• Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Kiernan


I left for eight years. Now I've returned, a changed beast.

Comments ( 66 )

The writing isn't terrible, and it lists kinks I like, but man the description does this no favors.

The title and tags indicate a porn/fetish fic, but the description is long-winded and meandering. That part about her first attempt is unnecessary, just stick to describing her current status and hinting what her next step is.

I wonder what that knife wound did to her exactly.

11138810
I plan to explain that much later. Along with a few of the other pieces I've set up so far. All will be revealed at the proper time.

11138882
Is it just Luna that they plan to control or is there plans for the other Alicorns as well?

This has been a surprisingly slow burn so far, though it's well written.

11142842
It was the desire of the requester that I make the process slow, intimate, and deliberate. Much akin to certain other stories I've written over the last few years.

This is where Barnie from Simpsons says, "It begiiiiins!"

It looks like the changelings already have a foothold in Celestia, I'm guessing by spiking her food and drink at the party. Here's my question, why did the changelings go through the effort of stabbing Luna with that weird knife if inthralling her was as simple as spiked food and drink like they are doing with Celestia?

11153538
While I appreciate your interest, your theory is not quite right. I would give more detail, but I plan on exposing the whole plan later on as everything ties together. Chrysalis will monologue, as villains do, and when that time comes, all will be revealed.

But for now, no spoilers.

11165223
It was significantly more physical than that, but yeah. Basically a short mirror of what had led Twilight here, but without the threat that she was going to separate them.

Twenty or so chapters and now we finally have a glimpse of the conspiracy.

11165813
I for once don't mind it, I mean most of the great books that became clasics are slow burners so why not a fanfic mimicking that?

11166283
I'm chuffed that you would compare my smut to a classic. :twilightblush:

11166691
Have you read Bocacio's Decameron? That's more porn than even fifty shades got in, let alone this, and that's a clasic

OK, I think It's time to add the comedy tag to this story.

11168390
While there may be a fair number of comedic moments, the story as a whole is not meant to be a comedy. The beginning of the mind-altering is a wacky, zany adventure, but there's not going to be a lot of levity after this. There will be some, but Cadance cheating at their game is probably the funniest thing that will happen in the story. There will come a point before too long where most of what remains is the characters suffering. Also some food play, but that's... That's a fair distance away, still. We're going to be here for awhile...

My last story was a comedy, though. My next story is a toss-up as to whether it's an incest vore comedy or a western tragedy. I haven't decided yet.

11168961
I have. This is not that. This is a tragedy with comedic elements. The comedy will certainly wane from this point as minor twinges of the mind increase to wild changes in demeanor.

It's like watching a psychiatric patient. It starts small, and the wackiness and loony gaffs are funny to watch as they hold an earnest conversation with noodles on their head. Then things turn scary when they stab a guy in front of you, and then they forget your face and refer to you as "one of them." And that's when things turn sad, and the doctor says they'll never be the same again. It's almost as if they were dead, but they're still walking around. By that time, you find it hard to remember the happy days.

That's why no comedy tag. Funny stuff, but that's not the point.

11169010
OK, so... what you described in the begining is a form of tragicomedy. The problem is, if you really want everything that you added later, than you should lay down with the situational comedy and irony because it isn't helping your cause.

11169442
I did say that this was a brief foray into levity, and that it will tone down after this. We're at about thirty thousand words now, and a larger estimate says that around seven thousand of those are comedic. There is still some levity, as Celestia is still in her manic stages, but for the most part, the story will be a tragedy from this point on.

It will also match a few other genres for brief interludes, such as action, slice of life, drama and porn. If I were to add a genre, I would classify it as porn. You can only pick three, and a younger version of myself would classify it as porn. but people tend to be upset when you classify a story as porn and then have multiple stretches of no sex, just story. I've done that before. It does not go over well.

11170462
Well yes... but also, this story is still a tragicomedy because no caracter sees the irony of the situation, not chrysalis nor the princessess

I dont understand Cadance cheating with another guy?She married with Shining

11182545
It's an open marriage. They can have intimate carnal relations with anypony they like without upsetting their partner. As long as they come back to each other at the end of it, then sex is just an activity. Monogamy and monoamory, while related, are not mutually dependent.

Now things are getting interesting! Did not expect Shining and Cadance to go down so fast

11187206
Shining had no choice. He played a good game, but he knew the moment he arrived that he had a losing hand. Had he taken the poison, he'd have gone down at the same rate as Celestia. He only ran out of luck because the game was rigged from the start.

As for Cadance, there is a reason she went down so easily, but I had already intended to explain that one later, so you'll have to wait for that, along with what's going to happen to Shining. There's still one arc remaining, with three subarcs. Stay tuned to find the answers.

11187605
There is a reason for that. The exposition chapter(s) will reveal that reason. Why it took two and a half weeks for Luna, a week and a half for Celestia, and less than a day for Cadance. Shining has his own thing going on, so his math is different still. There is a reason why it hit her so much faster than the other two.

I wanted to note you because, as a writer myself, I am encouraged when I see someone cares enough to acknowledge they read what I posted.

I usually leave more DETAILED feedback, but I am not sure it would not be seen as trying to affect your story....

I will say it would be VERY refreshing to see (just for a chance) Chrysalis WIN...and to see Shining Armor's transformation...

I can say more if you want to DM me. but for now...Thanks again

11188756
I'll be honest, it's not often that comments really have any effect on my stories. The events are usually set in stone from the outset, barring once when I started a story with no ending in mind, and a vote quickly solved that. The biggest changes that have come from commenters were, in one story, a faceless, nameless park ranger was replaced by someone's OC that fit the role decently. Not perfectly, but made enough sense to have him in the role. The other major change is that now I edit for other people sometimes to help clean up their stories.

If you truly wish to give a more detailed commentary, feel free to do so. If it just boils down to seeing Shining transform and Chrysalis win, I can only say that you will be either pleased or disappointed. I have, on occasion, let spoilers slip through the cracks, but I try not to.

11189060

If it is set in stone, what woudl really be the point in comments? :) Not at all upset, and All I can say is I will continue to read...or not ;) No spoilers

You could make a turn so twilight is good till she gets to the hive an turns out she is evil

11191591
Yes, I certainly could. But that would unfortunately break the ending I have planned and would mean a rewrite to the remainder of my outline. Twilight is just normal Princess Twilight.

For now.

I'll admit, this chapter is both rather simple and impressive at the same time. The characters are just talking about basic camping stuff, but there's s thrill in everyone's lines of a ''maybe they've been replaced" feeling to them. It's kind of eerie, but also a thrill

I kind of want to see what's happening to Shining Armor tho...

11191677
It won't be too terribly long. He'll be back in the story soon. He and Luna are the two I'm most excited to display.

trying a to clue the fate of twi is she going to be the air of chry

11196489
I would love to tell you. However, no spoilers. You'll find out. But ah, she has only just arrived. More clues as time goes on.

Hoping this story has both a good ending and a bad ending.

11204956
A good ending for some, a bad ending for others. If you're rooting for one side to triumph over the other, the side you pick determines whether the ending is good or bad.

Probably not going to have two different endings, though. I don't like alternate endings that much. Split endings is another story.

Good but get queen addicted to twi

11206300
You're thinking of that other story in my queue.

He'd never been this deep before

Sweet home Alabama, and I thought that only AJ does it

Had it not been forced on her, Twilight would have absolutely enjoyed this. Shining was very good at sex, and especially good at knowing right where all of her weakest points were. From the countless times they'd lain in bed together, he'd touched nearly every part of her body, and knew every erogenous zone she had. On top of that, being married to Cadance granted him the experience necessary to refine his craft. And of course, his time as a captain of the guard kept him in peak physical condition and his awareness sharp. Of course, none of that mattered as much anymore. Being stuck in a room and having his mind controlled had diminished his abilities significantly over the last month. He was a shell of his former self, but still capable for the time being.

Wow, honestly I don't know if I should laugh or not at this point

11214141
Thank you for triggering a chain of thoughts in my head that reminded me to add this to a few groups I belong to. I'm not being facetious, I fell ill this weekend and had other things on my mind.

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