• Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
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I left for eight years. Now I've returned, a changed beast.

Comments ( 94 )

This is going to be great

Those are just the introduction chapters? I look forward to seeing more.

Something tells me that they're going to be doing more than painting barns.

Or they could just... I don't know, assert magical dominance by not allowing the sun to shine on their continents and slowly freeze them to death until they surrender.

Ah yes, the classic plothole that ruins all MLP war stories XD


Something's getting "painted" but it sure as heck isn't going to be a barn.


There are many reasons, that wouldn't work. Chief among them being you cannot be that precise with a massaive celestial object. 'Twod freeze everything around that land and fry stuff elsewhere.

Of coruse the whole, "but the princesses are so powerful fhey can taks on the army solo" never accounrts for the sever destruction to the land around and potential loss of civilian life.

Story is shaping up great, I can hardly wait.

In addition, do we really want to rain down the full glory of the sun itself on top of the zebra army? They're right outside the gate to Canterlot castle. I specifically said "just outside of crossbow range." Melt the ground they walk on, and Canterlot slides right off the mountain.

But let's say we wanted to discourage them. Rain down the sun on Zebrica. Kill countless civilians that have nothing to do with this war, and none of the soldiers that are currently attacking. You're only going to increase their fervor.

Alternatively, you could wipe Griffinstone off the map, entirely. Hundreds dead. Coalition still stands. Because who is going to keep all of their eggs in one basket? The greedy gryphon land barons don't all live next door to each other.

Now, let's say that, instead of forcing the sun to hold on their positions until they burned, let's say we just took it away. With proper preparation, this isn't difficult to survive in short bursts. There are sections of Alaska and Antarctica that survive without the sun for months on end. All you need is something to warm the house and food that is shelf-stable. Pretty sure the gryphons are hoarding enough resources and the zebras' good management should see them through a month or two, which is all you need, because the invading army is right outside of the gate.

Besides, killing civilians isn't a good look for a princess.

it's the CW's that intrigue me, and the start looks promising already

It's also not a good look on anyone to get the wild frog hair idea to declare war on the nation that maintains control of the sun and moon that're keeping the planet alive and ensuring nobody burns/freezes to death from the cycle being broken.

That's right up there with sitting on a tree branch, and sawing through it while expecting the branch to remain floating in the air because they saw Bugs Bunny do it.

Being honest there are so many ways to move the sun and moon in the MLP universe Celestia and Luna could become irrelevant at any time The unicorns can do it there's a magical dial in some jungle that can do it there's a magical item that allows you to take the powers of both Celestia and Luna and every other alicorn. There's groger's Bell there's this card and a bunch of other ways you can control the sun and moon so attacking the equestria like this wouldn't really make a difference. Plus all you have to do to gain Luna and celestia's cooperation is tell them you'll kill every pony or this tell him it's their duty to raise the Sun and Moon even if the police don't exist.

This is why I don't like Celestia, so kind and compassionate that she is almost always useless.
If Luna did not allow herself to be dominated by her sister or even better if she remained in command of Equestria, the royal guard would not be considered a joke.

As Luna walked off, Celestia returned to the main hall, where a soldier was waiting impatiently for her. "Princess! We have an emergency situation!"

Celestia sat down. "Go on, then."

"Ma'am. The zebras have discovered the brothels."

To say that this is backfiring spectacularly might a bit of an understatement.

Ya know... this could be the start to an FoE sort of deal. Rather than the Zebras starting a destructive war that could end lives, they start a "breeding" war that ends families. Rather than Equestria ending up as a baren nuclear wasteland, it's over populated with half zebras.

She was squeezing him hard. There was no denying that he was going to cum again, and soon. And to make matters even worse, the zebra that was fapping upside down on the couch had not provided them with condoms. He could taste his cum on her breath, and that only cemented the fact that he was inside of her, completely raw.

It baffles me how so many authors forget that Celestia could at any point do this. The only reason they don't do it is because this decision would alter many, many lives and result in very huge consequences, and it's not even suggested that they can do it because it's a show for all ages.

But with a setting like this, were war is inevitable and the enemy will not have mercy on you, Celestia could just do this and prove all the other enemies why the land is called 'Equestria'. It is a kinda last resort solution, but a solution nonetheless.

I still remember Twilight TRYING to control the Sun and Moon when she received both sister's magic, it was messy but didn't hurt anyone. If she can do that while trying to control it, then I'm sure Celestia and Luna can be more precise and manage to achieve what they need.

Hmm... I know an oc by the name of Dreamy Daze, perhaps they are different. Perhaps not. Who can say.

This has honestly been my favorite ark of this book so far.

Surprisingly wholesome ending, this ark had.

Comment posted by clopandcircumstance deleted January 15th

Awww yeaaaaah this is the stuff that dreams are made of

Then she felt him press up against her. "I don't have any lube on me," he said, "but I know how to make some. Don't worry, this is just to make it easier to pull you out."


He turned around and lifted his tail. The cable that had been used to grip the key was sticking out of his arse. He had accidentally fallen on it, and it was lodged firmly up his butt.

Well then...

"Think nothing of it, dear sister," smiled Luna breathily. The bags under her eyes showed her tiredness, and a bit of egg on her face denoted that she'd fallen asleep momentarily on top of her breakfast. "Do recall that, despite being significantly less popular with the population, we, too, desire their safety and happiness. We desire the good health of all of our little ponies."

Is that for foreshadowing?

The zebra nodded at the door that led to the bedroom. "Do not forget the voucher's powers. You two will keep me entertained for a full two hours."

2 hours straight that is borderline torture

"Th-they're going to r-r-rape us," the mare sobbed. "Th-that's what h-happens at these th-things..."

From that title you probably lose it was

As she chuckled, she rolled over so as to be upright. When she was right-side-up, however, the zebra pulled something out of his skin-tight swimming pants. It was a plastic bag with a coupon in it. Immediately, the joy drained from her. The safety of being underwater was gone now.

Liquid Lap:

I honestly kinda feel bad for Liquid Lap here. I also don't get why that Lifeguard would charge her with indecency either, I mean its not like she could've refused the Zebra. Despite that, this is still my second favorite ark behind only the Somnophilia one.

Oh, certainly, Liquid Lap could bring her case right to Celestia herself, and turn the whole case around, but that only frees her from strict liability. Granted, if she's still banned from the pool after her hearing, with all charges dropped, she can sue and end up owning the pool, but that would not stop the public, and therefore the press, and therefore her sponsors from hearing about the incident, which makes having her name attached to their product a very risky move on their end. And if they're not using her face on the Wheaties box, why would they keep her on the payroll?

It's not just about her making a clear attempt to remove herself from the situation, it's that she was even there in the first place. Doesn't matter if it was her fault. She'll have the law on her side, but not the sponsors. To keep them on her side, it's best if nopony ever finds out.

Fair enough, I can understand her doing it to keep her sponsors then.

"Easy. Give the gryphon the coupon and pay the hooficurist. If you make the gryphon smile throughout, it should be over quickly, and with no questions asked. Then just take her to bed with no fear of being scratched. All goes well, you'll still have a good hour and a half to fill her right on up. Of course, she'd have to be a local to make the coupon work, and that means she'll likely either already be docile enough to not use her claws, already filed down to a blunt end, or both."


"Oh, I'm not telling anypony. In fact, I'd like to invite you to come to the pool for practice during our off hours." He patted her shoulder. "Of course, you need a lifeguard present, and hey, I'm a lifeguard."

Liquid Lap shuddered. She knew she was going to regret this but... "Okay."

Part 2?

No on both counts.

They're not bad ideas, just not where the story is going...

Finally, a character I actually know. Looking for ward to the rest.

You'll likely know the next two, as well.

Before I read this any further, will there be a sex M/M action? And the main 6 and Spike? When are they?

This is exactly what Celestia was afraid would happen with these coupons. I believe she specifically said they shouldn't be used to blackmail or force a pony into silence, which is essentially what is happening here...

There will be a M/M scene. Two of them, technically, but the first is more of a MMMMM/MF affair. As for the Mane Six, only one of them is going to show up. Another was mentioned in passing, already. And I have no intention of Spike showing up.

I don't recall writing that. As I remember, she was first afraid that they wouldn't work, then was afraid that they were, at that moment, being used to force her citizens into sex work, rather than normal work.

And while the coupons are not able to force criminal activity, Cupcake isn't being made to do anything illegal. If she was taken to court over this, it would be a civil proceeding, not a criminal trial.

The idea of the coupons was, initially, a great plan. Avoid further wars by having these coupons that magically cannot be denied. However... the idea of the coupons are now being used to ruin the reputations of certain ponies. This one in particular is a military leader and a war hero and something tells me this Zebra knows it and is using the coupon to ruin her reputation for her fans, which can easily send her into a depression, weakening Equestria's military after a time.

This ark was pretty good.

I will say, this having a part 4 surprised me.

At least one other section has a part four, outside of the introduction. Sometimes it can't be shortened without losing some of its substance.

That's not to discount some of the other, shorter ones, it's just that a story takes as long as it has words to tell, and some stories need more words to tell them.

It's I alright, and do understand what you are saying.

That escalated quickly.

"This is my husband," explained the zebra. "His name's Bowline Bight. You're going to be pleasuring his dick tonight."

Dancing Blade:

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