon the shore...
Think of it like one of those stories that is common to fanfiction where the writer wants to cram in as many characters as possible to add a bunch of tags and draw people to click on their story because it has that character they like, but only as a passing mention, except, the coauthor just wants to tell the story around a few characters, and just provides the tags for the most important characters.
Actually, now that I think on it, I read this one story, back when there wasn't a limit on main characters, and it had all of the tags because at the end, there was a party, and every single character was invited, despite having nothing to do with it. Chapter one was two hundred words, chapter two was two hundred words, and chapter three had maybe a hundred words of plot, and the rest was filled in with names and the word "and" over and over. I shiver in disgust at the memory.
At any rate, I try to include everyone the requester wanted, letting them all have a moment in the spotlight as the plot moves on. It's not the first time I've been asked to include over a dozen characters that aren't plot-crucial, and it will not be the last.
On a more direct note, each of the characters has their own reason and a limit to how much they want to do this. It's all a balancing act.
I love how affectionate and vulnerable Gallus is. He really does feel like a birb whose tired of being at the bottom of the totem pole.
Starlight is insulted by such an amateur conspiracy!
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She's going to throw it right back into their faces. Their foolish plan can only fool a fool.
Nothing like having literally all your friends watch your first time.
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Gallus wasn't watching. He was participating.
And then comes a prude Twilight to ruin the school fun.
Something to ask but... Are Flurry and Cadence going to be more important in the future? We know that Cozy got the Cutie Mark of Flurry (Not even sure what age she is as I only know she was a baby in canon and then X years passed) and I guess that took her magic but is Cozy going to corrupt either Cadence or Flurry to make them serve her? Or is not really interested in doing that?
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They are going to serve a purpose further on in the story, but as of right now, they are sitting off to the side waiting for when they will actually be important again. I can't really tell you their fates without spoiling it, but I can say that Cadance shows up again in the next chapter, albeit briefly. There's also a plan to check in with Flurry soonish, as well.
That's a problem that often occurs when you're working with a lot of characters. There are so many, each with their own arcs and such that a lot of things are left behind in the grand scheme. While the outline I was given didn't have them showing up again, I did add a section for them near the end. Kind of an oversight, but in my defense, I did try to put forward a cleaner, smaller story.
The perfect book for a drug addict
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It's a compelling autobiography by a heroine addict who turned her life around and became a seamstress. The horrifying images in her head made real by the fabric gave her a very unique and yet unmatched style. Dominion jackets, spider queen dresses, and all manner of other ooky-spooky wearables. It just happened to be the book on the shelf that was closest to the latch that activated the secret door, so Starlight made it the doorknob.
Besides, who would read that when they could instead look at other books on the shelf, like Myrmidon, a tale of an arena combatant that used his own severed leg to distract a lion that had leaped into the stands, or Guardian Angel, a posthumous biography of an exceptionally skilled marksman who also ran a rehabilitation facility because his daughter died of a drug overdose.
Yona, that's who.
I thought Cozy was being a bit too nice to the student 6 and then she basically put bomb collars on all of them. Also, best zebra finally makes her move.
And of course, Pinkie knows everything
I like how even a love potion can't make Dash not hate his guts, just find him attractive.
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So, usually, I hate using potions that just fix everything. I would prefer to limit potions to just the effects needed to go one step ahead. However, having Zecora on the team kind of pushes me to use potions, so something that's similar to a show-accurate potion sits pretty well with me. If the CMC can make it, Zecora can understand what the different ingredients do and modify it accordingly.
And even then, it can still go wrong with user error.
The full reasoning for why they opted to go this way will be explored further in chapter 51.
It's crazy how everypony is joining Cozy's side so easily and is willingfully so obedient.
That's a small issue I have with this story. I think Cozy is the only one written fine, but the rest is acting very OOC.
11507018
If that's something you didn't like about this story, you'll be pleased to know that the instructions had everyone agreeing far faster, their reason being because everyone loves Cozy Glow. Giving them all more personal and logical reasons to join, as well as any amount of pushback, was not in the script and was added in by me. I figured any amount of reason would be better than, and I quote from the instructions I was given, "because they all admire Cozy so much."
I absolutely feel where you're coming from, though.
Maybe Cozy Glow should try more the "Love It -- Need It" spell that the love poison or just directly learn to brainwash others like Chrysalis did with Shining Armor
11508274
So, the reason she doesn't use Chrysalis's method is because I wanted that to be something exclusive to changelings. I actually use that in Hivemind Control, a story I did last year in which Chrysalis takes over Equestria with the help of her most trusted advisor, Cercus.
As far as using the spell, Celestia was able to fight that off with ease. Plus, she'd need to be seen by the ponies in order to do that, plus having her subjects killing each other to have the honour of being her chair. That's too much attention.
Good questions, though.
I love how crude of a solution that is from Zecora. I was like Smolder and expected it to be a a magic potion but it's really just magic bleach in the eye for the next hour.
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It doesn't have to be complicated. Since it's supposed to be almost the same as the show, it's reasonable for it to be cured the same way.
But yeah, it was just a guess that happened to be correct.
Just wanted to pop in and say I've really been enjoying this fic of yours. Nice balance of sex and intrigue. Hope Cozy and company pull this all off, I can't root against my Glimmerglam.
Did you think about maybe let Cozy use Sombra old mind control helmets? Or maybe test subliminal messages? She could test it in Flurry, with how many times it was told that she seem to learn everything like a sponge, put a tape under her bed with a subliminal message like the ones Starlight used in 'Our City' but more like "Obeying Cozy Glow is the best" "The best decision is to not decide, but obey Cozy Glow" and things like that.
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I know there are a lot of ways to do mind control. But I'm already straying from the script by a decent margin. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion as to which mind control method is best, and I've cast a fairly wide net so far.
But it would be very confusing if I just went and used every method there was. While I have used the ones in the script were mentioned, I've also opted for either simplifying the methods where I can, and giving characters who were listed as important something to do.
For example, Stellar Flare's only role in the story was to seduce Sunburst then show up in the climax as if she were super pivotal. Zecora was originally just supposed to have sex with Gallus once stop the potion that she was giving to Sandbar, and then provide Gallus with one potion that does three different things, and then never appear again.
The point I'm driving at is that this is already a very over-complicated story that I have to complicate even more to make it all add up. Adding in even more ways of controlling minds is only going to make it even more difficult to squeeze in all of the details.
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Ok, not a problem, just wanted to offer a couple of suggestions. I didn't know that you had everything in mind
Just out of curiosity, are there going to be more hoof worshipping in the future chapters ?
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Some, yes. Hoof and claw.
Making Twilight more emotionally vulnerable by lying that two of her friends were dead so that she would accept Gallus's help is such a brilliant and fucked up thing to do. Poor Twilight has already condemned Applejack trying to protect her.
May I ask... Is not people going to try to search for Twilight? Not sure how independent is Spike as it was mentioned that at the beginning he was at the dragon land with Ember but that he should be back by now and with Cadence and Twilight gone, I could think Celestia and Luna could do everything to search them, like check Twilight or her friends dreams, or just ask Discord. Sure, Cozy is powerful but Deus Ex Machina Discord is still out there and even if somehow her power was equal to Celestia and Luna they have more experience and knowledge.
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So, Spike is in the Dragon Lands. Twilight asked him to stay to keep him safe, and while he is worried about her, he's going to stay there because he's not sure how much help he can be. If Luna and Celestia asked him back, he would come as fast as he could, and if they gave him even the craziest of ideas (eat this rock, and Twilight will be safe), he'd do it with no hesitation.
Checking the dreams is not so reliable, either. Rarity and Pinkie are not dreaming, so there's no way into those. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy barely sleep, and when they do, they're dreaming of Zephyr's cock, so not a lot of help there. Applejack could potentially be an opening, but she can't actually say anything, even in her dreams. The most she was able to communicate to Luna is that she and Starlight ark-barked at each other, but even that's hard to translate.
Now, Luna could discern from that that Starlight was involved, but Starlight and Trixie keep dreaming about each other, so that's no help, either, and an interrogation will just reveal facts that are inherently true: Starlight chased Applejack off, Applejack was hit by a dart that Starlight can deny having shot, and then she carried Applejack back to the school.
So now, let's talk about Discord. I kind of hate talking about Discord because of his Deus Ex Machina powers. Every time I try to write out some kind of villain plan, "But Discord" pops up. This is not specific to you, but to the argument of having Discord show up in itself. If Discord just shows up, snaps his fingers, and everything is cleared up just like that, What point is there in writing out the story? The villain takes the first opportunity to step up and take what they think is theirs by right, and then Discord snaps his fingers and we all live happily ever after. No trials, no tribulations, just an automatic win. Use of Discord needs to be sparingly to good effect. Otherwise, there are no stakes.
And finally, while you are absolutely right that Celestia and Luna have more experience than Cozy, Cozy now has more power than they do. Cadance, plus Flurry, plus Twilight, plus her own drive. And of course, there's the secret weapon that I have yet to even tell the requester about that I've been holding onto since a few days after publishing the first three chapters.