We Always Be Wondercolts Forever. (Big Fluttershy, Rainbow, Sunset and Luna fan).
After returning from the wedding in Canterlot, Fluttershy finds an unexpected house guest waiting for her.
After crashing next to a cottage in Ponyville, Chrysalis is determined to return to her hive. If only that element bearer wasn't a master of forces beyond her control.
Or had a lamp.
Entry for the May Pairings 2022 Contest.
(Somehow) Featured second on 2/6/2022!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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it was ok
Just giving props for a cute cover
This was adorable, and the characters were on point. Great job
11258549
Thank you!!!
She Evil, but her Honeymoon planning is still good
without the "alternate universe" tag, it makes me sad that after all of the above, Chrysalis is still waiting for a sad end.
11258628
Oh, I may have forgotten that tag when I was posting this, lol. I’ll fix that now.
Not bad; the character personalities and the way they spoke was done well, and Chrysalis’s megalomania didn’t feel 1-dimensional like in so many other stories, or even the show, for that matter.
There is a rather large problem with it, however, and it’s with the dialogue.
First; dialogue shouldn’t be written with italics and bold used to convey different characters speaking. These typeface-effects are normally used for different purposes, with the text being bold meaning there’s a lot of power behind the words, and italics meaning emphasis or sarcasm is placed on some words, though it can also mean the dialogue is actually one’s internal thoughts when paired with single quotes (AKA for bold, there’s; “Often this is used for the Royal Canterlot Voice.”, italics is used like; “Speaking with some emphasis.”, and it can be paired with single quotes like; ‘This is a thought.’). Fully capitalized text is a shout, meanwhile, and larger text means an increase in volume, though not necessarily with more power or yelling than normal dialogue. (All caps allows for; “SHOUTING LOUDLY!” and larger text generally means someone is; “Speaking at a higher volume.”)
Also, the dialogue shouldn’t be written on a line devoid of non-dialogue, which lets this other text on that line denote how one speaks and what they do while speaking.
For example, writing
can somewhat convey the tone with which it’s said, but having something like
does a lot more to show how Fluttershy feels and acts while she speaks instead of just relying on the pure dialogue to try to get the same information across.
I supposed I should add that while it’s fine to have a distinct writing style, these types of writing conventions that I’m showing exist to prevent readers from having to adapt to every single type of writing they read, and in the process miss out on the more subtle nuances that have been put into the text, and that may end up distorting how one interprets a story.
Hopefully all that makes sense, and I look forward to seeing what you can do with this information for your future stories.
Is their a sequel to this in the works right now?
11258715
Thanks for all the feedback! I really appreciate it and I'll make sure to take it onboard for the future.
11258731
Thanks for the favorite as well!
I haven't started work on one at the moment, but have some ideas
11258741
Your welcome really enjoyed it and thank you
Excellent story, I hope for a continuation of this unique couple. Fluttershy's life will really become a manga if Discord is also interested in her in this universe.
Is the name perhaps A reference to A Great White song?
UPDATE:
If so, I love you so-much!
Congrats on your first pony fic
And a big bravo for how well it came out. I loved the depiction of Fluttershy and her endless kindness just smothering all the evil.
I could see an alternate ending where Chrysalis just essentially moves in. One day Fluttershy just invites one of her friends in without thinking about it and there's Chrysalis sitting on the couch, maybe reading a book. Momentarily freak out, and then Fluttershy just being like, "oh yeah that. She's nice now, we're kind of dating." Chrysalis: "it is true." Her friend: "..... oooooook. It's weird that this doesn't seem weird."
I'll look forward to more from you. In the meantime, easy decision. Liked, faved.
Woot, congrats on the feature
11259534
Thank you!!! I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it!
Lmfao, that's amazing, I love it
I am also still in disbelief about the feature, lol
11259290
Lmao, alt timeline when she gets a harem out of all the reformed villains
D'awwww! So cute! And lots of good gags. LOL'd at
11259963
Thank you!!!! I'm happy you enjoyed it!
I am amazed you got this to work. This is pretty much the most unlikely ship there is.
I kind of hope you do a follow up on this since there probably won't be another story like this.
11260079
Thank you!!!! I had a lot of fun figuring out how this would work! And I'm happy to hear so many people are interested in a follow up!
That line alone was worth the read. Seriously though, this was really well done. The characterization was pretty solid, there were some really great comedic moments, our leads had shockingly great chemistry, and you perfectly nailed the "love redeems" plot. I don't know what to say other than...
...Welcome to the heard
Alright, props for this one. Bit of an obscure nod, and I dig it
Cute story all in all, not bad as far as first ponyfics go
11260625
Thank you!
I am so happy someone caught that reference, lol.
11260510
Thank you for all the kind words!!!
Well done! This was quite an interesting little read!
11261590
Thank you!
*hnnnnngggg* diiaabeetuus x.x
excuse my, i need to go out and fell a tree or something now <.<
Wow
I didn't realize how much I missed reading these fluffy-feeling stories lately. But this definitely made me realize, while also being so very adorable. And well written, actually, usually don't specify that, but this was a cut above so I am specifying.
Edit: Afterthought, also love the fact that you made Fluttershy a manga lover, given her cutouts in that one Nightmare Night episode.
11264585
Thank you so much!!! I'm really happy that you enjoyed my writing so much!!! And that scene was the reason I threw that in here, lol.
KISSING. THEY ARE GOING TO BE KISSING.
hahaha what an amazing and cute story! Chrysalis as a tsundere is such a natural thing xd
hope to see more of this two and your stories in the future
11279471
Thank you!
Tsunsalis ho!
That was fun and cute. Can't wait for more.
'any of her unicron friends' - I knew it, Fluttershy is a herald of Unicron!
11286792
Thank you!
Oh nooooooooooooooooo you spoilt my totally real plot twist
AAAAAA it's too cute to bare!
11366998
Glad you enjoyed the cuteness!
Sorry cannot resist!
It was about a month later when Fluttershy's friends decided to pay her a surprise visit having not seen the mare in a few days. What greeted then had them questioning their sanity as all around Fluttershy's yard were changelings doing various tasks like weeding a garden, feeding various animals, and doing basic cleaning. It would be Applejack who spoke first "What the heys going on here?!" Only to be shushed by a nearby changeling.
"Shhh! Lady Fluttershy has been sick with a Flu for the last few days and Queen Chrysalis has been looking after her best friend" The changeling explained>
"Say wha?" Applejack question only to be stopped by Pinkies sudden outburst
"ohh ohh I know! Ill bet when Fluttershy came home from the wedding she found Chrissy injured in her home and nursed her back to health but kep it secret from us as she didnt want to cause any trouble for the already hurt Chyrssi.!
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes "YEah I doubt thats what happened"
"Actually thats EXACTLY what happened, and I would appreciate it if you kept your damn voices down, I just got Fluttershy to sleep after feeding her some soup. she should be fine in a few more days, but until then I will look after her" Chrysalis stated from the doorway to Fluttershy's cottage then as if to remember something added "I cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in in my eye thats true, dunno why Flutters suggested I add that but yeah there you go"
World hard and cold
Fluttershy warm and soft
11473465
Words to live by.
Absolutely fan fluffing tastic! Love this to death! Thank you for making this!~
Thought this was super sweet :)
I did find the italics and bold text made it a little difficult to read, but I really loved the concept and the interactions between the two!