• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2020
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Total Meatbag Death | Stories | Matrix



Anonymous, asshole extraordinaire and a rotten egg by all accounts, has fallen on good times after being made a commander of the Storm King's vast armies. With the King's forces and equipment at his fingers, he's found great success conquering nations, sowing chaos, and kicking the asses of all walks of life. All while having a rip-roaring great time doing it.
But the day of the Storm King's biggest conquest to date - the nation of Equestria - looms just around the corner. All that's left now is the final few preparations for the invasion: loose ends to tie up, new weapons to seize, and even some co-commanders to annoy to no end. And once those are complete, Anon will be the first in line to take Equestria as his next conquest.
God help us all.

This isn't the first horse story I've written, but it is the first one that is prose instead of greentext. And I'm still a bit rusty on top of all that. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 339 )

This is fantastic!!!

Keep it up!!

You’ve never been one to fuck your underlings, and you’re not about to start.

I guess that means Tempest doesn't work for him, then.

Also holy shit, it's great to see you writing again. (Wait, just saw you've been writing a Glimmer story. Guess that explains why I didn't know about it before now.) Can't wait to see where this goes!

Why thank you kindly! I've every intention to keep it up.

Eyy, thanks guy. Great to be writing again!

“Yeah, here here.”

Nitpick patrol, assemble!
Unsure if this is supposed to be 'hear, hear' or meant to be pointing out that the enemies are 'here, here.' Regardless, learn to use the fucking comma for your expression, asshole.

I will watch your progress with great interest, o' brother of mine. In only the most stalker-ish of ways!

And stop enjoying writing villains so much! Ah no, what am I kidding, your villains are great...

You should be lifting weights and suplexing bitches, preparing to crush your enemies, drive them before you, and hear the lamentations of the mares.

You couldn't help yourself, could you?

At least you've balanced it out by distaste for all things anthropomorphic. Perfectly balanced, and all that.

yooooo it's HK-47

Oohh this is going to be fun:pinkiehappy:

Interesting premise, and good execution.

You had my interest, but now you have my attention.

Well done, keep it up! I'm interested to see where this goes.

Comment posted by Toon deleted May 23rd, 2022

Great stuff here! I absolutely adore a good villain fic and this one definitely fits the bill. Keep up the great work.

So we gonna talk about how you took multiple names from another story without even bothering to change them?

I am short on good villain fics, this shall make a fine addition to my collection.

My guy hate to break it to you but the only name not from the pony movie is anon

Turning 360 degrees, you walk back towards Grubber.

He span in a circle? If he wanted to go back that would be a 180.

“Now, you’ve gone and got me all conflicted, baby girl. One one hand, duty compels me to spank both you and your boys for going back on the King’s deal like that. On the other, though? I’ve got a soft spot for the little guy. And you entertain the hell outta me, too! So I’m gonna make you a deal.”

On one hand

Great fic, keep it up.

This is already fucking fantastically hilarious, can't wait for more chapters XD

What names are you talking about?
Besides Biggs and Wedge (which I think is a Star Wars reference) I only see canon names

A villain fic? Hell yes. Let's see where this goes.

Loving it. Humor is spot on and we simply don't have enough villain stories!

Can't wait till he encounters the ponies, cuddly two feet tall little creatures in the MLP Movie world of anthros would make great pets!

looking forward to anon relationship with tempest, he no doubt piss her off constantly

Anon's career will be watched with great interest.

I love this story so much. If the Storm King does fall, we all know there's a guy ready to take his place, with the army ready to back him up.

It sounds like anon knows about the good-guys-always-winning trope, and is planning on getting out at the moment before he crosses the line. Definitely wants to be a badass villain without the rainbow hit-squad on him, and has the wisdom to avoid death by friendship laser.

I'm sorry, is that entire scene where they are arguing a reference to the Rage-Pig himself?
Holy shit, does that mean our protagonist is The Ralphamale, Ethan Ralph?

Either way, great reference. Never would've expected the Gunt to be referenced in a fic

He and Tempest have an interesting relationship it seems.

he might even make it seem semi good while hiding the bad stuff

Loving the story. Anon is a blast to read here and I am very interested to see what secrets he is hiding with those notes. Question, is Biggs and Wedge from the movie or something? I see those names used a lot in fics with a duo in the storm creatures and I don't exactly know why.

I kinda think it sounds funnier as airlines anonymous XD

of course once good wins, the storm kingdom gonna need a new king and anon has the best candidate in mind, himself


Good story so far. I really hope this story gets a romance tag at some point. Tempest just feels like such a unique connection.

Storm king: *dead*
Anon in his funeral's speech:

Anon has oozed pure charisma in both of these chapters, I love him so much, he's like the dickish big brother everyone gets embarassed hanging out with but could never live without.

I can certainly see Anon taking over if/when the Storm King takes an L

So we tall tall tales, and sing our whaling tune!


Can't wait to see what his plan is.

Hah, now that was fun to read. The secret plan chugs forward with new allies and more interest from me. I love the character interaction going on. Keep up the good work.

Loved the Metal Gear references, lmao.

Anon, you magnificent bastard.

Sure are handy friends to have, both for fulfilling the Storm King's plans and for thwarting them.
Didn't realize our guy could actually understand grumblespeak.

“ ♫ We’re whalers on the moon,♫ ”

Haven't even read the chapter yet, just opened it up, and found the Exact Song I was just singing!

This Anon sure is a swell fellah. Definitely is a villain to villains.


I'm finding myself loving this Anon more and more with each chapter 💓

i sense betryal

Wait Thursday one Didn't even notice

This chapter was hitting up against my 6000 word per chapter limit, so I had to give it the ole spliteree. Next chapter Should℠ come a bit quicker thanks to that though.

This content pleases the monke brain. I need more at the earliest convenience.

Three more days before all of ponykind gets put under your thumb.

Now, what you’ll do with them once they’re under said thumb is still an open question, but God damn it, they were total cuties. You’ll find a use for them!

Those poor ponies!:raritycry:

Seriously this better not turn into a FOE story, because I'm picking up some seriously creepy vibes here.:twilightangry2:

I would almost prefer a conquest by the Storm King in that case. At least we know he doesn't go in for that.:pinkiesick:

“If he wasssss lessssss paranoid, maybe...”

Remember kids, paranoia is just what jealous people call it when they are out to get you.:rainbowdetermined2:

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