• Member Since 15th Dec, 2021
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

CommonDash


T
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A shipgirl in MLP

What we have here is a very annoying Plot bunny which never went away. All because the main character of Worm and a destroyer from WW2 share a name, then for some absurd reason my head says yeah! That’ll definitely work in my little pony. I can’t just let it be a standard destroyer though Worm has tinkers which could do cool things to the warship right? So what if there is little to no fighting in my little pony. I want a flying super destroyer which could probably blow up Malaysia.



“Sorry Taylor, the truth is. The game was rigged from the start. Gate!” Contessa shouts as a Gate open up just in front of Kelphri.


Taylor Hebert post GM

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 34 )

Interesting. Veeerry interesting. Looking forwards to seeing more.

Will they see a hollow mare filled with many mini ponies?! Who knows!? Well,other than you

I love the blunt honesty of what she wants to do xD haha.

Just casually maling a steam engine xD

Who is Taylor Hebert, and what's GM?

11115186
Taylor Hebert is the main character from Worm the first book in a Parahuman series by Wildbow.
The book has very dark undertones however it’s amazing.
Golden Morning or GM is the ending to the first book.

How would Taylor have a vinyl copy of The Red Baron? It didn't get composed till 2019.

11117329
Good question however… I could make something up since the story of Worm takes place on an alternate earth. While in truth I love their music and wanted to use it.

11117330
Not to mention the Time shenanigans that where pulled off to get the destroy ready before the betrayal.

What dragon God they talking about is it Godzilla 🤔🤔🤔

And so, celstia realizes she has let equestria become to peaceful and complacent. Huzzah

Ah, let heartbreak commence. I shall prepare my heart

Who has been cutting onions.

First time I seen a meme lord Contessa

I feel like she is going to be exploited to some degree, and I don't like the idea of that.

I wonder how Tirek would feel about experiencing a radiation bath for a couple seconds. I mean, just exposing him to Taylor's reactor ought to cure him of his egomaniacal ways.

Okay, an interesting premise but there are some issues. First, you need to re-edit this thing, there are typos everywhere. Below is an example that stuck out:

“26? That’s actually impressive considering the USS enterprise had 20.” A woman says

“Yeah Rebecca, it got 15 in WW2 two in Korea, and 6 in Vietnam.” The man says

You need periods at the end after "says" for both lines, this is a reoccurring problem throughout the chapter. Next, place commas before the quotation marks, as well as decapitalizing the first letters

after

the quotation marks. Then there's the fact that you say the ship got 26 stars yet 15 + 2 + 6 = 23... also either use the numeral for all of them or spell them all out. Because 15, two, and 6 kinda breaks the flow.

Hmm, the chapter pacing seems a bit rushed, but I'll read the next few chapters to see if you meant it to seem hectic or not.

All in all, I'm curious to see where you take this.

Alright a few more typos that stood out, but there were quite a few more:

Spy Glass is sitting aboard her ship. The Rolling Waves, it’s a small Cutter which is one of 80 ships in the Equestrian navy. - Spy Glass is sitting aboard her ship, the Rolling Waves, a small Cutter which is one of 80 ships in the Equestrian navy.

I can see that my worries from the first chapter carry over... An interesting premise and the plot seems laid out well enough, but the typos and the pacing are acting as an anchor.

Entertaining... Though I'm confused at how Taylor's dream went. Eh, par for the course regarding dreams I suppose. Heh, aught to make Luna curious though.

Once again, the typos... ouch. There are more than what I've pointed out below.

“Thine name tis Luna, - "Mine name is Luna, ("Thine" means "yours", and "tis" means "it is".)

A bit choppy in places, but you did a good job of getting the emotions of the chapter through. Also, that was a great song at the beginning. Definitely something I'm adding to my playlists.

11123225
not entirely betting on it, but like the way u think

This will be an interesting turn for equestria

Say hello to my friend. His name is burrrt, burrrt the Vulcan cannon. And he loves to say his name.

11124642
The only problem I see is that her guns have yet been Re-supplied if the clicking and the hey from her crew telling her that they haven't been re-supplied unless she is able to do so herself all she would have is her main guns which would cause a lot of collateral damage to the surrounding area if not to the town itself.

Next time on... My little pony: destroyers are magic.

"What, what magic is this!? Why can i not take it from you!?"
"It's not magic, it's explosives." *Boom*

11124676
Well, assuming this is going the the normal ship girl rules, they resupply by eating. Through some unexplained shenanigans the food restocks their fuel, supplies and ammunition

11124802
… well I need to change that line now…

11124816
Oh nooo xD hope it is a good change instead of a bad one

11124817
You literally put word for word what I had typed out. I’m honestly kinda laughing at it.

11124806
Yep back on the base in Baltimare she nearly ran the kitchen out of food trying to fully resupply herself.

11124642
Are you sure you don't mean the A-10 minigun which is the original source of the modern battlefield banshee sound of brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt? Because if I wanted to put a flashy ciws in that wasn't lasers, I would spring for about 30-40 A-10s.

11124869
there are different terms for what are mechanically the same weapon at different calibers. minigun, Gatling cannon, electrically operated rotary cannon, and Vulcan cannon are different names for the same weapon system. no lasers involved for anything other then targeting.

11124830
Hahahaha xD love it xDD haha

11124832
Yeah xD until they told her she can't eat any more xD

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