• Member Since 28th Apr, 2022
  • offline last seen Yesterday


We Always Be Wondercolts Forever. (Big Fluttershy, Rainbow, Sunset and Luna fan).



After returning from the wedding in Canterlot, Fluttershy finds an unexpected house guest waiting for her.

After crashing next to a cottage in Ponyville, Chrysalis is determined to return to her hive. If only that element bearer wasn't a master of forces beyond her control.

Or had a lamp.

Entry for the May Pairings 2022 Contest.

(Somehow) Featured second on 2/6/2022!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 42 )

it was ok:twilightsmile:

Just giving props for a cute cover :heart:

This was adorable, and the characters were on point. Great job :twilightsmile:

Great, and now there was this to remind her of her misfortunes. News like that was only going to… wait, did the princess seriously take credit for the honeymoon planning? It took her days to make all the arrangements! AND SHE TOOK CREDIT FOR IT!?

She Evil, but her Honeymoon planning is still good :rainbowlaugh:

without the "alternate universe" tag, it makes me sad that after all of the above, Chrysalis is still waiting for a sad end.

Oh, I may have forgotten that tag when I was posting this, lol. I’ll fix that now.

Not bad; the character personalities and the way they spoke was done well, and Chrysalis’s megalomania didn’t feel 1-dimensional like in so many other stories, or even the show, for that matter.

There is a rather large problem with it, however, and it’s with the dialogue.
First; dialogue shouldn’t be written with italics and bold used to convey different characters speaking. These typeface-effects are normally used for different purposes, with the text being bold meaning there’s a lot of power behind the words, and italics meaning emphasis or sarcasm is placed on some words, though it can also mean the dialogue is actually one’s internal thoughts when paired with single quotes (AKA for bold, there’s; “Often this is used for the Royal Canterlot Voice.”, italics is used like; “Speaking with some emphasis.”, and it can be paired with single quotes like; ‘This is a thought.’). Fully capitalized text is a shout, meanwhile, and larger text means an increase in volume, though not necessarily with more power or yelling than normal dialogue. (All caps allows for; “SHOUTING LOUDLY!” and larger text generally means someone is; “Speaking at a higher volume.”)

Also, the dialogue shouldn’t be written on a line devoid of non-dialogue, which lets this other text on that line denote how one speaks and what they do while speaking.
For example, writing

“Oh my! What’s wrong little ones? You all look so frightened! Did Angel attempt to take over again?”

can somewhat convey the tone with which it’s said, but having something like

“Oh my!” Fluttershy exclaimed as she scampered worriedly up to her animal friends. “What’s wrong little ones? You all look so frightened!” Suddenly, the last time she recalled them being this agitated popped into her mind, making her ask, “Did Angel attempt to take over again?”

does a lot more to show how Fluttershy feels and acts while she speaks instead of just relying on the pure dialogue to try to get the same information across.

I supposed I should add that while it’s fine to have a distinct writing style, these types of writing conventions that I’m showing exist to prevent readers from having to adapt to every single type of writing they read, and in the process miss out on the more subtle nuances that have been put into the text, and that may end up distorting how one interprets a story.

Hopefully all that makes sense, and I look forward to seeing what you can do with this information for your future stories.

Is their a sequel to this in the works right now?

Thanks for all the feedback! I really appreciate it and I'll make sure to take it onboard for the future.

I haven't started work on one at the moment, but have some ideas :twilightsmile: Thanks for the favorite as well!

Your welcome really enjoyed it and thank you

Excellent story, I hope for a continuation of this unique couple. Fluttershy's life will really become a manga if Discord is also interested in her in this universe.

Is the name perhaps A reference to A Great White song?


If so, I love you so-much!

Congrats on your first pony fic:yay: And a big bravo for how well it came out. I loved the depiction of Fluttershy and her endless kindness just smothering all the evil.

I could see an alternate ending where Chrysalis just essentially moves in. One day Fluttershy just invites one of her friends in without thinking about it and there's Chrysalis sitting on the couch, maybe reading a book. Momentarily freak out, and then Fluttershy just being like, "oh yeah that. She's nice now, we're kind of dating." Chrysalis: "it is true." Her friend: "..... oooooook. It's weird that this doesn't seem weird."

I'll look forward to more from you. In the meantime, easy decision. Liked, faved.

Woot, congrats on the feature:yay::yay::yay:

Thank you!!! I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it!
Lmfao, that's amazing, I love it :rainbowlaugh:
I am also still in disbelief about the feature, lol

Lmao, alt timeline when she gets a harem out of all the reformed villains

D'awwww! So cute! And lots of good gags. LOL'd at

On the bright side, she had totally nailed the aria.

Thank you!!!! I'm happy you enjoyed it!

I am amazed you got this to work. This is pretty much the most unlikely ship there is.
I kind of hope you do a follow up on this since there probably won't be another story like this.

Thank you!!!! I had a lot of fun figuring out how this would work! And I'm happy to hear so many people are interested in a follow up!

Well that settled it. She was definitely a tsunderpony. When did her life start to become a manga...

That line alone was worth the read. Seriously though, this was really well done. The characterization was pretty solid, there were some really great comedic moments, our leads had shockingly great chemistry, and you perfectly nailed the "love redeems" plot. I don't know what to say other than...

...Welcome to the heard :pinkiecrazy:

“Excellent! Well, I’m sure you will be happy to hear that I’ve just finished up my latest project! Organising all of Doctor Whooves’ old videotapes he had in storage! Turns out there were some missing from the first six shelves the entire time and he never noticed! Who knew? So it took me a few days to track all those down… but now the archive is completely filled!”

Alright, props for this one. Bit of an obscure nod, and I dig it

Cute story all in all, not bad as far as first ponyfics go :twilightsmile:

Thank you!

I am so happy someone caught that reference, lol.

Thank you for all the kind words!!!

Well done! This was quite an interesting little read!

*hnnnnngggg* diiaabeetuus x.x
excuse my, i need to go out and fell a tree or something now <.<

I didn't realize how much I missed reading these fluffy-feeling stories lately. But this definitely made me realize, while also being so very adorable. And well written, actually, usually don't specify that, but this was a cut above so I am specifying.

Edit: Afterthought, also love the fact that you made Fluttershy a manga lover, given her cutouts in that one Nightmare Night episode.

Thank you so much!!! I'm really happy that you enjoyed my writing so much!!! And that scene was the reason I threw that in here, lol.


hahaha what an amazing and cute story! Chrysalis as a tsundere is such a natural thing xd

hope to see more of this two and your stories in the future :heart:

Tsunsalis ho!

That was fun and cute. Can't wait for more.

'any of her unicron friends' - I knew it, Fluttershy is a herald of Unicron!

Thank you!
Oh nooooooooooooooooo you spoilt my totally real plot twist

AAAAAA it's too cute to bare!

Glad you enjoyed the cuteness!

Sorry cannot resist!

It was about a month later when Fluttershy's friends decided to pay her a surprise visit having not seen the mare in a few days. What greeted then had them questioning their sanity as all around Fluttershy's yard were changelings doing various tasks like weeding a garden, feeding various animals, and doing basic cleaning. It would be Applejack who spoke first "What the heys going on here?!" Only to be shushed by a nearby changeling.

"Shhh! Lady Fluttershy has been sick with a Flu for the last few days and Queen Chrysalis has been looking after her best friend" The changeling explained>

"Say wha?" Applejack question only to be stopped by Pinkies sudden outburst

"ohh ohh I know! Ill bet when Fluttershy came home from the wedding she found Chrissy injured in her home and nursed her back to health but kep it secret from us as she didnt want to cause any trouble for the already hurt Chyrssi.!

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes "YEah I doubt thats what happened"

"Actually thats EXACTLY what happened, and I would appreciate it if you kept your damn voices down, I just got Fluttershy to sleep after feeding her some soup. she should be fine in a few more days, but until then I will look after her" Chrysalis stated from the doorway to Fluttershy's cottage then as if to remember something added "I cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in in my eye thats true, dunno why Flutters suggested I add that but yeah there you go"

She turned around, taking her first few steps outside, into the world she had known as cold and unforgiving, one where love had only existed to help the survival of her hive. Chrysalis shivered before quickly regaining her resolve, the memory of the pony behind her spurring her onwards more than the hive ever could.

World hard and cold
Fluttershy warm and soft

Absolutely fan fluffing tastic! Love this to death! Thank you for making this!~ :heart:

Login or register to comment